Click on the ‘Play’ button above to start video!
Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question is from Ingrid. She writes:
“My son is two years and three months, and he takes anywhere between 30 minutes on a good night to two and a half hours to go to sleep. My problem is that and he is happy. He gets out of bed constantly and plays in his room or reads books. It is not a matter of an upset boy. It is a matter of a tired boy the next day. I feel like I have tried every possible solution from getting angry to returning him to his bed. What can I do?”
Well, I think everyone assumes that when you are making changes to your child’s sleep habits, that you are going to be met with lots of tears and lots of protest but often (even with a baby) they are just happily playing in their crib and then you wonder what you should do. If you know he does not seem upset, you might wonder whether you should go in or leave them be.
Here are some suggestions for you. First of all, I am wondering if he still napping during the day. That could be causing part of the problem if he is. At two years and three months, he could be starting to transition out of his day time nap.
What tends to happen with that is that the toddler will seem ready and happily go down for a nap and sleep for a couple of hours, no problem. However, when bedtime rolls around there are lots of games or protests and stalling and bedtime gets pushed later and later, into the 8:30-9:00pm area. If that could be part of if I would consider pulling his nap. It will be tough because it takes about a month for a toddler to transition out of a daytime nap. So there will be days when he is grumpy and he seems like he could really use a nap but just hang in there and maybe move bedtime earlier to compensate.
If he is not napping, he should be going to bed between 7:00-7:30 PM and what you might want to do is just make sure his bedtime routine is really predictable and step by step. I a half hour routine of getting him ready for bed with a bath, getting jammies on and reading stories. Because of his age, depending on how verbal he is and how his comprehension skills are, you could try offering a bit of a reward system. Choose something really simple and I suggest you write it down; it tends to seem more concrete when a toddler sees that it is being written down. Make it so that if he stays in his bed and tries to sleep, in the morning he can have a smartee or a cookie or a sticker. Something that would be rewarding enough, that he might give it a try. It might not make a difference, but I think it is worth a try to kind of keep it on the positive note. Make it known that he really needs to stay in his bed that he needs to be quiet and really try to go to sleep. Once he is in his bed and lights are out I suggest you leave; it does not sound to me like he has got fears of being in there on his own or anything like that. So there is no point in staying; I would just make your exit and good night.
Another thing you might want to do is take things out of his room that are causing distractions. I know in your question you said he gets up and he plays with his toys and he reads his books. Move all that stuff to another location and maybe it can be part of the reward for good behavior. So that if he has gone for a whole week without getting out of his bed and without playing with toys or reading books, then he can have those things come back to his room, as long as he makes good choices about what he should be doing it bedtime. Take out all distractions. I know it is a bit of a hassle and I have had clients who have stripped the room bare so that all that is in there in his bed. You have a job to do, which is instilling bedtime routines and making sure that the boundaries are clear, but you can’t actually force someone to sleep if they will not.
If he wants to lay in his bed and have a bit of a chat to himself or do a little bit of singing before he goes to sleep, you can not really do much to control that. Maybe it is part of his winding down that he sings a few songs he remembers through the day, or whatever the case maybe. I would not worry too much about that, because as long as he is in his bed and is being reasonably quiet. If he is bouncing up and down and yelling loudly, then it is definitely worth going in to remind him.
I do not know if he does come out of his room, but if does should be some sort of consequence. So if he came out of his room I would say, “That is one warning. You may not come out of your room or there will be a consequence.”
For toddlers, a consequences are might be closing the door. A lot of toddlers like to have their doors at least partly open and do not like the idea of being closed solid. You might say “If you are going to come out again, I am going to close your door.” You do not have to close it for the entire night, you can just close it for five minutes and then remind him again he needs to stay in his room or you will close the door. If he comes out again, you close the close the door for five more minutes. First should be for five minutes and then it would be ten and then fifteen. Usually they stop testing pretty quickly into that, because most toddlers really find that and undesirable consequence.
If that is going to make no difference to him then maybe he has a teddy that he sleeps with or special blanket that is a big part of his sleep strategy. You can withdraw that item if he is not cooperating. Go in, remind him, take teddy, and walk out for five minutes. Then bring teddy back and again remind him of the rules. If he is still not cooperating, go in and take teddy for ten minutes this time and bring it back and again. Those sort of consequences also stop the behavior fairly quickly. There is no point at getting angry at him, because lots of toddlers are looking for attention, so even negative attention is still attention.
Just be really neutral; the less talking you do the better it goes. You might just have to go for a few nights of looking in this room for distractions, totally ignoring him. That way he is not getting rewards out of it and that should help speed things up a little. Eventually he is going to get bored of lying in his bed and singing and trying to get you to come in and he is going to stop.
That is my best suggestion for your son. The good news is that he is comfortable being on his own, which is a struggle for a lot of parents so, you don’t have to battle that one. It is just a matter of reminding him what the rules are about bedtime and that these are things you can do and these are things you cannot do. That should help steer him in the right direction.
Thanks for your question Ingrid — and sleep well!
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
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71 responses so far ↓
1 Pamela // Apr 28, 2009 at 5:02 pm
I’m pregnant with my 3rd child. I’m wondering, what can I do different with this new one from the beginning so that I don’t find myself in the same predicament?
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2 Tasha // Apr 28, 2009 at 5:09 pm
I am 7mnts pregnant with my 2nd child.My son is 19mnts and won’t go sleep in his own bed in his room.Seems like he’s scared to be left alone,totally throws a fit when you want to leave him.We did it for a couple of nights and it went well until i decided to stay there until he fell asleep.Big mistake cause now i can’t leave.He goes to bed really late and it just seems that he doesn’t know how to fall asleep on his own.He’s back in the bed with us.HELP
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3 Mike // Apr 28, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Dana - your book was amazingly helpful with our first child; we learned so much and applied those learnings to sleep training our second child. #2 is a wonder - she falls asleep completely on her own and took to ritual immediately. She goes to sleep regularly at 7:30 with a bath, a book, and then into her crib - 20 minutes. We leave the room and she’s asleep almost immediately. (by the way, she’s nearly one years old now).
Problem is she wakes up nearly every night at various times - 11 PM, 3 AM, etc. Usually only once a night, but occasionally more than once. We cannot get her back to sleep and comfortable unless we give her a bottle. When we do, she goes right to sleep without any assistance (other than the bottle!). We’ve tried letting her try to get back to sleep, but she gets more and more upset the longer we wait to go into her room. We’ve tried talking to her, touching her, holding her and then the bottle as last resort. It always escalates to a bottle - regardless of how much time we commit to trying to soothe her/help her soothe herself. Any ideas?
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4 robin // Apr 28, 2009 at 5:23 pm
My daughter was 6 months old when we adopted her. Her foster mother had her sleep in bed with her and to the day she will not sleep on her own bed. Worse than that she wakes 4-5 times per night. I need help and don’t know where to start. It is really getting in the way of my husbands and my personal life. Please help us!!!
