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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question comes from Lynn:
“My baby goes to sleep great at 8 PM. Then around 2 PM he wakes up, and I take him to bed with me and nurse him to sleep. The truth is that I love sleeping with him and I don’t mind getting up, although I know I’m just perpetuating a problem. What should I do?”
Well, Lynn, I always say if it’s not broke, don’t fix it. I’m not here to say there’s only one way and it’s got to be this way. If it’s not bothering you and you love it, then why stop? There will eventually come a time when you’ll decide, “Okay, I’ve had enough with getting up at two in the morning,” and then you can move on to training him to sleep through the night. But if it’s something that you’re comfortable with and it doesn’t bother your husband and it’s not disruptive to the entire family, then I say go ahead and stick with it.
Really, our children are only babies for a very short time, so if you’re enjoying it and the cuddles are nice and welcoming then continue with it. From what you’ve written, when you say he goes to bed great at 8:00, I’m going to assume that he’s learning the skills for getting himself to sleep. Meaning you’re not breastfeeding him to sleep, you’re not rocking him to sleep, you have a nice routine that eases the transition into bedtime, and that he’s going into the crib awake. And if that’s not happening, then I encourage you to definitely work on that so you’re laying the foundation for his sleep skills and he has some ability to do this himself and he’s not relying on you 100% of the time to nurse him to sleep. Then you might find that he weans out of this all on his own.
He might learn the skills he needs and just start sleeping later and later and then welcoming a little cuddle time in the morning. That would be the very best case scenario, although chances are pretty slim it would be the case. More often than not, what is the habit remains the habit until you decide enough is enough. Meaning he’s probably going to keep waking up at 2:00 expecting to come to bed with you and be nursed back to sleep. And the troubling spot is that it might not stay at 2:00. It might be midnight one night and 11:00 the next, and you might find that it sort of back steps its way into something really troublesome where he’s barely sleeping at all in his crib and wants to come to bed with you for the rest of the night. And that might be when you decide, “Okay, I do have a problem here. I’m not enjoying this any longer.” And that would be the perfect opportunity to make some changes.
So when you’re ready to make the changes, again, it all starts at bedtime. He’s got to go to sleep on his own at bedtime. Then, if he continues to wake up at 2:00, looking to come to bed with you, you could do the stay-in-the-room method with him, where you’d spend three nights right by the crib, three nights in the middle of the room, three nights by the door, and then you’re out. Or you could just do a leave-and-check style, where you come in and reassure him, tell him it’s sleepy time, leave, and come back until he’s back to sleep without coming to bed with you and without nursing.
And it will be a rough few nights for sure because he is really used to this and he’s probably wondering why you’re not doing it anymore. But because he has the skills at bedtime and the foundation already there, it won’t take that long for him to transfer those skills to the rest of the night. So it will be a couple of nights, but in the big picture of life, it will be relatively easy, and when you’re ready, you can go ahead and do that.
So I thank you for your question. I think it’s very honest of you to just admit that this is something you really like. And for others out there who are enjoying the way things are going, if it’s not bothering anyone else in the family, then I say go for it. You’ll know when you’re ready and when it’s no longer fun or enjoyable anymore, you’ll be ready to make the changes.
So thanks a lot Lynn. Sleep well.
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
What steps do you recommend I take in transitioning my 3 week old from sleeping on my chest to sleeping in her bassinet?
She sleeps like a rock when she is on me (up to 6 hours a night) – but when placed in her bassinet I am lucky to get 5 minutes before she starts crying.
While I enjoy sleeping with her, I am concerned about her safety and also do not want to form a bad habit.
What advice can you offer?
hi i have 17months son…his so active he dont stay still..if were going to watch movie…he just want to play and walk around everywhere,,,any advise pls…
And also we love to tavel..if his sleepy or tired he dont know how to sleep by his own,,we try to rock him but he SCREAM….coz if were in our house he can sleep in his crib…..any advise plssssss..need help thnks
Hi Dana,
I have a 2 and half year old, his sleeping patterns have been going to bed at 9:00pm and wakes up 2am. He wants me to sleep in his room I do not pick him up but at 5:30am he refuses to sleep and wants to nurse. How do I stop him from nursing, that is all he thinks about during the day, I try to keep him busy but he still wants to nurse, HELP ME!! I am at my wits end!!.
