Looking for a quick & simple solution for your
child’s sleep problems? Click here now for a
complete solution that you can start using tonight!
Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question comes from Heidi:
“I have a son who is almost 2-year-old. He recently began tossing his beloved blankie out of the crib and then screams hysterically until I come in to retrieve it. This happens during nap times and at all hours during the night. Is this a ploy to get my attention and how can I stop this behavior? I know my son will not go to sleep without his blankie.”
That is a great question Heidi. This is really quite common for a 2-year-old. Many 2-year-olds will toss out whatever is beloved and then want you to come in and get it for them. Usually when people go in, you go in and say, “Please don’t do that again, mommy’s going to take blankie, or you can go into a big explanation about why he can’t do that. It becomes a game in a way.
Even if you’re getting angry when you go in and scold him, it is still attention. Especially with 2-year-olds and up, even negative attention is still attention. If he does this five or six times a night, to get attention for the last hour you go back and forth with the blankie out and the blankie in, it is a game and a ploy to get your attention.
This is the trickiest part. I’ve had people who say, “Well, I tell him I’m going to take the blankie away for the whole night but then I cave in and I give it back to him because I know he can’t sleep without it.” You know, why deprive him of his blankie? I agree with you. If I sleep with a pillow, I do not know how well I would sleep without it. Whatever we are attached to needs to be present while we sleep.
How do you handle this without going there and taking it away all night? The best way to handle it is to go in, do not say anything, which will be hard, but don’t say anything. Don’t make eye contact, just walk over to the blankie, pick it up, and toss it back into the crib. Don’t pass it to him and quietly leave.
When he throws it out again, you walk in, you don’t say anything, you don’t make eye contact, you throw that blankie back in the crib and out you go. This is a really boring game. He is not getting a rise out of you. He is not getting you to talk to him. He is not even getting eye contact. It’s a game that ends quickly because there is no reward; it is really boring. It will go on a few nights and you will have to go in and out a few times. The fastest way to squash this is o make it a very boring game, one that you won’t participate in apart from tossing the blankie back in and it’s gone.
However, you can be sure, especially with this age, that things may be great for a few months and then he might try again. At one point in time, throwing his blankie out actually worked and he got a lot of attention, so he will probably try it again. If so, you respond exactly the same way making it a boring game and it will be over.
That is a good way to handle the situation. I appreciate your question. Thank you and sleep well.
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
my daughter is 2 years old (29 months) at night she has always had the hardest time falling asleep. she has always slept with her stuffed puppy and her pacifier. recently we took away the pacifier after the dentist pointed out the damage it was doing to her teeth. now that she has to go to bed without the pacifier its so much worse. i usually try to get her to eat her dinner around 6pm, bath around 7, brush teeth around 8 and in bed no later then 830pm. she will go into her bed and play for hours until she finally falls asleep. she recently has been screaming so hard she gets so worked up she wont be able to breath. my doctor told me there is no reason for her to be waking up still and told me i should just let her cry. i feel like I am being cruel and some what abusive. she will cry from 830p-1130p some nights and finally give up. then she will wake up between 2-3 times a night just crying and making excuses (hungry, thirsty, cold, hot, potty ect ect…) what should i do to be able to get her to go to be at a normal time without screaming for hours? and how can i get her to sleep through the night for once in her life..?
Our 2 year old, will no longer go to sleep on her own. She has a routine of 2 stories & then prayers in her cot, then she is left alone. For about 2 weeks now she refuses to lay down & go to sleep, she cries & becomes hysterical, and will make herself sick, unless you stay with her. Then she wants to be on your knee and not in the cot. How do we fix this?
My grand-daughter is 32 months old. Getting her to sleep has always been very difficult but lately it has turned into a nightmare. Initially, she repeatedly gets out of bed, crying. Finally falls asleep but then awakes in the middle of the night screaming and now has started breaking things and pushing her dresser over. Had her examined by her pediatrician and was advised we would just have to be firm with her but the temper tantrums are a bit unnerving. Any suggestions.
hi I have a 2 almost 3 year old who refuses to go to sleep but insted crys sceams and crys some more, she is happy till you put her in bed and as soon as you close the bedroom door it sounds like someone is in there trying to kill her, iv tryed every idea i have read so far and i REALLY need some help, any ideas ?????
I struggle putting my 2 year old daughter to bed at night. She is at nursery 3 days a week and sleeps during the day there although is more resistant to this when home with me. We have a bedtime routine but more often than not once we get into the bedroom after a bit of book reading, she starts to mess around, bounce on the bed, do forward rolls etc. I can’t leave her in case she hurts herself and she thinks it’s all a game. I am exhausted and the rest of the family is suffering as it takes about an hour sometimes to finally get her to sleep.
Toddler, Alex, is 14 mnths old and he goes to be at 830p-900p. Sleeps, but around mid-night wakes yp, crying, standing in crib. Almost every-night like clock work. Why?Should we let hime cry?pick him up and hold hime?Thanks for a suggestion.