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5 Rosanna // Apr 28, 2009 at 5:28 pm
i am having the same problem as Ingrid, but the thing is if i take away the sleep in the day the attitude and tantrums answering back etc get way worse and there pretty bad right now, bed time is 7.30 and have a routine that leads up to it that helps with actually getting her to go to bed but she takes ages to go to sleep, a lot of nights there fights and huge battles , Also im having trouble with her doing as she is told like i will say dont do that because……. (no response) then i will be firmer (still no response) till i get angry and then shell just sit there and cry everything i say no to she will cry (no real tears ) its all wearing me really down and not making parent hood fun and enjoyable i wake up thinking what is going to happen today and dread it
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6 C.M. // Apr 28, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Hello Dana,
I need help getting my three year old out of my bed and into his own room. This all started when he was a baby; we lived in a house that a woman had died in, a woman who had a baby just his age. (We didn’t know this when we bought the house, in fact we didn’t know this for two years while living there.)
As soon as we put him in his new bedroom he began having night terrors, screaming hysterically for hours, and would not be consoled by anything, would kick and punch and not recognize me, while simultaneously calling out for me. Eventually, I started getting in the shower with him and the warm water would calm him down some, and he would sort of snap out of it, but would breathe crazy for hours afterwards, gasping for air in a heartbreaking way, and would cling to me even in his sleep with an iron grip. It was very frightening for everyone.
For a while we would try to put him back in his crib but he would wake up instantly, scream hysterically, and would not be consoled. This happened every night for months and months until I got really worn out from lack of sleep. Sometimes he would eventually fall asleep after screaming for hours. (I tried staying, leaving, singing, rocking, not rocking, soothing music, no soothing music, lights on, lights off, teddy bears, no teddy bears, and I did all of this with a regular schedule of bathtime, brush teeth, put jammies on, read a story…) He wouldn’t even take naps in the bedroom, he would just scream for hours, even if I sat in the room with him or rubbed his back or anything.
Within an hour of falling asleep he always wakes up and goes hysterical if he’s alone. I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t even leave him with a babysitter because he won’t go to sleep unless I’m with him. He has also developed an obsession with my hair, it’s like his lovey and he has to be touching it at all times.
Eventually, we just gave in and he’s been in our bed ever since. We moved out of the haunted house six months ago, and he doesn’t even have his own room at the moment, but we are about to move to a new place where he will have his own room again. I’d really like to start off the new place with him in his own room/bed. PLEASE HELP!! I really don’t even know how or where to start. Thank you!
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7 Jules // Apr 28, 2009 at 6:10 pm
I have the same problem as Mike, although our little one is 4mnths old. Her Dr. suggested she could be teething or still hungry. :/ We always offer more milk in her bottle than she can finish so I can’t assume she’s hungry. But we always have to go in and the only way she’ll go to sleep is with a bottle (and she only drinks 2oz in the middle of the night). She also started rolling over from her back to belly, and does this in the middle of the night, gets stuck and ends up crying/screaming for us - thus waking her up completely and too late for us to pat-shush her to sleep. Is it the teething? The rolling over? Or the need to drink 2oz?
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8 Ruhaina // Apr 28, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Hi Dana, my daughter is almost 10 months. I am struggling with being able to get her to fall asleep on her own. I follow the bed time routine of bath, jammies, milk (she is awake) and then its sleep time. This is where the problem starts, I have to rock her to sleep. If i put her into her cot, she immediately sits up and then wants to play despite me being firm and telling her its sleep time. This usually takes between 30- 45mins to get her to fall asleep. her bed time is between 6.45pm- 7.30pm.
Please help. Thanks
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9 Emma du Fresne // Apr 28, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Hi, I have a 3 and a half month old, he can go off to sleep semi awake no problem, but is still waking any where between 3 to 4 times a night. Will this continue, or do I need to implement a sleep program??
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10 Jen // Apr 28, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Hi Dana,
Thanks so much for all of this information, it is really interesting and extremely helpful!
My question is: How do you suggest dealing with “sleep regressions/disturbances” like teething, illness, growth spurts, etc? My 4.5 month old has been sleeping really well (I believe) for his age (up for a dream feed at 11 p.m. and a 3:30 a.m.-ish feed, but otherwise sleeping from 7:30 p.m. until about 7 a.m.). He had this sleep pattern for about 6 weeks until last week when he, all of a sudden, woke up every 1.5 hours all night one night - and has been waking up sporadically and more frequently other nights since then. I’m pretty sure teething has something to do with his wakeups and/or the fact that I’ve had a cold and he may be fighting it. I would love to hear your suggestions/recommendations for dealing with these sleep challenges when we’ve successfully implemented a sleep routine and pattern but are now faced with what feels like a huge regression!
Thanks so much in advance.
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11 Jen M // Apr 28, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Hi Dana,
My baby, who is 3 months old, is sleeping through the night with no feedings other than right before bed. He falls asleep on his own for night time. I’m hoping that continues. The problem is that he will not nap in his room. He screams and fusses even after a bottle. He will only cat nap in his car seat. I don’t know what to do about naps with him and he is one very fussy baby without the consistency of a nap. Also, when we put him to bed, we are still wrapping him in a swaddle so I am afraid if we discontinue that, he will not sleep as well. Again, it only works at night… nothing works for naps.
Help!
Jen
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12 Jodie // Apr 28, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Hi Dana, I would love some advice on how to help my two year old son go to sleep independently. Noah sleeps in a bed in his own room and seems to like both. But he always falls asleep (both at night and for naps) with either me or his dad lying beside him. We have established a good routine of bath/story/lights out which he enjoys. But then one of us lies next to him until he falls asleep (usually only takes 10 mins but can take up to 30 mins). We’d really like some advice on how we could leave him to fall asleep on his own. His bedtime is 7:30 and he still has a 1-2 hour nap during the day. Thanks!
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13 Sahar // Apr 28, 2009 at 8:48 pm
My son can falls asleep on his own and will sleep in his room with maybe a little of crying but eventually falls asleep.
my problem is that i work from my Moms 5 days a week and when i put him to sleep there he cries. I tried using the same sound machine and i bring his blankie the room is dark like home, but he just cries. the only difference is that he is not in a crib but in a playpen. unfortunately i can not buy one right now nor do i know if it will make a difference. any advice it’s very painful to hear him cry.
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14 Michelle // Apr 28, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Hi! My son is 13 months old and in the past week or so he has started crying really hard when we lay him down for bedtime. Before this, he had been going down pretty easily. His typical bedtime routine is we put his pj’s on, read some stories, say a prayer and I nurse him, but he does not fall asleep. I lay him down awake. I have started to wein him recently (going from 4 feedings to 3 feedings during the day), so I’m wondering if that is causing it. He also got his first 2 molars earlier this month, so he could be getting more teeth. One other thing is we always used to put him in a “sleep sac” to keep him warm and he is growing out of it and it’s too warm to put him in it now, so we haven’t been using that. Do you think that could really be throwing him off??? (He’s also having a lot of trouble going down for naps unless he is in his “sleep sac”. What should we do?? Thanks so much!