My 16-month old sleeps in his own crib in the same room with me. Is this considered co-sleeping? How do I transition him to sleep by himself in his own room?
Hi Dana,
I have just ordered one of your packages online and hope I am able to view it as soon as it arrives on my email. However, in the meantime I have a couple of questions you might be able to help get me started. My daughter Acacia is 11 and half mths old. I am still currently breastfeeding her and unfortunately I have fallen into the same mistake that lots of mum do and that’s feeding/nursing her to sleep. She sleeps ok at night but very often has awakeing times which I think is possibly separation anxiety?? I have come to ignore this and most times she goes back to sleep by herself with only occasions where I have to get up and sit by her crib…However, her crib is in our room behind a large walk in robe. She is unable to see my husband and I but she is still in our room. She does have a room of her own with a crib in it, which all her days sleeps were (which were only very short anyway) until xmas time where her routine was broken. Because of the design of our home, our main bedroom is at the front and the other rooms including hers is right at the back approx 25m. I am not comfortable with her sleeping that far away from me which is why I have kept her in our room. Should I be doing this?
My next question is: she goes down at night between 7.30-8pm and wakes right on 5.30am. I have darkened the room to make it still seem like night time but this doesnt seem to make her sleep any longer. When she wakes I breastfeed her at 5.30am and then we go out and play and start the day. How can I get her to sleep longer at night? The other issue is she won’t sleep through the day at all unless she sneaks out a 10-20min nap with each breastfeed. If I put her down she wakes. She is extremely clingy to me, and I honestly have no idea how she goes all day without a proper sleep. I’m exhausted and she seems to solider on!! How can I change this pattern of no day sleeps? She is a very energetic little girl who has been walking from 9 months. Basically she sleep a total of 10-11hrs a day at the most.
Hi, I have a 22-month-old babygirl, Sofia. I have no issue with her sleep, I put her to bed around 8.30pm and she sleeps until 8ish in the morning. She usually has a 1-2 hour nap in the afternoon. My problems come when we have my partner’s two other children (he is divorced) stay for the night. They are a boy of 10 and a girl of 8 and they stay with us twice a week. Obviously they dont go to bed at 8.30 like Sofia and Sofia, who is usually very willingly to go to bed at her time when she is alone, never wants to go sleeping knowing they are “in the other room” going on playing. Its a nightmare and I dont know how to find a solution.
My son is 4 months old and we are trying to get him on a routine. He goes to bed between 1930 and 2000 but wont stay asleep if i am not near him. We are still sleeping with him. He will kick or flair his arm to make sure im there or sometimes keep peeping to see if i havent left him. He wakes up about four times to feed at night too. During the day he sleeps about five times but for no longer than 30 minutes at a time and he is very sensitive to noises. I need to get him to sleep alone please help
Hi Dana,
My 5 1/2 week old son is up often during the day and I have fiercely tried to get him on a schedule but he has rejected any type of routine…He is slowly starting to get on track but the only thing that seems to calm him is my breast. I have read many books and I believe you also say not to have your child rely on anything such as nursing to have him fall asleep -but it is the only thing that calms him. If I don’t nurse him for a few mins before laying him down; he is wound up and squirms for (what seems like to me) an eternity. I don’t know what to do. Not only that; but when he does finally nurse; he doesn’t eat for long periods..it’s only a few mins…THAT is why I can’t resist giving him the breast again since I am sure he may still be hungry….
This is all a vicious cycle and I really need some help on HOW to implement the schedule. I know what the schedule and nap/bedtime routine is; but it’s how do I do it when all he’s doing is resisting it. I feel very lost and I am exhausted. Please help. Thank you and I look forward to your reply. Thank you so much…
Roxanne
This was a great topic for me this week as this is the exact situation I am in with my 13 month old daugher. I have purchased the Sleep Sense program and out of all of the books I have read this one feels most natural to me. However I have only “practiced” teaching her the skills at night as my main goal is to first wean her off all of her night feedings. Right now she is only doing one and next week she’ll be done to zero. I’m concentrating on that first. Like this Lynn she goes to sleep and wakes up between midnight and one to come to bed with me, which I don’t mind. She’ll sleep through the night there. Anyway, just saying this topic resonated with me and I appreciate your response, Dana.
