Click on the ‘Play’ button above to start video!
Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week, a very popular question, asked by Laura:
“My seven month old daughter Rose falls asleep in the evening pretty well after her bath and bottle, but each night she wakes up every 30 to 40 minutes crying for her pacifier. She calms down for a moment and goes back to sleep… but 20 minutes later she is awake again! She has a cold and a stuffy nose and one other thing that seems to have started is teething. Could that be the problem? What do you suggest for this baby who wakes up every half hour all night? Thank you.”
First of all, really take look at if you are making excuses. Teething will come and go. Teething comes and goes until a child is two so if you think the waking is always because of teething you could be waiting two years before you are finally getting a good night sleep. So, first try not to make excuses. During a cold, yes, a child is going to wakeup a little more often but I get the feeling that it is not just been since she has had a cold, that she has been waking up. Now the main thing is to look at is bedtime. It sounds like you have a nice routine; she has it bath, gets her bottle and then I am guessing she goes to sleep with the pacifier in her mouth.
What happens then if you think of sleep as a journey? Here, you are awake and then you are here, asleep and how do you get yourself to sleep each night? You do it the same way just about every night and if your baby still has sleep problems, you’re usually using a little tool that gets them to sleep. You put pacifier in her mouth and she sucks until she falls asleep and usually it falls out. Some people say it falls out the minute she is asleep but that does not make it any easier. It is still the “getting to sleep part” that is the problem. When she wakes (and 40 minutes is basically one sleep cycle for babies) it sounds to me like often she just does one cycle comes to a light part of her cycle which should just be a little flit. For most there is a tiny little flickering of the eyelids and then they go back into another cycle without becoming a full wake up. For babies who fall asleep with pacifiers, it’s “Where is my soother?” It’s not in her mouth so you come in and give her the pacifier to suck and back to sleep she goes until 40 minutes later.
Even if you get a few hours of sleep out of it, it is still not good. I have had clients who say “Well, she sleeps all night even with the soother.” My concern then is that what should just be a little flickering of the eyelids becomes a wakeup and even if she can reach around and find the pacifier herself and get it back into her mouth, it is still a wakeup. It’s still fragmenting her sleep. So really, it is not good for her in the long run anyway.
Starting at bedtime keep your routine the same and make sure she has a bath and she has a bottle every night. Don’t let her get too sleepy on the bottle because sucking on a bottle and sucking on a soother are very similar. Do not let her fall asleep at the bottle. Have a little story maybe, after bottle and then into the crib without the pacifier. It is going to take her time to get used to the idea sleeping without a pacifier. Once she has mastered the skill of getting herself to sleep and independently she will internalize that skill. Maybe it will involve cuddling her toy or sucking on her finger or just turning to a favorite position, but it will become her own strategy instead of relying on that little tool that she is using to get herself to sleep. She will become a great sleeper. She will be sleeping right through the night because there will be no reason to wake up and cry. All her skills will be on her own.
To everybody out there with a pacifier, I am sorry to say it but it really can cause a problem when a child is waking up often just to find the soother.
So thanks for question, Laura. Sleep well!
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58 responses so far ↓
1 Ana // Sep 9, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Hello there, we have removed the pacifier from our daughter in the hope that she would wake up less times in the night. This is not the case and we really struggle to get her to sleep again, unless we cosleep!. Also, she is really struggling to fall asleep during the day!. We want to keep going but it is hard work at the moment!
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2 Tina // Sep 9, 2008 at 2:55 pm
My son is 9 months old. We are trying to transition him from his pack and play in our room to his crib in his room. He does good for naps he sleeps about an hour and a half, but then at bedtime it is a different story. He will get his bath, and then his bottle and then we put him in the crib and pat him to sleep ( which may be the problem?) . He then wakes up about 2-3 hours later and I go in there and try to pat him back to sleep but soon as he falls asleep and i take one step out of the room to go back to bed he wakes up again. He will not stay asleep in his crib. What can I do to help him sleep better in his crib at nighttime and during the day for naps?