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15 Dana W. // Apr 28, 2009 at 8:53 pm
My son is 9 months old. I have begun implementing a bed time routine for a week and can now get him to go to sleep with less crying. However, he wakes up every one to two hours cring more and more with each waking. What do I do? Also, his naps have become shorter since I have begun letting him cry it out in his crib. Before he napped in our arms for two hours at a time and now will only sleep for 15-30 minutes in his crib. I am in desperate need of help!
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16 Elaine // Apr 28, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Hi Dana,
my question is: My little boy of 10 months keeps waking through the night crying for some reason, I check everything, wet nappy, cold or hot and adjust as necessary, but then after I calm him down in my arms and put him to back in his cot he puts himself to sleep but then wakes again 20 mins later and can continue like this for up to 3 hours? Last night he woke at 11.30pm and didn’t go to sleep until 1.30 but then woke up again at 2.00am and didn’t go back to sleep again until 3.30 and then work again at 4.50am. I would love to hear your suggestions on how I can get him to sleep all the way through. he does sleep all the way through some nights and then alternate nights is like this again. Sometime he will wake up with a huge scream too, I think he’s having night terrors? your thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance
Elaine xx
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17 mandi // Apr 28, 2009 at 9:34 pm
dana,
im writing for a friend, actually. she has a daughter who is 16 months old. she was born 3 months early, so i dont know if this would have any effect on her sleep. she is a normal, feisty little one during the day. she takes her naps fairly scheduled with no problem. the only thing is, at night when she goes to bed. her mom will lay her down around 8pm. she throws a tantrum for at least a half an hour, but will eventually fall asleep. she has tried the “ferber method”, the consequences “game”, and it seems nothing will work. the big problem comes in around 1230am. she will wake up screaming and throwing herself around her crib. when her mom comes in, she will calm down. she gets a diaper change and a bottle, and then gets laid back down. at this point, she wants to play. she will go as far as to vomit on herself and her bed so she can get out and play in the tub or whatnot. she thinks around this time, its time to get up for the day or just wants to simply play. her mom is losing so much sleep over this, its obviously taking a toll on the baby, and she has tried so many different approaches. any help you could give would be greatly appreciated. thanks so much!
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18 Shana // Apr 28, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Hi Dana,
My daughter is almost nine months old. We have started to get her to sleep by herself. I am having a lot of difficulty particularly during her day sleeps as I often do the routine we have in place, put her in her cot and walk out. She doesnt always cry like she is upset but she can sit in their and winge. Yesterday I left a bit of the curtain open to see what she was doing without opening the door and she was sitting up. I am unsure if I should be going back in to try to get her to lie down or if I should just let her sit in there until she falls asleep or until she gets upset and needs me to come in and tell her its ok and leave again. I do not know if i am putting her in when she isnt tired enough but it seems that every day she is different and she can be giving signs she is tired but will not go to sleep.
Also it seems to be taking on some days up to an hour for her to fall asleep and during that time she seems to be screaming and so we have to go in to calm her down but sometimes going in to calm her down makes it worse when we leave again. We do leave her in there to cry for interval times before going in. We are happy that she can get herself to sleep without us now but sometimes it feels like she is having an awful time and it makes it very hard not to just go in and rock her back to sleep!
Your help would be greatly appreciated, especially as her grandmother lives with us and she hears all the crying!
Thank you
Shana
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19 Nanci // Apr 28, 2009 at 9:48 pm
My son Alex is turning 1year old in couple of days. I been following your website, questions and answer for couple of months now. Recently I have been stop giving him his dummie or soother, his bed time is 9pm, first couple of night he cried for 30-40 mins and fall sleep but wake up at 11pm or 12am I then go in and tug him in again and he sleep through till 9am (this is the first couple of nights). The last 2-3 days he wake up about 4-5 times at night, couple of times I just leave him awhile and he fall back to sleep himself but there still couple of time that I have to go in and tug him in again. His sleeping pattern is on and off, one or 2 night he will sleep really well (meaning I go and tug him in only once maybe twice around 11pm or 12am and sleep through till 9am) but bad night I have to go in and tug him in 3 or 4 or 5 times. What can I do to improve his sleeping pattern as im about to go back to work soon. I usually go to sleep late myself like 11 or 12am so iI dont mind when he wake up and need me to tug him in before I go to bed but after that I really wish he would sleep through. If he can sleep through from 9pm to 9am thats even better. Please help
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20 Rachel // Apr 28, 2009 at 9:58 pm
My son is just 1 and when we put him down for his sleep at night he keeps standing up and lying down, sitting up , lying down etc. He doesnt cry unless I leave the room, but can take up to an hour for him to get to sleep. We have same bed time ritual at night, and he used to just roll over and go to sleep when Id put him down. How do I get him to again be comfortable to fall asleep without me??
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21 Jessica // Apr 28, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Dear Dana,
I also have a 28 month old (2 1/2 almost) son who used to have a routine. I now read everything you write and I found I am in so much trouble right now. Bedtime is a nightmare. My son’s father passed away when he was only 5mo old. My sister and his aunt passed away last May. I don’t know if this has anything to do with this but our bedtime routine has gone out the window. He just went to sleep without a fight, which is unusual, only because we walked alot today. It’s now 10:08pm.! Sometimes he cries histarically until 11:00pm or later! I’ve tried everything…bath, pjs, book, favorite Elmo dvd, rubbing his head, back, etc. ? It’s always a fight. Since he is only 2 he should be going to bed around 7:30pm right? How can I get back on track? He is off the bottle but does use a sippy cup to go to bed. What can I do? I’m so tired! Help!
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22 Sally Feldmanis // Apr 28, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Hi Dana,
My name is Sally, and I have 2 sons, Liam (8yrs) and Ashton (22 mths).
I have done the Sleep Sense Program with Ashton twice. Once when he was 6 mths old and again when he was 14 mths old. The first time to sort out day time naps, and the 2nd to sort waking during the night. Both were very successful.
I am a single mum due to have my 3rd son on 8 August (15 weeks). We live in a 3 bedroom house and was hoping you could provide advice on the best possible solution for sleeping arrangements once the baby is born.
I was going to move Liam (8yrs) and Ashton (who will be 2yrs and 2 mths) into the same room (Liam’s room). Liam is very excited and is a sound, solid sleeper. Ashton is a good sleeper but does tend to wake early sometimes(between 5:30am and 6:30am). When he wakes at 5:30am he doesnt cry or is not upset so I just leave him as long as I can, usually betwen 6am and 7am, depending how he is. There are times when he wakes during the night due to illness or something else but he usually puts him self back to sleep, unless he is very uncomfortable. Ashton is still in a cot and I plan to keep him in it for as long as I can. So there is no drama in moving them in together other than working around Ashton’s waking.