My baby will be a month old Feb.14th and she sleeps in the bed with me and my fiance almost everynight and I love having her sleep with us.Because I feel better and sleep better.I also feel like she is safer alll because she is close and also because I can actually feel and hear her breathe.But we are tryin to break this habbit all because we don’t her sleeping with us 9 to 10years from now.She won’t sleep in her crib so I put a bean bag in there and she sleeps a lot better.But when she won’t sleep in there I put her in her swing at night and she seems to sleep a lot better in there.Even a lot better then sleeping with us.
hi Dana.
I have a 9mth old son who has 2 sleeps in the day and goes to bed at 7.30 with no problems.he falls asleep on his own no bottles or rocking.but he wakes in the night up to 4 times sometimes we can just put the dummy in his mouth and he goes back to sleep,but he seems to have 1 wakeful period where we have been giving him a bottle to keep him quiet for his 2 brothers on the next room.if we leave him he gets louder and louder.we have 3 boys under 5 and would love a full nights sleep,but would like to put a stop to these night feeds.it will be anywhere between 2am and 5am.i know he can go through the night without them,he is quite a solid baby.bonnie baby or well covered as nana would call him.
Hello Dana,
Well my thing is im on a night schedual i wake up about 1 pm and goto bed at about 6 am. My son malichi is on a similar schedual but he goes to sleep about 4 am instead. But for the past few days he has been waking up frequantly screming as if he is in pain. He will be 6 months old on the 19th and before we had no problams sleeping through the “day” now it seems as if he is scared to goto sleep because he seems so frightend when he wakes up. What can i do in order to help my son stay asleep through the night without waking up screaming?
Looking forward your advice,
Allie
Dana,
My 7 month old baby used to be fantastic at sleeping through the night and is adapting to weaning extremely well. However, in the last 3-4 weeks she is refusing to sleep through the night. We bath her and give her a bottle and she goes straight to sleep with no problems at around 9.30pm, but then she is waking up EVERY NIGHT for an extra feed. We have tried giving her something extra (like mashed banana) before her bottle but she is still waking.
Please help as I know sleep is where her brain develops and I am becoming more and more exhausted!
Stephanie
Dana,
I have followed your method since I had trouble with my now nearly 2 year old was just weeks old and after initially being terrible he turned into a fantastic sleeper( if only you could help me get to sleep in the car, but that’s another story!).
My trouble now is that he has a good 2-2.5hour nap from 1230-130, and isn’t impresses about it but will fall asleep, and then we put him to bed between 7-730 and he screams for a good ten minutes and then bashes the cot (without screaming) for up to an hour and a half. Does this mean I’m doing something wrong or he is wanting to give up his nap? Please help, I want my angel back!
Hi
We have a three week old baby, and I wanted to know when you suggest we start to sleep train him?
thanks
my daughter is a little over 2 & has been waking up in the middle of the night & wants to stay up. what can i do to break this? Also i cant get her to stay in her own crib, she falls asleep in it but in the middle of the night wants to come in bed with us. i need help & dont want to keep hearing her cry or me yell at her.
Maurice go to sleep around 8:30P.M. sometime I have to rock him to sleep. The problem come when I lay him in his crib he hop up to get in the bed with me. I don’t mind him sleeping with me but he wakes up aound 2:30 or 3a.m. just to get a half of a sippy cup of juice and he go right back to sleep. I wish I could get him to sleep all night but I hate to hear him cry and he really cries with tears falling.
Please HELPPPPPPPPP
Hi,
We also love co sleeping with our two sons (4y3m and almost 6 weeks) for we realize that children grow so fast, and someday they will have their own interest, etc that they even refuse to go with us! Even my husband said that he will let our sons for their room later when the eldest is around 8y =))
Btw, I remembered what my mom ever told us (I and my twin sister) when I read Lynee’s case. She said that when our daddy was out of town for business, we became fussy and cranky at nite. So a relative advised her to put the tshirt our daddy wore the night before near our head; so we could “smell” his scent and somehow thought that he was near. Mom said it really worked and we were calm and able to sleep. Hope it works for you Lynee.
