How Can I Stop Nursing My Child Back To Sleep At Night?

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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. This week’s question comes from Danielle who writes:

My 13-month-old falls asleep on her own when I first put her to bed but then wakes during the night and screams unless I get her and nurse her back to sleep. How do I get her to put herself back to sleep during the night?

That’s a great question Danielle and it is actually a fairly common problem that children have. The good news is that you have tackled the main issue, which is getting her to fall asleep on her own. It sounds to me like she is capable of using her own skills to put herself to sleep at bedtime but through the night, she has a different association in place. This can be fairly common in that a baby puts themselves to sleep at bedtime but then is nursed back to sleep in the middle of the night. Therefore, they will wake up through the night expecting you to nurse them back to sleep.

Congratulations on getting her to fall asleep! Now, you are going to have to work on what happens through the night. I would either do the stay in the room method (outlined in the Sleep Sense Program) or a variation of leaving and checking on her. Definitely pull the a night feeds, but the only way to do that is cold turkey. If you try to wean her or just nurse once during the night, you will find that she wakes up all over the place. It’s then likely she’ll be crying for long periods of time, waiting for that “magic time” where you are going to nurse her.

If you are not totally comfortable pulling the feeds cold turkey, you could just go down to one but you have to have to keep her awake through the nurse. Go in, get her up, feed her quickly and business like. Keep her awake (poke her, tickle her, talk to her) through the feed and then put her back into the crib awake. That way, she will probably start disassociating the nursing with the getting back to sleep part and she might stop waking up for the nursing because it is not really getting her back to sleep anyway. You should still be expecting her to do that part on her own. So the two choices there are to pull the feeds cold turkey, (which would be my best advice) or cut down to just one, keeping her awake then back to the crib and that will probably solve your problem.

Thanks for that question, Danielle and sleep well.

Almost 2 and still not sleeping through!

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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of the Sleep Sense Program. This week’s question comes from Michael who writes:

“My 19 and a half month old child goes to sleep at 7:00 p.m. with a pacifier. He then wakes any time from 2:00 a.m. on and generally will not go back down unless I bring him to bed with me. When I try to soothe him on his own, he wakes again shortly after.

We started putting him in a single bed which he seems to like but he is still waking up one or two times a night. How do I get him to sleep through the night?”

Moving a toddler to a bed is a common choice parents make when things are not going well. They think “maybe if we move him to a bed, he will sleep better; he’ll like it more.” That is probably your first mistake. I would definitely put him back in his crib as I do not suggest moving toddlers to beds until they are at least 2 ½, perhaps even closer to 3.

I have a son turning 3 in November and he is still in a crib because I just think that the older they are, the better they are able to understand the implications of a bed. You will have a better luck keeping him in his room and you won’t have a night time visitor either. At his age, I would suspect that within a month’s time, he is going to be getting out of his bed a lot and coming to find you. I would definitely move him back to his crib.

Secondly, get rid of the pacifier. If a baby uses something to suck themselves to sleep (whether it is a pacifier, a bottle or a breast) that is the vehicle that takes them into sleep when they are falling asleep at night. Therefore, they will probably wake a few times in the night and want you to come in and sort of recreate the whole environment that got them to sleep in the first place. I am guessing there are probably times where you do go in and just pop that pacifier back into his mouth and he settles but it sounds like he has got a couple of things on the go.

One is that he uses that pacifier and the second is that he wants to come to bed with you. What I would do is start at bed time. Go through your routine, and put him in the crib without the pacifier. You can either leave and check on him or do the stay in the room method that is outlined in the Sleep Sense Program and teach him how to fall asleep without that soother. Then when he wakes in the night, you can just follow the guidelines. Wait five or 10 minutes to see if he will settle on his own and then go in and reassure him that everything is fine. However, do not give him back the pacifier and do not bring him to bed with you; I would suspect that within a week or two, he should be confident with getting himself to sleep at night and begin sleeping through.

That is my best advice to you, Michael. I hope that helps! Thanks for your question and sleep well.