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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
A “sleep prop” is any external thing that your child needs in order to fall asleep, like a bottle or a soother… but it is possible for a parent to become a sleep prop too!
Bonnie wrote to me and asked:
“My daughter is 32 months old and has been in a toddler bed for several months now. Before we switched her to the bed, I had to rub her back until she fell asleep, otherwise she’d crawl out of her crib and come to our room. I am still having to sit next to her bed and rub her back until she falls asleep and this can be anywhere from five to 30 minutes. We do read books under a lamp for a few minutes before we turn out the lights. How can I turn off the lamp and walk out without her chasing after me?”
Bonnie rubbing her daughter’s back has become a sleep prop for her child. Sleep props come in all different shapes and sizes. They can be a bottle, a breast, a pacifier, and in this case, back rubbing. I had one client whose son would play with a mole on her neck until he fell asleep. Anything, even a mole, can become a sleep prop.
A sleep prop is something we tell ourselves we need in order to get to sleep. Even adults have them. I’ve had clients tell me that they can’t sleep unless a fan is going or a window is open “just so” or they’re not wearing socks. It’s not that you can’t sleep without these things; you can. But you’ve told yourself, convinced yourself, that you can’t, and the idea of trying to do without them causes so much anxiety that you hardly ever bother.
Adults and children both have sleep props. Bonnie rubbing her daughter’s back has become a sleep prop, and the child has convinced herself “I can’t get to sleep unless mommy rubs my back.” This is a great time to break the connection between back rubbing and falling asleep.
Bonnie has to encourage her daughter to find her own personal ways to get to sleep, to internalize her sleep strategy so that she can fall asleep by herself. Her child can get to the point where she thinks “I can do it by myself. It’s what I do to get myself to sleep at night.”
Introduce some sort of object to which the child might form a bit of an attachment. Perhaps you could pick up a new stuffed toy or a special blanket, something that becomes her “bedtime buddy” without really forcing the issue. Bonnie’s daughter hasn’t needed one because she’s had her mom’s back rubbing. But now we’re going to stop the back rubbing and replace it with something else, which will work out fine eventually.
Bonnie should do her bedtime routine like she normally does, but when it gets to the point where she’s turning out the lights and rubbing her daughter’s back, she should sit where she usually would sit, but not rub her child’s back.
Bonnie can ease the transition a little by intermittently rubbing her back for the first three nights. She could rub her for a bit and then stop for a couple of minutes. Rub her back, and then stop. Her daughter will notice and probably motion to her or say something to indicate that she wants her mom to rub her, but at this point mom is going to repeat the phrase that “It’s sleepy time now.” We don’t want to make a big deal out of it; we’re just going to quit doing it. We’re going to quit lolling her to sleep with the back rubbing.
On the fourth night, Bonnie should move her chair back about five feet from the bed. Now, there is no more touching at all, but she’ll stay there in the room until her daughter is asleep. Not rubbing her back or touching her in any way will be met with some protest, but it’s important to remain firm and repeat the key phrase until she goes to sleep without the back rubbing.
After a couple of nights with the chair in the middle of the room, move to the door and stay there for three more nights. No more back rubbing or touching in any way, just repeating the key phrase.
By now, Bonnie’s child has had several nights of practicing how to get to sleep without her mom’s help. It should be a relatively smooth transition when mom actually leaves the room all together.
If there is any night waking, you would handle it in much the same way. Go back to the chair, say your key phrase over and over, and keep touching to a very minimum if any at all, with absolutely no back rubbing. We want to encourage the child to experiment with ways to fall asleep that are all her own, ways that don’t involve mom in any way.
This really is a great skill for children to learn, that could grow and carry on throughout childhood. What could happen if the back rubbing, the sleep prop, doesn’t stop now? Bonnie’s daughter could become a four-year-old who still needs her back rubbed, then a five-year-old who needs her back rubbed before she falls asleep. And that could interfere in other things as well, like having a sleepover or going to a friend’s house for the night. Imagine the anxiety of her thinking “Oh, oh. I can’t do that because my mom won’t be there to rub my back.” Stopping the back rubbing, the “mommy as my sleep prop” is a good step to take and to take now,
If he’s helpful and supportive, you can also share this journey with your husband. Why couldn’t he spend alternating nights in the chair in your child’s room? You do one night, he does the next and so on. Your child might actually prefer daddy over mommy in this case. Again, it’s a good idea to make this a parent guided activity, and you should make it a rule to introduce your husband into this and other activities as well. With both parent’s participation, soon you all will sleep well.
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
very good advice. I’m going to try this with my 14 month old who gets up 3x night and wants to nurse. I have two girls and they share a room so the other concern i have is waking the older girl.
