195 responses so far ↓

• 1 Paige // Aug 30, 2010 at 10:22 pm

  I agree that schedules are the way to go. I think they help everyone feel at ease when you know what is next. I am currently pregnant with my second child. How do I get the ball rolling when he/she arrives so that the schedule is nice and easy from the get go? Where do you start with a newborn? Any special routines or things I should be doing? Thanks for the help!! :)

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  Reply by Dani Hyland:
  August 31st, 2010 at 6:27 pm

  Paige, I probably wouldn’t worry about having a ’schedule’ right off with the newborn. I think it’s ok to just go with the flow for the first couple of weeks as your baby will just be new to this world and will need to feel secure and safe first and foremost.

  Danijela

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  Reply by Fiona McLaughlin:
  August 31st, 2010 at 7:28 pm

  Paige, I too am now a schedular. I have three children my first two I had at 18 and 19 and did not have a schedule I just went with the flow. My third child who is now 34 months I had when I was 25 and I had her on a schedule from the day she came home from the hospital. The main schedule I had was when it came to night time. I had her in bed at 6:30 every night and i had a rule that anyone that came over was not allowed to hold her at night unless the y were feeding her a bottle of expressed milk. I did this for the reason that my first two children I found very difficult to get to bed at a night and would come up with every excuse under the sun not to go to bed even though they had a set bed time from very young. I didnt want my youngest on to think that night time was playtime and get in the routine of knowing night time was time for sleeping. I now have a 34month old that is an angel to put to bed every night. She has a set routine so she knows what is happening next and it helps her to wind down from her day. She goes to bed and puts herself to sleep. No excuses no tantrums, even if she is overtired in which case she goes to bed half an hour early. It has made the house a much more pleasant place at bed time than it was with my first two. I also get the benefit of being able to unwind and relax abit my self before I go to bed. So I believe from my experience that even for a new born having a schedule even if its not for the whole day but just for part of it can make a big difference

  Fiona

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  Reply by Paige:
  August 31st, 2010 at 7:47 pm

  Thanks! That helps out a lot! :)

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  Reply by veronica:
  September 1st, 2010 at 10:10 am

  Hi Paige, I remember bringing my baby daughter home and since my 1st son was only 14th monts old -we had no choice but putting her on a schedule since day 1. This was fairly simple: feeding, changing her and putting her back in her crib because I had my son to take care of as well. She’s always been a happy baby. I also remember thinking -this is so easy…why didn’t I do it with my first baby? I guess it was the 1st year learnig curve just like for every mom.

  So Enjoy!

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  Reply by Kay:
  September 1st, 2010 at 3:23 pm

  Try to set a schedule, but keep an open mind, I have a 24 mo old and a 3 mo old, and when I brought her home, the first 2 weeks I kinda did what ever she wanted, but then thought I had learned her schedule. I started feeding her every 3 hrs and she was VERY fussy and I thought it was gas b/c from day 1 she slept 6+ hrs every night, I thought if she can go 6+ hrs at night w/o eating she can go 3 durring the day, but I was so wrong. I was out w/ my grandma and she said well it has been 2 hrs since she ate, that it pretty good for a 6 wk old, and I thought to myself well my son was eatting every 4 hrs by now, but I feed her to passify grandma. I atarted feeding her every 2 hrs since then, she at 12 wks now is JUST NOW going to 2 1/2- 3 hrs between feedings, but sleeps 12 hrs every night. So keep and open mind and congratulations and good luck!!!!

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• 2 Caroline Rowley // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:43 am

  Hi – I have been following the sleep routine for a few weeks now and my 19 mth old son sleeps well in his cot for 2 hrs for nap time (and always has) and goes down by himself. However, he wakes in the night around 2 am ish and we have tried the lying down with no talking and from the first night he laid down and tried to get to sleep. However, once we leave after a few minutes of quiet and we leave the room he starts screaming again. We don’t seem to get to the stage where he goes to sleep once we have been in. We repeat this but it seems to take ages and I thought we should have cracked it by now. Any tips!? I am sooo tired being up for an hr in the middle of the night! And my husband is beside himself with exhaustion! Thanks, Caroline

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  Reply by Maraine:
  August 31st, 2010 at 2:16 pm

  HI Caroline

  I have the exact same problem! I was told to give my baby a comfort toy, ive been doing that and there is a slight improvement. If you manage to find a solution with your baby please share your thoughts with me

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  Reply by Robin:
  August 31st, 2010 at 9:14 pm

  We have had the same problem with our 28 month old before. We have found that going in usually makes things worse. It may sound harsh but we have had to let her cry it out. We go in and make sure nothing serious is wrong and then leave. She will scream and cry sometimes but usually within 5 to 10 minutes she is quiet and goes back to sleep. I hope this helps.

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  Reply by Toni:
  September 1st, 2010 at 1:30 am

  Hi Caroline, I do not believe in leaving your baby to cry it out. I did this with my first baby at around 6 months and to be honest it is my biggest regret. I found it to be torture and not in his best interest. When I had my second, I was determined not to. When my little bub was around 9 months she was still waking twice a night and would only settle with a breastfeed. I knew it was not a hunger issue. This is what I did- I picked her up to settle her if she was very upset and then placed her quickly back to bed on her side facing me and rocked/jiggled her by putting one hand on her shoulder and the other on her bottom. I would rock her up and down (not side to side) until she was calm, then gently rub her back. Then I would just rest my hand on her back. I sat with her until she was completely asleep (often noticeable with a heavy breathe.) I did this for about 4 nights, the first night I was sitting next to her bed for over 2hrs. I had to resume it the following week, but basically by the end of 2 weeks she was sleeping from 7 – 6am. It is very tiring and exhausting, but I felt so great that minimal crying was involved. She is now 19 months and is still ’sleeping through’ and breastfeeding morning and night. Best of luck, gentle persistence pays off.

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  Reply by rachael:
  September 1st, 2010 at 6:41 am

  My 7 month old son does the same thing…Me being there soothing him does nothing to pacify him and leaving the room makes him worse…Im up some nights for 2hrs or more…im shattered..dont know what im doing wrong though.

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  Reply by Anonymous:
  September 1st, 2010 at 9:42 am

  My daughter started waking up again in the night from 9 months & i tried every strategy i could think of, i even went to sleep school & it didnt help. She would be up for, like your baby, 2 hrs or more, screaming the house down. We have finally worked out that she is dairy intolerant & obviuosly is having cramps in the night that cause her great pain. We have switched her to soy milk in the last couple of weeks & have noticed an improvement. She is still waking up but is easier to resettle & understands that its time for sleep when i tell her & she might cry when i leave the room, but its nowhere to the tune it was. (she’s 18mths now so its been going on for 9 months & no doctor would listen to my concerns) I would suggest that if u have tried several setleing techniques & sticking to routine & nothing is working, then get a referral to a pediatrician to see if there is any underlying issues thats causing his waking as i firmly believe (alot of peple dont agree with me) a child just doesnt wake up int he night screaming for 2 hrs unless there’s something wrong. My daughter is easy to put to bed as i’ve put her to bed the same time evry night since she was born, so for her to wake up screaming like she did, indicated something wasnt right. If this sounds like your situation, then see a doctoe & go from there.
  Good luck.

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  Reply by Anonymous:
  September 2nd, 2010 at 3:09 pm

  Hi.Thanx for that.weve had the same bedtime routine since we got home from hospital.i definately agree that a baby doesnt cry for no reason.the odd thing is.he went down last night at 7.30 and didnt wake until 6.15!!!!!what i did differently…..don’t know.

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  Reply by Jeanette:
  September 1st, 2010 at 4:18 pm

  Hi- I have 21 month old twins and a 5 month old and have followed the sleep sense method since the twins were about 5months old There are times, esecially during teething bouts, when the babies wake up crying at night. I have a sound and video monitor so I always wait for about 10-15 minutes to see if the crying gets worse or if they are just cycling through a sleep-wake pattern. Sometimes the crying gets worse and it is typically when they have had a BM and have a sore bottom because of teething. In those cases I will go in their room and quietly change them and settle them back down. Otherwise I let them go to sleep on their own. I have also noticed times when they wake up and just sit quietly in their cribs playing with their sleep toy. They eventually drift back off to sleep. I agree with others that constantly soothing them back to sleep may be setting yourself up for very long nights.

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• 3 kirsty richards // Aug 31, 2010 at 5:47 am

  when Isabella gets really tired she seems to fight sleep when i put her down she will almost turn on her side searching for her dummy with her mouth open, waving her arms an legs about. why does she do this when she is so tired.

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  Reply by Annette:
  August 31st, 2010 at 2:32 pm

  When my daughter get to sleepy she will do the same thing I have to hold her to get her to sleep, I have found that if I put her to bed before she get really tired she will stay calm and go to sleep on her in in her crib.

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  Reply by Anonymous:
  September 1st, 2010 at 7:58 am

  thanks for reply i will try that today thing is she dont get much sleep thru the day because we live on main road an its really loud with cars going by.

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• 4 Sheetal Gandhi // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:02 am

  I am planning to trip to India for more than a month and I am taking my 20 month old daughter with me. I am really concerned how to adjust her timings when I am there since when it’s day here, it’s night there and viseversa. So her entire schedule is going to be messed up while travelling and even after I reach there. Would you have any suggestions as to how to get her used to the new timings when I am there and even after I come back?

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  Reply by Denise:
  August 31st, 2010 at 2:45 pm

  Hi Sheetal
  We travel yearly from the UK to New Zealand to holiday with my family – a trip of over 30hrs with a 12hr time difference. We get our 2 boys (a 2yr old and a 4 month old on the last trip) into their normal routine straight away in the new time zone. Because they don’t sleep normally on the flights they’re exhausted – it sometimes takes about a week to get things back on track. So my advice is just get into local timings as quickly as possible – hopefully your daughter will be as adaptable as my 2. Night time is obviously night time where ever you are!
  Good luck!

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  Reply by Anonymous:
  August 31st, 2010 at 2:51 pm

  Hi,
  I’ve flown from Europe to Australia twice with my daughter who is now two and my tip is: as soon as you step on the plane, set your clock to the time of your destination and follow your baby’s rutine as closely as you can! The first night at your destination will be hard, but they adjust very quickly! It’s only ever taken my daughter 2 nights to get back on track (quicker than me :-)). Good luck! It will be fine!

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  Reply by Viccie:
  August 31st, 2010 at 5:58 pm

  Hi, I’ve flown UK to Australia and Australia to South AFrica – both trips have time differences of about 12 hours. Definitely agree to set your clock to new time zone as soon as you get on the plane – but I tend to try to get both of us to sleep as much as possible on the flight as is so exhausting. When we got to other end, I would go straight into the new time zone’s routine. They will want to sleep in the day but you have to wake them up so that they only nap. Get them in the sunshine – that helps reset the body clock. And make sure you take some naps in the day when they nap as they will invariably wake at night. Remember you are shifting all your body functions (not just sleep/awake) so your baby’s digestion may be a bit off the first few days eg pooing in the middle of the night. But it took us about 3 – 4 days to adapt to new time zone.
  One other thing is that at altitude apparently we urinate more – so count on your baby going through 50% more nappies – and take a few extra anyway – our baby had diarrhoea on 1 flight and we were a bit worried we were going to run out of nappies! And take something baby can drink water out of and encourage them to drink water to rehydrate.
  Good luck

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• 5 Crystal // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:05 am

  Not sure if this would be the place to ask this question or not, but I’m having lots of difficulty trying to get my son on a schedule or at least to bed at a decent time, he’s outdoing me, I’m wanting to go to bed before he’s ready lol sometimes it’s after 11pm, for the most part is normal bedtime was somewhere around 10, I know that’s late, but right now, me and my husband are both at home and out of work, also, he’s always been one to stay up later, even as an infant. Anyway, like I mentioned we are both out of work and desperately need to get better and more sleep so my husband and I are rested for when he does find work. I was curious if you ever do contests or anything to receive your book or access to the book. I DESPERATELY need more sleep as does the entire family, but I’m unable to purchase anything right now to help. On top of the sleeping issues, I want to start potty training my 20 mth old soon, but figured I need to get the sleep situation taken care of first. He still wakes up at least once every night. I am frustrated and desperately seeking some help and sleep :) Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. Please contact me via email. Again…..THANK YOU very much!

  P.S. I do try and keep up with all the posts and stories on facebook as well for some pointers!

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  Reply by Julia:
  August 31st, 2010 at 1:40 pm

  Hi there,

  Just read through your comments and thought that I might be able to share a few ideas that worked for me. Is your 20 month old napping during the day? I found that a good sign to me of when to look at eliminating the p.m. nap or at least shortening it, was when he started staying up too late at night. Bedtime routine has always beeen bath, books (3) and in bed by 8:00 p.m. But as he started to out-grown his p.m. nap, he would be in bed at 8:00 p.m. but lying awake until 10:00 which got him into a bit of a difficult cycle of being tired the next day and needing a nap. Even if your child is staying awake until 11:00 p.m., the bedtime routine should remain the same and in bed at the same time each evening. Eventually he will learn that bedtime is sleep time and not time to stay up – he may be getting over-tired.. which to some parents seems like not yet tired, when the opposite might be true.