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3 Bonnie // Sep 9, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Dana,
You made a great point about pacifiers, which is why I’ve refused to give my child one. But unfortunately, he has found his thumb. The only nice thing about that is that now he is able to soothe himself at night and rarely ever cries at night, sleeping much better each passing day. But isn’t thumb sucking just as bad as a pacifier? How do you eventually break that habit?
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4 nicki // Sep 9, 2008 at 3:26 pm
My son is 4mths old and to get him to sleep for his naps ( which are very short) or bedtime I have to walk with him and rock him back and forth. I have tried to lay him down and just try to calm him to sleep but no luck. Is it too late to stop the habit I have already created by walking and rocking?
Thanks
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5 beth // Sep 9, 2008 at 3:27 pm
My daughter is 11 months old. Lately, she will wake up real early in the morning around 4:30-5:30 and just want to stay up. Her routine is the same, Bath, Bottle, Bed. She does go to sleep with her pacifer but I never found that to be a problem. Its on a leash at night and is hooked on her nightgown so if she wakes up she knows where it is and usually goes right back to sleep but anymore she cries and wants in our bed and will just play. What can I do to help her sleep through the night?
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6 Adele // Sep 9, 2008 at 3:32 pm
My daughter is 14 months old and she is still not sleeping through the night. She does not need a bottle nor a pacifier, however she does need me to lay down with her till she falls asleep. She’ll stay asleep for at least a few hours then wakes up. I go and lay down with her again until she falls back asleep, but low and behold she wakes up a few more hours later. By this time I just put her in bed with me. At this point it could be her molars coming in. She has 16 teeth. She does have a night time routine, but don’t know what else to do
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7 Lanette // Sep 9, 2008 at 3:50 pm
My son is 8 months old. He typically goes to bed really well – bath, bottle, bed (awake but with a pacifier, although that is not a problem). He still wakes up, however, in the night hungry – usually about 6 hours after his last bottle, around 2 a.m.. We’ve tried to let him “cry it out” but he ended up crying off and on for one hour the first night and 2 hours the second night. I know we didn’t stick with it very long, but my heart just broke thinking I was denying him food when/if he really is hungry (he takes a full bottle each time when I feed him then he goes back down awake with no problem). Also, he wakes up sometimes before that and won’t go back to sleep until I or my husband “visit” by going in and laying him back down (he’s been pulling up in his crib for some time now). Should we stop the night feeding completely?
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8 michelle // Sep 9, 2008 at 4:08 pm
my daughter is 6months old, she has never settled on her own of a night. there was a lot of unrest in the first few months of her life due to my relationship with my partner, i found i was staying with friends alot and she slept in bed with me. I now have a bed time routien meal, bathtime, bottle cuddle and bed at 7.30pm, however the bed bit is the problem, she has to be held and rocked and it has to be me who puts her to bed, we have tried putting her in her cot and leaving the room and going in to settle her every 5 to 10minutes for a few weeks now however she cries and cries for a couple of hours, she just doesnt settle on her own. also if i rock her to sleep and then put her in her crib she wakes constantly in the night, is this because she is still in my room and she can smell my milk?
i really need some help as i am exhausted and suffer from a heart murmer so am stuggling with health due to lack of sleep.
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9 Alex Koerger // Sep 9, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Dana,
Like many parents, we’ve been following a great regimen of early bedtimes, no soother or swaddling, awake but drowsy. We have a regular nighttime routine and he sleeps great, now usually through the night with the occasional 15 – 30 minute hiccup. What’s bothersome, though only for his parents it seems, is when our son wakes up between 5:00 and 5:30AM. He quietly coos and squawks and talks to himself until we get him up around 6:30 to eat. He’s not crying or upset, but I’d like him to sleep just a bit longer. I’m afraid to try and adjust his bedtime because he is doing so well through the rest of the night. Many people have suggested a white-noise machine of some sort (humidifier, fan, etc.). Might this be helpful? Is there another, more “natural” way to help him continue his sleep for one more cycle?
Thanks,
Alex
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10 Kim // Sep 9, 2008 at 5:41 pm
My son is 6 months old and attends daycare every day, Monday thru Friday. There are eight infants in his daycare room and two or three care providers. When going down for a nap, they often will pat or rock him to sleep. They put all the babies to nap this way to reduce crying in the room (I don’t blame them! Can you imagine eight crying babies at once?!)
