Help! My Child Is Back In My Bed!

Click on the 'Play' button above to start video!

Hi, I’m Dana Obleman, creator of “The Sleep Sense Program.” This week’s question comes from Brenda, and she writes, “I had used The Sleep Sense Program and had gotten my child to sleep through the night, but then he got a cold and was up a lot. Now, he has gotten over his cold but he still wants to be up all night. How do I start to get him back on track or teach him the skills to sleep on his own?”

Well, that is a great question Brenda and that is one that is probably going to come up for everyone at some point. Sickness, colds, flus, can sometimes disrupt a baby’s sleep patterns. And absolutely if a baby is sick they are going to need your comfort and they are going to need your attention, but I always caution that you want to be fairly careful how you respond. You do not want to “rock the boat” too much that you undo all your hard work.

So the best advice if you are dealing with a child who is sick is definitely go in when you hear them in the night. If you need to, go ahead and take them out of the crib and have some cuddles and give them Tylenol, wipe their nose. Do all the things you need to do and once they are settled and calm again, go back to their crib and they should go in there awake.

The good news is that most babies -- once they have their own skills for sleeping -- they do not tend to like anyone to interfere with them. So even if you tried to rock your sick baby to sleep, they’ll probably accept the comfort but at some point they will indicate that they want to go back to their crib or start pushing away or arching their backs. And that is usually a good sign that they have had enough cuddling and now they would like to go back to sleep.

So just be really cautious that you do not try to interfere too much and definitely do not do things like bringing your sick baby to your bed or nursing again in the night if you have stopped. If you want to, offer them some water from a sippy cup just to calm their cough. If you are really concerned about your child, if there is some very serious illness, it is always better that you move to your child’s room rather than moving your child to yours… even if that meant you had to spend the couple of nights on the floor! That would be much less disruptive than having the baby come to your bed. Because a couple of nights in bed with you and she could decide that’s where she wants to be now from now on and six months later she is still on your bed.

So definitely offer comfort when your child is sick, but do not mess around with their “sleep strategies,” and if things totally fall apart through the illness just get right back on track. Start from day one with your program and within seven days you will probably be back on track again.

So thanks for your question, Brenda. I hope that helps, and sleep well!

Help! How Can I Get My TWO Kids Out Of My Bed?

Click on the 'Play' button above to start video!

Hi, I’m Dana Obleman, creator of the Sleep Sense Program. This week’s question comes from Laura and she writes:

“How do I break my two children out of the habit of sleeping in my bed? Their ages are 32 months and 16 months. I know I created this problem by bringing them to my bed when they woke in the night. Then I would bring them to my room after their bath to get them ready for bed. Then they wanted to fall asleep in my bed. Now, it is at the point where they are in my bed all at night! If I try to bring them to their bed, they carry on screaming and crying, each waking up the other one, and they end up back in my bed because they will not stop crying. What can I do?”

Well Laura, you definitely have a big problem on your hands and your bed must be getting very crowded!

The first thing I would do is put the children back into their own rooms. Start with a “step by step” bedtime routine. Perhaps start with a bath and then their pajamas, and then a little snack or a drink of milk, brush their teeth and then they each go to their separate rooms. Now, if you have support with a husband or somebody that can come over and support you through this, it probably makes best sense that one parent handle one child and one parent handle the other child. Otherwise, you will be in a situation where you’ll have to keep going back and forth.

However, I would suggest the best strategy -- given their ages -- is that the 16 month old should definitely be in a crib, as it’s too early for a bed. But since the 32 month old is used to your bed now, you might as well start off in a toddler bed.

Your best bet is going to be the “stay in the room” method, which would involve that for three nights you sit right by her bed, three nights you move further away, three nights a little further so that she gets comfortable with the idea of her own bed and understands that you are not going to be there all night and you can work through it gradually. And you will have to handle it the same for the night wakings.

I find that co-sleeping is an “all or nothing” decision that parents need to make. I’ve found very few children who are accommodating with “part time” co-sleeping, so there is really not an option that one or both of them can come to bed with you once in a while through the night.

So they’ll have to be in their own beds all night long, and it’s probably going to take about two weeks given their ages, with the first few nights being the rough ones. The steps for making this all work are explained in “The Sleep Sense Program,” and the “stay in the room method” is my best suggestion --especially for the toddler. And remember to put your 16 month old in a crib for sure.

So I hope that points you in the right direction, Laura, and good luck with getting your own bed back!

How Can I Wean My Baby Off Night Feeds?

Click the 'Play' button on the video above to watch!

Hi, I’m Dana Obleman, creator of the Sleep Sense Program. This week’s question comes from Pam and she writes, “How do I successfully wean Samuel? He is 16 months old and still nurses throughout the night?”

Well, as long as Samuel is a healthy 16-month-old with no weight issues, there is really no reason why he should be still nursing throughout the night. So there is probably one of two things going on here.

My first guess is that Samuel probably nurses himself to sleep at bedtime, so he therefore wakes up in the night and -- instead of it really being a hunger issue, it is more of a strategy issue. It was the way he got himself to sleep in the first place. So every time he wakes up in the night, he is more than likely expecting you to come in and nurse him back to sleep. The food is a nice side benefit, but the real goal is nursing to sleep. So that is how he needs to keep doing it.

My first suggestion would be that you look at bedtime and you set up a routine. If you want to offer some nursing before bed, that is totally fine, but you have to make sure that Samuel stays awake through the nursing and poke him, talk to him, tickle him, whatever you need to do to keep him awake while he feeds. Then he goes into the crib awake and that is where you’ve got to start.

Another thing that might be happening is Samuel might fall asleep on his own at bedtime, but then still thinks he needs to nurse to sleep during the night. If that is the case, then you’re just going to have to pull the feeds “cold turkey.” The problem with just feeding once in the night is that YOU may understand that you’re just going to feed him once, but HE can’t understand that. He’ll just assume that if he stays awake long enough, maybe you’ll come in and feed him.

So for a baby 6 months or older, the best strategy is “cold turkey.” It is clearer to the baby, it is less confusing to the baby, and it resolves the problem a lot faster.

So those are the two areas you need to focus on, Pam. You can find some help with step-by-step plans in The Sleep Sense Program. Thanks for your question, and sleep well!

Got a question about your child's sleep? Use the form below to send me your question! Then keep an eye on this blog to see if YOUR question was selected to be answered!