  For potty-training, we did the “3-day Potty Plan” and it really worked well- provided that your child is developmentally ready- don’t want to rush into it if he is not yet ready. If you are interested, I could share more.

  Good luck with sleeping- it is so hard being so tired- I have had a boy who has always had a challenge sleeping and I feel like I have been in a sleepless state for 3 years- just as he got into some good sleep habits, I have a newborn. (Who is a much better sleeper…thank goodness.)

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  Reply by Anonymous:
  August 31st, 2010 at 3:04 pm

  hi Crystal- I agree with Julia— it’s tricky when they’re nearing 2 and may not need their afternoon nap anymore… every kid is different. Our son just turned 2 and we’ve gone through a bit of an adjustment with naps and bedtimes… in other words, if he took his nap, he’d be up very late at night (falling asleep at 10pm)— and if he didn’t take his afternoon nap, he’d go to bed at 8pm on the nose. But we really feel that he needs his nap, so we just made sure that he slept for a shorter time— (ie. not past 3pm).

  It definitely sounds like your son might now be overtired by nighttime— even though it seems strange, an earlier bedtime might help a lot. Plus, as Julia mentioned, a good routine is very helpful. Something that works for us: Dinner around 6. Followed by a little walk or nice playtime outside/at park (nothing too crazy, just enough to tire out), home for a bath around 7:30, Pyjamas and quiet/reading time after that with lights low/quiet voices/mellow atmosphere in the whole house. Bedtime around 8-8:15.

  Consistency is key— it won’t happen in a day, but over a week or two you should be able to move the bedtime earlier so you can get some time in the evening too (and some much-needed rest)!

  Is he still in a crib? We also recently moved our son to a bed and went through another adjustment period where it was very hard for him to settle down now that he was free to move around. For about 2 weeks we tried different things (staying with him until he fell asleep, etc.)– which all led to later and later bedtimes. Finally, I realized that it wasn’t helpful to him to have us in the room after storytime, so I completely baby proofed his room and put a baby gate on his door. I’d just sit in the next room until i heard him go to sleep. First few nights, he was up for a long time, thumping around his room, playing, eventually going to sleep amongst a huge pile of toys and books that he’d piled up on his bed! After a few nights though, he is now going down and actually getting into his bed and lying down and saying ‘night, night’ and going right off to sleep!

  So, I think it’s all about consistency- and knowing that each new phase is going to come with an adjustment period and you may need to try a few things (and go through a bit of frustration, especially when you yourself are SO tired) before you find something that works for you and your child.

  Good luck!!!!

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  Reply by Monique:
  August 31st, 2010 at 6:37 pm

  Anonymous does pretty much everything we do with our children and they are down by 8:00 pm. Something else to look at is your son’s morning wake up time. If you are allowing him to sleep until 9 or 10 am that is going to push nap and bedtime later as well so maybe waking him a little earlier might help. Just an example, we are awake at 7:00 am then nap for my 2 year old is around 1:30 pm and she sleeps for 2 hours then she is down before 8:00 pm. Every child’s rhythm is different, but maybe this might help.

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  Reply by Ronee:
  August 31st, 2010 at 8:57 pm

  I pretty much agree with everyone’s comments. I have 18mo old identical twin daughters that are on a great schedule. They go to bed between 7:30-8pm, sleep about 12hrs, and take one nap from 12:30-2pm every day. I noticed that if they nap any later, they have a hard time falling asleep at night (they just play in their cribs).

  So my suggestion is that you create a bedtime routine, put him to bed earlier (like 8pm), which is what Dana’s book suggests, make sure he’s up no later than 8am and make sure he’s not napping past 2pm. I think if you try this for a couple of weeks you will see a change in the bedtime.

  As for his night time wakings, you have to ignore them. If my girls wake up, I go in quickly, tell them it’s sleepy time (their key phrase), cover them back up, and leave again. In the beginning this was difficult and lengthy (lots of crying), but after a few nights the crying got shorter, and after a few weeks they stopped doing it altogether. That was about a year ago and things have been good ever since. He needs to learn to put himself back to sleep when he wakes during the night. Your going in to him will just be to reassure him that you are still nearby. You can go in every few minutes if that helps or stay in the room but near the door. I found that to be really hard so I would just come and go. But eventually I found out that it made it worse after the first time so I stopped coming in. You will figure out what works best for your son. But I think being out of work and home to “fix” this is a blessing in disguise, because you might get less sleep initially but it will SO be worth it in the end. Good luck!

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• 6 Heather // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:08 am

  I am a scheduler. I have three children, two of which are twins. My kids depend on their routine. And working full time I need for them to be on a schedule. If not, I would never get supper, baths or bedtime accomplished.

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  Reply by Ronee:
  August 31st, 2010 at 8:58 pm

  Heather, I am the exact same! I too have 3 kids (2 twins). I am a stay at home mom but for me the schedule is everything. I think the kids need it, too!

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• 7 LeeAnn // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:08 am

  I am a ’scheduler’; but, this is not to say that my child doesn’t get his input. If he’s hungry an hour after ‘dinnertime’, I will give him something to eat. So, although I have a schedule, I can’t ‘keep’ it without his cooperation.

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• 8 maz // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:10 am

  I think my son prefers a solid routein! It makes him feel secure and he knows when feeding and bedtime is etc. Obviously we all need to be flexible some days but I find a routein works for my son and im glad I started this! If I didnt put my son for an afternoon nap he would just keep going and going and then be cranky! But when I put him for nap after a few minutes he settles and goes to sleep.

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• 9 Emily // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:12 am

  Even “schedulers” pay attention to their child’s cues and needs and can remain flexible within reason and STILL have the desired predictability to their day. Allowing a child to rule their world based on their whims, does not do them any favors. “Schedule” does not equal rigidity or a dismal existence for children. In fact, children often very much appreciate a schedule that helps them understand and look forward to what’s coming next!

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• 10 Heather // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:13 am

  To each their own, but I completely agree with the schedule process and everything said. I find with my own kids they seem much more responsive to it than when we occassionally get away from the schedule on vacations or busy weekends. They seem to be much better listeners and behave very well, more so on a schedule than when it’s just letting them do what they want, when they want. Kids don’t always know what they need. We’re parents, it’s our job. Everyone knowing what to expect when, helps not just us as parents but our children also.

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• 11 Kristina Sciberras // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:14 am

  My child is 2 and 3 months and went from sleeping 2 to 2.5 hours naps to 1 hour. I know he is tired because he wakes up craby and crying, but I can’t get him back down. We do plenty of activities each day, and I am definatly a scheduler. He eats, plays, sleeps at the same time everyday. Also he has been sleeping less at night too. He goes to bed between 7:30 – 8pm everynight and he used to sleep until 7:30-8am the next day to know getting up at 6:30am and again I can’t get him back down. I would think by him not taking a long nap he would at least sleep longer at night. Is this normal at this age? Or could it be because I’m having my second baby in 4 weeks and he senses that?

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• 12 Justine // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:18 am

  Hi. I completely agree with putting your baby on a schedule!!! Everything you talked about today is correct. My son started sleeping 7 hours a night at 5 weeks old, due to being on a consistent schedule. Not looking at the clock and making him wait for feeding time but keeping him on a consistent feeding, wake time and then nap time schedule. He is now 9 weeks old and sleeping 9-10 hours a night plus his three to four naps during the day that range from 1.5 to 2 hours each. It certainly makes for a happy baby!!!

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• 13 RC // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:19 am

  Yes! I laugh when people tell me that they don’t use a schedule – they “honor” their child’s needs. That’s EXACTLY what I do! I’ve had a set schedule of sleep, eat and play since my twins were 6 months old. (I am a nursing mom, so it did take me a while to figure out their groove.) They are over a year now, and they are doing great, as am I. Their schedule is set by THEIR needs. not mine, and it’s good for all of us. My singleton parent friends always comment on how “together” I am, and it’s because my family and I are on a schedule that honors my children’s needs, and gives me and my husband time to do what we need to do for both ourselves and our family.

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  Reply by RC:
  August 31st, 2010 at 11:24 am

  Forgot to add:

  I’m still nursing the babies, which I love. I would say that if you are nursing, it may help you and your supply to nurse on demand for the first few months, even if that means some of those 20 – 40 minute nursing sessions! When the babies are between 3-4 months or so, they will become much more efficient nursers, and your schedule will start to emerge. Just know that it’s not forever, and that you don’t need to start scheduling (in my opinion) off the bat, other than focusing on making sure that the baby sleeps every 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Those marathon nursing sessions really helped my supply, and really did get progressively shorter and shorter until around 4 months, when we got really good at things.

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• 14 Jessica // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:21 am

  I agree. I coddle my baby’s schedule. We did the “on demand” thing for about the first two months, but then we began anticipating my son’s needs. By having an idea of what is coming next, we avoided many tantrums and everyone in the house was much happier. To top it off, my son knows what to expect so the “fight” before a nap is usually avoided and the patience needed while i prepare a snack is generally there.

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• 15 Tonya // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:21 am

  Couldn’t agree with you more on having a schedule for your little one! Agree with you 100%! My little boy has been on a schedule since about 7 weeks old and starting sleeping through the night at around this time. Now that he is 21 months old, he goes to bed around 7:30 or 8 every night and still sleeps through the night without a peep. This is so comforting as a parent. Not only to know that you are going to get some down time when he goes to bed but that he is getting the amount of rest he needs to grow and develop to his maximum potential. I don’t know how in the world you do it without a schedule.

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• 16 jennifer // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:22 am

  My son is 15 months and still sleeping in the bed with me. I have tried to put him in his crib but when I leave he cries until he throws up. He can’t stand to be away from me. If he is playing with his 31 year old brother and he sees me leave to the bathroom or throw in a load of laundry he come crying to me. I am still nursing him but I want to stop. What is the best way to handle this?

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• 17 katy // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:22 am

  I am a scheduler and very happy about this. My baby needed a schedule ever since she was born. Or let’s say we parents needed one to keep sane since she was a terrible sleeper and our baby slowly adapted and now goes to bed like clock work. The same with naps and meals. she is now 15 months old and the routine we have works really well for all of us.
  I think it is important that a child knows what is coming next. A child does not know what makes sense. They would want to go to bed too late and eat maybe too little because they don’t understand what’s good for them yet. They NEED adult common sense.

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• 18 Rebecca Akins // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:24 am

  I completely agree with you Dana. While pregnant with my twins the best advice I received was “get them on a schedule.” Within two weeks we had done just that. Three and 1/2 years later, after many adjustments as they aged, we are still on a schedule. Not only does the schedule help the parent, but it helps the child to understand what to expect next. I believe this is particularly helpful during the more difficult 2 and 3 year old periods when they are exerting their independence and wanting things their own way. Having a schedule that is ingrained into their daily lives sets a framework while allowing those little bits of independence without upsetting the entire flow of your day. I have always said that a schedule actually allows for greater flexibility. Because you and your child(ren) know what is next, you can make small adjustments as needed.

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• 19 Bridget // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:25 am

  I am a scheduler and to be honest I think children like routine, my little boy seem to like his routine. One Question though i cant take him places he own sit for a minute. he is 16months

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  Reply by Ronee:
  August 31st, 2010 at 9:05 pm

  Sorry, but I think it’s just his age. My twins are 18mos and if we go somewhere and they’re not in a stroller or cart, then they are EVERYWHERE. Therefore, I pretty much only go places that I can push them in strollers (like stores) and avoid places I can’t (like people’s houses). Until they’re old enough to understand and listen better, it’s just not worth the hassle! Good luck!

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• 20 Krystal // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:26 am

  I think children should have some sort of consistency in their lives, but not always on a tight schedule. My daughter eats about the same times everyday and goes to bed about the same time every night, but naps are almost impossible for her to keep a schedule on. And honestly, the more I tried to make a schedule with her with naps, the more miserable we both were. So when she is tired she naps. I think no matter how much a child likes schedules or not, as a parent we have to realize (especially with young children) that its always changing. My 1 year old is not going to nap or eat as often as a 2 month old. I think this is just another hard part of being a parent and trying to figure out what is best for our child(ren). Remember the most important thing to do is what works for you and your kids not for everyone else!

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• 21 Katrina // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:28 am

  Hi Dana,
  I’m definitely a “scheduler”, and have also had some negative feedback from others. As a school teacher, however, I know that children need routine and schedules to thrive. It does not mean you neglect their needs, it means you incorporate their needs into the day. I also fed my son too frequently when he was first born and had trouble getting my son to sleep. At about 10 weeks that’s when I used a schedule, and within a week he was sleeping 10 hours at night. My friends who are “coddlers” still have trouble getting their babies to nap and sleep through the night, and these children are 7-8 months old. I honestly don’t know how they function, but they feel it is too cruel to let their child cry. I felt it was too cruel to have him not sleep through the night, as babies need sleep. A few nights of crying for improved sleeping definitely seems worth it to me.
  Just my two cents :)

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• 22 Summer // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:31 am

  I have also heard that schedules bring the feeling of safety into a child. Because a baby or child knows what will happen next in their day, they have a sense of comfort and security.