Betty
I haven’t slept through the night since 2004. My daughter is now 5, and my son is 3 and a half and at least 1 of them wakes me every single night. for a cuddle, help going to the toilet, or just because they woke up and didnt want to go back to sleep in their own bed. Because I’m tired, i normally just pull them into bed with me, but enoughs enough. i need a good nights sleep as much as they do. please, your advice is desperately needed, em
MY 2 YR OLD SON GOES TO BED FINE BUT WAKES UP EVERY HOUR TO TWO HOURS ALL NIGHT WANTING CHOCOLATE MILK OR JUICE IN HIS SIPPIE CUP. HOW DO I GET HIM TO SLEEP ALL THRU THE NIGHT WITHOUT GETTING UP TO DRINK? IT’S LIKE HAVING A NEWBORN ALL OVER AGAIN. HELP!
Hello Dana,
He is 8 months, and about 3 months ago he got back to back colds, and it made it difficult for him to go to sleep. So I really babied him and let him nurse to sleep a lot. This is my second child and I knew better, and was really afraid of creating sleep problems. But it was so sad with a cough and stuffy nose I didn’t want him to cry too much. Now he has never been a great sleeper, he’d maybe sleep 3-4 hours and then wake about every 2 hours after that. He won’t take a bottle or pacifier. But there was a time when I could put him to sleep pretty easily, even awake. I tried eat play sleep type thing (I’ve read lots of books). My husband has been traveling a lot lately and so have I. So I fall back on nursing to sleep if I don’t want to disturb anyone like our 4 year old. I tried very hard to keep him in the crib but he woke up every two hours for months and I couldn’t do it anymore, I figured at least I won’t have to get up. (he’s in a crib in our room at first then I bring him to bed after the first time he wakes) No one can help me cause he won’t take a bottle. So it’s been really hard not to resent my husband and my baby. Sounds horrible. But he now wakes up from 5 to 8 times a night. If he wakes he wants the breast or he freaks out, it’s not enough that I’m there.
I put him in the crib for naps or try to; FYI
It’s been taking an hour to put him down.
So my husband will be getting back in two weeks, and I’m at my parents is there something I can do to lay the ground work or should I wait for back up. Which I feel I need. I bought the book a couple weeks ago. but I’m waiting for my husband to get home.Which will be in 4 days.
But then we go in and out of town for the holidays, Will our efforts be in vain if we will be traveling after starting the program for only 5 days?
My 2 year-old girl has been in a big girl bed for 3.5 months now, and it’s been a challenge. Her latest thing is to take off her sleeper or pyjamas and come out of her room with only a diaper! I know she’s doing it for attention, so sometimes I don’t put them back on. But then I know that she will get cold at night! How do I handle this one?
My son is 2 years 9 months and is beginning to not always need a nap in the daytime. However, even on the days that he does need a nap he gets really angry and cries for a long time before I can get him to go to sleep. I usually still try most days to get him to have a nap on the principle that just because he cries I shouldn’t bring him downstairs so he gets his own way. Do you have any suggestions to help with the tantrum he has about sleeping in the day? He is no problem at going to sleep at night time, although does not go to bed until 8pm because of his nap in the day. Should I really try cutting his daytime nap out and get him to bed at 7pm or 7.30pm? Thanks for your help
Hi im new to this. A first time mom and im young and sometimes impatient. My son is now 4 months old and im having trouble trying to figure out what time should I put him to sleep in order for him to sleep throughout the night? At four months, about how many naps should he taking during the day? And for how long and around what times of the day? He wakes around 4 o’clock almost every morning to eat and sometimes he stay awake afterwards and sometimes he will fall back to sleep. What should i do? At times he cry so hard until someone picks him up or walk around with him. What could possibly be wrong with him? Is he being spoiled and should i stop and stop allowing people to pick him up when he does that?
I have a 3 month old son who has never taken a nap during the day. I am at home all day with him along with my 2 1/2 year old twins. I have tried everything i can think of to get my son to sleep during the day and have not succeeded at it. Because he would not sleep during the day he has been burning to many calories wich has resulted in not gaining enough weight and me having to wake him up every four hours in the night to feed him. Before I noticed him not gaining weight he had been sleeping 12 hours a night? my question is how do i get my son to take naps during the day when he has never done it before. He wakes up at around 7 am and goes to bed at 7:30 pm and does not sleep between
My 9 month old son sleeps with a pacifier. Usually if it falls out of his mouth during the night he’s okay. What I want to know is, how do I get him to fall asleep, and stay asleep, without it?
I have a 13 month old who recently starting waking up 5-6 times a night. He was briefly rocked when he was a baby and then I would put him to bed and he would sleep the night. I made the mistake of letting him sleep on me when he got sick, Now that is all he wants is to be rocked and held until he falls asleep. We tried letting him cry it out, but he falls asleep standing up hanging over the crib rail. What can we do? Please help!
My 21 month old daughter doesn’t like to take a nap during the day, but she will go
to sleep at 8:30 at night is this okay?
I have twin boys who are 2 years old. When they turned 2 in Sept. we had to put them in toddler beds because they started climbing out of their cribs. This was a disaster and they wouldn’t go to bed and when they finally did they would get up several times a night. Now we finally got them to go to sleep as they usually did, but now wake up at 4am every morning. They go to bed between 7:30 and 8pm. They wake up tired so they obviously need more sleep and we do too. How can we get them to sleep longer in the morning?