Thank you also for Yolande for sharing the link, really appreciate it =)
I began cosleeping with my now 11 month old son when he was 4 months old out of pure exhaustion. He would wake up every 45 min. to an hour at night & would only nap for 45 min during the day. 2 Weeks ago we got him back in his bed using the stay in the room method. He goes down great, but the problem is he wakes anywhere from 2-8 times a night for his soother. All we have to do is give it to him and tell him night night & he’s back off to sleep. Although we are obviously still not sleeping through the night. I’m about to wean him from breastfeeding so I don’t want to take the soother away just yet. We put 4 soothers in the bed but he still won’t look for them. If we let him cry a few minutes he gets too awake and upset, but I don’t want to have to keep replugging a pacifier.He now will sometimes take an 1 1/2 nap during the day & others it’s still 45 min. I am due again in October & we all need a restful sleep. Any advice is appreciated!
We did the ferber method with my son when he was 8 months and it worked great. But a month later, he was waking up and not wanting to be laid in the crib. Now at almost 11 months, he’s back to sleeping with us most the time because he wakes up after an hour in his crib and starts to scream. I don’t know if I could go through the cry-it-out method again. Standing by his crib, talking to him, or patting his back doesn’t help. He just screams louder. How are people able to listen to their baby scream that loud for that long and do nothing? Any advice?
Hi Dana,
My little guy is almost 15 months. He has never been a great sleeper. Teething is very tough on him and I think affects his sleep as well. I used to rock him to sleep for naptime and bedtime because it worked. At 14 months he would wake up as I put him in the crib (in his own room) and shake and grab my fingers. He would settle right down if he could fall asleep holding my finger, but if not, he would cry and cry. He now only sleeps through the night 1 or 2 nights a week and wakes up the others. I eventually go in and lay on the floor, not giving him my finger to hold. He is so upset/mad that it takes 1-2 hrs (3 hrs a couple nights ago) to fall back asleep. I am now not giving him my finger and letting him cry and leaving the room. Is this just an insecure stage? He learned to walk a month ago and I know that affects sleep as well as the teething – he only has 3 teeth left to come in. At night we do a bath, read a book, nurse, rock for a bit and then bed, always unhappy. I dread sleep times. I only nurse once per day now. Nap is the same without the bath or nursing. We used to bring him to bed in the middle of the night, but I’m breaking that habit as of 8-9 days ago. I am on the right track or should I let him hold my finger? I feel badly, but don’t want to be in his room forever at night until I can have my finger back!
My daughter is 23 months old and we have had the same bedtime routine since she was 6 months old. We watch a movie, eat a snack, take a bath, read then I put her to bed around 8:30pm. She doesn’t go with a cup, i don’t rock her or anything. But, she doesn’t go to sleep for hours, last night she was awake until midnight. She has the same problem at nap time we lay her down around one and she dosnt sleep until 4:30
Hi Danw
i was advised in the beginning when baby cries to give the breast. Jediah is now 6 months, and now refusing to sllep in her cot, even if I’m in the room. Since we were on holiday a month ago for a month, and she had to sleep in the bed with me, she now wakes up every 1-2 hours (well her eyes would be closed and she is crying, rooting around for the breast, and won’t stop till the breast is in her mouth, she sucks for 3-5 minutes and goes back to sleep. this has been happening since she was 3months. I desperately need help and SLEEP!. I have tried leaving her on her own to sleep, and ignoring her cries for breast comfort, but she will continue to cry, I left her once, she cried for 45minutes, so I give in. Have you ever had a case like mines? What is your advice?
My 11 mo old daughter is still co-sleeping with me, she absolutely hates the crib. She plays in her crib daily and I change her diaper in the crib as well and this is fine. But she refuses to sleep in the crib. She stands up and cries until we pick her up. I have manged to get the all night feeding down to 1-2 feedings a night and she naps in my bed for 2-3 hrs during the day. The day feedings have stopped; I give her a sippy cup. Lately, the only way she falls asleep is by laying on my stomach, my face, or my leg. She has to be touching or under me to fall asleep-once asleep I can lay her down on my mattress. I plan to move her crib to my room or put her mattress on the floor close to my bed in order to try and get her use to her own mattress which is much firmer. Any advice.
Hi Dana,
I have a 7 month old son who I’ve been co-sleeping with pretty much since he was born. He has his own room with a cirb, but there is also a queen-sized bed in that room, and that is where the two of us sleep together. At 7 months, he still needs to be either rocked to sleep, or have a bottle to fall asleep (both for naps and bedtime). When he wakes during his nap, I’m always there to pat his back or rock him back to sleep. At the moment, I don’t mind putting him to sleep and staying with him during his naps because I’m on maternity leave and can afford to spend that time with him. However, this coming September, I’m returning to work and my son will be in daycare. I’m concerned that he won’t have the tools he needs to put himself to sleep during nap time at daycare. To the fault of my own, I have not taught him the tools to put himself to sleep, and I’m not sure how to start. I refuse to use the Ferber method. I was wondering if you could point me in the right direction.
