My Child Has Just Learned To Walk... Should I Move Her To A Toddler Bed?

Hi! I'm Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program.
This week's question comes from Leanne who writes:

”Kayla is almost 15 months old and started walking two weeks ago. All of a sudden I can't get her to go to sleep at bedtime. She was falling asleep on her own, but now that's not working and I have to rock her. Should I move her to a toddler bed?”

Well Leanne, I would not move her to a toddler bed. Many parents think that if their child is having sleep difficulties in a crib that maybe a solution would be to move them to a toddler bed. I can guarantee you that nine times out of ten it just makes the situation worse. So keep her in her crib for sure.

Another thing to be aware of is often developmental milestones, like learning to walk, do disrupt sleep for a couple of weeks. It's almost like the instinct to practice the new skill is so overwhelming that a toddler, just can't settle themselves down enough to sleep well. What she's doing is not uncommon. What you want to keep an eye on when these things happen is that you don't make too many changes as far as your expectations go around bedtime. Meaning that if she starts putting up a bit of a fight and is having a difficult time settling down, you shouldn’t come in and start rocking her, because you haven't been in the past.

I would stop rocking because you're just going to back yourself into a corner with that one and it'll be really tough to get her to go back to falling asleep on her own. Put her in her crib after her bedtime routine. If you want to stay with her until she falls asleep that's perfectly fine, being supportive. Over the course of nine nights or so, move yourself gradually away from her so she's comfortable and used to sleeping on her own again.

Often when a baby kind of falls off the track a little bit, it really only takes a nudge in the right direction and they're back on track! It happens relatively quickly. Within a few nights my guess would be that she'll be more accepting of going to sleep on her own again because she did know how; she has that skill already. She just probably needs a good reminder about what exactly she's supposed to be doing.

So really, when these little aggressions come along it's better to just really remain consistent and they often blow over within a few nights and keep an eye on what you're doing and your response so that you don't give her mixed messages.

Thank you very much Leanne, for your question and I hope that helps a bit.
Sleep well!

How Much Sleep Does A 2-Month-Old Baby Need In A Day?

Hi, I'm Dana Obleman, creator of the The Sleep Sense Program.
This week's question comes from Lisa and she writes:

"What is a normal amount of time to have a baby awake during the day so that they sleep better at night? My baby is two months old."

Thanks Lisa! It's a common misconception really, that if you keep the baby awake longer throughout the day, they'll sleep better at night; the exact opposite is true.
The longer you keep the baby awake, (especially a newborn) the more overtired they become. When overtiredness sets in, most babies tend to become wound up instead of relaxed and so you'll find that as the day wears on and the baby has had very little sleep throughout the day, it can become harder get them to settle down and go to sleep.

As far as a two month old goes, my suggestion would be that you fall into a pattern during the day of the baby waking up, being fed and playing for a short amount of time. After about 45 minutes to maybe an hour and 15 is really the maximum amount of stamina that a newborn has before they should be going back to bed. So eat, play and sleep is a really good routine to set up throughout the day so that you're not falling into a pattern of always nursing or bottle feeding to sleep.

That way, when evening rolls around, a good way to encourage a newborn to start separating day from night (and encourage the majority of their sleep in the night) is to set up a bedtime routine and that can start right from Day 1 if you're feeling up to it. It doesn't have to be very elaborate.

I like to start off the routine with a bath, because I just think a bath is such a significantly different activity than others in a newborn's life that it's a good transition and acts as a really good cue that bedtime is coming. So maybe a quick bath topped off with nursing and then into the crib, will really help set the stage for nighttime sleep.

Just remember that actually the more well-rested a baby is during the day, the better off their nighttime sleep is going to be. They won't be overtired and that's really what you want to be watching out for, especially with a newborn.

I hope that helps, Lisa. Thank you for your question and sleep well!

Could This Indicate Separation Anxiety?

Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of the Sleep Sense Program.
This weeks question comes from Jody who writes:

“My twelve month old has been sleeping through the night for over eight months. Lately he’s been waking and needs to be held and reassured by his mom and dad until he goes back to sleep. Could this be separation anxiety? And what should we do?”

It could be separation anxiety Jody, but you’ll also want to be really cautious about your expectations for him as far as sleep goes. Little set backs can happen from time to time and because he’s twelve months old he might be learning to walk or to perfect that skill so that will often cause a bit of a sleep regression.

The best way to handle it might be to first give him a few minutes and see if he is going to settle on his own. It’s really common for babies to have something called a partial arousal where they will wake in the night and even cry for a few minutes and then go right back to sleep again. When parents go in they’ll find that their eyes are still closed and that they really do look like they are still sleeping. So, you don’t need to rush in right away; give it a couple minutes and see if he’s going to do this more on his own.