I have a two year old who likes to be rocked to sleep. I rocked him as a baby. he will sometimes go to bed without rocking, but few times. when we put him to bed he will scream and cry rock me mommy!! he will do this untill he throws up because he is so upset what can we do to stop this I do not like to hear my baby screamning and crying rock me mommy.
I have a 4 month old and a 2 year old (will be 3 in Janurary). She nevers sleep through the night. She wakes up crying out for me or her dad everynigh. Being that we’re going through a divorce I respond to her everynight or just keep her in my bed for fear of her waking up the 4 month old. I dont’ want to have to nurse and burp her (need my sleep). What can i do with the 2 year old to get her to sleep through the night or when she wakes up just go back to sleep without screaming?
Hi Dana, from listening to some of your videos, I am beginning to understand why my 5 month old baby is such a bad sleeper. He is very dependent on a number of props to get him to sleep: pacifier, rocking, nursing, ssshhhing, patting. Often we have to use them all because he makes such a fuss. But it is getting out of control, I am just falling apart at the seams, I have no energy for my husband, for housework, for pretty much anything. I know I have to make serious changes to get my life back on track, and I know this means removing a lot of the props my baby is used to and getting him to sleep on his own. I am just so overwhelmed at the thought of getting him to stop nursing, stop using his pacifier, stop the need to rock all at the same time!! I really dont want him to cry and cry and cry, he gets so hysterical and it just breaks my heart. What can I do? Please help!!
my two year old daughter still wakes up 3-4 times a night for a bottle what can I do to change her sleeping habits
I have a two year old who still wakes up 3-4 times a night for a bottle and if I say no she streams – how can I over come this thanks
I have a 1yr old and she cries when its time to take a nap and go to bed at night then she will stay up til one or so and wont get up til 12 the next day i need help!
Hi Dana,
My 8 month old still isn’t sleeping through the night so I’ve been trying the technique of sh-sh-sh and pat-pat-pat to get him to stop fussing when he wakes up 7 hours later. The hard part is he keeps standing up in his crib so I try to lay him back down every time he stands up. This only frustrates him more and gets him more riled up and more awake then he started. It’s almost as if he hates his crib when I lay him down again. What steps do I need to take in being consistent to get him to go to sleep on his own without making him hate his crib?
my daughter is just about 4 mos old and she nurses to go to sleep and if you try to put her to bed she grabbs onto ur clothing or hair and cry as soon as u put her down. she REALLY screams loudly! it breaks my heart but i know its gotta stop because she does it everytime she goes to sleep; naptime and all through the night she wakes 3-4 times a night and it can take anywhere from 30 mins to a few hrs for her to finally exhaust herself enough to fall asleep and stay asleep for a few hours. vshe isnt sleeping, im not sleeping, NO one is sleeping! please help!
Hi Dana
I desperately need help to establish a routine for my 7wk old daughter. First , l need help on how to get her to sleep independently. She always cries before she sleeps and struggles to fall asleep . l have to breastfeed her or keep patting and shushing to sooth her to fall asleep. Sometimes the crying is caused by colic and l find it difficult to watch go through the pain and find myself soothing her all the time and that has caused a strong bond between us. l would aslo like some advise on how to set a day routine for feeds and naps as well as getting her to sleep in her crib as she still sleeps with me in our bed and my husband has had to get a small bed from the spare room to sleep on. Dana please HELP.
I have a 15 month old son who always put himself to sleep in his crib and slept through the night 10-11 hours. His dad recently deployed and ever since he started waking up through the night screaming until I let him come into bed with me, then we left home to fly across the country to his grandparents house for the holidays and he refuses to sleep in the crib and will only go to sleep if I lay down in bed with him. What can I do to get him out of my bed and back into his own crib again?
Desperate for help!!
I have 28 month old son who has become extremely clingy and I’m suspicious has developed a separation anxiety. He needs me there to lay down with him when he goes to ed so he can wrap his arms and legs around me, cheek-to -cheek and this the only way he falls asleep. He gets up on an hour during the night because he doesn’t have me there and thus calling for me. We tried put him to bed by himself an ssitting down on the floor without talking but he gets up rigt away ans starts to pull me in the bed clinging on to me… I’m 5 months pregnant and with another baby coming I just don’t know how I can do it all being so sleep deprived and overtired. Please help!!!
Desperate for help!!
I have 28 month old son who has become extremely clingy and I’m suspicious has developed a separation anxiety. He needs me there to lay down with him when he goes to ed so he can wrap his arms and legs around me, cheek-to -cheek and this the only way he falls asleep. He gets up on an hour during the night because he doesn’t have me there and thus calling for me. We tried put him to bed by himself an ssitting down on the floor without talking but he gets up rigt away ans starts to pull me in the bed clinging on to me… I’m 5 months pregnant and with another baby coming I just don’t know how I can do it all being so sleep deprived and overtired. Please help!!!
hi my son will b 2 soon but he still cant sleep the nite thru first he will sleep on his bed but after a couple of hrs he will wake up n jump on my bed to sleep he even wakes up if i get up to drink water plizzz help me before i go nuts PLIZZZZ
How can i help my 7 1/2 month old baby with his anxiety at night time. He has begun waking between 3-4 several times every night and will only go back to sleep in my arms or bed. When i put him in his cot he gets really upset. he has always gone to sleep on his own in his cot so im not too sure what to do
Hi Dana
I’ve read this weeks blog and hope you can help me too!