  Even when a baby is in the womb, they have their own schedules. -Ask the mom who was up at 2am for the last 3 months of her pregnancy! Schedules are a natural human survival technique.

  Thanks for posting this!

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• 23 Julie Carew // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:33 am

  My baby is nearly 3 months old and up until a few weeks ago I thought he was a great sleeper. He slept well at night only waking once or twice and during the day he took several long naps. Recently he has had several nights of sleeping 7-9 hours at a time and doesn’t seem to need much help to sleep at night, but his day time sleep now consists of just a couple 30 minute naps. I’m not sure what to do or why this changed so suddenly. He goes to bed for the night between 8:30 and 9pm most nights and wakes for the day at around 8am. Is this too early/late? How can I get him to take longer, regular naps during the day?

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• 24 Nichole // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:33 am

  Can you please post the written transcript of this video? I am not able to listen to the video on my computer.

  Thanks!

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• 25 C. Doyle // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:35 am

  I totally agree that a “schedule” is best. I think it is kind of crazy to expect a newborn, infant or toddler to be responsible for letting the adults around them know what time it is? When you put them on a basic schedule – I prefer the word routine – it allows them to just be children and puts the adults responsible for making sure food is on the table and diapers are changed and nap time is provided. Why should we bring them up in a way that teaches them right out of the womb that in order to get basic needs and skills they have to cry for our attention to such things? My daughter is 13 months now and is very social and very healthy and hardly ever cries. She instinctively knows that certain things happen at a certain routine and she doesn’t have to cry to get my attention or to have her basic needs met.

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• 26 Pragnya // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:36 am

  I totally agree with you Dana. I am a scheduler and have been so since my 2 year old was 4 months old. Every time my baby underwent a growing up stage, his schedule also changed a bit based on observation of his moods. Now he is a 2 year old who follows a schedule on his own. He wakes up every morning at the same time. I don’t need to wake him up. He gets hungry at the same time and lets me know of it. He naps also at the same time every day and for the same duration. He goes to bed at night at the very same time. Even if we go out to dinner, he gets sleepy at 8pm, but does not cause a fuss if we are late in putting him to bed. He is a very happy baby and a very well behaved one too. He doesnot throw any tantrums because he sleeps and eats well. Scheduling works for me as well as my baby. I have had friends mocking me when I say its time for his food, but those friends themselves have admitted that managing their baby is very hectic for them. Me, on the other hand have a smooth time raising my kid.

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• 27 adriana // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:38 am

  I am a scheduler but I must say that my or our schedule was chosen by both me and my baby. I believe a schedule gives comfort to a baby, because she knows what to expect. I am not very strict with it because days are different, but she respects it without me pushing it. For example she used to go to sleep every day at 7 pm and I wanted to push the bedtime to 8 so I can sleep more in the morning, but until she was ready to do so all I had was a very tired baby. Therefore, some of our schedule it is decided by me and some by my baby. It is a team work.

  Adriana and Isabelle

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• 28 Jackie // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:40 am

  I am a scheduler! But I would like to hear other peoples schedules for a 9 month old.

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• 29 paula // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:40 am

  I read a book that was very famous in Chile and Spain called “duermete niño” kind of “go to sleep baby” and this doctor used a method that was, in my opinion, very stressing on the child, the baby was left alone to cry for 1 minute, then you went in, said you love him and left again, then 2 minutes, then went in…etc… I asked my self I cannot go in and say I love you to my 6 month baby and then turn off the light, shut the door and leave her crying her brains out for “ehatever minutes I was told to”… My friends who actually did it have kids that turned out to be very agressive children and after I tried it my baby would start crying as soon as she saw her crib…that is when I said NO WAY!!! This is cruel. But then I read your blog and listened to your videos and it made much more sense to do it bit by bit and “teach” them habbits, but with patience, and bit by bit. I love routines and schedules because it gives my kids security. They know after dinner comes bath and after bath comes favorite book, after we pray, and as soon as we pray, they say good night and go to sleep. I do put them into bed and read to them in bed and I stay by them while we pray. We just moved into a knew home and It has 2 floors (we lived in an apt) now they were kind of scared they would not be heard because we were downstairs….I have kept our routines, and I started the first days staying with them till they fell asleep and gradually started moving out… Schedules give children security and as Thomas Lickona says, we need to think of our children as educating future adults. What we do now will definitely be important for them in the future and routines and schedules make people in general work better and organize themselves better. Kids with no schedules or routines show to have a hard time adapting to situations where routine is needed, may it be school, camps, works….
  Thanks for your videos, they are very good!

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• 30 Kate Tarrant // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:43 am

  Thank you for identifying what I am…I am a scheduler through and through. I was given a copy of your book by a friend when I was struggling with my first son 2 1/2 years ago and I have referred to it a lot. My husband is the opposite and this has been the basis for 70% of the arguements we have had over this time.
  A schedule worked for me as I knew where I was and could plan my day around naps and meals. My husband wanted our son to fit his naps around us and to sleep in the car or pram when he could. As you know 10mins in the car does not equal 1 hour in the cot.
  As a consequence our first boy has been a poor sleeper as I tried to be more relaxed each weekend. I would then spend the next 3 days getting him back on track during the week in time to have it upset again over the weekend. Because I was the one getting up to him during the night I was exhausted and of course unable to deal with the conflict.
  Luckily our second son is a much better sleeper and tends to sleep through each night even if his daytime naps have been disrupted.
  Do you have any advice with how to deal with the conflict that arises when one parent is a scheduler and the other is not. I tried to get my husband to read your book however he seemed to think that he had found his own information to back up his arguement.
  Thank you for all your advice over the 2 1/2 years as I do listen/read most of your blogs.
  Regards, Kate

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• 31 Sheila // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:45 am

  When we had not much of a schedule, my kids were tired and unhappy and very irritable. We lived without sleep for almost 3 years!! Not only did my husband and I feel horribly exhausted, but more important, we felt we were depriving our kids of rest and proper brain development. Dana your book and help is such a blessing………it truly is.

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• 32 regina // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:46 am

  When I do think Schedule, I do think ridged. I Know it’s only semantics but it made more sense when I read Routine in a book.

  We do get up same time basically, give or take a few minutes. We also adjusted according to our babies age. We took cues from our baby such as rubbing eyes and yawning or the long distant stare. Routing around with her mouth searching for something to eat. We took into account how much sleep a New born needed. We were flexable to a point but still routined. Our house still had times of awake and noise. Then after 7p.m. it was still and quiet. 7a.m. We get up. To this day after 2yrs of having our last little one. After 7p.m. becomes naturally quieter.

  The basic rule of thumb we did was this : Never start something your not willing to keep 10 years down the road according to their sleeping habits. For us that meant. No co-sleeping. No Nursing the baby to sleep. It has saved my sanity. My husband and I have private time. Time to debrief and to have a relationship. It has meant happy children in the morning most days. It has meant I was rested and able to enjoy my kids. Sleep is a Must to be happy. A routine and some ground rules and being observant has made all the difference.

  So Dana. I do agree with you. :) Keep up the good work.

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• 33 Tricia // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:47 am

  I feel I fall in-between. I am a definite schedular when it comes to bedtime, and when my daughter was an infant – I fed her every 2 hours. Now as a toddler I’m giving her far more leeway on the meals and choices. But I think the sleep issue is huge and it has been in her and ours best interest to have her on a schedule. Thank you for the sleep sense program Dana, it saved us!

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• 34 Michelle // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:51 am

  Hello,
  I definatly agree with you. With my first, who is now 5, I did the “attachment” style parenting and was definatly a “coddler”. By the time she was a few months old I couldn’t get her away from the breast or out of my bed. When I found out I was pregnant again when was was 14months old and still sleeping in my bed i knew things had to change. It was very hard. But with my second child, I did feed on demand etc for the first few months, but by the time he was 4monts old I put him on a schedule and WOW what a difference that made. He is still my good sleeper most of the time, and he is now 3.

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• 35 Sandi // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:55 am

  I must say I am a bit of both, we have a set bedtime and that in turn sets a natural routine for the following day, so i’m mainly a coddler but my baby has fallen into her own routine and we do do things at the same time everyday, maybe she’s a scheduler and calling all the shots??

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• 36 Rose // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:58 am

  I have to absolutely agree 100% with this philosophy. As adults, even young school age children, we do everything on a schedule. We eat, sleep, work, go to school at roughtly the same times every day. Putting a baby on a schedule soon after birth gives them the tools they need to grow properly and adjust well to the environment around them. They sleep better, have a better appetite, and are much happier. If you let your children dictate how they want to be parented and when, then you set them and yourself up for failure when they need to integrate into school, work, etc.

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• 37 noel // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:05 pm

  I definately love having a schedule, which sometimes I fall behind on it if we get home late or get a late start from bath time or supper time. But I am still having trouble with Miles not staying asleep all night

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• 38 tracy coots // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:06 pm

  my question is….why does my son suddenly not like his room at night? i have a night light and it lights up the room pretty good but i still have to lay beside him in his bed until he goes to sleep. he sleeps in a full size bed with a guard on it. he wouldnt sleep in his toddler bed.

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• 39 edy montgomery // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:07 pm

  Don’t see how a scheduler put their child’s needs first, I am so that I can get things done. I have two sets of twins, 6 wks old and 3 yr olds, if I didn’t “schedule” there would be choas! I think its the other way around but okay if it works for you.

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• 40 Beth // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:08 pm

  I say “yay” to the schedule too! It helped to keep me sane during the first few months to have some knowledge of when babies need to eat, sleep, etc.! Also, I think it is meeting a very basic & important need of a child to teach them how to regulate their circadian rhythm & be able to regularly get a good night’s sleep. I know people who chose not to put their child on a schedule & after 2 years, the child still isn’t sleeping through the night. Seems to me that child is not getting a very important need met: sleep! Plus, what a poor frazzled mom! :)

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• 41 Theresa // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:13 pm

  I try to put my baby on a bedtime schedule but he tends to wake up at different times in the morning (ranging from 5 to 645). How do I adjust bedtime to prevent overtiredness and yet maintain a schedule?

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• 42 Tammy // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:16 pm

  I also say “Yay to the schedule”. The schedule rocks! I kept my first baby on a regular schedule, to the 1/2 hour, which worked well for both of us. With my 2nd child, i’m a little more relaxed but I still adhere to a schedule of eat, play, sleep in regular intervals. And I can look at the end of the day and say “he has not had enough sleep, he should go to bed a bit earlier tonight” and it works because I know his needs. Both of my kids are good sleepers and very happy children when they are awake because they are getting what they need.

  Do people feed their kids nilly-willy, when they feel like it? No. And sleep should be no different.

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• 43 jessica // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:20 pm

  I’m definitely a scheduler too>I find that it works best for our family.I wasn;t able to breast feed, so formula feeding obviously already is scheduled.If I run a little bit longer…that’s fine but it really helps with discovering whats really going on with your baby.Sometimes that cry isn’t for food but rather attention, or a wet diaper, or tired.

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• 44 Rachel Waldron // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:21 pm

  First, I agree with the comment suggesting that you post transcripts for the videos. My only chance to watch is when my little guy is napping and the volume wakes him.

  That being said, I am definitely a coddler. HOWEVER, as a result of my coddling, my son has developed his own schedule and always naps at the same times. I believe that I am doing what is best for him (I woudn’t want someone to lay me down at 9pm every night if that is not when I naturally get tired and not allow me to get up and wear myself out naturally). Of course- to each their own- but, for my son this has worked quite well.

  He naps every day from 9am-10am and again from 1:30pm-3pm. He is 11 months old and does very well with napping. I believe in attachment parenting, and hold my son when he needs me to hold him. I let him nap in my arms, and we co-sleep (although he starts out in his crib and moves into bed with us later in the night).

  Sure, it’s a bit more inconvenient. I don’t care. My job is being a mom, and sometimes the easiest route just isn’t the best. For my son- this is the best option.

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• 45 Jennifer // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:21 pm

  I definitely agree that the schedule is the way to go. My husband and I have had our daughter on a sleep schedule since she was 4 months old, thanks to Sleep Sense. Everyone has an opinion about how you should raise your child and the schedule is where people seem to chime in. I was a baby who was on a sleep schedule from infancy and my husband was a baby who was allowed to go until exhaustion took over and he fell asleep. As adults this is how we still are. I like to get our daughter to bed, have some time to relax and then go to bed. My husband, on the other hand will stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning watching television or doing something else until he is utterly exhausted and then he just crashes. I think putting a child on a schedule sets them up for good sleep habits for the rest of their lives.

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• 46 Natalie // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:23 pm

  I agree with a flexible schedule my baby gives me cues when he wants things but pretty much sane time everyday but I don’t hold him to a certain time.