I wanted the baby in his own room pretty much straight away, through experience it seems to work better that way all round for everyone, including me who is a very light sleeper. So my questions are:
Do you advise to move Ashton into Liam’s room before the baby is born so they have time to adjust? I was thinking 3-4 weeks prior to my due date.
Can you advise techniques to help with this transition process? I was thinking that I would put Ashton to bed 30 mins before Liam which is what we do now. Ashton goes to bed at 7pm and Liam goes to bed at 7:30pm.
Do you have any suggestions for when Ashton wakes during the night or early morning? I can see it interrupting Liam’s sleep and I will have both of them awake. I really dont want Liam moving to my bed when this happens. To date I have managed a child free bed and would like to keep it that way.
Do you have any advice regarding what to do if the baby wakes Ashton or vice versa, how do I deal with both when there is only one of me?
Im sure there are a dozen more questions but you probably get the idea.
I look forward to your response.
Cheers, Sally.
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23 Ami // Apr 29, 2009 at 2:09 am
Hi Dana - I’ve been sleep training my 9 month old for 2 weeks and we’ve seen wonderful results. He’s now napping and going to bed no problem and sleeping through some nights but on occasion he wakes at 4am and will cry for 45mins or so then fall asleep for half an hour then wake again 5.15 then sleep again till 6am when we get up. Problem is I dont really get back to sleep so I’ve been up since 4am this morning. I was just wondering if you could tell me the main reasons for early morning waking. He goes for 2 naps in the day totaling 1.5 hours and goes down at night at 6.30 (as he gets up at 6am). Any suggestions?
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24 Sonika // Apr 29, 2009 at 3:14 am
Hi Dana, my son, Divjot is 2 months and 18 days old. My problem is that he is unpredictable, sometimes he sleeps himself very easily after feeding and playing for a while and sleeps for 5-6 hours straight but sometimes it becomes the toughest job for me because he only sleeps while feeding or till i continuously rock him. And some times he wakes up every 2-3 hours during bedtime. He even does not nap in his cot during the day, its always in my arms. I tried your suggestion of leaving the baby to sleep on his own, no matter how long he cries but he can cry continuously for an hour that was unbearable for me. Please suggest what should i do to inculcate good sleeping habits in Divjot.
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25 rebecca paul // Apr 29, 2009 at 5:08 am
hi i have a 19 week old boy and he has gone from sleeping 7 pm till 5 am to waking up 4-5 times a night. the health visitor suggested i start weaning him which i have done, he has a bedtime routine and in bed at 7 pm, he is not hungry because he’ll only have 1 or 2 oz throughout the night. he always falls asleep during his last bottle no matter what i do to keep him awake and i can’t really leave him to cry during the night as i have another son in the next room. please help i need sleep !
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26 Derek Gracie // Apr 29, 2009 at 5:20 am
Tobias is 2 yrs 7 months he is in his own bed but it takes ages for him to go to sleep between 30mins and an hour we try not to let him nap otherwise there is no point putting him to bed till 9.30ish he has never been a great sleeper usually 8 hours max and even then he woke up about 4 times a night but lately is doing better by sleeping 10 hours go to bed at 8 then through to 7 however every second night he wakes a couple of times looking for a drink or to come in to our bed having a good night then a bad night is driving us mad at least when it was every night we knew it was coming.
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27 Nicola // Apr 29, 2009 at 5:57 am
Hi Dana
My daughter is 4 and a half months old and wakes up either every hour or 2 of the night. She only wakes for a suck on her bottle and then nods off. Her bed time is 7.30pm and is sleeping on and off for 12 hours. this is just disturbing my sleep pattern as im getting 45mins at a time. ive tried everything i can think of, but im getting closer to going back to work and im worrying i will not be able to cope. Any advice??
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28 Amanda // Apr 29, 2009 at 7:28 am
I have a 5 month old little boy who has had trouble sleeping from the word ‘go’. First he got a bad case of thrush, then he’s had GERD since about month 2, now he’s had a bad case of bronchiolitis for about the past month (which we are treating with multiple nebulizer treatments each day). The problem is we just cant seem to get him down at all unless he’s in the swing. We’ve tried crying it out, and he’s a marathon crier so that is definitely a no-go. He seems to almost get to sleep and then startle himself and it starts all over again. How do I get him to just lay down and go to sleep? We did “crying it out” with big sis and at 2 she’s a champion sleeper and has been since about 6 months old.
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29 Tracey Turner // Apr 29, 2009 at 7:52 am
I have just read your blog you have submitted today which is extremely helpful as always. After reading your book we are having more peaceful nights however i was intrigued when you say that by 2years old your toddler shouldn’t be having day time naps and this may be the cause of it taking forever to get them to sleep. My little girl is approaching 3 now and some days she will go without a nap which is great because she is always then flat out by 7.30 but some days she just cant keep her eyes open and falls asleep and then it takes us forever to get her to sleep at night. is there any tips you can offer as to how i can keep her awake during the day. It’s so hard when she is really tired about 2pm!
Thanks! Tracey
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30 diandra // Apr 29, 2009 at 9:04 am
hello dana!my name is diandra i have a 1year and 6 months girl her name is shazney.we have a big problem with her sleep.we do nt know what to do!!she is a verry happy baby!but at night shes imposibble..her last meal is at 7.30 and at 9pm we give her her last bottle of milk,she sleeps on our hands!!we tried to put her in her crib but always the same she cries…from 10.00pm till 6.00am she wakes up for several times 6 or 7 times.pls help us..she wakes up every hour crying and screaming we tried to let her cry,,but we had to go cuddle her and than always the same thing!!i dont give her milk only camomilla!is there any medicine??thats good for her??i whish that your answer could be send by email pls..verry ergent thankx
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31 saza // Apr 29, 2009 at 9:29 am
my question is that i saw one of your videos couple weeks ago, you explaining one couple transition from parent’s bed to the crib. we had same problem with our daughter to move her from our bed to her crib. we are successful in doing that the way you said THANKS!, problem now is that she goes to sleep on her own in crib but one of us had to stay in the room till she goes to sleep which is from 10 to 20 mins. she still sometimes wakeup at night and stand in crib crying till one of us has to go back in her room and sit till she goes back to sleep. when she wakes up she will stand up and try to get out of crib and in that struggle sometimes her foot gets out from between the rails and she fells back hitting her self on other side of rails and so now i stay there in her room avoiding her to stand and falling in crib, till she falls asleep i dont talk or pat but i just lay her down in crib if she gets up. i guess now whenever she wakes up she expects one of us in the room and she cry while standing in her crib till we go in her room laying her back in crib and then she falls asleep sometimes between 5 to 15 mins knowing that we are in the room.do you have any suggestion how i can change if she wakes up we dont have to go and wait till she fall asleep.my daughter is 15 months old and takes about 2 hours nap in afternoon.