Then go in and if you want to, you can sit by the crib and tell him it’s still night, lay him down a few times and just encourage him to go back to sleep. I definitely wouldn’t take him out of the crib and I certainly wouldn’t start rocking him, because my guess would be that the more that that happens the more likely he is to start waking up looking for it over and over again.

Also Jody, have a look at how he falls asleep at bed time. If you’re rocking him to sleep at bed time, my guess is you’re going to have to make a big change to that too because he’s got a rocking-sleep association started there and he’ll just keep waking up through the night looking for that same thing again. So keep an eye on bedtime, make sure he’s falling asleep on his own there and then for the night wakings it’s fine to go in and it’s absolutely fair if he’s having a bit of separation anxiety that you make your presence known. Tell him everything’s fine and that it’s still nighttime. If you want to come in and out and check on him every five minutes that’s perfectly fine as well. Just be very careful that you don’t start messing with his own strategies and rocking him to sleep etc.; keep him in that crib and it should blow over.

He knows how to sleep well already because he’s been doing it all this time, so he probably just needs a nudge in the right direction to get back on track! As long as you’re fairly consistent and firm with what you’re expectations are, (mainly that he go to sleep for the night) he should get back on track with that really quickly.

So thanks for your question Jody. Good luck; sleep well!

How Can I Stop My 11-Month-Old From Waking At 5 A.M.?

Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program.

This week’s question comes from Lauren and she asks:

“My 11 month-old wakes at 5:00 a.m. and I know she is still sleepy. She’s awake for a few hours but is usually fussy until her morning nap. How can I get her to sleep later?”

That is a great question, Lauren and again a very popular one! It’s a pretty common problem for babies to be waking up just a bit too early. If they still seem cranky and tired then an hour or two more sleep in the morning would definitely be beneficial.

The first thing I would look at, with your 11 month-old is ensuring that she has the skills for sleeping well on her own. She should be going to sleep on her own or independently sleeping through the night without any kind of prop. Sometimes a soother is a tricky one because maybe the baby sleeps through most of the night with the soother, but will often wake in the early morning hours only to not really be able to get themselves back to sleep. Even with some help from the soother, it can still be difficult for them.

Firstly, make sure that those issues are not problems for you. In the first few weeks of sleep training, or making sleep changes, it’s pretty common for a baby to have some early morning wake-ups. If they slept from 7:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m., and that’s the first time in their lives that they’ve slept that length of time, they might wake up at 5:00 a.m. and feel pretty good. What I would suggest you do is make 6:00 a.m. the earliest you would consider getting her up. If she wakes at 5:00 a.m., go in fairly quickly and tell her it’s still nighttime, lay her down, cuddle her up and either stay in the room or leave, until at least 6:00 a.m. rolls around. If she goes back to sleep, that’s great. If not then get her out at 6:00 a.m. and make a big deal about it being morning. Turn the lights on, open the blinds, take her out of the bedroom and down to your kitchen for breakfast and then keep her up for the few hours until her nap time.

Usually, if you make 6:00 a.m. your cutoff, a baby will, over time, start making the transition themselves to closer to 6:00 a.m. A 6am wake up might be as much as you can expect, but most babies generally wake in between 6:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m. once they’re sleeping good and solidly through the night.

It’ll take time though. It’s usually the last thing that happens in sleep training so give it a few weeks. It’s not going to happen dramatically and keep an eye on bedtimes. Common mistakes parents make is that they start trying to push bedtime later and later and later and hope that she’s going to sleep in. Most babies do not sleep in and regardless of when they go down; they’re going to wake up in the morning at the same time more or less. Only now, they have missed some sleep, so they’re going to wake up even grumpier. So don’t do too much with bed time, that’s not usually the problem.

I hope that helps a bit Lauren and thanks for your question! Sleep well!

How Do I Get My 12-Month-Old Out Of My Bed?

Hi! I'm Dana Obleman, creator of the Sleep Sense Program.
This week's question comes from Sue and she asks:

"My 12 month old wakes up every night and will not go back to sleep unless I bring her to my bed. How do I break this habit that's beginning?"

Well Sue, I want you to first have a look at how Leila falls asleep at bedtime. That's really where 99 percent of the problems fall is how children fall asleep at bedtime

First of all, you want to make sure that there's a really clear and consistent bedtime routine. Moving in a step by step order, the same every night, so that what it becomes is a cue that it's time for bed. Next, you want to make sure that your 12 month old has the skills for sleeping well on their own. You definitely shouldn't do things like rocking or bottle feeding/nursing to sleep. Once the routine is in place you should put her into her crib awake.

In the Sleep Sense Program there's a guideline for staying in the room if that's your choice, (if that's what you feel the best about then you should stay in the room and be supportive. Just be careful though, that there's nothing you're doing that's actually putting her to sleep. In other words, if you're patting her back until she falls asleep you might find that you've now incorporated yourself into her strategy so you're then going to be expected to go in there and pat her back again every time she wakes in the night.