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  Reply by Melanie:
  August 31st, 2010 at 1:31 pm

  I am mainly a scheduler but I have to work so my mom tries but get’s my daughter off her routine from time to time. I immediately notice when she does too. That being said. Some days my daughter will nap for 2 hours and some days she will nap for 3 hours(we are on one nap now) This nap changes her bedtime from time to time so I think you also need to be flexible. She always goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:30 now that she is 15 months old. When she was under a year she went to bed between 6-7 though. She can now last longer in between naps and bed. She has always woken between 7-8 no matter what time she goes to bed too.
  To those of you asking why all the sudden you child is waking and why all the sudden they are waking early. It’s part of life. Babies go through so many changes and you need to learn to adjust with them. It’s all really just a guessing game. Growth spurts, belly aches, teething, etc, etc. All these things change sleep sometimes just for a few days sometimes permanately. You just have to roll with the punches. Nobodies baby is going to sleep 7-7 all time and take perfect scheduled naps all the time. Also learning your babies cues really helped me tons. While I have a schedule like I said sometimes you have to adjust. Somtimes my peanut isn’t feeling good and may get tired earlier. If you miss these cues and push her to her bedtime she is overtired and cranky and takes over an hour to get to sleep but if you hit that time just right down she goes everytime without a peep. I don’t put her down at the first sign of a yawn but once I notice she is slowing, yawning more frequently or rubbing her eyes and tugging her ear more frequently we start bedtime routine which is 15-30 min depending on her mood and needs. I also believe in the bedtime routine. If you don’t have one get one:o)

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  Reply by Melanie:
  August 31st, 2010 at 1:33 pm

  Sorry Natalie didn’t mean to reply to yours meant to just post my own and something went wrong:o)

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• 47 Holly Tomas // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:27 pm

  I really enjoyed watching your video. Such an intelligent and sensible understanding of a child’s needs… as well as parents!

  My partner and I followed your programme for sleep for our daughter after getting into a wee bit of difficulty, and it helped us enormously.
  Thanks Dana,
  Holly

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• 48 Julie // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:30 pm

  I am a mother of 2 and I feel that children should be on a routine to allow them to feel relaxed and understand what is happening next. By being on a schedule this allowes the children to be well relaxed and well feed.

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• 49 Miranda // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:36 pm

  I breast-fed on demand until my baby was 5.5 months old. Because the feeding was on-demand, it was apparent to us that we had no hope of a routine so I aimed not to get hung-up about it. Not until bottle-feeding and weaning did we establish a schedule. Our baby is now 10.5 months old and we still have a schedule but ‘routine’ is probably too tight a term for us. We allow our baby to stay up until he is really tired then we put him to bed. His meal times are pretty much the same time every day but we struggle hugely with his sleeping or a lack of it! His daytime naps change every day and also the time at when he goes to bed. My personal opinion is that at this age he might be a little too young for tough love at night, but that he can be lovingly coaxed in a routine during the day and then hopefully night routine should follow. I would like to have a routine for my baby as this would help my baby achieve a better night’s sleep and the telling sign that our schedule isn’t working is the huge bags under his eyes (and ours)!

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• 50 Chanel Carruthers // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:39 pm

  I’ve always been a coddler… when we had our 1st child we just let our daughter tell us when something needed to be done and submitted to her needs @ the time…. not as an excuse but she was a breastfed baby so it was more of a demand thing & as she got older it never changed… Her father stayed home w/ her while I worked and it just stuck & now shes almost 3 doesnt sleep in her own bed we wait til she falls asleep in our bed & do the nightly move (which is around 11pm to 12am each night …. i know its late but shes always been this way). We now have a newborn and I were arent doing the same thing w/ him. The trouble we have is that she dsnt want to sleep in her bed so ive made her room bright & colorful & tried to make it fun for her so its not scary but were still working on it.

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• 51 Cas // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:42 pm

  I too am a scheduler. I feel that this enabled my son to also understand boundaries and limits as he grew. He is only 2 years old and knows his eating, sleeping, bathing and playtimes. He is aware of how things work and knows what I mean when I say it is cleanup time after play and eating. There are different styles that parents use to teach their children, but I believe that schedules and routines are very important for development. These routines will carry over as they begin their preschool years. You will be happy for your child that he finds a new situation easier just because you followed a schedule. Everyone wants their child to be successful and schedules help.

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• 52 jo // Aug 31, 2010 at 12:45 pm

  Im actually a bit of both my 5 yr old has to have routine he actually takes himself off to bed at a set time and gets up at the same time but as he is so young we do have what we call a pyjama day time too time where we just stay in and do as we please watch movies make cakes and let our routine slide for the day as he is at pre school this can be done but as he starts school soon im just going to move our pyjama days too the weekends and as for my 10 week old shes in her own routine which fits great round us all she actually is awake most of the day and sleeps through the night so couldnt really ask for much more i think they are kids for such a short period of time you have to have fun and enjoy while you can without a miltary operation x

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• 53 Shachar // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:14 pm

  I started a schedule for my daughter when she was 7 weeks old. it didn’t catch on right away of course, we had to cater to her needs on demand, but we at least introduced the bath> massage> story> nursing> sleep routine, and by 3.5 months she slept 9 hours straight from 8:30pm. later it became 10 hours, then 12, then 14, as she went to bed earlier. she was never a great napper, so without a schedule I could never get anything done!
  now she’s 18mo old, goes to bed at 8pm, wakes up at 8am singing and happy. she naps 2.5 hours mid-day and all is well.
  as a working mom (i work at home, but still work) having a schedule that leaves me time to work was extremely important. you always have to be flexible and change it as your child changes, but that’s just common sense :)

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• 54 Lydia // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:16 pm

  I find it better to give my baby a routine we both now what’s coming next. I find if I allow my baby to choose for herself she ends up overtired and fights to go to sleep and we need our own space to relax and spend time with our partner which is also very important. I have always said if boundaries are in place from the start it makes life easy for the child and parent we all now where we stand. I don’t believe in allowing my children to choose there bed times as how can a child possibly understand when they are tired they want to stay up as long as they can till they drop then they get up early in the morning and then they haven’t had enough sleep which causes all sorts of tantrums the next day I only have one baby I now all this because I have a lot of experience in day nurseries.

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• 55 elizabeth slocum // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:18 pm

  I think the key here, at least IMO, is keeping te kid on your schedule. I am a scheduler and the kids (I have 2, but 5 full time..girlfriends kids) FEEL the schedule. I don’t say its 1030 eat eat eat..but it keeps us on a well oiled machine. I drag the kids (yes all 5) everywhere. We spent yeaterday at the Life and Science museum from 11 to 3. Yes, we had some whinning around “nap time” but we mushed on. I try to have well rounded kids bc we deff. can’t keep thing the SAME EVERYDAY, but hey who am I to say ;). The ages of the babes are 4 (just turned this Aug) 2 1/2…23 months 22 months and 7 months.

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• 56 Kristi Lowell // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:20 pm

  Hooray for schedules! Schedules are the way to go. Not only does it give you a sense of accomplishment it makes you fell happier during the day as well for the child too. Its a lot easier when your child is on a schedule because he or she is not confused on when it is time to eat, sleep or nap. I have a 2 year old and this is our schedule 730-8am awake, 8:25 breakfast, 9-11:30 play, 12 lunch, 12:45-2:45 nap, 3-5:30 snack, play time, art time, ect… 6 supper, 7 more play time, 730 bath, 8-8:30 bed time!

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• 57 Tamara // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:31 pm

  I am 100% in agreement with creating a schedule for babies. We as human beings LOVE a routine and my baby is one of them. My little man usually has his naps, feedings, and bedtime around the same time each day now and it’s wonderful. However, my problem is that I’ve started to become a bit uptight when he has an appointment or we’ve been invited out for dinner and he will be forced to miss a nap or have a late betime. I don’t want to seem like a prude and I often get comments from my husband’s family that I need to be more flexible. Should I relax or ignore the advice? Help!!

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• 58 Melissa Gage // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:32 pm

  My 3 month old is an angel baby and sleeps every night from his 11pm feed until 7 or 7:30. He also naps beautifully during the day. He uses a soother and I know it is becoming a sleep prop – I’m currently trying to get rid of the soother at night with my 2 1/2 year old and don’t want to create the same prop with my infant.
  When is the best time to get rid of the soother to fall asleep and can you offer some suggestions on how to do this? Also, can you still offer the soother during awake time once you have gotten rid of it at sleep time?
  Thanks
  Melissa

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  Reply by jennifer carney:
  August 31st, 2010 at 2:08 pm

  I took the paci away from my third at 4 months, and it was no big deal to her. she started sucking on her lovie instead and has ever since. I think that you should do away with it all together and let them learn to soothe themselves – much better down the line.

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• 59 Erin kirkness // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:39 pm

  So I think my 9 month old set the new record for longest cry it out. She went to bed fine only cried for 45 minutes, then woke up after 28 minutes as she pooped. So started again, then she woke at 145 am and cried till 5. Yes 3 hours and 15 minutes. I need to figure this sleep out firt then try and wine in the next few weeks as I go back to work in 2 months, I am a flight attendant and am gone for a few days at a time. I know your program works as I used it with my son, and tried with her a few months back but fell into old routines as she was sick for a few days.

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  Reply by Antonnette:
  August 31st, 2010 at 8:07 pm

  I had a similar problem with my little girl when I first tried to let her cry it out (with me in the room with her).. She cried for over two hours before passing out from exhaustion (not from learning how to sleep by herself). Is it really ok to let them cry hysterically for that long? My baby was about 5 months and was not warm/cold, her nappy was not soiled.. I think she was just crying because she was genuinely upset and wanted to be picked up and cuddled to sleep.. DANA PLEASE HELP!!

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• 60 Kass // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:39 pm

  I allow my son to designate the schedule. He is 8 months old now, and has always been happiest when I watch for his signs of fatique. He went from staying up for 1-2 hour stretches before needing a nap, and has progressed to 3-4 hours of awake time before needing a nap. When I apttempted to force him down for naps or bedtime he was miserable (and therefore so was I…). If I make sure he’s good and tired, and all needs are met, he naps and sleeps through the night wonderfully. It is so consistant that he IS on a “schedule” that is predicatable. But it is definately HIS schedule.

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• 61 Sheri Tufaro // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:43 pm

  I agree as well that schedules do work. Dana you are right you don’t need to stick to a schedule to the T, just having an idea of what you want to happen within that schedule. If the baby needs to be feed in 10mins and seems that she is hungry sooner it’s okay to feed her. I am a scheduler and we don’t even stick to it sometimes because of our schedule, so I guess what i’m trying to say is schedules i think work and make the home more happy.

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• 62 Jillian davison // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:56 pm

  I am proberly a bit of both play and dinner time are when my children want to, but breakfast , tea ,bath and bed are scheduled . I think what ever works for you is the best way to go no one is right or wrong xxx

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• 63 Danielle Meyers // Aug 31, 2010 at 1:56 pm

  Hello,

  I am a scheduler. I and my one year old girl, thrive on routine. If I were to leave her to decide when she wanted to sleep and eat she would never sleep (seriously, she would not sleep) and she would snack all day. Plus I feel a schedule gives the opportunity to display some discipline for a young child. I see discipline as an act of love that will teach children many lessons of life. I also love a schedule because I can plan my day and have a happy baby. The better schedule my little one is on, the happier she is, consequently the happier I am – and we just have much more fun as a family. I feel I am not being fair if I let her stay up passed her bed time or miss naps and she gets cranky. I often see overtired children acting up which results in a time out or whatever and I feel sort of bad for the child because it isn’t their fault their parents are not putting them to bed… So Yes, I agree with routines and schedules. I am not saying every child needs to be on one, but I do agree that children thrive on some sort of routine. Some, like mine, just need to be one it a little more strictly than others, but overall, I feel it is a good thing.

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• 64 jennifer carney // Aug 31, 2010 at 2:06 pm

  I am a a mother of a 4, 3, and 1 year olds – and a definite scheduler. I find that a schedule keeps both the kids and mom happy and healthy – we all get enough sleep – we all know what to expect is coming next. My 1 year old naps 9-11 in the AM and that gives me time to spend with my 3 and 4 year olds in the morning doing things that we cant with her…and all 3 of mine nap together in the afternoon, and it gives me time to rest! I dont know what we would do without one.

  that said, we do wing it from time to time on holiday, or if there is a special event – we may nap shorter/later, or the “big kids” may not nap at all and go to bed earlier. I wouldn’t want to miss things bc of our schedule, but it has certainly helped us.

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• 65 sarah // Aug 31, 2010 at 2:37 pm

  I may have been a coddler with my first baby initially, but soon learnt that she needed to be on a sdhedule as i became a ‘feed to sleep mother’ – i thought when she cried she was hungry, actually she was tired and i had to learn HER schedule. MY second baby fell into a natural ’schedule’ after i watched for signs of tiredness, need to feed and needing to play etc. Children thrive on a schedule as they can predict what is happening next, i have found that with both my children.