Anyway, my question is how do I handle this during the weekends when I have him? Am I destined to follow daycare’s lead in patting/rocking him to sleep for naps? Or, do you think I can sleep train him in the two days I have him vs. the five days he’s at daycare?
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11 Shannon // Sep 9, 2008 at 6:26 pm
My son is 6 months old and is now sleeping through the night 11 or 12 hours. He has picked up a bad habit that we can not get him out of. We wakes up at 5 or 5:30 every morning. No matter what time he goes to bed, he can’t seem to stay asleep any longer. We can feed him and put him back to sleep until 7 or 7:30. Is this because he is hungry or is there something else going on here?
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12 Georgina // Sep 9, 2008 at 6:54 pm
I have a 5 month old baby girl. We have been trying to follow your sleep program however we have a twofold problem. Early on our baby was wrapped and we succombed to the dummy. We are now trying to get rid of both the dummy and the wrap. We tried the dummy first but found that she really needed to have her hands free as she was lying there with her hands wrapped at her sides and frantically looking for something to comfort her with her mouth opening and closing looking for her dummy. We are now trying to remove the wrap first and then move onto her dummy (i.e. we don’t think its fair to try both at once). Do you think this is the correct order?
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13 Paula // Sep 9, 2008 at 7:13 pm
My son, Reece, is 4 months old now.. He sleeps only in 40 minute (one full sleep cycle) thoughout the day. No matter what I have tried! Every odd day he will have a 2 hour nap during the day, but am not quite sure why he does this. He still isn’t sleeping through the night either. He wakes at 3am no matter what time he was fed in the evening. He is a breastfed baby and has just started eating the rice cereal. Please help me figure out how to get my son to sleep longer.
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14 Cindy // Sep 9, 2008 at 7:51 pm
My son is 5 monhs old and will go to sleep no problem-at 7pm with bath, bottle,story,song in crib awake and will sleep soundly. We give him a dream feed at 10pm as directed by our pediatrician-He sleeps soundly until arouond 4-4:30am when he wakes and cries but is asleep. We have let him cry it out almost every night going in every 15 minutes to soothe…he will eventually put himself to sleep and sleep until around 6:30am But this has been going on for weeks now….I can’t figure it out? I was thinking it was teething?
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15 Judi // Sep 9, 2008 at 8:12 pm
My daughter is 13 months and started daycare. She does not fall asleep on her own just yet and is causing the daycare workers some stress. Is there a way I can help along the falling asleep with no bottle or rocking so that she can get some rest at the daycare very soon? She will go days without napping as she can not always fall asleep. Help!
Judi
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16 Susan // Sep 9, 2008 at 9:03 pm
I wanted to know if a white noise machine does the same thing as a soother? Our Daughter Olivia goes to sleep at 7:30pm after a normal bedtime routine, she sleeps well until about 4am when she wakes for a small bottle then sleeps again till about 6:30ish. We only turn on the machine at 7:30 and off in the morning. She is 7 months and uses the pacifier sometimes at bed but not usually. Thoughts about the white noise machine?
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17 maria // Sep 9, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Hi, my son is only 8 weeks old,and he also uses a pacifier to sooth himself to sleep, but I WANT To get into the routine of , bath, bottle, and sleep w/ o ut it. He’ll lose it and wake up screaming , then it takes longer to get him to sleep, ,my husband will get him and pick him up, I tell him not too, or is he still too young? HELP
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18 susan // Sep 9, 2008 at 10:59 pm
My son is three woke up during the summer scared from the thunderstorms. No matter what we did he would refuse to sleep in his bed. Now we have an inflatable single bed beside ours in our bedroom. He is able to fall asleep in his own bed but during the night every night he wakes up and simply slides into the inflatable bed. No disruption for a long period he knows to just get in cover up and sleep. He will sleep the rest of the night in this bed. Any issues with this solution? How can we coax him to stay in his own bed for the night. And how long can this last.
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19 alison // Sep 9, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Hi i have a 9wk old son and i was just wondering bout naps through the day. How long should he nap for and can it affect his sleep patterns at night?