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32 Ruth // Apr 29, 2009 at 9:49 am
Your sleep sense program is amazing. Its been 3 weeks since we purchased it and its been a wonderful 3 weeks for me and my son. Were still on the process on naps but were getting there. My concern right now is were going on 2 weeks vacation to the in-laws. In what way(s) can we continue the program if we share the same room with him. Thank you again.
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33 Cheryl // Apr 29, 2009 at 10:12 am
Rowan goes to sleep ok, but wakes up crying at 12;30 am he goes down fine, but then he wakes up at 4;30, we have to go in and lay him down again, he wakes at around 6;30 am, then he is up for the day untill his nap. Rowan is 2yrs old. How can we break him of this habit. We also have a new baby a week old. should we have Rowan in a bed., he still sleeps in the crib. Thanks for any suggestion…………..
Cheryl
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34 Daniela // Apr 29, 2009 at 12:28 pm
My 9 1/2-month old son needs to be sleep trained, but I have a hard time with it, especially at nap time. When I lay him down, he immediately sits or crawls in his crib. I have tried to lay him back down, but he does not want to stay. I tried to pat him on his back, but still not successfully. I tried to do the leave and check method, but he gets too agitated, especially when we go in the room. I also tried the cry it out method and he just gets too overtired from crying and does not fall asleep. Please help. I know the longer I wait the harder it gets. What can I do to help him fall sleep on his own? What would a routine for nap time be? I try to get him drowsy and then put him awake in his crib, but it only works at night. During the day, I end up just rocking him to sleep, after trying a full hour leaving him in his crib. Thank you so much for your insights. They are so helpful!
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35 cerrie // Apr 29, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Hi Dana,
I have a 4 year old little girl indea, and a 5 year old girl morgan, they share a room and my husband and I are finding it difficult to get them in a routine of going to bed and staying in there beds they wake eachother up, once there awake they wont stay in there beds.
They fall asleep on the sofa and we carry them to bed as its a battle ground to put them bed awake. I cant remember one night where my husband and I have had our bed to ourselves please help.
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36 genene // Apr 29, 2009 at 1:48 pm
my daughter is 6 and bedtime is always a nightmare how do i get her to go to sleep alone… and sleep throughout the nite in her own bed please
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37 Farah // Apr 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Hello!!
I just had the shock of my life when I found out I’m pregnant with my second child today. My son is 8 months old now and I STILL cant get him to sleep throughout the night, with or without me!!! A few months back I tried putting him on my bed by 8pm and he seemed alright with it but he seems to wake up alteast once in the middle of night. no, he doesnt want milk, he just wants to be held and walked around the whole room while I’m like a zombie trying to keep my eyes open!!! So now my routine is he has a nap around 5-6pm for about 40-45 min. Then he gos to bed after bath at 10-11pm. at first he goes into his crib cuz hes knocked out. So i give him milk(yes he only has milk when he sleeps). So then i thought thats great he sohould sleep through. but oh NO!! he will wake up at 1-2am crying for no apparent reason again no milk or anything just want to be held!! I’m afraid to put him alone in the cotbed because he flips over and doesnt still know how to get himself upright again. and that’s when he starts crying. So i try to soothe him but then he is just agitated. His eyes are always closed tough… please let me know what to do!!! I need this solved before I get big and cant do anything. Thanks again.
Regards,
Farah
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38 Sonia // Apr 29, 2009 at 4:22 pm
My daughter is 1 1/2 years old. My dilema is getting her to go to sleep by herself at night. We get home around 7 - 7:15 pm so her bedtime is normally around 8:45 pm. Once I put her in her crib I cannot leave the room for anything. She will cry histerically until I come back in. As it is she is extremelly attached to me so I think she suffers from separation anxiety when I leave her side. I have to carress her hair or massage her back inorder for her to go to sleep. I would really want to train her to soothe herself into sleep. What do you recommend I do? Thank you for your advice.
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39 nikki // Apr 29, 2009 at 4:55 pm
i have an 18 month old son, he wont go to sleep in his room or his bed. we leave him to cry but sometimes he is there for half hour. he only falls asleep in his highchair and when we put him to bed he wakes up straight away, nothing is working and he is waking his 4 month old sister up.
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40 nita // Apr 29, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Hi,
My problem is my daughter jasha Whos is now 15 months old , takes a long time to make her sleep. She is awake between 6-7 am ,takes a nap around 12pm and is awake around 1:00and 2: 00 pm. I try to put her bed bed by 8.00 pm. I just don;t know how parents put their kids to bed by 7-7:30 pm. Its amazing…
I really would like to know the routine for kids around this age between 15- 18 months..
Thanks,
Nita
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41 Amy // Apr 29, 2009 at 9:56 pm
My son is 8 months old (1st baby) and a very happy baby. However, his sleep habits and patterns are bad. I know that there is more that we should have been doing. For starters, his naps are more like cat naps now. He was taking 2 naps a day that would total 3-4 hours. His morning nap was always shorter. Now he will only sleep for 30 minutes to an hour at each nap. Some days he only takes one cat nap. It isn’t difficult to get him to sleep. He just doesn’t stay asleep.
The 2nd issue is bedtime. We start his night ritual between 7 and 7:15 each night. It starts with a bath, jammies, and then a little bit of lullabies. However, in order for him to fall asleep he has to either be nursing or walked and ‘bounced’ to sleep. The latter can sometimes take up to two hours. It is usually about an hour though. We have tried various methods to get him to fall asleep on his own. The Ferber Method, which we tried strictly for several nights in a row, was tough on us all and didn’t work. After 3 hours of crying he would be hungry and/or need to be ‘bounced’ to sleep.
If that wasn’t enough, he also wakes about twice a night to eat. Despite Nicolas being such a happy baby, this making him very tired during the day. I know that we are contributing to his sleep difficulties, if not the sole cause.
Can you please help us find “sleep happiness” for son?
Thank you!
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42 jennie // Apr 29, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Hi Dana,
Everything that you talked about make perfect sense to me (i.e. nursing baby to sleep and the only way he/she knows how to fall back to sleep is via nursing/bottle). And I understand about the nightly “routine” as well; however, my son, Tyler is 4 months old. So as you can see, I don’t give him a bath everynight (most infant does not get a bath every day). So the ngihtly routine works for older kids and not really practicall for an infants. So what else can you do? I guess I’ll have to buy your program to get in dept detail. However, my son seems to fight when it comes down to bedtime (I think he knows when bedtime comes around b/c he fusses more than a regular nap). He is sleepy and cranky (not a happy infant). I tried to pat him and let him know that I am in the room. But he fusses and gets angry if I don’t pick him up. And also, I can see that the “sleep program” can do wonder but most infants/kids go to daycare or stay at home with grandma, so those people may not follow the same methods and therefore, making your effort goes to waist. Thank you, Jennie
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43 Charlene // Apr 30, 2009 at 12:11 am
I have a 2 year 3 month old girl and she will only go to sleep for her father. Whenever I try to put her down for a nap or for bed she screams and cries for me and doesn’t want to let me go. I don’t know what her father does differently but she always go to bed with no fuss for him. He just tells her that it’s bedtime and she goes to bed and lies down. She still sleeps in her crib which is kind of nice because I know she would be out of her bed in no time flat but we’re wanting to get her a toddler bed real soon because of her age. I just don’t know if that would add to my stress.