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• 66 jennifer // Aug 31, 2010 at 2:41 pm

  I agree with you 100% Dana. I am a speech language pathologist, and work with children 0-5 years of age. One of the pieces of advice that I frequently give to parents is to establish consistent routines so that their children can more easily understand language that they are hearing, and what is going on in their world. Little did I know just HOW important routines and schedules are until I had my own baby. It took a little while to establish our routines, but at 6 months we follow a sleep/eat/play routine during the day, and have a pretty consistent bedtime every evening (7pm most evenings). My little guy is sleeping through the night and is such a HAPPY baby. There was SUCH a noticable difference in his demeanor once he started to get enough sleep and his day became more predictable for him. Like other people have said, I also read my little guy’s cues and feed/put up to nap when he is giving me those signals…but having a schedule has helped me to become better at reading those signals more successfully.
  So yes, I am a scheduler. I have friends who are not, and they have children who don’t go to sleep until after 10pm, and are up multiple times a night to feed at 9months +. I am VERY happy, and will continue to promote the use of schedules/routines with families once I am back at work now that I have seen what a difference they make for both mom/dad & baby.

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• 67 Maartje // Aug 31, 2010 at 2:43 pm

  With our first baby we didn’t have a schedule, I nursed him when he seemed upset, he seemed to sleep when he was tired, but I could never figure out what came first. After a couple of months of fatigue and exhaustion, not knowing what to expect I knew I had to put in some routine and structure. If it wasn’t for the baby it was to help myself! I realized that this worked perfectly, I was more satisfied and our baby seemed to be doing well too! I think a schedule if a good overall way to get through the day, but not to take it by the minute!!

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• 68 Pamela // Aug 31, 2010 at 2:48 pm

  I so need to be on a schedule with my son he sleeps till three and up till three now i feel like im really lost because i don’t know how to get him on a schedule since he’s out of wack if he goes to sleep at 3am then why would i wake him in the morning but maybe that’s something i need to start doing HELP

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• 69 Ashley // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:06 pm

  I completely agree! And I can identify with feeling a bit guilty from folks who think schedules are silly for babies. Both of mine have had solid routines from day 1 and it made for two “lucky” (as my non-schedule moms say) babies!

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• 70 Corinna Ens // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:17 pm

  You have saved my life with schedules. Both of my kids were colic and my son’t early bed time is what saved me and helped me get the energy and break I needed for the next day. With my daughter, your sleep program is what actually got her out of her colic. She just wanted to go to bed at 6pm , starting at 3mths old and still continues at 19months.
  So thank you and YEAH FOR SCHEDULES!

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• 71 Hannah // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:38 pm

  Yes to the schedule, a flexible one based on how you know your child. With my first baby, i read a book that was about putting your baby on a strict 3 hour rotation schedule for eat, play/awake, sleep. Unfortunately, I heeded it strictly and it stressed me out so much i about had a breakdown. The eating and awake time wasn’t what bothered me, it was the sleep schedule. I was so set on getting him to sleep at the specified time so he could sleep his hour before eating time came that I was just a wreck! He never slept well and if we were out, I would get really upset if he wasn’t getting his nap in at the designated time. i’ve talked to others who used this method from this certain book and it did the same thing to them. STRESS! I am certain me doing this to my baby made his sleep so messed up that i eventually found this sleepsense program when he was 2 1/2 because his sleeping was so messed up and I had baby #2 by then and I was about over the edge every night, several times a night, etc. You get the idea. I understand it was all my fault, and one thing led to another til I was rocking him to sleep and then laying with him each night to get him to sleep once he moved to a big boy bed. And so, with my second, i was determined to seriously loosen my schedule and get to know my baby and set a schedule based on that. I set each day’s schdule based on her am wakeup time and followed it that way. She is such a good sleeper and seems to be such a happy baby and I never experienced the stress of making sure she slept at a certain time because i knew she would sleep when she was ready (if we were out) and i followed her cues at home to put her down when she seemed ready (which always fell about the same times each day, obviously. They really put themselves on a schedule if you just pay attention).
  So, i’m all for the schedule. It gives the baby a sense of security and gives mommy and daddy a lot more peace!

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• 72 Jesica // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:44 pm

  Hi, i have a daughter that will be 2 yrs. old next friday! and everytime i put her to sleep she cries and says mommy..what does that mean? can babies have night mares or bad dreams.? do they know what day time and night time is yet at this age?

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  Reply by Jessica Penny:
  September 2nd, 2010 at 6:19 am

  I dont know exactly what it means when she’s asking for you but what i can say is that from my experience yes they definately know the difference between day and night, if you use a routine they learn this one pretty quickly and also by 2 they know that crying gets a response, whether thats being picked up or cuddled etc so if she has always been cuddle/patted to sleep then thats probably what she’s calling for. You can try going back in once to check on her tell her that its time to sleep and set the expectation of what you want her to do ie. go to sleep on her and that you wont be coming back in, or whatever you decide to do. i tell my 2 &1/2 year old that i will come back and check on him later and that seems to reassure him that i will still be there and he goes straight off to sleep with no fuss. By 2 years she is old enough to understand what your telling her so talk her through whats going to happen and what you want, they are pretty clued on. This is all just from my experience so take whatever you want out of it or none if it doesn’t sound like something you want to do.
  Also i’m not sure officially about when they start having dreams but i’m pretty sure somewhere around 2+ because i’m sure my son has had a few when he wakes up crying for no other reason and he’s always been pretty good at night but if your worried speak to a child health nurse or someone like that. Good luck

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• 73 trish // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:47 pm

  Thank you. I agree, unfortunately my job itself requires my schedule to often change and makes it hard on the both of us, and with the economy today it can be rough.

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• 74 Lauren // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:54 pm

  Couldn’t agree more. I was fortunate enough to have read about the importance of routine before my first baby was born and definitely found it empowering and made for an easy life while I watched the “coddlers” around me struggle. I have employed the same technique with my second and now have two happy and predictable babies. Yeay to the schedule!

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• 75 Lorraine Skalberg // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:56 pm

  I am definatelly a schedualar. I have 2yrold twins boy and girl and I get hasseled sometimes about my schedual but, I really believe that it is so much better for them and for me. They know what to expect at certain times. I will say though that as they get older it is more of a flexible schedual. Thanks Dana I really like listening to your blogs and other parents comments concerns and questions it helps me out sometimes.

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• 76 Cara Kim // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:59 pm

  I ahve a 2 1/2 year ld boy, middle child. He moved into a bog boy bed in Jan. , right after he turned 2. He has always slept around 3 hours, maybe 2 1/2. He started preschool about 2 weeks ago and has all of a sudden waking around 1-1-2 hours. Not long enough I don’t feel. How can I get these back to 2 1/2 or so. He is actually waking up earlier in the am now also. Everything is kind of off schedule for some reason. Not sure why. Can you help? ONly goes to school Tuesday, Thursday from 9-12. All naps are still taken at home. He is always very worried about having play time. First thing he says when he wakes.

  Thanks
  Cara

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• 77 Lisa Henricksen // Aug 31, 2010 at 3:59 pm

  I feel that a schedule gives my son the security and boundries needed to thrive. he has slept throught the night from 9 weeks and has been very content. Even on holiday you need to go with the schedule where you can even having a home day to kick start the schedule back in then everyone is much happier including baby

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• 78 Jenny Bates // Aug 31, 2010 at 4:12 pm

  I am a total scheduler but I totally believe in it too ever since I read Dana’s sleep sense programme along with Gina Ford’s sleep advice. I strongly believe it works. My little boy (22months) asks to go to bed for his nap after lunch and loves going to bed in the evening. I have no longer how long this love will last but I am sure it is because we have had a firm routine. Even when we are out, he asks to get into his pushchair after lunch for a sleep!
  He is such a calm, balanced boy with a massive sense of fun and I think having a routine has helped his him hugely because it has helped him feel safe and secure.
  This said I have no idea how I will keep a routine with the the second child I would love so much!

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• 79 Jo Anna // Aug 31, 2010 at 4:19 pm

  We started our son, Aidan, on the Sleep Sense program at 8 weeks old. He is now 14 months old and sleeps EVERY night from 7pm-7am without a peep! He also takes a solid 2 hour nap from 12-2 EVERY afternoon. We have always been faithful about the schedule and he is the happiest, most social, outgoing, friendly child I have ever been around. People always tell me- “he never cries!” I tell them that he is well rested and always knows what to expect from his day. A million thanks to Dana and her amazing book!

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• 80 Lizy // Aug 31, 2010 at 4:30 pm

  Excellent advice! I completely relate to your experience with your first child – sounds just like mine with my first. My second is currently 5 months and together we have developed a “schedule” for him. Now I understand when he’s tired vs. hungry and he is a very happy kid.

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• 81 Lisa // Aug 31, 2010 at 4:33 pm

  I agree with Dana. I started off as a coddler, but saw after some unpleasant outcomes occured (such as multiple night wakings and feeds) that a schedule was necessary. If I had started with a schedule at the beginning, it would have made our daily activities much easier to manage and more predictable.
  It is challenging to create a schedule, particularly if you aren’t already disciplined to do so for yourself. I would have to say, that by getting the sleeping and feeding pattern down when they’re little, it helps the rest of the other parts of daily life fall a little more easily into place.

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• 82 Alison // Aug 31, 2010 at 4:47 pm

  I’m with Dana on this one…
  I just simply don’t get understand why a schedule is a bad thing – as a parent of a 19,6, and 4 year old I have always been told, and i have seen that it is true – that children appreciate certainty, boundaries, firmness and respond much better if they KNOW what is going to happen. SO a schedule is a basic building block.

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• 83 Karen // Aug 31, 2010 at 5:00 pm

  what happened to the transcripts???

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• 84 Sandra // Aug 31, 2010 at 5:02 pm

  Dana,

  I love that you addressed this issue. Great blog post! I am not by nature a “scheduler” mom. I was not raised that way. But it has been something that I have learned and now love!

  With my first child, people would ask me what time does she eat or nap and I would say it changes everyday. I was a wreck trying to differentiate needs and accommodate my very mellow little girl.

  It was a very confusing for me because in our extended family we have both extremes. My sister raises her babies and toddlers without a schedule at all–totally demand based. My sister in law won’t feed her crying infant because it is 10 min before feeding time. Both families love their children tons and feel that they are doing what is best for them. However, it is surprising to see that the family with a schedule (although a bit too rigid at times) has by far, the most pleasant well adjusted children. They know what to expect.

  It took me quite a bit of reading, observing other parents, and time to learn I could better anticipate what my children’s needs are if I was aware of natural routines for children. I don’t take it to the extreme my sister in law did at times, but our family lives out a daily routine that helps us all enjoy one another and get our needs met. I actually think having a predictable routine to the day helps us take note of, and meet each others needs as a family.

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• 85 fiona newton // Aug 31, 2010 at 5:20 pm

  well im 25 yrs old have two girls 1 an 2 i have always been in a schedule with them , i enjoy itbecause i get time to relax at the end of the day and catch up on cleanin etc, they have never had a dummy either the only thing im worried abt is my 2 yrs old wont use the potty

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• 86 Viccie // Aug 31, 2010 at 5:47 pm

  I say hooray for routine!!! My daughter is a darling – we used a routine from a young age and it has been great for both mum and baby. People say having a baby is the most natural thing in the world and you should just follow your instincts – which I think is really unfair as we don’t all instinctively know what to do! With every job you have you are trained, have induction and breaks – when you have a baby you have no formal training or induction and you are on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year – having a routine at least gives you some guidance as to how to manage that!!! I get really annoyed when people are down on me following a routine – it works and I’d much rather compromise on activities and have a happy baby, rather than do things when I want to and have a screaming baby. When baby’s happy – mummy’s happy.

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• 87 Kyna Farmer // Aug 31, 2010 at 5:49 pm

  Having some structure is helpful for us both; however I find it difficult to keep us on too much of a schedule. As growth spurts or changes in our routine happen I find myself stressing about how to keep the schedule and questioning myself when things don’t work the way I hear it does for others. So days we are more tired than others and some we are just unable to go to sleep “one time” …and then what?

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  Reply by Kyna Farmer:
  August 31st, 2010 at 6:18 pm

  We usually have no trouble at night it is the nap time we really struggle with. For weeks she was putting herself to sleep,night and day, consistently. Since I moved her into her own bed it has become more complicated. We went three months not using a paci and now do to help her go to sleep…seems we are making it more difficult. How do you get them back into a schedule when they are fighting sleep?

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• 88 Dani Hyland // Aug 31, 2010 at 6:22 pm

  Hi Dana,

  I’m a new parent to a 10 week old boy and I am a ’scheduler’. After trying both I realised that babies like routine and like to know what’s coming next. Occasionally we’ll have a ‘coddler’ day and I’ve noticed it just throws him out and he ends up being quite unsettled.

  So I’m with you on this!