Thankyou
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20 Sandra // Sep 9, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Mi son is 7 months old and I wrote an email similar to the one about using pacifiers. After I wrote it I realized that the pacifier wasn’t a good idea. He had a little cold and couldn’t breath well, so I took advantage of that and stopped offering him the pacifier. He falls sleep by himself and stays asleep through the night without any help. Thank you so much for your advice.
Sandra
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21 louise // Sep 10, 2008 at 3:17 am
hi, i am most concerned about how to get my baby max into a routine, i read all the baby books but still i am struggling to get max to sleep for 4 hours during the night inbetween feeds, he sleeps all day and i have to wake him to feed and change him, however, at 11 pm every night he wakes up on his own and i can not get him back to sleep. after feeding bathing and changing him he is still awake at 4am in the morning, i don’t know what i am doing wrong, i do not have a soother but i am bottle feeding him. he sounds snuffly and has an eye infection at the moment but he did not sleep before this and this has just made it worst. look forward to your comments
thanks louise
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22 Linda Lyons // Sep 10, 2008 at 3:24 am
Hi Dana,
I have a 16week old son and would like some advice on getting him to go to sleep without crying at night. He goes to sleep through the day without any crying and sleeps for 1-2 1/2 hours, twice per day and has a 40min catnap in afternoon. We have same routine of bath feed bed at 7pm. He used to cry for 5-15mins and then go to sleep til 5.30-6am, occassionally waking at 4am for feed. Now he is crying for 15-2hours until going to sleep. Once he goes to sleep after going into him every 20mins and rewrapping and checking his nappy or stroking his forehead to settle him with tears rolling down his face. I have been very consistent but it is very hard. Is there anything else I can do. He is a very happy placid baby and doesn’t have a pacifier. He is a breastfed baby.
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23 Sarah // Sep 10, 2008 at 6:21 am
Hi Dana
All of the advice that I have been able to find revolves around babies that cry when put to bed. My 6 month old rarely cries (yes I know I sound lucky) and enjoys being in bed. My trouble is trying to convince her that being in bed means its sleep time. She is happy to be in her cot chatting to herself for a long time (I have left her for an hour to test).
She still has her dummy although I know that this is part of her sleeping problem at night as it seems to be the only way that will stop her playing and talking to herself and eventually drop off to sleep.
She is waking during the night looking for her dummy, so I know that I need to get rid of it, but I am worried about how I will then convince her its sleeptime.
Please help, I can’t seem to find any advice about happy babies rather than crying babies.
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24 Anyha Ruby // Sep 10, 2008 at 6:27 am
Hi, my daughter is almost 9 months old and I have just stopped breastfeeding, luckily she has taken quite well to the bottle and falls asleep whilst feeding and then she gets wrapped and put in her cot (with or without her soother) however I am never able to just put her in her cot and walk out the room if she is awake, as soon as I turn around and head for the door she screams and doesn’t stop until I walk back in and even if I just stand by the door she stops and then starts again until I go up to the cot or even until I pick her up. I try resting my hand on her or stroking her hair saying “ssshhh ssshhh” but I always have to land up rocking her.. PLEASE HELP ME!!!
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25 Vanessa // Sep 10, 2008 at 8:56 am
My daughter is 6 months old and has the same problem of waking at 5 every morning on the dot. She sleeps 11 hours or so going down at night around 6:30pm. We try to quickly feed and change her at 5:00 but she doesn’t want to go back down until 6:30 or sometimes 7:00am and then this messes up her morning naptime we hope for at 9:00am. How can I get her to sleep through to 6:30 or 7?
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26 Jennifer // Sep 10, 2008 at 9:24 am
Dana,
My daughter, Gabriella, will be 2 in November. She slept with my husband and I in our bed until about one month ago. We finally bought her a full size bed for her room because she moves around quite a bit during the night. However, now she will not fall asleep unless someone is physically laying with her. Once asleep, which usually doesn’t take long, we can sneak away. The problem is she wakes up after falling asleep when she realizes that someone is not with her. This can happen 3-4 times per night and she will not fall back asleep unless we lay with her again. Help! :)
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27 Sue // Sep 10, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Hi there,
My son falls asleep at night after drinking a bottle of milk. I’ve read it is bad to rely on feeding milk to get a baby to sleep, but it works every night for him. Is this really so bad if it works for him and if so, why?