He also still wakes up once a night for a bottle…usually around 3-5am.
Thank you,
Sabrina
I am so happy to see a sleep expert say that if co-sleeping works for you, keep doing it! Don’t get me wrong, I am a big believer in gentle sleep training when one wants to prevent issues or change things. I used various methods myself, but I also have a part-time, occasional co-sleeper in my youngest daughter who will be 5 in a couple of days. When she was younger, she co-slept every night starting sometime between midnight and 5am. The start time varied. When it got earlier in the night, it would stay that way for a while and I would worry that things were getting worse, but then the start time would get later again and stay that way for a while. Now, she stays in her bed all night most nights. I have absolutely no fears that I’ve “ruined” her in terms of sleep. She’s gotten there on her own with some minimal help from me. And frankly, when she’s 10 and has had a nightmare, I want her to feel she can come snuggle with me in the middle of the night for comfort and reassurance.
At what age can you start sleep training? I read that babies do not have soothing skills until 3 and 1/2 months. As well, most books imply starting at 6 months. I am looking for your opinion.
We have 2 year old twins. Out of necessity they share a room. They are in toddler beds and have a regular nap & bedtime routine. However, they still laugh, talk, toss blankets & pillows, and jump around in their beds for 60-90 min before falling asleep. What do we do? I am out of ideas of things to try.
Hi Dana,
I have a 17 month old son who go’s to bed at 8pm after a consistent routine of breastfeed, bath. book and bed awake. he comsistently wakes at 4am for a feed and then wants to suckle in our bed until 7am. I have try’d giving him a sippy cup and the control crying method but he screams the house down until he is sick. Can you suggest what other options I have for getting him to sleep until 5am at least or getting him to go back to sleep at 4am without the drama. His Doctor has told us that he is a breast addict and I would be better off weaning him totally before he get’s any older as it will be harder the older he is. Your advice would be appreciated. Thankyou Tina
Hello,
I have been co-sleeping with my son for over three years and know that we have two children they both sleep with me, or our son will sleep with dad. As long as you are safe when you are co-sleeping everything will be fine. No drinking No drugs of any kind, and no Pillows or blankets. Then you are safe. We know as a family that our children are this age for a short time. We want to love and make them feel safe.
Thank you.
I have a 7month old baby who’s been taught to self settle and has been sleeping through from 7pm – 7am since 4mths, my problem has become daytime sleeps, in particular if i need to go out. I will often try to schedual appointments or trips to the shop with his sleep times, most times he will fall asleep in the car, however as soon as the car stops he wakes up and once in the pram will not go back to sleep. Do you have any tips or tricks for getting a curious baby to sleep while out of the house?
To all the folks wondering if it’s worth the effort to start getting their little one to sleep better… it’s SO SO worth it.
My husband and I married a few months after our son was born and we had an instant family of our newborn and my two older kids. Having a good sleeper has been a blessing in giving our new marriage the bonding and time for affection it needed. I’m sure it’s equally important for longer established marriages : )
Co sleeping is the normal “mamilain” way to nocturnal parent. I have slept with all my babies until they no longer needed my reasurance at night. High cortisol levels cause by being left to cry or trained have long term emotional effects on our childrens lives – depression and ability to be resilant in stressful circumstances. Learned Helplessness is not a life skill I wish my children to learn.
Dr James Mckenna has studied sleeping in the mother baby diad please read some of his articles
http://www.naturalchild.org/james_mckenna/rethinking.html
MY son is 11 months old and at day care and when his father is home he takes naps great.When his dad goes out to sea its a whole other story he gets super klingy and he rarely takes naps at home with me. He nursing to sleep at night but not during the day, when his dad is home that is.What should I do if anything to get his daily naps in without the nursing as if he where going to bed for the night?
My son is 3 month old now and he sleeps in the little bassinet in my bed. He now sleeps from around 11 pm to about 7-8 in the morning without waking up for a feed. He does pretty good with putting himself back to sleep if he does wake up, and I think it’s only because I do sleep beside him, so if he needs some help falling back to sleep I’m right there and can just touch him and tap on his back , and so he goes right back to the dream world. I can’t even imagen what would’ve happened if he was sleeping in his own room all on his own. Probably by the time I woke up and actually got to him, he would be fully awake and screaming. I don’t know if our night style might create a problem later on, but it’s surely working perfectly for both of us right now.