My son Caden is almost 18months old and still wakes up twice a night. Sometimes more. I put him down between 7:30pm and 8pm. He gets a bottle before he goes to bed then he falls asleep with his blankie and his pacifier.
When he wakes up in the early hours of the morning, he screams and moans until we go and give him his pacifier. Sometime he’ll continue screaming for a bottle.
Please help! What can we do?
Natalie
Hi Dana, after going through a nightmare of a time with our first non-sleeping daughter (your program was the only thing that eventually worked), our second 14 month old daughter is much better (although not perfect). Lately she has been going to sleep by herself and is sleeping through but over the last months she has been waking earlier and earlier. She was waking just after 5am but the last few mornings it has been 4.15am… How do we get her to sleep through to a more reasonable hour…?
Dana
Hope you can help!!
We have a 16mth old girl…who does not like her crib and sleeps in our bed all night long.
First hr or so she will go in the crib…then she wakes wants to be picked up and put into our bed. She keeps fussing and crying till we lay down and sleep beside her..Even if we try to slip out she will wake and want one of us beside her. I know this is such a bad habit but I need some help and I want our evenings back again!!!
Hope you can help us!!
Take Care
Sharon :)
Hi Dana,
I have two kids, 25 months and 6 months. My toddler has a great night time routine and usually goes down with little to no fuss by 8pm. My husband and I are trying to get our 6 month old into a consistent night routine as well, but are finding it a bit trying. I don’t know if I should be trying to have both kids participate in the same routine? If so, I’m worried that when I put the baby down, he will wake up his sister who is trying to fall asleep in the next room. She doesn’t seem to wake up/be bothered when he wakes during the night and goes back to sleep, but I don’t want to ruin a good thing with her by having him cry and fuss before he is ready to sleep. Any suggestions?
Thanks!
My 2 year old(will be 3 in jan) sleeps in her own bed but her bed is in my room.I would like her to sleep in her own room. She doesn’t want too and I can’t get her to go to bed by herself at night.She will go to bed if I lay with her. She is in her bed and I am in mine. I would like to do a bed time routine and then she will go to sleep.if i try that she gets out of bed several times and cries and screams. It has me mentally and emotionally drained before bed. Bedtime is hard sometimes. i would like some ideas thanks
Dear Dana,
My little one is 9 month old, he wouldn’t stop rubbing his eyes when he wakes up during the night, we have to wrap him so he can’t reach his eyes otherwise he could hurt himself as he he does it really hard. I wonder if it’s okay to still wrap a baby at 9 month old to sleep, I know it’s probably okay to do it to newborns. I’m not sure if we are doing the right thing, can you please help. Tina
My son is 10mths old. He will sleep in his cot during the day, but at night he much prefers to sleep in our bed. I think it is perhaps a seperation anxiety issue – as he will often fall asleep with one hand touching me and the other hand touching my husband. Its as if he is calm and secure when lying like this – and he will sleep solidly between 11-12 hrs. I would like to keep him in his cot all night, and he used to sleep 10-11 hours each night in his cot without stirring about a month ago. I am not a fan of the crying it out idea as he is beside himself if i let him cry for more than 3 or 4 mins. Please help.
Zoe :)
My 5 months old son will not sleep in his cot. he is exclusively breastfed and relies on the breast to fall a sleep. how can I make him sleep on his own and in his own cot. he use to sleep more when he was in his first weeks but now I have to wake up several times during the night and its exhausting. help please!!!!!!!
please reply to this feed as i didn’t tick the notification box on previous mail, thanks katrina
my 4month old baby girl wakes at least every hour in the night, some times i pop the dummy in and a little pat without picking her up and she’s off again but sometimes this doesn’t work and she carries on crying or i dont even reach back to my bed and she crying again. i always leave her for 2mins before going back as we’re trying controlled crying ( for the past 2 and half weeks) but it doesn’t seem to be helping at all just making her more stressed. she has never been a very good sleeper suffering with colic bad when she was younger which always made her fidgety, tho this seems to have died down since starting on solids. both me and my partner are exhausted and feeling very down and the health visitors are baffled. please help
My daughter, Maria, is 6 yrs old. She has special needs (apraxia) and is a challenge. Lately, she has been awaking every few hrs and trying to get me to go through her whole routine…potty, water and “tuck me in”…she wants to sleep on the floor in our room because she knows we won’t let her into our bed…when i get her back to her room, she insists on sleeping on her floor as well…i hate the idea of locking her in her room but we can’t continue to get up every 2 hrs…when she comes into our room to sleep on our floor she does it very quietly…should we just let her? i can’t imagine she is getting good sleep…some of the time she ends up on our hard wood floor..we have tried melatonin in the past but the problem is not getting her to sleep, it’s her waking at night…it’s as if her circadian rhythm end in complete wakefulness…could she be sleepwalking? please help, thanks diane
my 11weeks old son, still wakes up about 4times to eat at night, help i dont know how to reduce it to once, becos i still have to go to work in the morning, it is very stressful to wake up 4times during the night to feed.