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28 Tabetha // Sep 10, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I have a 6 month old that has always gone to sleep on her own and when she wakes up in the night to eat. She eats and goes right back to sleep on her own. The last three weeks she has been rolling onto her back which she will not sleep on, which we then flip her back over. We have played this game night after night. Up 4 or 5 times doing it. She is staying up 2 hours or so at a time in the middle of the night now. We have tried letting her cry it out on her back even though she doesn’t like it but it is now working. HELP!
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29 bernice // Sep 10, 2008 at 3:05 pm
My son just turned 3 in August. Just started day care twice a week also. He’s always gone to sleep with me and then I put him in his bed and usually by 12 p.m. or 1 a.m. he’s up again. On rare occasion he has slept until 3 or 4 a.m. Now that he’s been going to school, he doesn’t want to go to bed at all. He gets in bed fine, then starts asking for everything, wanting out of the bed etc. Then comes the tantrum, kicking, screaming. This may go on for 30 to 40 minutes or longer. If you don’t put this on your video, please email with suggestions. Thanks
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30 Kezia // Sep 10, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Hi
My baby slept through the night at 3 months old for about 3 weeks, then started teething and waking up more and more times during the night.She does have a dummy but this didnt matter when she was sleeping through. Now that she is rolling she rolls over in her sleep, wakes up then crys when she cant get herself back over. we have to get up and turn her over then put her dummy in her mouth and she goes back to sleep. I want to get her off using the dummy but as we have moved twice in the last few months and are moving again in a month I didnt want to unsettle her anymore. Do you think i should take the dummy away and let her cry herself to sleep? How can I stop her rolling over?
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31 Charlotte // Sep 11, 2008 at 5:25 am
Any hope for a 21 month old boy who still wont sleep through the night?
Thomas will wake any where between 2 to 8 times i.e. every hour at night.
thomas has been breast fed but now only has a morning feed after his breakfast. So he does not use it to go to sleep, and does not get breast during the night, although he does ask for it sometimes.
Thomas is on a healthy varied diet, he is very energetic during the day, gets good activities/exercise.
Only allowed a a small amount of Childrens TV selected progs. So I dont believe he is over stimulated.
Daytime nap is after lunch, sometime between 12pm and 3pm, sometimes he sleeps through sometimes he wakes up every sleep cycle. So he gets anywhere between 45 mins to 2hrs.
Evening meal is prepared/eaten between 5pm&6pm ish.
Bath time is 6.30ish
He then cleans teeth, has some water, Sometimes milk (formula or cows) but does not take well to this.
Has a story or two, he likes his books.
then he kisses three or four favourite cuddly toys and is told its sleepy time and lies down.
Mum or Dad then potter in his room gently singing whilst tidying and then say good night as he gets more sleepy, and leave the room while awake. Sometime this works sometime he will get out of bed and have to be told to go back or be taken back. Initially this is done with reassuring kiss etc but by third time, no eye contact, no speaking just firmly put back. It can take forever…..twenty times or more. eventually he stays in bed. We have a saftey gate on his bedroom door, we dont shut or lock his door. Being left to cry or scream (cant do this easily, one it seems cruel, two we have neighbours, three he vomits) is not an option. anyway once asleep, he may, if we are lucky, sleep for a couple of hours solid, but often wakes at 11pm and more frequently after 2am.