I am a new mother of a 6 week old baby. I have been attempting to get him to fall asleep by himself. He has been needing to be rocked to sleep, and even then, the moment he is put in his crib he wakes up. So, I have been trying the leave and check technique. It has been taking on average 1.5-2 hours for my son to fall asleep. It gets to the point where I can’t leave- he comes unglued the minute his head touches the mattress, and falls asleep as soon as i pick him up. The same thing happens when he wakes up to nurse, or with naps. He also falls asleep while nursing, even if he has just woken up from a nap. I try everything to keep him awake- even cold washcloths! I have also tried leaving him to cry and see if he will settle, but don’t like to leave him longer than 10-15 min. My son and I are averaging 5-6 hours of (interrupted) sleep per night, and his daytime naps are very short- unless he’s in the swing, or he’s on the car or stroller. I am desperate for more sleep, and I know he needs it too! Can you offer any suggestions for me? Should I just bite the bullet and let him cry, or is he still too young? HELP!!
Dear Dana
We have been trying the ‘gradual retreat’ with our 21-month old girl for about 3 weeks now. We have succedded in her going to sleep by herself with one of us just sitting in a chair next to the door. This technique hasn’t stopped her from waking up a couple of times at night though and crying even if we sit on the chair. She used to be able to go to bed and either sleep through the night or maybe wake up briefly once, but after my husband was away for 2 weeks and she was teething, she starting not going to her cot and crying and screaming all night! I had to take her to bed with me so that both of us could get some sleep and since he’s back home we’ve been trying this technique (which hasn’t stopped her from crying, so it’s not proved to be a no-cry solution). These days, she goes to bed with one of us sitting on the chair, but she wakes up around 2 am and then about 5.30 am, befoer waking up at 6.30 for good! Is there any way we can improve it? If we try to put the chair outside her room she just stands up and cry, so it’s a bit like the control crying technique, which we don’t particulary like…
Thank you!
Vicky
I have a 2 yr 8 month old who I have co-slept with since she was BORN! It started off great… I breastfed for 14 months so feedings in the night went well and no one in the house lost sleep! Co-sleeping worked for me and my husband and it still doesn’t really bother us, but having an almost 3 yr old in your bed with two adults is getting quite cramped, even in a King sized bed! So a couple months ago I initiated the “your going to sleep in your toddler bed now” plan, but in order for this to work I would have to lay down with her and she also uses my hair as a “prop” or “security blanket” (this has been since she was an infant). She will twist and tease my hair with her fingers. (which can be quite annoying when your trying to eat or watch tv, or anything really). So that worked… well until anywhere between 12am-4am when she comes running/crying into our room. Instead of taking her back to her bed my husband and I would just pick her up and throw her in the middle of us. Then I decided I would just lay on the floor and not in the toddler bed until she fell asleep, worked until again, 12am-4am in the morning when she comes pitter pattering into our room. So I tried the whole putting her in the bed and letting her scream it out and just picking her up putting her back in bed, back and forth we went for almost 2 hours!! My husband is a softy and was actually YELLING at me to just go lay down with her. I was exhausted and put her in her bed and I laid on the floor until she fell asleep and then she was again in our bed by 3am. Currently, just yesterday, so this is the second night, I took her old crib mattress and put it on the floor in our room and she has whined a little but as long as I am in the room she seems to sleep all night and even cried this morning when I tried to move her into my bed while I took a shower. She wanted to sleep in “her bed” on the floor. I need help! I know I have made the rookie “mistakes” from the beginning, but I feel like I should get Nanny 911 or Supernanny in here cause neither me or my husband can take screaming and crying, but she cant sleep on our floor forever. I at least feel with the mattress on the floor she is learning to put herself to sleep without me in the bed with her and her having to play with my hair, but I also know I am just substituting one bad habit for another. Instead of me moving out of her room slowly can I just keep moving her mattress across the house back to her room slowly? LOL
My 23 month old is still sleeping w/me and has outgrown his crib (he’s tall for his age). I am ready to move him into his room – bought a todder bed and everything. I intend to do the sitting by the bed routine but I know that he is going to be getting out of his bed and climbing up on me. How can I stop that? He tries to ‘climb up’ me now when he gets upset about things and it will only be easier to reach me when I’m sitting down.
Hi Dana,
I have a 16 month old son named Zach. For about 2 months now we have had issues with his night sleeping. He has started to wake at different intervals during the night. We go in and resettle him and go back to bed. Sometimes he will be so upset around 4/5am I will just take him back to bed with me to get some sleep. I do not get much sleep when he is in our bed, as he is quite restless. He never used to do this before or only every now and then. He was sleeping from 7.30am to 7/7.30am.
He stopped using the dummy a bit before this began plus he has not been sleeping much at daycare during the day.( he attends 3 days ) He will sleep around 30 to 50 mins a day and then he wants up.