Hi, My 2 year old has suddenly stopped taking naps. However he is now going to sleep a lot earlier and sleeping 11-12 hours straight through the night, usually from 7:30pm-7:30am. Before when he was taking his nap he would nap from 1-2 hours but at night he would only sleep from 10pm-7am. He is not too cranky at 7pm as people often talk about when kids are overtired. I actually prefer the non nap scenario b/c I have more time to myself in the evening and because overall he is getting more hours of sleep. My question is should I force him to keep taking naps, or is it okay for him to not nap, as long as he gets a full nights sleep?
Fiorella
My baby boy is 5mths old and is only napping through the day for no longer than 30min each one although wakes up still in bad form. If in the pram are car will sleep until pram are car stops. Although at night is in bed for 7 and sleeping through the night until about 6. Maybe wakens couple of times looking his soother. should he be sleeping longer in the day.
My 2-year old son has become very good at vomiting when he doesn’t get his way. This happens at bedtime when we try to leave him in his crib to sleep, as well as at other times of the day for various reasons. He usually wins, since I’m getting tired of cleaning up vomit and have found that bringing him in our bed (his crib is in our room) puts him to sleep almost immediately for the entire night. It’s time he slept in his own bed – but how to stop the vomitting????
Dear Dana,
I could tell that my 5 month old was different shortly after bringing him home from the hospital. Although I am a first time mother, I have always been an avid babysitter (including newborns), have three small nephews to gain experience with, and have worked with toddlers and preschoolers for the past many years as a children’s librarian.
Before my little one was born, I studied up on sleep routines and felt that I was ready to give him a great start. However, we soon found that our baby was neither willing to sleep in his crib, nor his basenette for any length of time. He was unable to fall asleep on his own and couldn’t make it through a sleep transition if he was set in his bed asleep. After tears, sleepless nights and hazy days, I realized that my baby simply would not sleep unless I held him. He was checked out medically and found to be healthy. I began to understand that this was more of an emotional need than anything else. After searching in books and reading articles on-line, I discovered that there is a temperament that some pediatricians recognize as a “high-need baby”. My little one fit the bill. No crib, car seat or swing could replace the comfort of my arms. Lying on a blanket to play was met with screams. A stroller ride was not soothing – only a baby carrier with baby to chest would do. No one, not even Dad, could fill in for mom and mom was on duty 24 hours a day.
For several weeks, I gave up on my own sleep to hold him through night sleeping and naps while propped up on the couch.
For safety reasons, I wasn’t willing to try co-sleeping, but one night, out of sheer exhaustion, I laid down on the floor with my baby and we slept. Shortly thereafter, we transitioned to our family bed after taking great precautions, including laying our mattress on the floor. Over the months we have worked with him gently and he is now able to sleep for a couple of hours in his own bed at a time. But this is still a great work in progress. I have tried all of the conventional suggestions (i.e. “cry it out”, “leave and check”) but these strategies only worsened the problem for a period of time. The only thing that has worked is tremendous patience, gentleness and reassuring my baby that I am here when he needs me.
I have met two other women in a similar situation and we all ask the same questions. Why is there no sleep specialist who is willing to address our need? Why don’t pediatricians recognize that babies have different needs and abilities to cope based on their temperament and comfort level with the world. Could you speak to this population of discouraged mothers who feel that they are failing their babies because they struggle so hard to help them sleep.
Oh wow..that could have been me writing, it sounds so similar to my situation, and my son is 5 months too. As with you, I have also brought my baby to the dr a number of times to get checked out, I was sure something was wrong. No matter what we do, he won’t sleep. And even when he falls asleep, it is not for very long. But the dr assured me he is healthy. I have also tried to come to terms with the fact that my baby is a ‘high-need’ baby. I spend days and tired evenings researching online, reading sleep books, I have also tried a million different things, including cry-it-out with no success. I understand you completely when you say you feel like you are failing your baby. The guilt is horrible. I wonder, did I cause my baby to become ‘high-need’? Is it my fault, is there something I did wrong? I had always thought I would be such a good mother. At least once day I sob to my husband that I am a failure and it is entirely my fault our baby is so fussy because I can’t help him sleep. This is made worse when I talk to friends with babies of similar ages who smugly tell me their babies are sleeping through the night, and who just can’t understand what I am going through and say stupid things like ‘Why can’t you just ignore him?’ And when I watch mothers parading around the mall or stores with their babies who are peacefully sleeping in the stroller. My baby wont sleep in a stroller, car seat or swing. It takes a combination of rocking, nursing, singing, ssshhhhing, pacifier, blankie to get my baby to sleep. In fact most days I get to the end of the day and realise I have spent most of the day trying to get my baby to nap, and now I have to do the same thing for the rest of the night to get him to sleep. I agree with you and really hope Dana has something to say to make mothers like us, mothers of particularly challenging babies, feel better.
My son is about 26 months old. He has several bedtime shannanigans, but the most exhausting one is when he wants something to drink after booktime (when he’s supposed to be going to bed) or in the middle of the night when he wakes up. He wants juice, so I go get him juice, then he changes his mind and wants milk, then it’s the wrong cup, so back and forth, back and forth to the kitchen several times. He then decides he doesn’t want either, so “good-night, Zach” then, “noooooo I want juice”. And it starts all over again. This game can go on for 30 minutes sometimes or even an hour if we don’t have what he wants in the house, while he’s wailing the whole time because we just can’t get it right.
