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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This weeks question deals with an older toddler who is staying up MUCH too late at night! Katie writes:
“My son is going to be three years old next month and will not go to sleep any earlier than midnight. He has all sorts of energy at night and he just cannot fall asleep. I would make his bedtime 9:00 or 10:00 but he does not end up falling asleep until two or three hours later. When he wakes up in the morning, he is exhausted. How do I get him to fall asleep earlier?”
Wow, midnight is very late! Even 9:00 or 10:00 pm is still too late. What happens with all people, adults included, is something called our Circadian Rhythm and it is basically our rhythm of daytime alertness and nighttime sleep. Even throughout the course of the day, we take little dips, around the 10:00am hour, most people feel a little bit of a fatigue. Again in the afternoon, around 2:00 or 3:00pm, we feel a little dip in our rhythm and another dip happens right around the dinner hour. Around 7ish or 7:30pm, we usually feel fairly tired but then we catch a second wind and that carries us through until our normal bedtime. What I’m guessing is happening is that your three-year-old is catching the second wind and what often happens during a second wind (especially in a three-year-old) is that they seem really hyper.
They are running around and are usually in a great mood, fun to be with, giggling easily, being a bit silly and really hyper. A lot of people think, “He just does not seem tired”, and “Look how hyper and happy he is.” but that could be because you waited too long and now overtiredness and hyperactivity is setting in. It is going to be all the harder for him to calm down and get to that place he needs to be, in order for sleep to come. So I am going to suggest something pretty radical here, and that is to move his bedtime up to 7:30pm. I can already tell that you are probably cringing and thinking ‘that is just craziness’ but honestly, he should be in bed by about 7:30 or 8:00pm at the very latest. Anything past 8:00pm and I would be worrying that a second wind is going to get caught and he is going to be acting hyper.
Have you have ever had a night where you are really overtired and you climb into bed when you know you are exhausted but you cannot get to sleep? You are tossing and turning and you feel fidgety. It’s almost like you feel like you drank too much coffee right before bed; a jittery feeling. It is the same for a child and so that is going to make it even harder for him.
So back way up and start with a nice bedtime routine that is about a half an hour long, after dinner.
Get him into a bath, and then jammies. Have a couple of stories and maybe a little snack, something like yogurt or a piece of cheese, and then into that bed. If he needs help falling asleep, (you have not really said exactly how he ends up falling asleep) but if he needs you to stay, then do not actually crawl into bed with him, just sit beside the bed or just leave and check on him. It might take him awhile to fall asleep because it sounds to me like he probably just crashes out of pure exhaustion at the end of the day. He probably does not really know what to do with himself in the time that it takes actually let sleep come, and you might need to go in and check on him or return him to his bed a few times. Make sure there are consequences for coming out. If he comes out once, that’s okay. Give him one warning, “Do not come out again…” or else something will happen. One consequence I like to suggest is that you close the door.
Meaning you just close a door and hold it closed for a few minutes, just to send the message that it is the consequence for coming out and then give him another chance to make a great choice. If he comes out again close the door for a few more minutes. Each time he comes out, you close the door for a little bit longer, until he realizes that he does not like it and decides “I am going to stay in my bed.” Another thing you should be watching out for is television. In our house we have a “no TV after dinner” rule. I think TV is very mind stimulating. No video games right before bed either. It’s best to start winding things down right after the dinner hour. When it is bedtime, you could even do some bedtime reward charts with him. A three-year-old can definitely understand that there is a reward for going to bed on time and that if he cooperates through his routine, he might get little stickers or rewards for that. If he stays in his bed all night, there would be a reward for that.
So yes, you’ve got to move bedtime up. It is way too late and if he is getting up in the morning for school or daycare, or because you need to get ready for work, he should be sleeping between 11 to 12 hours a night. So if he is not going to bed until midnight, he really should not be getting up the next day until noon and that is just not really going to work in this world. He should be going to bed no later than 8:00pm and sleeping till about 7:00 or 8:00 in the morning. Another great idea to do is put a digital clock in his room and cover over the minutes so that all he can see is the hour. Then start talking about the number seven or the number eight.
The number eight means bedtime and the number seven means wake up time, and nobody is allowed to get up until the clock says seven. He goes to bed when it says eight and it gives him a bit of a time frame for when bedtime is and when morning is. It will help get his clock back on track, and help him going to bed early.
I hope that helps and good luck with that… Thanks and sleep well!
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