I am finding the constant resettling and working very tiring, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
thanks
My daughter, Naomi, is 4 month old. She wasn’t having troubles sleeping on her own until maybe a month ago. I used to wait until she was half asleep and then put her to bed with her soother (if need be) and let her sleep on her own in her crib. She had been doing this routine since she was one month old, but always had a trouble going to bed early. Now, for the past month, she can’t seem to sleep on her own! She’s not even willing to go to bed before 10pm, her bed times range from 10pm to 1 am depending on how rough the night is. Usually it’s because she seems to have a lot of gas — even if I try giving her gripe water to ease it, she seems to like warmth and pressure on her stomach. It’s now a challenge to get her to go to bed and she won’t even let her father put her to sleep now. Her father used to put her to sleep every night or nearly every night, and since he’s been working lately — it’s only been me. I can tell she’s getting strong attachment issues with me and the best I’ve been able to do is get her to sleep in the car seat in my room until she’s in a deep sleep then move her to her crib…
I don’t know how to make her fall asleep on her own. It seems like the only way she can go to sleep is after eating her bottle…she can fall asleep without me holding her if she has just eaten — and that seems to be her big crutch — the food before bed which in turn creates more gas which then means she’ll wake up at night to burp, etc etc.
How can I transition her to sleep on her own, without me, her bottle, soother, etc? If I read to her, she gets too stimulated — she LOVES the sound of my voice! If I sing, she tries to talk back and will laugh/smile the whole time I sing. If I touch her face she’ll get relaxed but not enough to be in a deep sleep. Her patterns are so chaotic right now!
My goal: I want her to sleep in her crib 8pm –> 8am… Eat, burp, bath, play time. Nap time 10am –> 1pm, playtime between 1pm and 3pm, 3pm–>5pm, up till 7:30, get ready for bed and out by 8. Repeat. Is that an appropriate schedule? If so, how can I reach it?
Current pattern: Sleeps right after bottle. anytime between 10pm –> 1am, can wake up. Needs 60mL tops to go back to sleep, will go out for the night, wakes up any time between 5:30 and 8:30am. If it’s anytime before 6:30, all she’ll want is her soother, anytime after, she’ll want food. Again, 60mL and back out until 10:30am/12:30pm. Up until 4 or 5pm, nap 5 to 6pm/9:30pm… up until 10pm->1am. Repeat.
Doctor says it’s normal. No advice.
I think she might be teething –> she’s drooling A LOT and massaging her gums helps, she has sharp gums on a few spots of her mouth where white is starting to show through the skin. Is it the teething keeping her awake? UGH SO MANY FACTORS!!! HELP!!!
David has no trouble going to sleep on his own after a book is read. He does take a toy or teddy or his book to bed but not the same one each night. The problem is that after about 2 hours he wakes up crying, usually frightened but will go back to sleep once he has been talked to. This may happen 0-7 times in a night. He does not leave his bed. How can i help him sleep peacefully? Thanks
I can relate to one of the stories of being a single mom and having her child fall asleep with her.. this is the same for me and my son who is 26 months old.. we always shared a room.. now I want him to sleep in his own bed.. but he gets up in the night and cries till I get him.. I get so tired as I work daily and am up at 5 .. its hard to stay awake at night to train him and get the sleep I need for work as well
My 19 month old son has never been a good sleeper from the time he was born. I think its worse now than when he was born. He has a regular routine at bed time that includes bath,books,then he likes to have a sippy cup of milk and usually falls asleep with it around 8:30 or 9:00. He co-sleeps with me because i gave up on the crib idea after 3 consistant months . Hes been with me since he was 9 months old and at first it helped but now he wakes up at least 4 times a night . he sits up like its morning and i try to pretend im sleeping but he starts crying “up” and it takes me sometimes an hour to get him tired again. If i let him cry it out he cries so hard he throws up. ive tried talking it out but nothing works I wake up at 3:45 for my job and im always exhausted please help what can i do?
8 My month old daughter is now falling asleep on her own which is excellent. The next thing I would like to tackle is getting her to stop nighttime nursing. She goes down at 7:30 and nurses at around 11, 3 am and again at 6 am. I understand that breast-fed babies don’t go as long between feedings but I am sure she could go without the 3 am nurse! What should I do?
Hi Dana,
i have a 7 month old boy, he is not slepping throught the night, i will put him down at 9 then he will keep waking up crying when i go to his cot, i manage to sit there with him and put him back to sleep half an hour later again the same thing i keep doing this 3 times at the end i put him in my bed and he slleps all night with me, he always wants someone next to him like he feels insecure by himself i dont know what to do anymore and i cant keep doing this, any solutins? thank you
Day light savings is coming in the next few months. We turn our clocks back one hour. How do we turn our baby back an hour without her waking up an hour earlier than usual?
Hi Dana,
my son Owen is 11 months now and he wakes up anywhere from 2-5 times during the night since he was about 6 months old. He is a VERY restless sleeper and all his tossing and turning, fliping and floping ends up putting him in a seated position in his crib which startles him and he begins to cry, but as soon as i go in and lay him back down he falls right back to sleep which is great but like i said, it’s 2-5 times a night, every night and i’m not getting proper sleep and neither is owen. please help.