He’s in a toddler bed, so he’s not confined, so if we don’t answer his pleas, then out the door he comes screaming endlessly until we give in. Yes, he has us played and we know that. We’ve thought of the option of turning his door lock so it’s on the outside so he can’t come out, but when he gets too upset, he either starts to sound like he’s hyperventalating, which scares us, or he becomes distructive. Both are scenarios that my husband and I have a hard time waiting out, so we cave. Holding him when he’s having his fits are even more unnerving because he’ll start to hit, punch or bite when we’re trying to calm him.
If this is a middle-of-the-night scenario, finding the right beverage is just the start. After that, it’s trying to get him back to bed before his pleas to “read a book” start. If that starts, then we’re up for at least 2-3 hours. We’re just exhausted. How do we solve this multi-tiered problem?
I’d like to ask about teething. My daughter (8 months today) has started teething about 3 weeks ago and will wake frequenty and wont settle unless I cuddle her to sleep. She’s never really settled too well, until we started solids at 6 months and then she started sleeping soundly after a minute or two fussing. Now she wakes up frequently in the evenings with me repeatedly settling her with simply holding her with her head under my chin. Then I put her in the crib asleep as if she is put in awake she will go crazy and imediately sits or stands up! After 2 or 3 times of waking and me settling and putting her in the crib asleep eventually she’ll not wake up. I know it’s teething as she has her first 2 teeth arrived within the last week and I think the top 2 are on the way. Should I be worried about setting up bad sleep habits during this time and how do I know when it’s becoming a problem for her rather than a comfort to help get through her sore gum stage?
Hi Dana,
My daughter has supper around 6:30-7:00 and is a slow eater. So it’s around 8:00-8:30 by the time she has finished. Then she either has a bath (1 night out of two) or I let her play for a while (since it would be too soon after supper to put her to sleep), then she has a bottle, brushes her teeth, storytime and finally (!) bedtime. By bedtime, it is 10:00 and she doesn’t fall asleep right away, so it’s a very long night that ends at 11:00. Do you have any advice on what I am doing wrong? How is it that other parents get their child sleeping by 8:00-8:30?????
Thanks,
Gianna
Hi Dana,
My baby often spits up after a feed, so I’ve been holding her upright for at least 10 minutes after feeding her. By the time the 10 minutes is up, she’s dozed off. Should I try waking her up at this point to put her in bed? Or should I try keeping her awake during those 10 minutes? Trying to keep her up those 10 minutes is tough to do when she’s so tired. Thank you!
Hi Dana,
My baby is 8 weeks old and I’ve been swaddling her since birth. When she gets out of the swaddle, she wakes herself up and cries, and I have to go in and re-swaddle her and she goes back to sleep. I’ve tried leaving one of her arms out to help wean her from swaddling, but I was watching her one time, and she had a startle reflex which woke her up and she started crying. How do I wean her from the swaddle even when she still startles herself when asleep? She’s able to put herself to sleep with her arm(s) out of the swaddle. The issue is that she’ll startle herself awake at night. Thanks!
My 5 month old refuses to sleep in hie crib. I have tried everything that is recommended- put him in when he’s drowsy, reassure him that i am there, don’t pick him up. he screams so bad that he starts to choke. This goes on for 3-4 hours. How long do i leave him there and what else can i do? |(I follow a bedtime routine every night and have tried everything else!!!!)
What do you do when they keep screaming? My baby boy is 8 months old. He screams and cries at the top of his lungs and that can/ and has gone on for almost 2 hours before. Now I do half an hour intervals, and it’s exhausting, mentally so much where I feel that I am depressed!! He is very strong and defiant and is exstremely buzy, I even have a hard time holding him for more than 10 minutes :( Please let me know your advise on this! Thank you for all your previous help, Nadine.
it is so funny, I just went through this blankie game with my almost 2 year old. I did exactly what Dana said as well as letting him cry for 5 or so mins and after a few nights it stopped. He also had 4 little blankies in the crib so I took all but 1 out so it was easier to retrieve after he threw them out. I am happy to know my son isn’t the only little game player out there.Good Luck
3 is a very intersting developmental stage and goes hand-in-hand with the development of new fears. Her understanding of the world is developing, and with it, her understanding of some of the dangers out there. Nightlights are great, but they won’t stop her fears of other things (which she may struggle to voice just yet). But what can help children with fears are a sensitive and structure routine – as this means that the important bits of their world are predictable and reliable. With this in mind you may want to think about dramatically reducing her day-time naps and then establishing a cosy, but short, bed-time routine. And bed-time should be just that – time for bed, not playtime. But she needs to be actually tired. Many 3 years olds don’t sleep at all in the day, so having a long day-time nap, may be a big cause of your problems here. In the long run you will be doing her a huge favour as she will be learning to settle herself to sleep. My daughter sometimes talks about being scared at bed-time. We stand in her doorway and gently tell her that everything is alright. We don’t get drawn into going and giving her cuddles or more songs. This is not a real solution to the problem. Good luck!