The skill of sleeping is absolutely hers and hers alone and once she starts putting those pieces together and figuring out a way to do this on her own, then she'll be much less likely to rely on you to do it for her. Bedtime is the first place to start. As for when she wakes in the night and especially when you would normally bring her into your bed, if that's not where you want her to be then you just have to stop doing that. Go in and sit with her (and be calm and supportive) but let her fall asleep on her own; I suggest not bringing her to your bed at any time. What a lot of moms will sometimes do is think that at 5:00 in the morning it’s okay to bring my baby to bed with me so they can sleep the last couple of hours. The parent knows what they are doing but the baby doesn't so what I find tends to happen in this situation, is that 5:00am becomes 4:30, which becomes 4:00am, and so on. It just starts pushing earlier and earlier until the baby's in your bed half the night again! If that's what your baby prefers, then you're probably going find that it's hard to get them to go to sleep initially as well, because they'd rather be in your bed.

In a sense, just sleeping beside a parent can too become a prop because that's the only way the baby becomes used to falling asleep and staying asleep; really they're not doing it independently. They're still relying on you in some way. It'll definitely be work and it's going to take a week or two to get her on track with going to sleep on her own and sleeping through the night in her own crib. However, if you truly don't want her in your bed, it's best to do it now, because it does tend to get a little harder as the child gets older; they have more expectations about what you're going to do.
Now is a great time to make the switch and I find those are the best ways to do it.

Thanks for your question. Sleep well!

How To Wean Your Two Year Old Off Nighttime Feeds

Hi there!

I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program.

This week’s question is from Hailey, who says:

“Charlie George always wants a drink in the night and he goes mad if his pacifier falls out of his mouth. He’s going to be 2 in December. Please help me!”

This is another very common question. A lot of toddlers wake for bottles or pacifiers, in the night. The main thing you need to think about Hailey is when you put Charlie George to bed at night. You want to make sure that while he can have a bottle in his routine, once the bedtime routine is finished you are putting Charlie George in his crib without a bottle and without his pacifier.

I know a lot of sleep specialists have said that a soother is okay in the night but what a lot of babies and toddlers run into is that if the actual act of falling asleep is done with a soother in their mouths and they wake in the night with no soother, they usually need someone to come in and help make the journey back into sleep.

If you’re lucky, your toddler will be able to find his soother on his own in the night and get it back but most children, especially babies, cannot. So, my best advice to you is to teach Charlie George how to sleep without a soother and when you do your bedtime routine, put him in his crib with no soother.

Now, of course you’re going to go through a night or a few nights of protest, from Charlie George but follow the steps in the program where you stay in the room to be supportive, and he will learn a new way to fall asleep. Then, when he wakes in the night, he won’t be looking for his soother any more because he’ll already know what to do to get himself back to sleep! Similar with a bottle. If he’s waking for a bottle in the night, you want to make sure he’s not falling asleep with that bottle at bedtime and that he’s learning the skills for getting himself to sleep, right from the get-go. If he wakes in the night, I wouldn’t be giving him a bottle, especially if he is well over the age of 1. He’s going be 2 soon so I would suggest you just go into his room, tell him it’s still night and not offer a bottle.

I hope that helps, and thanks for your question Hailey! Sleep well.

Do You Need To Soothe Your Baby Back To Sleep?

Hi! I'm Dana Obleman, creator of the Sleep Sense Program.

This question comes from Ella who writes:

“Why does my 13 month old wake up between the hours of 2:00 and 4:00 and just needs to be patted right back to sleep? I don't take him out of the crib but it takes a toll on me to stand over him and pat his back until he falls asleep again.”

Well Ella, you want to think about how Ethan falls asleep at bedtime. If you find that part of your bedtime routine includes putting him in his crib and then standing above him patting his back, in a way he's falling asleep on his own but in another way he's not.

It sounds like he's incorporated your patting into his strategy for sleep so that when he wakes up in the night, he's thinking “I'm awake. I’d like to go back to sleep but I need my mom to come back in here and pat me.” It probably doesn't take you too long but I'm sure it takes a toll to get up a few times a night just to go in and pat him.

Again, it's about strategy so even it was a soother or a bottle or you were nursing him every time you went in, in some way Ethan's connected you into his strategy system so that when he wakes he needs a recreation of all that. So, when you put him to bed at bedtime it's okay to pat a little bit but maybe do it more intermittently so that you pat and then you withdraw and then you pat a little more and then you withdraw. Watch carefully and when Ethan actually starts to fall asleep, make sure you're not patting him anymore.

Again, it's going to take him some nights to get used to the difference, especially if he's really dependant on you patting him. He might protest a bit to the change to his strategies but if you're consistent for a week or two, you'll find that you can back away and pat him a little bit less and a little bit less each night so that eventually you can just put him in the crib and he'll be able to do the whole thing by himself.

Good luck with that, Ella. Thank you for your question and sleep well.