My son is 5 1/2 months, he relys on me to put him to sleep with holding the dummy in his mouth and while patting him on the back, sometimes it takes 10mins sometimes it can take half an hour or more if he’s trying to fight it. After he’s alseep he does not sleep a long period of time during the day, at night he has his longer sleep of 7-8 hours but over the last week he’s been waking up and I have to go in and put him back to sleep. I know that the dummy is an issue but I don’t know how to get him to sleep any other way because he will just continue to cry. I’m so exaghausted and just wish there were a way for him to fall asleep on his own.
Hi, jesse is nearly 10 months ols and every time i put him to bed, i tuck him in and leave and as soon as i leave the room he pulls himself up on his cot at screams and will not go to sleep unless i lie with him in my bed. How do i get him into a routine of going to bed alone?
Our daughter Catherine is 7ys old – her problem is that she won’t sleep in her own bed for the entire night. She will fall asleep in her own bed but after a couple of hours will always wake up and want to go into our bed. Any suggestions on how we can get her to stay in her bed the whole night ??
my son is 24 months old and i have a 3 week old baby as well my son has always slept well he goes to bed between 7.30 and 8 pm and normaly wakes between 6 and 7 am wich is fine as we get up around then any way but latly he has been getting up between 4.30 and 5.30 am we do not know what is waking him as the baby dose not wake him any other time he only has 1 hours nap at 10.30 /11 am every moring wich he has on the couch with me sat next too him and we do nothing but read him a story for bed but when he wakes he will not go back too sleep we have tried everything getting up putting him back when ever he gets up but that just goes on till 7 in the morning and then it too early for him to go too sleep please help as this is starting too efect him he his grumpy and wingy all the time any help please thank you mary
Hi Dana-
I have a very strong-willed 17 month old son that will sleep all night on most nights once he gets to sleep. The problem is getting him there! He is up usually by 6:30-7AM regardless of when he falls asleep, takes one nap a day around 1PM that may last for about 2 hours. We’ve recently weaned him from his bottle and are having a tough time finding a bedtime routine ( I used to rock him asleep with the bottle). He cries and screams endlessly when we just lay him in his crib- sometimes for over an hour! I hate that he has to cry himself to sleep every night. What we have begun doing is putting in his favorite video and he watches that until he’s udderly exhausted and drifts off. That may be 10-10:30PM! I don’t want him to become dependent on the TV and need a good routine that will work for both of us so he can go to bed peacefully and I can go to bed with peace of mind. Please help!!!
My son Riley is 15 months old and is still having trouble putting himself to sleep. I rocked him till he was about 5 months old then stopped that. Until a couple of weeks ago we were in a 1 bedroom apartment so he got used to us being in the room with him. I have tried the sleep seperation method you talk about but can only seem to get to the door. Once I am out of site he screams and will not stop till he can see me then immediately lays down and shortly after will fall asleep. How can I get him to sleep without having to be in the room? I have also tried to leave and come back but when I do that he just screams even louder when I come in and when I leave. HELP!!!
My daughter Caterina will be 2 next month. I have to lay down with her anywhere from 5 min. to 1 1/2 hours and wakes up at least every 2 hours during the night. I have to nurse her when she wakes up during the night because she will just lay there and scream. I try to tell her close your eyes and go back to sleep but she just criesuntil i nurse her. I don’t know what to do PLEASE HELP.
my baby girl is 9 months now.she sleeps light,takes a nap in the morning for about 10 minutes.she might sleep in the afternoon for 1-2 hrs,but not everyday.during this 2 hrs,she opens her eyes and only go back to sleep on her own,if she finds me beside her on bed.night time, i give her a bath around 10pm and she sleeps fitfully for 1-2 hrs,then she wakes up evry 1 hr or so and only goes back to sleep,by breast feeding or by sitting on a rocker.how can i remove her from the breast or rocker andget her to sleep on her own.she wakes up at the slightest noice
sleep deprived soniya
Dear Dana,
I also have a 5 month old, Lacey-marie. who was sleeping 12hrs from her 6pm bottle. who now has been waking any where from 3-4 times a night as early as 12am. After giving her her dummy she is settled and back off to sleep, but am also slowly introducing soilds once a day and am not sure if it is this that is making her unsettled or just wonting her dummy back when it is not there. am tired of going back and forth all night. Is it to soon to try to take her dummy away?
my girl is 5 months old. She only has 3 – 45 min to 1 hour naps through the day and is sleeping 10 to 11 hours a night. She will wake up once during the night and it’s always between 4-6 am. She uses a pacifier and we’re trying to break this habit. Any suggestions?
Dana,
I bought your sleep sense book when my son was 8 months old and it worked wonderfully. My son now falls asleep all on his own and loves his routine. He is also a great napper.