Hi Daria,
Your post is very interesting to me. I have a 3 week old who refuses to sleep without me. Currently she sleeps on my chest and am wondering if you started with your son on your chest or if he was always able to sleep in a bassinet on your bed. Where did youpurchase the bassinet? Any advice? Thanks.
My almost 14 month old has been sleeping in a mattress on the floor since he was 9 months. He absolutely hated the crib. Now that he can walk, he often winds up in our room at about 1pm and I have to nurse him back to sleep. We probably need to do some sleep training, but given his age I’m not sure if I should put him back in his crib or continue with the bed since he’ll be there eventually. Would love your advice!
we had pretty much the same routine going, my son would go to better pretty well between 7-8pm, when he woke at 2am, I’d bring him to bed, and as Dana predicts here, he has started waking earlier and earlier, and he now is in our bed by 11pm. What worse, is he used to sleep until 8am, and now he starts rousing at 4am.
We will try the stay in the room method to see if we can get anywhere.
Thanks for sharing these tips Dana!
Hi Dana,
My daughter has been sleeping through the night for several months now.
Lately she has been waking up in the middle of the night screaming. I think she is having night terrors. I have been going in her room after about 15 minutes of non stop crying. I pick her up and try laying with her on a mattress, but she is unable to go back to sleep that way. So I end up giving her a bottle in her crib and she goes back to sleep that way.
How do you think I should deal with the night terrors?
Thanks
Rupi
Hi Dana,
My baby is 10 months old now. Her name is Kate Lam…and she’s still sleeping with me on the bed. Me and my husband couldn’t sleep well at night and I had to wake up many times to make sure she’s not kicking the blanket (since we’re using the same blanket). I really wanna train my baby to sleep by herself in her crib..but lately she’s growing few teeths together at a time…so is that a bad time to sleep train her when she’s teething and fussy? Should I wait till her teeths all come out then train her to sleep by herself, and how? I really need ur help and advices… Thank u very much.
Hi, Dana!
My baby is 2,8 and I can tell he is a good sleeper during the nights.At at about 9:00pm he is going to the bed…….ang he is not sleepeng until about 11:00pm sometimes even later . He is asking to drink, he loves to watch Burney, he wants to play…….I’m going crazy…..don’t know what to do, and how to put him to sleep . Thank you very much
I enjoyed the post. It made me feel at bit less pressured to make immediate changes. I have a situation that I know I need to eventually address. My 5 1/2 month old has been sleeping full nights with me (husband is downstairs). She doesn’t go to bed until between 10-11pm, and is up at least twice to nurse. Before I went back to work full time, she was sleeping through the night. She seems to have reoriented her scheduled to get more time with me. I love the closeness, but I am pretty tired. It is tough to make it all work….the thought of the effort that it will take to change the situation is overwhelming to me right now.
We bring our 1 year old into bed with us at around 5 am and have been trying to keep him in his crib until at least that time. It is nice to have that cuddle time but we do envy our friends whose babies sleep longer on their own.
oh i forgot to say that he sleeps perfectly at nursery, in the cot and off to sleep independantly, so he can do it. that was managed the hard way ( no choice i was not there) and the first time he wakes he is up.
hi there we are a bit further on this baby. my son is now 21 months and has stopped nursing a few months back. he goes to sleep but with me beside him at night at about 7-7.30 and sleeps for a couple of hours and then is up pretty consistently through the night, and won’t go back to sleep unless i am with him and he can touch me. I think this is starting to be a problem for him as well becasue although he wants to touch me i think he also wants his space at night, a bit of a contratiction. not great. we live in a one bedroom apartment so seperate rooms are not an option for us, which everything seems to rely on. he sleeps for some of the night in a crib attached to our bed ( bed side down and level with bed) and then in middle for remainder of the night. the bed room is not big so the furtherest we can seperate the cot is a hands reach really. i always look at these emails and think arrgh always ends with babies in seperate rooms which would be great but not an option! any ideas?