He never seems tired the next day, happy to get up and start playing etc at 6am/6.30am, but his parents are exhausted (both have work etc) and can not contemplate a second child till they have their toddler sleeping through! When Thomas does wake at night it is not to play, he does seek his mama/dada but often is arching his back, very upset and distressed. We do not have nor has ever used a pacifier, he is not particularly nor will he get attached to a toy for company at night…. I have tried to vary his routine timings but it makes no difference, he has only ever slept through once ever! (9pm to 7am) and repeating that exact day has not reproduced the sleep. Makes no difference who settles him in the eveing. Thomas is not yet in childcare/nursery he starts when he is 2. So any suggestions. Do you need anymore info…charlotte
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32 Joyce // Sep 11, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Dana,
My daughter Baylee is 8 months old. She gets a bath, then nursed to sleep every night while rocking in the recliner, then I put her in her crib in my room. But she won’t sleep more than 3 maybe 4 hours in a row. And as the night goes on and the more she wakes up, the shorter the hours of sleep in a row. She only takes cat naps during the day. Rarely takes 2 or 3 hour naps. Help me??
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33 Edna // Sep 11, 2008 at 6:19 pm
My son is one and he wakes up almost 4 times in the night.He sits or stands and cries until I go to him and put him down. I do not hold him, i just place him back.I am worried that he has broken sleep and is not resting properly. Please help
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34 susan // Sep 12, 2008 at 2:42 am
my son has always been a good sleeper until his 3 month growth spurt then i followed your controlled crying system and that worked and we went back to full nights of sleep again then 2 weeks ago he cut his first tooth and the sleepless nights started again only this time alot worse then a week later he cut his second tooth and there has been not let up in the sleep department also he now wants a soother to sleeep with which is something he never used to use. he is getting up more than 4 times a night and sometimes won’t go back to sleep for 2 hours is there anything i can try, we’re using teething powder now and he doesn’t seem to be in pain just a bad routine!!!
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35 Kerstin // Sep 12, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Help! I am expecting our second in 5 weeks (exhausted and a bit stressed out) and I am have a terrible time with my 4 year old son sleeping through the night- it is very hard for my husband and I to fall back to sleep when we address his behavior. This has been going on for over 1 month now. He was a very disciplined sleeper from birth, has a soothing nightime routine and used to sleep from 8 pm to 8 am. He stays over his grandmother’s house on occassion and came back last time afraid to sleep during the night. He is waking up screaming- unneccessarily now for requests to fix his blankets, etc. I’m beginning to think it’s seperation anxiety- but he is 4 years old! He is not afraid of anything anymore at night because we were able to extinguish that fear- but waking is purely out of habit now. We have tried EVERYTHING to eliminate this behavior and cannot think of anything else! I have noticed there are a lot of questions pertaining to small children- but what about a four year old! Please help me before this baby is born and I have a waking nursing baby and a needy four year old!
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36 gg // Sep 13, 2008 at 2:58 am
My grandson, 1.5 yrs., had great sleep habits then we evacuated for hurricane and in hotel he had to sleep in parent’s bed or pack n play. Now back home, he is terrified of his room and crib..doc says to let cry 30 min. max then go pat him..he is standing straight up..dad then picks him up, sleeps on sofa with him..what is the solution?
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37 Autumn Clabaugh // Sep 13, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Please help. I really need my 4 year old to nap when our 19 month old does. I am a stay at home professional mom. We use no outside helpwhatsoever! So when nap time rolls around we stick to our nap time routine, but my 4 year old just really is having a hard time with it anymore! Help!
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38 Amanda // Sep 14, 2008 at 7:38 pm
My four month old uses a pacifier to fall asleep. I want to get rid of it and have tried, but she cries and cries and cries. I will go in there every 5-10 minutes and sooth her and either she won’t calm down because she is so upset or she calms down, but as soon as I leave the room she is hysterical again. Once she finally falls asleep from exhaustion it only lasts 10-15 minutes and we start the whole process over. How long will this transition take with a stuborn little princess and how long should I let her cry–because an hour of straight screaming is just not healthy in my eyes??!!
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39 Sonja // Sep 15, 2008 at 5:16 pm
My daughter is nearly 11 mths. She is a very happy and a very active wee girl. She sleeps well, waking once or twice briefly in the evening then once for a breastfeed in the night (which I will start to stop soon). When she wakes in the evening she is sitting up when I go in and I gently lay her down and she is OK with that and goes back to sleep. Her 2 naps during the day are regular – 1 1/2 in morning and 1 in afternoon.