However, in the last month he has started waking up in the middle of the night. Sometimes once and sometimes twice. It takes as long as 2 hours for him to go back to sleep. I don’t know what has caused this change. He is teething but doesn’t complain about pain during the day. What should I do to help him go back to sleep? Do I do anything at all or just let him cry?
I have 8 months old baby. She has to be held to sleep and put to crib (in our room, but seperate bed). She has hernia and we cannot let her cry out. She also wakes up couple of times at night time. I’ve never had a good sleep since she was born. Are there any tips for her to sleep at her own without making her cry out? I am still nursing her. So, we don’t put her into seperate room. Please advice.
My 1 month old has acid reflux. The doctor wants him to sleep upright. He was doing better with his reflux but now he cries a lot more and spits up more. He is not sleeping as well. I am not sure if I should go back to the doctor or if he will just out grow it.
i have a 9 month old boy – jordan – who goes down in his cot to sleep really well during the day – he”s asleep within 10 mins on his own with no help from me and no crying but at night he screams from the time i walk out of the room and this can go on for about an hour – why is it harder for him to go to sleep on his own at night
dear dana,
my son feyam in 11months.and he never sleep at night properly.he wakes up every 1hour or 2 hours that mean 6/7times one night.what can i do?please help me!
My son Pranay who is 4 months old is getting up 3 or 4 times during night and he drinks 2 ouces and go to sleep,what should i do to him to sleep through the night?
We have 10 month old twin girls who 95% of the time sleep well all night. However, they go to sleep on our shoulders. Our typical routine is supper at 6:30, playtime/reading and then bath between 8 and 8: 30 and then the nighttime bottle immediately after bathtime. (Late routine due to work schedule —I do not get home from work until 6:15 PM) We have always held them on our shoulders after bottles for approx 15 minutes to minimize acid reflux problems…however, this is the time they fall to sleep every night.
We know this may become a problem as they grow older and also my mother, their Grandma, who keeps them has a difficult time getting them down for naps as do we on the weekend. We feel the nighttime routine is affecting the daytime naps. One daughter can put herself to sleep but the other daughter refuses to put herself to sleep and screams until she wakes up her sister! I am unsure what to do to get the daytime naps to be successful and coordinated at the same time. Also, the daughter who has a hard time getting to sleep is our short time napper during the day and is the one who will wake up during the night occasionally and is also our thumb succer. What do you suggest?
My daughter is almost 7 months. She now sleeps about 8 hours then wakes to nurse for 5 minutes (has always nursed for 5 minutes, even when awake during the day) and then she goes back down for another 2 to 3 hours without any problem. We put her to bed at night awake about half an hour after her last feed and it isn’t a problem. Sometimes during the night she stirs for her passifier and goes back to sleep without even opening her eyes. My two questions are…at 7 months how do I remove the passifier as a sleep prop when she is too young to have anything in her crib (blanket or stuufed animal) to relapce the passifier? When she wakes after 8 hours of sleep she is histerical and there is no calming her unless I nurse her…even the passifier won’t calm her. What should I do instead of nursing her?
Thank you
I sit outside my 2 year old’s room until he falls asleep. He calls for me and I shush him until he falls asleep. My house is creaky, so I can’t seem to sneak away until he falls asleep. He calls for me and waits for my shush if he wake up. How can I train him to sleep without me outside the room?
hi Dana
my daughter Hooriya is 9 months old but still she hasnt got any sleep routine. sometimes she remain awake till 3 o clock in the morning this is very irritating .i want a bed time routine for her can u please help me?
Hi, Our 12 month old son has always been a good sleeper, and has always fallen alseep himself, cuddling his teddy. The problem is that if he wakes in the night (usually at about 4 or 5 am), he can’t find his teddy and often doesn’t settle himself back to sleep until I pop in and pass him his teddy (he doesn’t notice me, just notices the teddy is back). He then falls back asleep immediately.
hi,
my son has just turned 1. I have always nursed him to sleep, even during the day. I want him to learn to sleep on his own, I have tried to let him cry himself to sleep in his bed, but he gets hystarical and hyperventilates! I don’t know what to do…when he wakes during the night, the same thing happens, so I nurse him, or sit with him in a chair….
PLEASE HELP
My baby is 1 today and she does not sleep at night. I now that I am her “prop” as we are still nursing, but it is impossible to wean at least for me. She starts out in her crib but wakes in 45 min to an hour and will not go back to sleep unless nursed. We both need a good nights rest. This has been going on since 3 months of age. I’ve tried your suggestions but am not having success. Thanks for your help.
Melissa a very sleepy mommy
Thank you so much for your continued great advice. It has been soooo extremely helpful and has made our family so much better.
You said to leave questions in the comments so here is one that I haven’t seen you address yet, but you have so much info I may have missed it.