I know she always want to be with me but how do I break that so that she will go to sleep for me? I know that she still needs her nap because she is so tired and cranky if she doesn’t get one. I’ve even gone for car rides with her and she falls asleep instantly and have held her in my arms until she’s fallen asleep but as soon as I move her into her crib she knows and instanly wakes up and starts crying and screaming again.
HELP!!!!
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44 Sonya Archer // Apr 30, 2009 at 4:53 am
I recently purchased the sleep sense progam and it worked wonderfully until my son developed eczema, now he wakes in the night iching so i use his prescribed creams etc but Im having trouble getting him back to sleep. He needs alot of reassurance but he really struggles to get back to sleep. We are down to about 3hrs sleep a night, Im not sure who is more exhausted.
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45 Marranda // Apr 30, 2009 at 5:56 am
My son is 8 months old and I am his comfort zone. I rock him to sleep and then he sleeps right by me. When he starts to fuss around all I do is pop the binki or bottle in his mouth. We are night owls and I am trying to get him on a schedule. I want him to be in bed between 10-11 p.m. The other night he fell asleep in my arms while I rocked him and I put him in his crib at 1030 p.m. He only had a 45 minute nap all day long. So I figured he would sleep all night long. NO, He woke up at 130 a.m. so I changed his diaper and fed him some cereal and put him straight back to bed. He played for the first 20 minutes but after that he got very upset. I kept him in there because everyone says he will cry himself to sleep and the next night would be better. NO, that didn’t work. It made me feel like the worst mother in the world and my son was probably feeling like I had abandon him. So what am I supposed to do? I REALLY NEED HELP!
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46 Susan // Apr 30, 2009 at 9:23 am
Hi Dana,
My daughter is 10 months old. She goes to bed for the night like clockwork at 6:30pm. She now sleeps right through the night but gets up at 5am. This is a problem since she spends a lot of her morning cranky. We’ve been just leaving her in her crib until 6am and she will either cry or she’ll play. What can we do to get her to sleep longer? We’ve tried pushing her bedtime back but it doesn’t seem to make a difference, just makes her cranky before bed.
Thanks!
Susan
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47 michelle // Apr 30, 2009 at 6:18 pm
hi dana,
thanks for your report on my 11 soon to be 12 month old son Justin who keeps getting up at around 12:30am every night crying and also during the daytime. I still nurse so once i give him the breast he goes off right away. He does non-nutritive sucking so i know its not because he is hungry. I need to get him off the breast at nights or permanently because he eats food. the thing though is that for the past 2-3 months he has not had any formulae. He will get up 3-4 times for the night but on average twice. I need some help. thanks.
P.S. He will be traveling with his dad to Jamaica for 3 days the end of May. im nervous, should I be? Do you think that will cure him?
michelle
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48 Lauren // Apr 30, 2009 at 7:13 pm
My daughter will be ten months old in two days, and she quit sleeping through the night about two months ago when she started teething. I cannot let her cry it out when she is in pain. I get her up, give her Orajel, teething ring, Motrin, and even play with her to distract her; otherwise she cries and cries. And I mean loudly. Am I doing the right thing?
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49 Aishath // May 3, 2009 at 1:31 pm
my daughter is going to be 4 years and 6 months this month 11. But still she has a habbit of waking up in the middle of the night, and not going to sleep for about 2 hours, sometimes even, 5 hours. she sleeps at around 8:30 pm and she wakes in the morning at about 7:00. only a few days she will be sleeping throuh out the night. please help me. some nights she will have frequent wakes in the night and i dont know what to do. if she wakes up, i have to be there with her until she falls asleep again. she is still wearing nappy in the bed time only. please help……..
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50 Bradley Kohring // May 3, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Miss Obleman,
My four year has some sleep issues. She wakes up 2-3 times a night and wants to climb into our bed. She also has troubling going to sleep, often wanting to fall asleep in our bed or one of her sisters. If she sleeps through the night, she is a wonderfully behaved child. If she has a lack of sleep, she can be quite a terror. My question - she is four and snores loudly and throughout the night. Can the root cause of her snoring be part of her sleep problems. Additional information - she is quite small for her age and I noticed her tonsils are quite big. They seem to almost block the back of her throat.
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51 lynne // May 4, 2009 at 5:21 pm
dana,please help,my husband and i are expecting our second child in october and would love to have our son sleeping happily through the night,we are giving him a bath at 7,let him watch his t.v for half an hour then turn off as bedtime,thats when it starts,he screams,shouts he punches he kicks,he bites tells me to go away,he recently has been in such temper found the strength to kick the baby gate out so he can get out,this is very upsetting for him and traumatising.he is only 2 and a half and this can go on till 10/11 oclock at night every night,we are at our wits end im suffering so bad with sleep deprievation,eventually he will go to sleep but then is awake again in 2/3 hours and does not go back to sleep after that,so often comes in with us as i am so exhausted and have to get a couple of hours before my day starts all over again,he has dairy intolerrance,peanut allergy and is also astmahtic,which is another conern when he gets in such a state of distress is he going to have an attack,please help us i feel like i have tried every thing but i am obviously missing something.thank you very much and i look forward to your reply.
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52 Stephanie // May 4, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Hi Dana,
My 11 month old is now falling asleep without any fuss on her own at nap times and at nignt time. My question is that she still wakes up during the night. Sometimes she will put herself back to sleep and other times she doesn’t. I end up nursing her to get her back to sleep. What should I be doing so that there is a minimal upset during the night to get her back to sleep and then eventually she could do this on her own. Her night time goes like this. Her bedtime routine begins around 7:15 and she is in bed between 7:30 and 8. She sometimes wakes up around 11, and I don’t mind feeding her since I am still awake. If she has this feeding or not, she will wake a couple times before 3 and put herself back to sleep. But around 4, I nurse her again and she is up around 7. Is she really hungry or is this just habit?
Thanks for your help
Steph
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53 Melanie // May 5, 2009 at 11:34 am
Hi my son is almost 10mths old. From the time he was born he would not sleep in the bassinet or the crib. To get him to go to sleep I would lay him down next to me and nurse him laying down. (He has 2 older sisters 4 and 6 ) and I found this to be the best way for me to get sleep as well.
I am getting ready to go back to work and want to try to get him in his crib but the only way to get him to sleep is for me to feed him.
HOw do I get him to sleep without screaming for hours on end?
