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Hi, I’m Dana Obleman, creator of the Sleep Sense Program. This week’s question comes from Laura and she writes:

“How do I break my two children out of the habit of sleeping in my bed? Their ages are 32 months and 16 months. I know I created this problem by bringing them to my bed when they woke in the night. Then I would bring them to my room after their bath to get them ready for bed. Then they wanted to fall asleep in my bed. Now, it is at the point where they are in my bed all at night! If I try to bring them to their bed, they carry on screaming and crying, each waking up the other one, and they end up back in my bed because they will not stop crying. What can I do?”

Well Laura, you definitely have a big problem on your hands and your bed must be getting very crowded!

The first thing I would do is put the children back into their own rooms. Start with a “step by step” bedtime routine. Perhaps start with a bath and then their pajamas, and then a little snack or a drink of milk, brush their teeth and then they each go to their separate rooms. Now, if you have support with a husband or somebody that can come over and support you through this, it probably makes best sense that one parent handle one child and one parent handle the other child. Otherwise, you will be in a situation where you’ll have to keep going back and forth.

However, I would suggest the best strategy — given their ages — is that the 16 month old should definitely be in a crib, as it’s too early for a bed. But since the 32 month old is used to your bed now, you might as well start off in a toddler bed.

Your best bet is going to be the “stay in the room” method, which would involve that for three nights you sit right by her bed, three nights you move further away, three nights a little further so that she gets comfortable with the idea of her own bed and understands that you are not going to be there all night and you can work through it gradually. And you will have to handle it the same for the night wakings.

I find that co-sleeping is an “all or nothing” decision that parents need to make. I’ve found very few children who are accommodating with “part time” co-sleeping, so there is really not an option that one or both of them can come to bed with you once in a while through the night.

So they’ll have to be in their own beds all night long, and it’s probably going to take about two weeks given their ages, with the first few nights being the rough ones. The steps for making this all work are explained in “The Sleep Sense Program,” and the “stay in the room method” is my best suggestion –especially for the toddler. And remember to put your 16 month old in a crib for sure.

So I hope that points you in the right direction, Laura, and good luck with getting your own bed back!

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