We are headed back east (live on the west coast) for my sister-in-law’s wedding. We will be there for 4 days. We have worked so hard to get our 7 month old on this 2 nap schedule at 10 and 2 that I am afraid it will all fall down the tubes during this trip. How do we handle the time change (4 hour difference) for a short trip like this? Stick to Pacific time or adjust to Eastern time. What would be better?
Thanks for your help.
Hello, my daughter abbigail will not go to bed at any time, she will fight her sleep as long as she can. how can i get her to go to sleep at night? we tried everything . she will lay down and when i leave she raise her head up yo see if i am still there.
Dear Dana,
Is it possible for infents to have real sleeping problem? Not a “prop”. My son Aiden is now 7 months old. He hasn’t slept through the night once in his whole little life. I am very concerned for him. The doctors says “some people just need less sleep then others.” This may be true but my concern with Aiden is he tosses, turns, sitts up, fusses, and half the time he is half awake moaning and making noises like he is crying in his sleep. It’s like he is on the go go go. All I know is that i am soooo ready for sleep and I am at the end of my straw . I really am not a person who needs little sleep and honestly I dread the night. Aiden lays down at 8:30 he goes to sleep on his own. During the day he takes short naps but during the day i dont care how much he sleeps. Please help!!!!
my 5month baby girl will only fall asleep next to me at bedtime and im afraid of her gettin g used to it. can u please tell me if this is normal for babies at her age
my son ryan in 11 months , we still need to rock him with his bottle to go to sleep. How can we get him off that??and sleep down in his crib and him fall asleep?? thanks for your help!!
Hi there,
We’ve made some progress. My 7 month is in her own room and goes to sleep with no or little intervention from me!! Ok, my problem is that she’s up every 2 hours for a breast feed. I have been doing so because she’s on the smallish side, doesn’t drink a lot of formula and I’m not producing a lot of milk these days. What do I do? Resettle after 2 hours and feed her the next time she wakes up. Is it behavioural or does she need more food? HELP
Dana, My son is 29 mths old. I have always nursed him to sleep with a dummy (pacifier). I recently moved him into my room next to my bed because he was waking so many times during the night and crying and I just got too tired to stay and settle him in his room. I am a recently single mum and I am wondering if I should cut the little guy some slack and let him stay in my room (I still have to lay next to him to get him to sleep). He is dealing with a lot in not seeing his Dad regularly. I also work 3-4 days a week and he attends child care. Is this wanting to be with me at night and anxiety related issue or am I just setting myself up for major sleep problems in the future.
Please Help
My daughter Aisha is 9 weeks old and I have problems with her day naps. I just cant get her to fall asleep by herself. She always falls assleep on my breast trough night, what probalbly is the problen but i just can`t keep her awake and she is really drinking even her eyes are closed. Maybe i am a bit silly but i think she is not getting enough when i put her to bed to early. Do you have any suggestions what i can do?
Hi Dana,
Thanks for your help… My 8mnth old son has improved from 4hrs to 7hrs of uninterrupted sleep at night but is still not hitting the 12hr mark. His bedtime is between 7.30 and 8.30pm, he wakes between 3-5am crying 1-3 times- sometimes I leave him, other times I get him out for a feed-depending on the sound of his cry. I put him in his cot awake without any sleep props(he hates it, but he usually stops crying after a couple of mins). Do I just need patience? What else can I do to extend his sleep duration???
Xavier is 6 month old
Hi Dana, I’m not how to resolve my pproblem. Xavier is not having bottle from three days ago at night, but he is still waking up between the night. When he wakes up I told him to go to sleep and I put him his pacifier and he fall sleep without carry him. The thing is he wasn’t using it untill his 5 months old. I had the wrong idea to iniate him to use it. I’m tired to wake up with him. Know, I feel that I am not sleepy any more.
Hi, I have a 5 month old baby girl who at 9 weeks slept 12 hours a night and did so every night for 2 weeks. At 11 weeks old I felt I was having a low milk supply and she started waking frequently at night to feed. I now feel I’ve got my milk supply back but baby continues to wake almost hourly every night, and has done for the last 7 weeks! Around that 11 week mark I started using a dummy to calm her frustrations and it seems she can no longer fall asleep without nursing or a dummy – this is starting to drive me crazy (especially with a 2 year old in the house also) How do I break this cycle?? HELP!
My 14 month old daughter has been going to sleep on her own for months without a bottle or anything. We just lay her in bed and walk out and she falls asleep. Recently, however, she has started playing in her bed and will stay awake for 2-3 hours playing sometimes. She never cries and we never go in to her but she just won’t go to sleep. She does this no matter when her nap was that afternoon or how long it was. We’ve tried not giving her a nap or making the nap shorter in the afternoon so she’ll be more tired, and we’ve tried letting her sleep longer in case she’s overtired but nothing works! Help!
Diana could you please help, Harry my 3 year old has turned into a nightmare, He seems to throw tantrums all the time he is quite intelligent his teachers tell me, and is good at school play group and is great with other children: but at home he does not listen. He has anew sister she is 4 months old please help I dont know how to handle him, the time out chair does not work nothing does. You helped me when he was a baby and I thank you for that, I’m hoping you can advise me thankyou jan.