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54 Loredana // May 8, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Hi I have a 4 month and a half and he is not sleeping thorugh the night. He was sleeping in his bassinet and is too big so I have tried to have him sleep in his crib he just cries. I have moved the playpen in our room and he sleeps 2 to 3 hours and wakes up. NOW I can’t sleep. I need help?
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55 rosalind // May 8, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Hi Dana,
I have an 11th month old son, I’m in need of some ideas of breaking my son from the bottle especially at night and through out the night. He wakes up several times looking for his bottle, which is empty. Is there a way i can break him of this and is there something else that I can try without having to relaspe back to the bottle.
Thanks for your help
rosalind
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56 Jen // May 8, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Hi Dana,
Please help….my husband spent 10 hours in the rocking chair in the nursery the other night!! My 18 month old son has been a wonderful sleeper for about 8 months now. We have a nightly ritual - bath, bottle and cuddles in the chair, then I put him in his crib and until now, he goes right to sleep. For the last couple of nights, however, he has decided that he needs Mommy or Daddy to hold him until he falls asleep. He screams, cries and just stands up as soon as my husband or I put him down. He’s gone through this phase before, needing to be held for about 4 nights in a row and then he comes out of it and is able to put himself to sleep again. Is he just manipulating us or does he need some extra cuddles and security? I think he might be getting his eye teeth and have wondered if this is a factor, or could he be scared of the dark?
Thank you!
Jen
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57 Sandra Archambault // May 8, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Hi Dana. I am writing to you as a grandmother. My daughter in law & son have a 21/2yr old boy with twins of 4mths. They are exhausted, and little time to research for help. they are having difficulty with the boy twin who does not sleep more than 2hours at a time. His cries are more like screams. His twin sister as a rule sleeps through the night from 11 to 6. Maksim is gaining at a great speed awakes & feeds every 2 hours. The parents are now introducing pablum. Do you have any other suggestions.
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58 Stacy // May 9, 2009 at 11:29 am
Hi Dana,
My 15 month old has been sleeping through the night since about 4 months. He falls asleep on us and then we put him in his crib. He usually goes to bed around 9 and then slept till about 7:00 or 7:30. The last two weeks he has been waking up around 2 or 3 in the morning and spends the rest of the night in our bed. We have tried letting him cry anywhere from 10 min to an hour before we go and get him. I am due any day now with our second child and was really happy I only had to worry about one child sleeping, but now all the sudden it’s back to two. My husband works 24 hour shifts, so 3 nights a week it will just be me, a 15 month old and a newborn. Please help me figure out how to get my 15 month to sleep through the night. Also, how long should you let a toddler cry before taking them out?
Thanks for your help
Stacy
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59 Kelly // May 10, 2009 at 7:05 pm
My baby is 3 1/2 months old. He goes to sleep at night on his own with a few minutes of fussing but no big deal. The prob is he will not nap more then 30 min at a time during the day no matter what we try. So by the time 5:30-6:00 pm rolls around he is exhausted, cranky and ready for bed. This is way to early for bed and at this point he wont even nap. What should we do?? Keep him awake even if hes tired or let him go to bed that early. Also he wakes up once during the night and will not go back to sleep without a bottle and then is up around 5:30 am and refuses to go back to sleep. Its a never ending cycle because he is not getting enough sleep he is always cranky…..please help!
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60 AMANDA // May 11, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Help
I am now exhausted and tried every thing I feel.
Harley is now one and still never slept through he has two sleeps during the day upto about an hour each then in bed by 7.00 to 7.30 we have a goodf bed time routine and he goes down after his feed but awake settles very quickly no problems however wake every night around 11 settles quickly again with his soother but then wakes several times until about 12.30 then sleeps until 4 am normally settles quickly until 6.30 ……
this happens every night.
please please help me I feel my whole family are now suffering and my 4 year old needs mummy back ……
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61 Robin // May 13, 2009 at 12:43 am
Hello Dana-
My daughter is 8 and half months old. I have two issues. She nurses to get to sleep which only takes between 5 and 15 minutes and she sleeps in my bed. Because she is in my bed she wakes up 2-4 times a night, but only nurses a few minutes and goes back to sleep. On average she sleeps between 10-12 hours a night. I would love to be able to have her fall asleep on her own in her own crib. I tried putting down for naps in her crib as an introduction to her own bed and she screamed hysterically for 2 hours. I nursed her to the point of almost asleep and then laid her down. For three days it was fine she slept more than an hour each nap, but on the 4th day she started screaming and has not wanted to sleep in her crib since. I was not sure if I should go in and try and soothe her or let her scream it out. When I did go in it seemed to make her more hysterical and pretty angry that I didnt get her out. I really want my bed back. I do not want her to feel like her crib is a bad place where she is left to cry. I want her crib to be a comfort zone for her, somewhere that she can feel safe and cozy. Im worried I already ruined that by leaving her in there in hysterics. Now when she sees her crib she grabs on to me and starts to cry if I lean down to put her in it. We have good routines before bed and naps and we are on a pretty good schedule, she always goes right to sleep if she’s in my bed, and of course being nursed. Any suggestions will be appreciated. Thank you.
Robin
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62 Kelly Sprague // May 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm
My daughter is 15 months old and up until this week was an excellent baby to put to bed! I would give her a bottle on my lap in the rocker and lie her in her crib still awake and she would have her blankie and suck her thumb and watch me leave the room not a peep! NOW she is screaming and has to be rocked and if placed in her crib she comes wide awake crying! But back to sleep if I pick her up and nap time now is a half hour of crying and 20 minutes of sleep and a cranky child til bed at 7pm. WHere did I go wrong? I am so frustated I could cry! Thanks for any help you may be able to offer!
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63 Michelle // May 14, 2009 at 3:19 pm
My daughter is 2 years old and she gets up at least once in the night. She wakes up long enough to have have milk (a couple of ounces or so) and thne goes back to sleep. I was wondering if I just told her no milk only water do you think eventually she will stay sleeping through the night? I have tried the leaving her alone but my husband doesn’t like that idea of leaving her alone to cry. so that is out of the question. We also lay with her to go to sleep while she has her milk. I know we shouldn’t do that cause she is getting used to it but like I said my husband thinks it is best and I can’t agrue with him about it.
The odd time I have left her alone after she has had her milk and she does go to sleep herself but less then I would like. One of us ends up going in and laying with her till she falls asleep. How can I break her of this habit without making my husband mad?
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64 Yelena // May 15, 2009 at 8:57 am
Hi Donna,
I have the same situation as comment 8. Can you tell me when do you think you can help with a solution?
I will highly appreciate it because I just cant take waking up 4 times a night.
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65 Esme // May 15, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Hi, I have a ten month old son who has never slept a night through! We thought we were getting close when we had night weaned him. He started to sleep until 3:30/4:00 and then with a little comfort would go back to sleep until 7:00. I think teething causes him a lot a trouble and so some nights I would end up getting him into bed with me. I couldn’t keep going to him all night I was so tired. Now he wakes all night very couple of hours until I get him into bed with me. Normally around midnight because I’m so tired.It’s so frustrating as it seemed to be going well and now it’s going back to how it was before.