I too enjoyed the cuddles. My son would wake up in the middle of the night and I would get him and bring him into the bed with me. Like you said it did back pedal to the point where he refused to go to sleep in his own bed at all. I have finally after 2 years got him to sleep in his own bed and in his own room but not with out a fight. The first night I put him in his bed and closed the door(with the baby monitor on) and he cried for 45 mins before going to sleep. The next night he only cried 10. Then on the third night something great happened we made a deal with each other that if he stayed in his bed and went to sleep I would leave the door open for him. It has been two weeks now and he doesn’t fuss at all. I really thought it was going to be harder for him but I think it just turned out to be harder for me since I do miss my cuddle buddy :).
Thanks Dana, I agree somewhat, but being co-sleeping family, I disagree that things are likely to morph into continual night waking at various hours. Our 2.5 yr old daughter has always slept with 1 or both of us, she doesn’t wake at various hours. We are now transitioning her into her own room and expect a transition period but so far so good. She occassionally falls asleep on her own, but would rather have stories, lullabyes, and cuddle next to a parent, fall asleep, then we leave. We know this time is a short time so we are enjoying the closeness. We know they grow up fast having 2 teenage daughters as well!
Thank you for this posting Dana!
I too nurse my baby to sleep (by about 6pm), and pick him up by 5 am or so when he wakes up and take him to bed for some more cuddles and nursing… He is at least sleeping his almost 12 hours most nights. He is almost 2 and I wonder if I should start some sleep training. I hope he is not too old form me start making some changes! Thank you!
I love your response on this one – if it aint broke don’t fix it. Too often I think we try to follow advice because we think we should, even if the way we’re doing things are working great. I didn’t get the opportunity to breast feed or co-slepp and feel I missed out. But on the flip side of that, my daughter was accustomed early on to sleeping in her own bed. We used the sleep sense program when she was around 18 months because she was still waking up every 3 to 5 hours and no one was sleeping (I work a full time job too). We now have a happy 11 to 12 hour sleeper (she’s almost 3) and everyone is happy! Thank you Dana!
I’ve tried several different “methods” of trying to help my 4 month old sleep through the night. We have a good night, where she sleeps for 7 hours and wakes up and then other nights she wakes every 3 hours. I’ve tried doing a dream feed and after a week she started waking up and “expecting” it. I stopped doing that. What works with our baby is to put her to bed and when she wakes she isn’t screaming, but just cooing or babbling. Sometimes she puts herself back to sleep and sometimes she starts fussing after being awake for 30 or so minutes. That’s when I’ll take her to bed with me and usually I have to wake her up for her 8AM feeding.
my daughter is 25 months. I’ve been riddled with sleep issues for the last year which initially were resolved by gating her door and forcing her to self soothe and fall asleep on her own. When we moved into a new house the problem came back where she just did not want to fall asleep and when she did she woke up in the middle of the night and getting her back to sleep in her own room was difficult. We worked through that but in the last 4-5 months getting her to fall asleep in her own bed is impossible and she cries/screams at her door which is also gated for 10-20 minutes before falling asleep in front of the door. She loves to sleep with mommy and daddy but this is not what I want because while I love feeling her close to me I don’t want to make the situation worse and it does. What can I do? Keep up with what I’ve been doing which is just to gate her room and let her cry herself to sleep. It seems the only thing that works since attempting to console her just restarts the cry clock.
I have a 20 month old who sleeps in a bed in our room. I put her to sleep by nursing, and then she usually sleeps a while (3-4 hours) before wanting to nurse again, at which point I get in the bed with her (and usually end up spending the rest of the night there.) Once in a while she goes to sleep without nursing, but it is rare. She wakes up a lot at night. Here’s my specific problem: I am interested in the sleep solution but I do not have a separate room for her, we have a one room home with a loft sleeping area, where we all sleep. So if your solution requires that the child have their own bedroom, I can’t use it. Any ideas? Thank you,
Alexandra
Hi Dana,
My question is how can I get my daughter,Adriane to go to sleep by herself.she usually sleeps by 8pm but I usually have to rock her to sleep as i am working on stopping breastfeeding her to sleep.so far so good.I read in your article that I should put her to sleep in her crib ‘awake’.I’ve tried it for 2 nights now and she just cries and cries and I can’t stand to see her cry that much so I pick her up and rock her.
Also,she only sleeps for 3 hours then wakes up.so she wakes up like 3-4 times before day break.
Please i would like to know how to mke her sleep on her own and sleep through the night.