My twin girls just turned 5 months old. I’m exclusively breastfeeding them and am wondering how to know if they are waking at night from hunger or not. They were born full term and are already 13 lb and 16 lb. They go to bed around 7-7:30 p.m. and normally wake twice (around 12 a.m. and 3:30 a.m.) before waking for the day at 6:30 a.m. I want to help them sleep through, but don’t want to let them be hungry if they need to eat.
My son Matthew is 13months old.
He barely naps during the day and wakes up at
least half a dozen time in the middle of the night.
In the middle of the night, his longest stretch of
sleep is 2-3 hours without waking up screaming.
He used to sleep in our bed every night and I have
just recently broken that habit. Except I usually bring
Him into our bed between 5-6 am as I am in need of
Sleep. I don’t know what to do, its mently and
Emotionally exhausting and we need help!!!
Hi Dana, my daughter is three months old and has been sleeping through the night since she was two months old. Her usual pattern is she goes down about 8:30 and gets up at about 7:30 am. The past few nights, she has started getting up at 3:30 and 5:30. I have just been giving her a soother and she puts herself back to sleep. What can I do to get her to sleep through the night again? Is using a soother to help her sleep alright? If I don’t use a soother she uses her thumb which I am trying to avoid. Thanks.
Hi Dana,
I have a two month old baby and he’s a really restless sleeper. He won’t fall asleep without a bottle or I have to rock him & carry him around until he does. He wakes up several times during the night and won’t fall back to sleep by himself. He’ll fall asleep in my arms but as soon as I put him down he wakes up. What can I do to change this?
My 3 year old daughter has a problem feeling
secure and only sleeps all night if she’s in
mom & dad’s bed. I know this is wrong, how
do I stp it, and get her to sleep in her own
bed without crying and screaming all night?
Dana, I have been following you column for more than 3 years now and find the advice invaluable.
My problem is my 5 year old who just does not sleep and never has. We co-sleep due to space issues, but she does not go to sleep before 10:30 p.m. And that is only if you lay with her andctge tv has to be on and I have to hold her or massage her. I am really tired and cannot keep up the pace. She starts elementary school tomorrow and I have concerns because this will require us leaving home an hour earlier. I am desperate; please help us.
Our daughter is almost 6 months old. She has been sleeping in her own room in her own crib for the past three months. But ever since we moved her there she does not fall alseep soundly for a few hours at night, until we do “our sleep props.” She did suffer from colic but has seemed to grow out of it. But now we will put her down and for at least an hour she wakes up. My housband or I will go in and put her passie in and walk out. Sometimes she will sleep for a bit but most times my husband will have to hold her hands while squeezing them until she goes down. My question is why is she waking up in the 1st place. She is giving a bottle and we know she is full. But it is everynight. She now is also rolling over and waking up on her tummy. This seems to wake her up and she does not know what to do. Most times I will go in and leave her there while I put the passie back in and she will sleep for a few hours, but this is usually after a long night of our going in here. I feel more tired now then I did when she was a new born. So any thoughts would be very helpful. Thanks! Catherine Jones
hi dana my son johnmichael waking up screaming every night around 2am could there be a problem.or am i overreacting. or could it be his 2yr molers. should i check on him or should i let him cry.
My daughter Piper is 16 months old and until very recently I’ve been feeding her to sleep…I am her sleep prop. Now that I realize this I’ve been trying to follow your ideas and to help her find a new sleep prop but so far the best thing we’ve found is my hand. I don’t let her fall asleep at the breast…I put her in her crib awake, telling her that I love her and that it’s sleepy time. Then once she eventually lies down she says “hand” and I let her hold my hand until she falls asleep. I’ve tried substituting my hand for various teddy bears and blankets but she just gets angry and throws them out of the crib. I’ve been trying the program for almost 10 days and have been unable to move away from the crib. Piper becomes so upset that she screams and screams to the point of making herself sick and then it is even harder to get her to calm down and go to sleep. Do you have any suggestions for what I can try next?
My son is 5 1/2 months old and slept through the night on his own since he was 4 1/2 months old (11 to 12 hours always going into the crib fully awake at 7:15pm) until about 4 nights ago. Now at 2:45am he is waking to nurse. When we try the “stay in the room method” he screams all the louder. He could easily scream for 2 hours or more if we let him. Thus I have been nursing him (FULLY AWAKE). Then he goes back into the crib fully awake and smiling and goes back to sleep on his own. Please help us. Is this a growth spirt so he needs to eat? We don’t use sleep props of any kind, and he even naps well (ALWAYS going to sleep on his own…never at the breast). I thought we had this issue fixed after watching all your blogs. That’s how we learned how to get him to sleep through the night although we never did the “stay in the room method”. We just kept putting him to bed fully awake. We’re afraid we’re going to have to start all over. Thanks!