  Danijela

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• 89 Monique // Aug 31, 2010 at 6:31 pm

  I’m a scheduler and it makes life easy for me and my children. I feel this is putting my child first, even though others may find it rigid. In developing a schedule I watched my toddlers moods. They get cranky at approximately the same times on most days before lunch/dinner and nap/bed times. So they have fallen into their own rhythm. For me, instead of scrambing and holding my toddlers off until lunch/dinner is ready (all this while they are screaming/crying) I get it ready at the same time everyday and this keeps them from having meltdowns. Also I find if I put my kids to bed too late (meaning they are overtired) again they are cranky and it actually takes them longer to calm themselves down and get to sleep. So again I put them down at the same time everyday and I avoid tantrums, screaming, etc. Of course there are days that we’ll go on an outing and the schedule gets thrown out the window, but on most days sticking to the “schedule” makes the day more fun, manageable and happy for everyone.

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• 90 Renee // Aug 31, 2010 at 7:03 pm

  I have a question. I’m a scheduler my son is in bed same time every night fed and bathed same time every night and through the day. Which I’ve been told to do by soo many ppl. Yet he won’t sleep in his own bed and won’t fall asleep on his own. I have to lay with him every time he goes to bed. I have found away to keep him there And leave the room. But no matter how hard I try he won’t do this in his own bed. Or room for that matter. I need help desperately.

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  Reply by Sacha:
  August 31st, 2010 at 9:22 pm

  Hi Renee– we went through this too not long ago when we switched our son from his crib into a bed. Basically, he was so thrilled to be able to move about that he stayed awake for hours, kept coming out of his room, into ours, etc. Bedtimes started to become a bit of a struggle and stretched for hours. My husband and I started to take turns laying with him until he went to sleep— this prevented him from leaving the room, but again, he was so excited to have us there, that the last thing he wanted to do was sleep!

  I realized that he needed to go down on his own, in his room— the way he did when he was still ‘contained’ in his crib (happily so!).

  So, i totally over-the-top baby-proofed his room and put 2 stacked baby gates across his door (he can get over 1). So after storytime, his lights go off (we leave a light on in the hall) and the gates go up (sounds mean, I know!). We say good night and then I wait in the next room to listen and make sure he’s fine until he goes to sleep.

  The first few nights went so-so… he was up for a long time, and little miffed at the baby gates! He jiggled them a bit and made a few attempts to get out, but nothing risky. Then he started taking every toy and book in his room and piled them all on his bed and finally, after about an hour, fell asleep in the middle of the pile! I was looking in (without him seeing me) periodically and listening constantly, making sure he was ok.

  A few nights went by with the same result. Then suddenly he stopped making his ‘pile’. Then the last few nights, he’s actually started getting into his bed after storytime, pulling up his covers and saying ‘night night’ and going right off to sleep!!!

  I’m not saying this will definitely work for your son, and not everyone would be comfortable with the baby gates on the door (I’ll probably horrify some mothers out there!), but if you decide on a certain method, try to stick with it for several nights—- this took at least a week of total consistency every night, until now, it’s suddenly ‘taken’ and working really well.

  Hope you figure something out!

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• 91 Jen Nevin // Aug 31, 2010 at 7:04 pm

  Our lives have become so much easier, more predictable, and stress-free since putting our baby on a schedule!

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• 92 Michelle Rosales // Aug 31, 2010 at 7:53 pm

  Scheduler vs Coddler
  There is a distinction between a “schedule” and a “routine”. From everything I have read and from what I have experienced thus far, babies and toddlers NEED and prefer to follow a “routine”. This allows children to know what to expect and it also gives parents, especially first time parents some semblence of stucture and knowing what to do?
  … Why is my baby crying?… ahh this is around the time for a nap..or feed…etc.
  For me, when my son was a baby, he fell into a natural routine. He would feed around the same intervals and would get tired around the same intervals, and as he grew older, this “routine” changed and was adjusted to include outings to those great baby groups or sing song classes, etc.
  As a parent, I think you get to know your child and therefore can determine their best times of day and how to work around naps etc. I think almost everyone would agree that you cannot schedule a toddler. They have their own timming and there are just times when you need to get places, but if you know your child is easily distracted and it takes him/her 20 min to put his shoes on and get out the door. You know you eventually have to set limits and work with routines around this.
  Life is schedules and routines, and I beleive you have to teach your child to integrate to the world. You may not always want to get them ready for daycare or going to the store, but if you ever want to get things done, you have to have some sort of routine or schedule.
  I don’t beleive that having limits, routines, and schedules is a disservice to a child, nor I beleive that this is not putting the needs of the child first. I guess it all depends on the child and your familie’s life style, but if you work the “schedule” around the child and their needs, (ie naps, best time of day, etc.) I think it ultimately is better for everyone .

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• 93 Karen // Aug 31, 2010 at 7:54 pm

  Schedules are good for babies, toddlers, and children. Our children gain security from knowing what to expect since most of their world is not in their control. I believe it is important for parents to remember that they are the parent and their child is the child. THUS, I know what is best for them. Freedom to adjust their schedule can be attained as they grow and mature.

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• 94 amanda carkagis // Aug 31, 2010 at 7:55 pm

  i agree that schedules are the way to go. My nearly three year old has changed routines several times as she got older but she is still in one. She goes to bed at the same time every night in winter and then half an hour later in summer. My five month old is also in a routine. He goes to bed quiet early but this is how he likes it and as he gets older he is sleeping so much better, yes i am still tired but with two full on kids who could ask for more. Paige the first few weeks with a second kids is trial and error, you have to see what works cause what i have found is that what works for one doesn’t for the other.

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• 95 debbye // Aug 31, 2010 at 7:58 pm

  How do I successfully implement sleep training while continuing to nurse at night?
  My baby wakes many times, but is only “allowed” to nurse twice!!
  It is hard to know which time to feed, and which time not to, and is this confusing to my baby?

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• 96 Elizabeth Bruce // Aug 31, 2010 at 8:05 pm

  I have followed Dana’s program and my 19 month old son is happy, well rested and tells me everyday at the same time that he is ready to go to bed… explain to me how that is bad???? He sleeps for 11-12 hours at night and 2 hours in the afternoon. The schedule makes all of lifes a blessing.

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• 97 Marina Fitzpatrick // Aug 31, 2010 at 8:15 pm

  Hi
  I am a big believer on keeping a rough schedule for everything, even before I had my son. Knowing what’s coming and being able to prepare for it – whether its sleeping, eating, playing, working etc helps to keep me sane. For the first 4 four months I fed my son on demand – he would drink an ounce or so and sleep maybe 40mins or maybe 3 hours – you never knew. I was physcially and emotionally wrecked. I never, ever want to be in that place again. When I put my son on a schedule he started eating more and sleeping longer (10 hours thru the night). This was really important as he was low birth weight and never made it above the 3rd percentile. Scheduling got him eating and sleeping – and my sanity and marriage were saved. At two and a half we still stick to schedules and routines and life makes sense. He is still a very creative, outgoing and energetic little boy (even with all my rules). He needs a full night of sleep to be the busy boy he is during the day.
  If someone can function thru the day and night flying by the seat of their pants and their children thrive in that environment then I say more power to them. As for myself, I will continue to do what I know is best for my family – the cat and dog included, and keep things on a schedule with routines.

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• 98 Mara // Aug 31, 2010 at 8:19 pm

  Dear Dana
  I am also a scheduler. But unfortunately once became one after reading your book when my daughter was over 1 year old!! I wish I had read your book earlier because my life was a mess!
  My daughter is now 27 months old and a happy little girl. Our routine is not so strict, but it works perfectly. She sometimes skips the afternoon nap (if we’re out and about or if a friend comes over for a playdate), but then bedtime is earlier and she usually crashes out after the feed (yes, she still feeds at night time). She sleeps 10 hours at night without a peep, and her naps in the afternoon are something between 1hr10min and 2hrs.
  I think that if we ever have a second baby, it will be on a routine from as soon as we can start!
  Thanks Dana

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• 99 Tabitha // Aug 31, 2010 at 8:21 pm

  I completely agree with the schedule. I have done it both ways, coddler with my first, and a scheduler with my second and third. Mothers and babies are much happier on a schedule. I have a friend who is a coddler and her 10 year old and 8 year old still go into her bed most nights! “they must NEED to do that”

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• 100 Natalia Klarica // Aug 31, 2010 at 8:38 pm

  I would like to say thankyou to Dana for being so insightful and practical. these days everyone thinks that new age and what books say is the best. Its all about balance and I think thats the key to happy mumma happy bubba! thanks Dana !

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• 101 Mary Ellen // Aug 31, 2010 at 8:53 pm

  What can we doto make a baby sleep through the night. He wakes up at least two times a night.

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• 102 Sarah // Aug 31, 2010 at 8:59 pm

  I’m not sure how well a schedule would have worked for my son as a newborn — he was a colic baby almost around the clock — I just did whatever I felt was necessary to meet his needs and keep me sane. But as a result, he did end up not on any sort of schedule — and that was actually what a lot of my friends had encouraged me to do — just go w/ the flow of the baby. He was around 4 months old when he started waking every hour during the night screaming, and he was only napping about 2x during the day at 20 min each (this wasn’t an acute event, it evolved over time). After a month of the hourly nightwaking I decided nursing him back to sleep wasn’t the answer and that’s when the schedule started (in conjunction with the crying-it-out). 2 nights into it he slept 10 hours straight! Of course naps took much longer to establish and there were plenty of rough nights along the way (and there is still the occasional one — especially right now since he is going thru some separation anxiety — he’s 19 months old). But, the schedule was an answer to my prayers — he LOVES the schedule. His bedtime routine is quite possibly one of his favorite times of the day — and mine too as I know that a couple of hours of free-time for me is just around the corner).
  I think the temperment of your baby determines how well a schedule is going to work — I know a few moms who have no schedule for their baby — baby naps whenever, wherever and life goes on. But, for my son, he really needs and thrives on a schedule — I tried it both ways and the schedule has definitely been a blessing for us!

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• 103 Bettina // Aug 31, 2010 at 9:12 pm

  Dear Dana, I liked your video and your viewpoint on things. It’s great information for children and parents however, I have a traumatized child of 5 years of age and when ever it comes to bedtime it’s a struggle. We were succeeding but then went on vacation and we are back at zero. She is afraid of being alone in her room. We have repainted her room, gotten different furniture, moved things around in the past. The past two nights I have her going in her bed but I have to sit in her room until she is asleep (do not want to lay down with her anymore so she can find a way of falling asleep without me there) and if I even atempt to leave before then she will scream and almost seems she’s having anxiety about being alone. Needless to say, last night she only gotten 4 hours of sleep and took a nap in the morning hour for 2 hours. Do you have any advise for us? I have done internet research besides counseling but there really isn’t any info out that I have come accross to help a traumatized child to fall asleep and feel safe in her own home with the person who vitimized her not being in the house anymore. Thank you in advance!

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• 104 Ronee // Aug 31, 2010 at 9:14 pm

  I am a true believer in being a scheduler. I know my 18mo identical twin daughters are much better off for it. But I will say that my schedule was created by their needs. What we do in a day and the rough time we do it are the part that I like, since they know what to expect. While breakfast is usally around 8:30 sometimes it’s a half hour earlier or later, depending on the time they got up and whether or not they tell me they want to eat. Also, I added a mid-morning and afternoon snack when they would sign or tell me crackers, drink, etc.

  So again, it was them telling me what needed happen throughout the day. Now I squeeze in play dates, outtings, etc around their schedule and we are all happier for it. And thanks to Dana’s Sleep Sense book they’ve been sleeping great for the past yr now. Thanks!

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• 105 Nicole // Aug 31, 2010 at 9:15 pm

  I agree with the schedules!!!! (flexible though) It does help you to know when the next feed is and we can play and when they can sleep. :) I had both of my babies (my little boy who will be 3 in a few days and my little girl who is 11mths) on a schedule as soon as possible and have never looked back. I also made up a book and wrote down everytime they fed, pooed, burped ect., so I could eliminate those things when they were upset, it helped me alot. Kids strive on routine!!!

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• 106 natalie // Aug 31, 2010 at 9:24 pm

  I am all for schedules!! It helped me and my baby, we feel comfortable knowing what is coming up. she is a good sleeper now (we had our tough times!!) but she always went to bed happily and has never been unhappy about bed time, she knows its coming up due to our routine.

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• 107 Carol Stratford // Aug 31, 2010 at 9:31 pm

  My little boy turns 1 tomorrow! He is currently taking 2 naps on a pretty good schedule :) When do they typically go to one nap? How do I know he is ready for 1 nap? Thanks!

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• 108 Robin // Aug 31, 2010 at 9:45 pm

  Thank you for this week about schedules. I am a scheduler. I am 35 and most of my friends have teenagers instead of toddlers. I tend to make plans based on my daughters schedule. We go places early and eat at her normal time and usually try to be home by nap time so she can rest. I feel judged by friends ( even those without kids) who make comments that she’ll just crash when she’s exhausted. It can be frustrating at times. I don’t think schedulers are missing their kids needs. I think they are embracing them. I’m glad to see that there are a lot of other schedulers out there.