Thank you
Hi have a 9 month old little boy who goes to bed at 7pm every night. he falls a sleep having his night time bottle. he can wake up to 8 times a night for his dummy. and if i just leave him he will wake right up for 2 hours crying all the time.
please can you tell me how i can get him to stop waking for his dummy.
thank you
Hi, I’m slightly confused. I have a healthy, very energetic 13 month old baby girl who on average sleeps very well (going to be at 8pm and waking between 6.30 and 7am).
She has always gone to be awake but has a bottle in bed, I stay with her until she has had enough, she rolls over and goes to sleep. The reason I am confused is that people now tell me she shouldn’t go to bed with a bottle at all and should have her bottle in the living room and then off to bed????
She has since she was born, gone to bed with an evening bottle which I find settles her down, with the lights off and low music playing but am slightly concerned that this is now seen as ‘wrong’
Please can you help me, all of the information I have been reading only comments on babies/toddlers waking in the middle of the night for a feed or if they are being rocked to sleep and then I leave.
From a very confused first time mum
Sam
Hi Sam,
The issue is that by 13 months she probably has a full mouth of teeth and even if you’ve brushed them BEFORE putting her in the cot, there are natural sugars in milk so you should be brushing them AFTER her bottle.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the whole anti-bottle argument, my 19 month old is perfectly capable of drinking from a cup, and does so during the day, but ‘needs’ her bedtime bottle of milk to settle her down (and this also means I know she has a full tummy).
Her big sister moved on to a cup for milk at bedtime when she was about 2, and also reduced the amount she drank then. She doesn’t drink milk at any other time though so I figure the more she has the better.
Kath
So I started out doing exactly what the mom in the situation did. However, I rocked my child to sleep everynight… Out of necessity (or so it feels like). He fights sleep like it’s a bad thing. He is now 21 months old and I still have to rock him to sleep everynight. It feels more like a wrestling match at this point. He wakes up within 2 hours and has to be rocked again or I lay down with him. For a while we were just putting him in bed with us do we could get some sleep. He’s just too big and we were all uncomfortable. So now when he wakes up I make a pallet on his floor and sleep on it with him. I often try to sneak back to bed but he always wakes up looking for me (obviously- why wouldn’t he- I have essentially trained him to do this) I feel like a complete failure and worry he is never going to be able to sleep without me. We’ve tried the cry it out method and it was horrendous- hours upon hours of crying with no end in sight. To be completely honest I am exhausted all the time and my husband is beginning to resent me as it is affecting our sex life. I feel like I’ve let this go on too long and we are hopeless for change. He has not slept through the night even once in his whole life. I love my child and my husband and need help!
We moved Joe ( who will be two Feb 21 of this year) into a youth bed at Christmas, (he was starting to climb the sides of the crib) for a few weeks he stayed in the bed at night and went to sleep. Now he keeps getting up 7-8 times before he falls off to sleep. I walk him back and do not say anything, but it is not working. I have no problem with his nap, which lasts about an hour and a half. I’m at wits end. How do I keep him from getting up. He’s smart and understands me when I tell him it’s night time and time to sleep before I put him down. Jeannine
Hi Dana
My son is 13 months and is still waking up at least 3-4 times a night and sometimes is awake for 2 hours, he seems to be fully awake for those 2 hours, i have cut out the night feeds, he just wants to play for those 2 hours but he doesnt even want to be in his room. we have tried various methods with him, leaving him to cry (he just gets so hysterical he nearly makes himself sick!), please help me as i am really struggling to cope and i end up letting out all my frustration on my husband. Im also back at work now and feel exhausted all the time. HI day time naps are regualr and he only sleeps about 2 1/2 hours per day. He usually goes down at 7pm and then wakes at 1am, 4am and then awake for the day at 7am again. I also have a 4 year old son who often gets disturbed by his brother at night.
Please send me any advice, thanks
Andria – my wife and I are having the same problem. Our 14 month old daughter gets placed in her crib around 9:30pm, then wakes up at 12:30pm. We’ve tried the “letting her cry it out” routine, etc. We let her sleep on us in her room, either while we’re on the floor, in a chair, etc. But, she tosses and turns A LOT during much of the night. She’ll wake up a couple of times during the night and then she’s up for the day by 7am. She might nap for 1.5-2 hours at most. You’re not alone in this. If you find any solution, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share it, as we’re pulling our hair out, too!