Hi Dana,
Your method worked well when my son was an infant in his crib, but now he is two and in a big boy bed and we are having some sleep problems after a recent move. What should I do when he gets out of bed and tries to leave the room?Previously, even if he protested sleep, he wouldn’t leave his bed, but now he does. We are having a real struggle with this.
Thanks so much!
i have 3 children. boy, girl, boy. Ages 6, 4, and 2. My husband and i have to lay by the older 2 to get them to sleep. All of the children share a room. Not because we dont have extra rooms, rather, they refuses to sleep downstairs in his own rooms. The baby is starting to realize that he is being left out and not getting “laid by”. My husband and i take turns each night laying by a different child. Several times a week, my 6 and 4 year old will come into our room wanting to sleep in our bed with us. Now, if this was not problem enough, My husband is joining the military and will be gone for a period of 8 months for training. I am worried about how i will get the children calmed down and asleep with out the help of another body to lay by the kids. Please help. what do i do. I will admit that i am a softy, and i am just exhausted by the time bed time comes and i give in to the kids demands, however Something has got to give.
Hello,
My son is 5 month and after a period of doing his night really well, he’s now waking up lots of times at night. Most of the time he just wants his pacifier back, others he wants a bit of milk (the weather has been very very hot, and he’s been lacking appetite during the day catching up during the night…). Now the weather is fresh again, and I really need him to go back to his normal night sleep. What should I do to help this?
Thanks
Leonor
My 5month old keeps wakening 4/5 times a night looking a suck of a bottle & maybe only taking 1oz that puts her back over for at least an hr or so,how can i get her out of this pattern
Sophia is now 2 and 3/4 and often has trouble going back to sleep in the night. She seems to be wide awake any time between 2 and 5:00 am and wants out of her crib to play. She is frequently wet, so her pull-up gets changed, but then she seems to feel that it is time to get up. Last night, we put her in a bed, but she roamed the house. She has a bottle still with her when she goes to bed, but we do not fill it again in the middle of the night. She is a VERY restless sleeper. We rarely have more than two weeks in a row of sound sleep. I have read the material that you sent. Sophia still has a soother at night, but we hope to take it away soon as soon as she is more comfortable with her bed. Please help with any suggestions.
Hi Dana,
My Partner asked me that what does it take to be a good mother and all the motivation that i give is not enough for her can you advise on what i can tell her on top of what i have already told her?
Regards,
Thusho
I have a baby who will be 8 month on the 6, an I am having problems with nap time during the day, the night time if great he goes to bed between 6-7 PM all night untill 6-7 AM , but during the day he only takes two 20-30 min naps, I have done all u have said about letting him for 20 mins, going in write away, waiting up to 3 hrs to set him for a nap, looking at the sings and not letting him go to far but nothing has work he is still not sleeping more than 20 to 30 mins and then he is very tired at the end of the day, what should I do next.
Thank you for all your help
My one and a half year old son almost every night wakes up and starts to cry. Some nights it is just a whimper for a minute and he gets back to sleep with no intervention. Other nights it is a real powerful cry and I go in a few minutes he is calm and will go back down. It may happen at 11pm or as late as 3:30am. His bed time is anywhere from 7:30pm to 8pm. He goes down very nicely for bedtime. He naps in the mid morning and mid afternoon. I am finding that the mid afternoon nap is being missed sometimes because the morning nap may last as long as 2 and 1/2 hour which means, depending on what time he goes down, he could be waking up anywhere from 10:45 to 11:30 or noon. Is the nap pattern distrupting his night time sleep? Is he having dreams that are waking him up or could it be separation anxiety when he wakes?
Thanks!
Sue
Hi Sue! I’m having the same exact problem with my 12 month old baby boy. He follows the same routine as your son and I feel like I need to make some sort of an adjustment, but not sure what. Please let me know if you get a response to your inquiry: pschiefer@yahoo.com
Good Luck!
Dear Dana,
Ashland is 36 weeks and he is still not sleeping all nite. I put him to bed about 8:30 after he eats. I usually rock him to sleep with his pacifier. He always wakes up about 4:00AM, and actually sometimes he wakes up at 12:00 or 2:00AM. I dont know what to do. I only dream about a full night sleep right now. HELP??????
Shellie
Chloe keeps waking up at 12 for a bottle (midnight) its been going on for about 3 weeks, prior to this she has been sleeping right thorough??
My 22mth old likes to wake at 5am – how can we get her to sleep a bit longer?! Thank you!
my nearly 10 mth old daughter has started waking early, 515am every day! she had been sleeping until nearer 7am, going to bed at 715pm. it is too early for her to start her day and she is clearly still tired and grumpy through the day. she only has 2 hours 20 mins max nap time in the day. I have tried feeding more but then she refuses her bedtime milk.
How can I make her sleep longer by even one more hour?!