I really need to stop it going backwards but find it so hard to let him cry for too long.
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66 Melissa // May 17, 2009 at 1:28 am
Hi again, Ok well Elsie, our almost 2 yr old, started to sleep so well in her new daybed we had her in. Now about 2 months ago she decided enough is enough and she won’t sleep in it. So my husband made her a toddler bed and she wanted to sleep in it but still wanted us to sleep by her. She just came a customed to us near her. I know is very wrong. That just makes it that much harder to get her back to her own bed. She shares a room with her little brother who is 10 mths old so I dont want her screaming and waking him up. Which I know she will do. Well now she wont sleep in it at all and only in Mom and Dads bed. I am so tired of not getting the sleep I need of course and my husband plus we dont get to sleep next to each other. One of us is always on the couch. This is terrible, We need help. I would like to get also my 10 mth old to sleep through the night too. He doesn’t need to have his bottle. At least I dont think so. But with Elsie and Wyatt sharing a room its difficult to get these two on the same page.
Any suggestions? Please help!
Thanks
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67 Rachel // May 17, 2009 at 8:20 am
Hi, my 10 month old son sleeps well at night. He goes to sleep anywhere from 6 to 8pm. He’ll sleep 11 to 12 hours a night. When he wakes in the morning he has breast milk then breakfast cereal then another drink (breast or bottle) then he goes to bed. This all happens in approximately 1.5 hrs. He’ll sleep from 1 to 1.5 hrs then he’s up for the day. He’s tired within 2 hrs but I can’t get him to have another nap. He’s constantly in and out of the cot until tea time about 5pm. Now that he can pull himself to stand in the cot I can’t leave him too long as he can’t get down and he just screams. How do I get him to sleep?
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68 Lorinda // May 17, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Hi Dana,
I have 17 month old twins who do not sleep through the night. I have put them in separate rooms as one would wake up crying and then wake up the other one. I do nurse them to sleep but do not nurse them when they wake up during the night. I usually go in and rock them to sleep. I would love to have them sleep through the night and ideally have them back in the same room (different cribs) if possible. Your suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!!
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69 Anguelina // Jun 2, 2009 at 2:38 pm
My son is 15 months old. He takes one nap during a day about 1h30minutes. He goes to bed after 8 p.m. dinner. It usually takes him 1 hour to fall asleep. He feels sleepy around 8 p.m. but by the time hi is in his bed, he starts jumping, talking, playing. If I leave the room, he will cry immediately. When I’m back he is totally fine and looks not tired at all.
What should I try to make him sleep faster? Thanks!!!
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70 Karen // Jun 6, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Hi Dana,
I just read Jodie’s comment from April 28th and (sorry Jodie) was glad to see that we are not the only ones with this problem. Our son, Freddy is two years 7 months. He is a foster-to-adopt child who has been living with us for almost two years now. He came to us at 8 months old and has never really slept well through the night. In the beginning, it seemed to be that he wasn’t on “regular” foods, just formula.
Then, when the food issue was solved, he started teething and suddenly, whenever there was pain (such as with teething or ear infections), there were night terrors as well.
At 18 months of age, he decided he was no longer sleeping in his crib and would throw himself to the point of hurting himself whenever we tried putting him in the crib. Finally, with a pediatrician’s advice, we moved him to a toddler bed, which was a huge transition where we ended up laying on the floor beside his bed until he went to sleep. We have always had a good 1/2 hour bedtime ritual, which involves his older brother, who is five and has always been a good sleeper.
In attempts to teach Freddy to fall asleep on his own, we have tried sitting with him for a few minutes and then telling him that we will come back and check on him later, that now it is time to go to sleep. In the beginning, the crying would commence and then, he would run out of his bed and clutch at our legs, screaming. He did seem to transition finally and we were to a point where he would just cry a little while and then go to sleep when we left, when suddenly his attitude seemed to change for no reason. The crying and carrying on escalated to where he would get so upset he would throw up. We tried everything and stuck to it, but it just isn’t working any more.
Now, we are back to laying on the floor beside his bed until he falls asleep, which can be anywhere between 15 minutes and 2 hours or more. He also has started waking in the middle of the night again and cries for one of us. Either my husband or I then goes in and sits or lays on the floor beside his bed until he goes back to sleep.
He gets a nap during the day for approximately 1 hour. (This is because he usually wakes up 45 minutes to an hour after he falls asleep when he’s down for a nap and he’s always been that way.) Because we thought he might be transitioning out of nap time, we moved bed time from 7-7:30 to 8-8:30. Funny, but he’s always seemed to need less sleep than his five and a half year old brother.
Here’s some basic information about Freddy. He has no health issues and he never lived with his birth parents. He knows us as the only parents he has ever “really” known. He listens to the same soothing “heart-beat subliminal” cd every night and he wants that same cd every night. We’ve tried to change it, but he won’t have it. His room is soothing and he sleeps with a super low level touch lamp on. He likes his door closed whenever he is sleeping. He’s also ALWAYS been an early riser. Freddy gets up between 5:00 and 6:30 in the morning every day on his own, cries for one of us and insists on getting up. However, as a baby he was a morning napper as well and would fall asleep around 9:30am for his nap. It took the help of his day care for me to transition him to the afternoon naps his brother was taking when he first arrived. (Our 5 1/2 year old now only takes an occasional nap, but then, when they first came to us, required a two hour nap.)
My question is, how can we help Freddy learn to fall asleep independently? All of this screaming and tantrum throwing at bed time is exhausting for us and for him. He will NEVER admit to being tired and sometimes cries when we say it is bed time. Any suggestions?
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71 Laura // Aug 4, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Hi Dana:
I have a 2 an 4 month old baby who used to sleep on he’s own bed i would tell him is time for noni and he would get his pillow and pacifier he go up on the stairs and get in to bed i would kiss him good night close the door and that was it for the night.
and during nap time i would lay down for a while and then live. about a week ago we started having trouble and now its impossible cause i have to lie down with him until he is asleep and be extra careful when i get up to make sure he doesn’t wake up.
he takes a nap from 1;30 to 4 at the most and then he goes to sleep at 11 this schedule is do to my husband working schedule he work from 3 to 10 and we like to have dinner together so my hubby can see our son before bed time.
when i take him to sleep now as soon as i say bed time he starts crying for his dad and when we get to the room continues the crying and when i try to leave the room he graves me and starts crying like crazy and calling mamy. last night he woke up at 4 and came to my room so i took him back to his and he didn’t want to stay there, so he went to my room and climb on my bed we had to let him sleep on our bed we weren’t really happy about this cause we know he cud get used to it.
please i need your help i dont know if he is scare, if he feel hot, afraid of dark to nigh i had to live his door open until finally he fall asleep
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