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• 109 Tonya Caywood // Aug 31, 2010 at 9:51 pm

  I am a scheduler. I think this makes life easier on all of us. My son is now 20 months old and is one of the happiest kids I have ever seen. He knows whats coming and what he needs to expect. He gets so much “loving” as well. We play and play hard, we love and love hard. I love his kisses and his small embrace more than anything and know he feels the same. No love left out at all!!!!!!! Never feel guilt. You know your child better than anyone else!!! Hugs and pats on the backs to ALL mommies out there!!!

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• 110 Stephanie Castro // Aug 31, 2010 at 9:54 pm

  I just watched your video about being on a schedule and I totally agree. I have a baby girl, Faith and she wasn’t on a schedule and she also wasn’t happy. Once I started her on a schedule she was much happier and I knew when she needed to eat and sleep and it made me a happier and healthier mom. Thanks to you. Sleep well.

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• 111 Danielle // Aug 31, 2010 at 10:21 pm

  My toddler (3 in Nov) is now giving us a hard time to go to bed. He was so good from 4 months old when I bought the sleep sense program and now is starting to get out of bed and get out of his room. We bring back to his room, just for him to come right back out. It is very frustrating and we are not sure what to do.

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• 112 Shana Germani // Aug 31, 2010 at 10:25 pm

  I totally agree with having your baby/child on a schedule. I have seen so many Mom’s and Dad’s that have their children and babies up until 11 at night. Or just taking an afternoon
  nap at 5:00 pm. They wonder why their child
  won’t sleep at night. I always think to myself
  if you nap a baby earlier, he/she will be ready
  for bed sooner and will sleep at a normal time.
  The only way to accomplish better sleeping habits as well as better eating habits is to set
  a schedule ( not a rigid one) but a realistic one.

  We always say we need to give our teens expecxtations otherwise they won’t have a road map or goals in life. Why would we start
  then, when habits and behaviors have already
  been established? It just makes sense to set
  realisitic sleep, eat and play schedules sooner than later. Again cudos to Dana for getting this one right like everything else she puts out.

  Thank you!

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• 113 nic // Aug 31, 2010 at 10:27 pm

  Dana I totally agree w
  ith having a schedule. The whole family works better with routine and is happy when things are fairly predictable. thankyou for your informative videos!

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• 114 Tammy // Aug 31, 2010 at 10:56 pm

  I’m all for scheduling, though I’d describe myself as in between a coddler & a scheduler :-) I think the first few weeks it’s important to get to learn about your baby, so a schedule is not priority for me. Once time goes on though, a schedule makes every day life, predictable, easy to plan & to work around. However, I believe it needs to be a flexible schedule. I wasted too much time & energy stressing over the fact that my first born was not doing what he was meant to be doing. I could’ve been enjoying him in that time, instead. Sometimes, like adults, babies/toddlers, just don’t want to sleep, don’t need to sleep or just aren’t hungry…….I’m all for a flexible schedule :-)

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• 115 Jackie // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:20 pm

  I put my 6 month old little girl on a schedule a few weeks ago and was amazed at the difference it made! She had previously been waking up 2 times a night and as I thought she was hungry I fed her. 3 days on the schedule and she started sleeping right though. Some nights she still wakes but only crys for about 5 minutes before putting herself back to sleep. I took her dummy away and gave her a comfort sleep toy instead and as long as that is there and I put her in her sleep bag for naps and at night she knows that it is time to sleep. A schedule has certainly saved my sanity as I work shift work I need all the sleep I can get!

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• 116 jenna // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:23 pm

  I love going a schedule. I just hung out with 6 mom who some are still co sleeping and a couple of us who’s babies are on a sleep schedule. The Mom’s who are still co sleeping consider a good nights sleep still getting up a few times to nurse. I thought to myself as we sere talking how happy I am that my baby has been on a schedule as soon as we could and has been going to sleep effortlessly and sleeping really well for a long time. Schedules seem to make the whole family program flow so much easier…

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• 117 sharon rattan // Aug 31, 2010 at 11:56 pm

  hi dana, i saw your video and i would like to say that i sometimes follow a schedule and i dont because i just get too busy with cleaning and doing other things. i think i might need to write down a proper schedule for my 4 year old and a 2 yer old. i have a question on how often should i feed my kids and how much? i dont know why but my kids hate eating and ive tried so many kinds of food but they would only eat a little bit. I dont know what to do to get them to eat, i’ve talk to my doctor but he didn’t really suggest anything. please help

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• 118 Amy // Sep 1, 2010 at 12:13 am

  I really do believe a schedule is what kept me going in the first year. Like you said Dana it just gave me the info I needed, so I knew what came next. I say yay to scheduals

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• 119 Sam // Sep 1, 2010 at 1:10 am

  I never really thought I was a scheduler as I did start out with demand feeding and no set schedule but really as you tune in with your child you know what they need and form some structure from this. My daughter has always been great to go out with as she will sleep anywhere providing she is in my arms. But we have had problems with naps, too short, and getting her to bed at reasonable hours. Although she gets a good 10-12 hours sleep at night she does wake through the night as she needs my breast to get her back to sleep. So thats our latest delima we are trying to handle.

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• 120 Kia // Sep 1, 2010 at 1:17 am

  I am an RN and work shift work, days/nights and weekends. As my “schedule” is not the norm, it is very hard to keep our 12 month old on any set schedule as ours are not regular. Will this have a negative impact on her?

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• 121 Lavanya Vipin // Sep 1, 2010 at 2:15 am

  My Husband and I are schedulers and so are our kids. Its become a practice that my kids give us cues when their schedule time is past whether it is dinner or sleeptime. It has helped very much as i feel they are better rested and lesser tantrums because their basic needs are met before it becomes an emergency.

  But I understand schedule as something which the child also should be involved in fixing. For ex: I dont have the same schedule for both my kids as their nature and energy levels and expectations are different. I fix the schedule that best works for them

  I have noticed every instant that the schedule is missed they are more crankier and less in the listening mode.

  Of course schedules are not enforced and is relaxed on special occasions for my older son who is now 3.5 years old. When he has occasional favourite visitors or we are travelling we try to adjust the schedule with minimal impact.

  I think schedule is the way to go for less stress for both parents and the kids. I do have friends who are coddlers but it only works well for those parents who dont get stressed with the varying patterns/demands of the child.

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• 122 Shay // Sep 1, 2010 at 2:37 am

  I prefer the word “routine” over schedule. But yes… I would classify myself as as scheduler and I think it pays off. My son is 19 months old and sleeps and eats like a dream. Thanks Dana!

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• 123 Jan // Sep 1, 2010 at 2:40 am

  I am all for schedule. My little girl now 14mo old was on a schedule since 3mo old. She was and is still a happy little girl, and I always been told so by others that she is a happy and content child. But I am always flexible on her schedule and keeping eye on her needs. Thanks for this website.

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• 124 Jennifer // Sep 1, 2010 at 3:25 am

  I think you should do what works best for your family. I tried to have my first two children on a schedule(after getting to know them and their habits) and I did pretty well with it. The only thing was- I was miserable when the children didn’t stay on schedule. With my third baby who is now 7 mo. I tried to make her fit my schedule but she wouldn’t do it so I decided to have a daily routine(not a strict schedule). She nurses on demand which is about every 3hrs. Sometimes it is consistently the same time everyday and then things change. The night routine has helped with all three. Bedtime= bath, nurse then down for the night(hopefully).

  My third is my only baby who has slept through the night since 2mo old. I believe it is because I have her crib rigged as a co-sleeper. If she starts to wake, I give her the pacifier and hold her hand. She goes back to sleep very easily. At this point, she sleeps 8-10 hrs a night and takes 1-2 naps daily.

  It is not easy being a parent but I believe trying different things to find out what works best for your family is the way to go. As long as we keep our children safe and loved things will work out. They grow so fast and things always change.

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• 125 Tania // Sep 1, 2010 at 3:27 am

  I am definately a coddler. Except for my 7 month old her feeds are about the same time each day but I believe flexibility is the key…as long as you know the ’signs’ and are prepared you have more fun. I have always been a coddler and it works well with my other two kids too.
  My little girl sleeps anywhere but has a really good sleep of a night (6:30pm to 7am) and her naps, she lays down or even sometimes sits and closes her eyes when she’s tired….gee sounds just like her father hehe.

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• 126 Leah // Sep 1, 2010 at 4:19 am

  Hi, just wondering if you have any thoughts on baby behavior and how personalities change.. I have a 9 month old baby girl that was a complete mommy’s girl at the beginning. She used to cry with almost everyone except me. Im a stay-at-home mom and do everything for her from the minute she wakes up till she goes to bed at night.

  Her dad sees her rarely, maybe 1 hour a day during weekdays but he spends time with baby on weekends. Recently though the baby seems to almost ‘prefer’ him to me. Today she cried when i took her from him because he had to work. She gets so exited to see him and everytime she sees him she cries to go to him even when she’s with me. This behavior hurts my feelings a little bit.. Any advice?

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• 127 Kristin // Sep 1, 2010 at 4:35 am

  I am definitely a scheduler! People always comment on how happy and bubbly my daughter is and I feel it is because I DO meet her needs! I always try to work within half an hour of the routine just so Izabela doesn’t get overtired. She is a brilliant sleeper, has slept from 7pm-7am since she was 4 months old, of course we have the odd night where things go wrong but 99% of the time she sleeps wonderfully. I know some people, like my own mother, scoff at my routine but I know how happy my daughter and how well it works for us. I have a friend with a daughter 3 months older then mine (so approx 15 months) and she has no routine, she still sleeps in her parents bed, wakes twice a night for a breastfeed, doesn’t sleep during the day and is sooooo grumpy all the time. I believe each to their own, I just feel that routine is looking after a childs needs 100% because when the child has different needs e.g sleep and eating, the routine changes to suit.

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• 128 Laura Pietrzak // Sep 1, 2010 at 5:53 am

  Hi
  My baby is 5 and a half months old and I have just started reading your book as was struggling with my babys sleep. It has started to improve as I removed his pacifier 4 days ago which has helped him self soothe. However he is still waking many times in the night and although soothes himself back to sleep I am wondering when he will start to sleep more soundly? He is still having one feed during the night.
  Many thanks in anticipation of your help
  Laura

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• 129 amy carey // Sep 1, 2010 at 6:13 am

  i think there’s a lot of confusion with ‘feed on demand’ in order to keep your milk production up. ‘feed on demand’ is often translated by new mothers as ‘feed when they cry’ – which, to your point dana, might mean just a minute of nursing before they fall asleep. if we start to recognize their unspoken rhythms as a need for a bit of a schedule, then we can ‘feed when hungry’ instead of ‘feed when crying.’

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• 130 rachael // Sep 1, 2010 at 6:45 am

  I dont think I could get my 7 month old son on a schedule..He just seems to want to sleep during the day when hes tired.I dont think i’d have the energy to fight him to sleep during the day as Im having waking problems at night too…It would be great though.Your day could be so more organised..How do you even start a “schedule”??

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• 131 Mary Bulsterbaum // Sep 1, 2010 at 8:32 am

  It all sounds good. My daughter though did not sleep through the night at all until she was 2 years and 7 months. And even then, she still wants to sleep with mommy. She will be three next month and I am trying to give her something to look forward to with a princess room and big girls bed. She has had alot of seperation anxiety since I went to work back in April. I don’t know how to ease her anxiety. There is alot of tension in the house as well with her Fathers moods so that doesn’t help. I have done what your book suggests but that hasn’t helped me. I must be doing something wrong. HELP!!! I can’t sleep with my daughter forever!!

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• 132 Susan Creppel // Sep 1, 2010 at 8:34 am

  Being on a schedule with our third child has made all the difference in our sanity. Sophie is 2 now and we put her to bed at 7:30 every night. She sleeps all night and awakes at 7 am. We have used your methods since she was 6 weeks old. Thank you, Dana, for all that you have taught us.

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• 133 rebecca stefanelli // Sep 1, 2010 at 9:02 am

  I think it is extremely important to be a scheduler based on your child’s need. Children need to know what to expect each night, it helps them settle down. On a few rare occassions when my son flat out refuses to go to bed we somewhat let him make the rules and most times he is in bed only a half hour after his usual time. I feel better about my household as a whole when things are somewhat routine.

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• 134 Kelly // Sep 1, 2010 at 9:59 am

  My daughter is 3 in October and still does not sleep all night, I have tried all sorts of methods to try and rectify this problem but no luck…She has never been a good sleeper from the beginning but everyone keeps telling that she will grow out of it, if so then WHEN… Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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• 135 Melissa // Sep 1, 2010 at 10:22 am

  I have three children and am definitely a scheduler. I agree with the other posts that this can be flexible based on their cues…but a routine does help them feel safe and know what to expect. My third child (now 6 months) REALLY through us all for a loop. He was colicky/extremely fussy for 3 months and didnt sleep well during that time –plus cried every moment he was not sleeping. It was tough. As a Mom, I always felt like he was overtired but couldnt get him to rest enough…hence I found this website! He is doing MUCH better at 6 months…only waking once at 5 AM after going to bed at 8 and taking two good naps during the day. However, he is really hard to put down for his afternoon nap only (morning and night are fine)….cannot figure out why. Anyone else have this problem and have any suggestions

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• 136 Mary // Sep 1, 2010 at 10:31 am

  My son is 12 months old and still wakes up to feed once sometimes twice a night to feed. He falls asleep on his own in his crib at night. As he breastfeeds during the night, I hear his tummy making rumbling sounds as he initially feeds. After he feeds, he is still half awake, I put him in his crib and he falls back asleep. I know that babies don’t need to feed during the night at his age, but could it be that some babies need a feeding during the night? It sounds like his tummy is empty from the rumbling sounds I hear when he initially feeds. I don’t hear those sounds during the day. Thanks for the help.