I have a 2 1/2 year old that will not go to bed until late then she won’t stay asleep. She wakes up screaming and won’t stay in her bed. We have tried everything. If she goes to sleep early she wakes up even earlier. The only thing we can do to make her sleep all night is to put her in our bed for the remainder of the night. She tosses and turns all the time. I don’t think she ever sleeps sound. I need help. Thanks.
my 22 month old has been a solid sleeper since she was about 11 months old- i worked hard to get her to be able to put herself to sleep using your sleep sense system, and as a result she has gone to bed at 8pm and gets up at 8am with very rare night wakings….until now! she recently had a bad cold so it didn’t surprise me that she had trouble sleeping however now that she is better, she is still waking 2 or 3 times a night and crying for me. i have let her cry a bit in order to get to sleep in the past which she sometime seems to need when she’s overtired etc, however in the middle of the night this rarely works. she cries that she needs her diaper changed quite often, which is hard to ignore, or she’ll cry for water, or just want a quick hug. how can i get her back to her old sleeping pattern without these night wakings?
thanks :)
my daughter drinks a lot of water during the day so we started putting a sippy cup with water in her crib when she was about 14 months old. she keeps it in the same corner of her crib and when she wakes up she just gets a drink and usually will go right back to sleep. she usually drinks 4 to 6 ounces every night. It’s worth a try… :)
My 6 month old son goes to bed around 6-6:30pm … he will wake up at 2-3 am for a night feed (6 ozs formula) and will return to sleep for ~ 2 hrs – BUT without fail he is up at 4:30 am EVERY day – not crying, just awake and happy – at this point we go in a hold him for 2 hrs (which i KNOW is wrong) but we do not know what else to do. I believe sleep begets sleep but the thought of putting him to bed at 5:30pm seems SO early and of course everyone says keep him up later which i don’t believe in (and he would be so unhappy if i did this) – but i am desperate. we have tried ignoring at the beginning (when this first started) but he just hangs out and plays and starts to ‘cry’ at 5:30 am … so then what?
If he wakes at 4:30 and is perfectly content, why not just stay in your room and sleep for an extra hour until 5:30? He’s not upset why should you be? Also, I put my son to bed an hour later like 7-7:30…you dont mention naps. Is he getting any? Should nap 2x a day at that age….my son at 18 months still gets two naps about 1.5 each during day..he needs them and goes down without a problem.
I have a 5 1/2 year old little boy who will not sleep in his bed all night long. This has been going on for as long as he has been able to get out of bed on his own. He invariably wakes up at some point during the night and comes to our bed to sleep. After months of putting him back in his own bed, obviously I was extremely tired which was causing health issues for me. So I eventually gave up and just allowed him to sleep with us. Now he thinks he cannot sleep unless he is with me, which is affecting his wanting to stay all-night with grandparents, cousins etc… I would like for him to develop the independence to feel and know that he is able to sleep on his own.
Tired Mommy
My 23 month old has decided on his own to switch from his crib to the queen size bed (that is in the spare bedroom which would eventually be his) over night. He doesnt want to sleep in the crib anymore. I am ok with this since we have another one coming this summer. My problem is this. When he was in the crib he would go to bed at 7:30 without a fight, put him in the crib after his milk and a book and would roll over until the next morning. There were times where he would cry himslef to sleep (about 5 minutes) and then sometimes wake up around 3am and cry again for about 2 minutes and go back to sleep but this was not happening often.
Now he gets excited to sleep in the big boy bed and loves to go under the covers and read his book. Then I turn off the lights and that is when i cannot leave the room until he is asleep which sometimes can take 45 minutes! He asks me to lie down with him – sometimes i do sometimes i just sit at the edge and say ‘shh shh shh’. I would leave while he is awake but he gets up and starts walking on the bed and I’m scared he’s going to fall (its a high bed so the guard rails don’t block him all that much) so making him ‘cry it out’ makes me too nervous and im worried he will hurt himself.
So how can I go back to putting him down and leaving within 5 minutes and not 45! We have a sqeaky floor too so he knows when I sneak out.
My son is 17 months old. He sleeps only 7 hours a day. He is used to take a nap for 2 hours in day time. And at night he won’t sleep till 12. And he awake at 3am and cry 5 to 10 min. Again he will go to sleep and wakeup at 4. From there onwards he will wake up at every hour. Is there any way I can chage his sleep pattern ? If I bought this book, is it going to be helpful to me to resolve this issue.
Please let me know your suggestion.
Thank you for help
Ramani
My 10 month old son only started sleeping through the night around 2 months ago and takes regular naps. He started teething early and is now bringing out his premolars so although we’ve made some progress with sleep training it has been a very difficult to get him to sleep completely independently. When he was younger he would play on his own when he woke up and sometimes put himself back to sleep. However since his teething and illness it has become impossible to get him to sleep on his on without stroking his hair or rubbing his back. He wakes up now and immediately screams for attention and stands up and screams until someone is by his side. It is exhausting especially in the middle of the night and getting him to fall back asleep can take anything from 5 minutes to 1 hour! I’ve tried sleep training during the day but he just stands up and screams even though he is clearly exhausted and it then turns into a battle of wills. How can I get him to be a more independent sleeper?
Thank you.