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  Reply by Lisa:
  September 1st, 2010 at 6:49 pm

  Maybe try giving him a drink of water instead of a feed. It may be enough to settle him tummy and help him to get back to sleep. He may resist to begin with because a feed is not only food but comfort. Give him plenty of cuddles and he will start to learn and go back to sleep.

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• 137 Claudia Maldonado // Sep 1, 2010 at 11:03 am

  I totally agree with you on the advantages of having a schedule. My first lived on the breast and barely slept…she was cranky all the time, until I put her on a schedule. Like your third, she became a happier baby because she was actually sleeping and resting. It also brought me back to feeling sane and eventually back to normal! And now she’s 2 years old and has excellent sleeping habits.
  Claudia

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• 138 Dawn Hurd // Sep 1, 2010 at 11:12 am

  My daughter Jordyn is a year old and she doesn’t go to sleep on her own, I rock her to sleep. I have tried the sleep training and she continues to stand up in her crib. I lay her back down and I don’t talk or look at her but she continues to get up and cries. I have tried the chair with my back to her. She will throw her pacifier on the ground. Any suggestions on how I can get my daughter to sleep.
  Thanks, Dawn

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• 139 Karen McKinstry // Sep 1, 2010 at 12:58 pm

  I loved your blog this week. I had no clue what I was doing with my 1st son after he was born and as a result we have had serious sleep issues. A large part of our problem was that we didn’t have a schedule/routine. 2nd time around has been much more scheduled. I am much more conscious of our 2nd son’s eating and sleeping routine. As a result he is a much happier baby than his brother was. Now my husband and I don’t have to worry about our 2nd son because his routine is so ingrained. Our focus now is our oldest son and establishing better routines for him.

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• 140 katherine // Sep 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm

  why do jayden sleep during the night when he is at home with me, but when he stays with his daddy and come home he dnt want to sleep at night?

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• 141 Sarah // Sep 1, 2010 at 2:33 pm

  Hi there. I’m having a problem getting my 37 month old son to get to sleep. He fights going to sleep so much. We have used the sleep sense strategy since he was about 18 months and it worked. He was a bedtime routine but that doesn’t seem to help anymore. He just doesn’t stay in his bed. Any thoughts?

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• 142 mandy // Sep 1, 2010 at 3:33 pm

  hi i have 2 childre n 27 and 13 months old both dont sleep on my own mon -fri what can i do.

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• 143 Jen // Sep 1, 2010 at 5:23 pm

  I totally agree! I still would not be sleeping if I didn’t stick to a schedule. I think it is important to have a routine/schedule so your child knows what is coming next. I think it helps them from being anxious. If you stick to the same basic schedule then they know they will be fed, they will get to play, and they know when they need to go to bed. It becomes like clockwork.

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• 144 Carol Weaver // Sep 1, 2010 at 5:41 pm

  I believe schedules are also important for the points you mentioned in your video but also because having a schedule or routine gives stabilization to the children’s life. It doesn’t have to be rigid, as you say, but knowing at about 6 p.m. children will be fed, at about 7:45 is bath time, and about 8:30 is bedtime… helps kids know what is coming next and get geared for that. Without it, parents and kids are in chaos. Children are playing until they are exhausted, crying and fussing… and now have difficulty falling asleep because they are keyed. The routine, gives parents a sense of control and helps them explain that routine to the kids… “It’s time for bath… or it’s time for bed…” They understand, because their internal clocks are now geared for it, and they miss that stabilizing routine factor when it is not there.

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• 145 Brenda // Sep 1, 2010 at 6:26 pm

  I was very resistant to creating a schedule for my baby, but just after a few days he was so much happier. We all feel more secure when we know what is going to happen next. This is especially true for children. He gets really excited for example when we are finished putting on his pajamas because he knows he gets to brush his teeth. I have a second baby on the way now and will put him/her on a schedule as soon as possible. So to conclude, yeah for schedules!!!

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• 146 Lisa // Sep 1, 2010 at 6:45 pm

  I wish I could have realised how to get into a schedule with my baby when she was younger. She foudn her own timing for the first couple of months but then she was constantly over tired and her tired cues were difficult to read. I have to say that I only found a ‘good routine’ with her at 9 months. She is now 10 months and getting to bed about 7pm and sleeping through until about 6am. She is eating better and is a happier baby. I have to say that I’m a happier Mum for it. There are things I would do differently with our next baby and one of them would be to introduce a good routine a lot earlier. Around 3 months is a good time. Newborns needs love and attention and a mother needs to listen her baby not what the books say.

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• 147 samantha lawler // Sep 1, 2010 at 8:42 pm

  is it ok to let your baby cry a couple of minutes or so before your go into there room? even though you know you know there is nothing wrong they just cry for the sake of crying?

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  Reply by rachael:
  September 2nd, 2010 at 3:42 pm

  yes.i do it with my 7mth old son now.if you know he is in no danger of hurting himself,it will teach him to self sooth.i used to jump at the slightest whimper,and he became demanding during the day too.hes now a better sleeper and a much happier and less demanding baby during the day too.x

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• 148 Renee Steadman // Sep 1, 2010 at 10:29 pm

  I have to say that the first four months of motherhood were not full of joy for us. My daughter cried most of the evening, slept for short little naps and was awake in the night much too often. I started her on a schedule based on Dana’s sleep sense program and life became so much better for all of us. I recommend this program, and scheduling to every new mother I know. My daughter is now 19 months and consistently sleeps from approx. 7:00pm to 7:00am and she has done so since she was about 8 months old, prior to that she still woke once in the night to eat, but still slept the same hours. She also naps 2-4 hours every afternoon. We realized that trying to keep her up in the evening to suit our own bedtime was stupid, which only resulted in her howling for 4 hours each evening, and lots of stress for us. Schedules are the way to go, but you still have to be flexible because situations occur, like supper out or being away from home and baby needs to be able to cope with that too. Thanks Dana, you saved me!!

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  Reply by Renee Steadman:
  September 1st, 2010 at 10:33 pm

  I forgot to mention how easy it is to put her to bed. She rarely fusses about going for a nap or to bed, she just knows it’s time and she lays down. She will even go to her crib on her own and yell “night-night” until we put her in it. What a joy!

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• 149 pinkal // Sep 1, 2010 at 11:02 pm

  Hello,
  I have a 6 month old daughter and she has a sleeping problem. My daughter samaira can not sleep 8-9 hours continue ,she woke up 2-4 times and when i nursing her then she going back to sleep.I tied everything …
  Please help me,
  Thank You

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• 150 michele // Sep 2, 2010 at 2:08 am

  I wholeheartedly agree with your bedtime routines etc. Our problem is getting Jacob to give in to his nap time and his bedtime, he gives all the signals of tiredness but will not go to sleep, he screams for up to an hour. we are now practicing controlled crying system because it dosent matter if he’s in his cot, or being cuddled , he cries and screams. Once asleep he sleeps all night and is a happy baby all day, any suggestions?

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• 151 Anke // Sep 2, 2010 at 4:25 am

  I get what everyone and all the books are saying about schedules…I understand how that can make a baby feel “secure”. But neither my nor my husband’s lifestyles and jobs leave any space for a set routine.I kind of had one when I was on maternity leave, but after four months I had to go back to work, and leave my son with a day mother. He has a pretty fixed schedule with her during the day – which I am happy about, and at night we try to kind of stick to the same time for eating (he is 16 months old now, so has his dinner with me and my husband at 6pm), bathing and sleeping. But I guess the one thing that makes me feel the most guilty, and this is something I can do nothing about at the moment, is the fact that I work full time, I see my son for about 2 hours each night before bed time…so on weekends I am most definitely a coddler – he does whatever he wants to do, eats whatever and whenever he wants to, and sleeps when he wants to, but only on a weekend…Could anyone please tell me whether this is “okay”. Can you be both? Can you be a scheduler in the week and coddler on the weekend?

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• 152 Jessica Penny // Sep 2, 2010 at 6:02 am

  When our son was born i was happy to do the whole demand feeding and letting the baby tell me what he needed but at 2 weeks old he was admitted to hospital for a week and when he came out we had to put him on a pretty strict routine as his feeds had to line up with medication times. Looking back it was the best thing we ever did because he really settled down and became more happy and content. Saying this we still had to do some control crying at around 7-8 months as he was starting to call out lots during the night.
  We now have a 6 week old and she is on a similar routine but not as strict as she does not have any medication and she is also a very hungry baby wanting to feed 2 hourly. But the bed-time routine is exactly the same and she is already starting to go down on her own with little fuss. I think you need to learn your own baby’s cues and work out a routine that works best for you and them, and every baby is different so dont stress if your baby isn’t doing exactly what your friends babies are doing or if its different second/third time around

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• 153 erica jackson // Sep 2, 2010 at 6:37 am

  I have tried the sleep programme with my seven month old baby but was getting nowhere and Teddy was becoming more and more distressed and panicky about being left in his cot. I wondered if the fact that he had reflux which I am trying treat is making this impossible and unfair to do. I have found it extremely hard to get him into any kind of routine as he will not sleep in his cot, he just screams until he is picked up. Thank you – vv tired and stressed x

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• 154 Michaela Simova // Sep 2, 2010 at 7:49 am

  I have just stopped to feed my son during the night and he seems to be ok to fall back to sleep but I am using a dummy. Do you think I should stop using dommy too to make sure he is able to go back to sleep by himself? He is now nearly 5 months. Thanks for the help!!!

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• 155 Ginika // Sep 2, 2010 at 10:39 am

  i currently have a 19weeks baby who is only on breast milk. his frequent demand of feed is becoming tiring. i couldn’t put him on a schedule. he likes to be carried every time. if he is left on his bouncer, he will cry until he is carried. he only sleeps when coddled or while feeding.

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• 156 rena fielding // Sep 2, 2010 at 12:41 pm

  I agree with schedules because my body has generated one for me in accordance with its needs and it seems that a young child’s body would generate one for her that is in accordance with her needs. One of the things our young child needs is for me to be functional (properly fed and rested in order to work). Therefore she welcomes sleeping and eating and being awake on a schedule that allows me, her caregiver, to provide for her in an optimum way. Everything in the world fits together so nicely.

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• 157 Cindy // Sep 2, 2010 at 1:02 pm

  Hi Dana;
  If a baby’s bilogical rhythm/schedule starts in the mom’s womb, I wonder how much it affects a baby’s sleep pattern if a mom is a night hawk or night shift worker when pregnant?
  Thanks,
  Cindy

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• 158 kellie // Sep 2, 2010 at 2:59 pm

  My husband is deployed and my 10month old keeps waking up at night wanting me to old him to go back to sleep. he does not want to sleep in his crib only on my chest snuggled up. I know it is not the fact that my husband is gone cause he left when Ryan was only 2 months old. Now I am basically a single mom and I work full time as a nurse, I really need to be alert at my job so I taqke him out of the crib and hold him cause I am soOOOO tired. Please help. I feel like I am going to have a breakdown!!!!!!

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  Reply by rachael:
  September 2nd, 2010 at 3:37 pm

  I had the same problem exactly.my son is 7mths old and i was exhausted.i had 1 weeks worth of really bad nights where i did the controlled crying method.it broke my heart to do it and the first night i cried more than he did because i just wanted to hold him and make it all better,but i thought of the bigger picture and persisted.he now goes down awake.we have some nights where he wakes and i just let him cry for 5 mins and he usually gets himself back to sleep.its going to be the most heartbreaking thing youve done,but try it and you may be surprised at how quickly ryan gets it.good luck.x

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• 159 rachael // Sep 2, 2010 at 3:29 pm

  After following the sleep sense program for just 3 nights i have seen a massive improvment in my sons sleeping using the controlled crying method ….at night..during the day,he’ll only sleep in a chair which i have to put inside his cot.If i lay him down flat,he screams for longer than he is asleep!!I cant understand why his night time habits have been changed so dramatically but he still fights me during the day.any thoughts?hes missing out on his naps because of the fights he puts up.

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• 160 Jessica // Sep 2, 2010 at 4:04 pm

  I found the Sleep Sense schedule to be a God send. I’ve had my son on a schedule since he was 4 months old, and now he is 2 and a half and actually asks to go to sleep, unlike his friends who fight sleep. Now I let him play in his crib for a while before he goes down, but I find that he plays for a while and then puts himself to sleep. He really needs his sleep, and then we get an evening as well. It is so important to teach discipline and I think that it’s a loving gift to help children to know when they’re tired.

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