My 3 year old never wants to sleep at night and says that she is scared of her room. I know she is not scared because there are 2 nightlights. I believe she justs wants the attention. I give in and go in her rook and sing songs to her until she falls asleep (sometimes lasts an hour or so). Also, she takes long naps at daycare and is usually not tired at 9pm when she is suppose to be fast asleep. Is it alright to let her stay up with a quiet toy or book in her bed as long as she wants and until she falls asleep on her own or should I take everything from her and deal with the crying and yelling that she is scrared?
I am blurry-eyed as I sit and write this. My 3 yr old who used to be a decent sleeper in her crib has become a horrible sleeper in her new twin bed. We’ve decorated the room with the colors she selected and it’s super warm and cozy and she LOVES it. She naps there perfectly about 45 minutes in the afternoon (130) but when it comes to nighttime (8-830) we cannot get her to get to sleep on her own. She’s always had very specific rituals, warm baths, books then bed. She simply just wants us there until she falls asleep then if she hears us walk out of the room, shoots up and asks us to “stay one more minute”. If we tell her no, it’s time for bed she gets down and follows us into the livingroom crying. We’ve tried everything — gentle reasoning, firm no’s and time out chairs, shutting her door which she can open and does. This literally went on until midnight last night until I laid on her bed with her and we both passed out. I know it’s all become a game now and I just don’t know where to begin to get this straightened out. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
I have very similar experiences. I also have a three year old who never really slept longer than 9-10 hours a night since he was an infant. He never was a 12 hour sleeper which from all the things I have been reading seems to be the amount of time he should be sleeping. Anyhow, the past couple of weeks he has been getting out of his toddler bed anywhere from 1-3 times a night, comes to my room crying and asks me to come in his room and sit in the rocker while he goes back to sleep. Now, I am aware my biggest mistake was since he was born I have held him or rocked him to go to sleep. Not only was it for sentimental reasons but I am a person who is so exhausted and sleep deprived that I always fell asleep holding him even though I didn’t mean to. He never knew what it was like to go asleep in his bed awake on his own. I just do not know what to do to get him to go back to sleep on his own and not wake me to come in his room…help!
I have a similar situation too. My 3 yr old goes to bed on her own (8-8:30pm), but wakes up 4-6 times EVERY night. She has never been a good sleeper. Up 2-3 times per night until we finally broke down and did “cry it out” at 13 months. I think she just wakes up and wants the attention, but I really don’t know why she does it. She cries and yells “mommy” until I come in the room. Usually all I have to do is pat her back or pull her blanket back up if it has slipped down and she goes right back to sleep, so it’s not a long process, but I still have to get up 4-6 times throughout the night. I don’t understand why she is waking up when she doesn’t need me (or anything else) to fall asleep. I don’t think she is scared. She shares the room with her twin brother, so she is never alone (he is in another bed about 4 feet away) and there is a nightlight. She usually wakes up around 7/7:30am and takes 1 nap during the day (usually 1 1/2 to 2 hrs).
Please help!!! I am frustrated and exhausted. We also have a 6 mo old to deal with, so I really need the older kids to be sleeping through the night…..
Dana, I need some help. I have a 7mth old who normally sleeps through the night. We just lay her down around 7:15 and she sleeps till I have to wake her up at 6am to go to the sitters. Now she has started learning to pull up just this past weekend and now will not go to sleep and keeps pulling up and also once she gets up she cannot get down and starts crying. How can I help fix this so she sleeps through the night again?? Thanks
I have a 2 year old who sleeps with me and I won’t to get him to sleep in his own bed. I’m very doubtful this is going to happen.
My 22 month old has a strong attachment to my arm. She loves to rub me until she drifts off to sleep. She also likes to stay in my lap during our down time in the afternoons and rub my arm. She does not go to sleep without me, and she is not out of my bed yet. She is a very wild sleeper and with a new baby coming, I am truly deprived of needed sleep. I need her out of my bed and off of my arm, but I don’t know how to do it. Please help!
In connection with the question you answered about the 2 year old that threw his blankie out of the crib and then screamed well I have a two year old girl that does that and throws everything out of the crib but will climb out of crib if we do not give her the stuff back right away or she will climb out and say I want to sleep in your bed and climbs right in and I take her out and put her back in her crib and or course I send an hour or more doing this every night until I give in and hold her until she falls asleep and then I put her in the crib. How do I keep her in the crib?
Well our child is 8.5 mths old and a few weeks ago we felt our prayers were answered, he was sleeping till 5 am. However for the last two weeks he has been impossible. He gets rocked to sleep but wakes up 5 to 6 times during the night hysterical. He falls asleep easily in our arms but once we put him back down he wakes back up 75% of the time. We’ve also tried letting him cry it out but he cries himself into throwing up. Please help
My baby is almost 4 months old and for the past 6 weeks has been sleeping for 10-11 hours through the night, generally without waking. He has woken up once in the night on 4 separate occasions during this 6 week period. Since I know he can get himself back to sleep on his own and go for a long stretch of time without breastfeeding, should I be feeding him on the rare occasions when he does wake up? Since he is still fairly young, I feel that if he does wake up he will be hungry, which will make it difficult for him to fall back asleep on his own. What do you suggest I do? Also, when he wakes in the night I become paranoid that his stretch of great sleeping is over! Any tips on how I can relax about this a little? And it is normal for babies to wake up from time to time even though they can and have slept through the night? Thanks!