Our problem (as in Hers and mine because I am single parent) is getting her to sleep. Since she learnt to sit up she will not lie down in bed unless I get her to sleep in my arms. I have tried putting her in her cot when she is nearly asleep and also awake and she bounces up on her bum then stands up. No amount of repeated laying down works.
I tried for about a month to lay her down awake with lots of tantrums and stress.
Do you have any answers to how I can put her in her cot to sleep instead of in my arms or should I continue rocking her to sleep while my arms go numb and my back aches.
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40 Danielle // Sep 15, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Mon son just turned 9 months old and I decided to take away the pacifier. He will not go to sleep on his own. At nap time, I’ll put him in the crib for his nap with his blanket and little puppy and immediately starts crying. I will leave for 5 minutes, he will cry the whole time and when I return he is standing up in the crib. I lay him back down and say a few words to try and calm him down and leave the room again for 10 minutes. Same thing happens, he just stands up and screams. I go back in and try to lay him on his tummy and pat his back and sing to him, but he is so upset and crying so loud he can’t even hear me. After 45 minutes of crying and screaming, I finally decide to pick him up. It takes a little while for him to even calm down, he keeps gasping for air and seems like he is having a panic attack he’s so upset. What can I do to help him fall asleep easier and not have to cry and scream for that amount of time? I don’t want to have to pick him up, but what else can I do if he’s bright red and keeps screaming no matter what I do??
I’d love to hear back from you, your help would be wonderful at this time!
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41 Orla McGarry // Sep 18, 2008 at 5:15 am
My son (19 weeks) usually takes 3 naps during the day, in the morning, around lunch time and later in the afternoon. However he wakes up from his afternoon nap at different times each day. I’ve heard we should keep to the same bedtime every night, but if he wakes early from his afternoon nap he’ll get tired within 2 hours which is sometimes earlier than usual bedtime around 7pm. Should we move bedtime each night depending on wake up time from last night to avoid overtired baby?
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42 Jane // Sep 18, 2008 at 11:04 am
My 1 year old grandson has never slept well from the first day he was born. He is growing and thriving but my daughter and I worry that he is not getting enough sleep. Not to mention that my daughter is exhausted. He is walking very well and figures things out quickly even though he is not saying many words other than mom and dad. He is extremely energetic. He never wants to sit down, and unless he’s hungry or tired he is a very pleasant child, always smiling and laughing. However, he alomost never sleeps. Daytime naps last about half an hour and he only takes two a day, if my daughter is lucky. She can handle the daytime if he would only sleep at night. He is given a bath and an evening bottle and then put to bed between 8 and 8:30. He will usually play for 15 or 25 minutes by himself in his baby bed and lay himself down and go to sleep. He
has never taken a pacifier. The problem begins about one o’clock in the morning. He wakes up and sometimes will take a bottle and fall back asleep on his own but then he just wakes up again maybe 30 minutes later and continues this pattern of waking up on and off all through the night. My daughter has tried everything she has read about getting your child to sleep and everything other people have told her to try but nothing works. What can she do.
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43 Katie // Sep 18, 2008 at 11:13 am
My son is 21 month old and is not sleeping throught the night. He was progressing well until he starting teething. That seemed to be the downfall of getting him to sleep all night. I knew that he didn’t feel the best because of his teeth, so I pampered him more. I never minded getting up with him at night because I could change the diaper and give him something to drink and within 10 minutes he would be asleep again. I thought he would gradually sleep more and more each night but he’s not. I have started a stricter routine at night. He eats dinner, gets a warm bath, and bottle of milk (which he usually only drinks half of it). He will lay in bed a toss and trun for about 20 minutes and then he goes to sleep. My concern is that he will go to sleep by 7:30 or 8pm and sleep until 2 or 3 am. When I get up with him, he will fall back asleep in a matter of 10 minutes, but when I lay him back in his bed, he instantly wakes up. I have tried to let him cry himself back to sleep but that only worked for a couple of nights. I know that I did not give that a chance to work completely. When he stays with either of his grandmothers, without a doubt he will sleep all night and he might wake-up briefly around 6am and go back to sleep until 8am or so. I want very badly to have my son sleeping all night because I know it will only help him. I am almost at my wits end trying to figure out a way to help him sleep all night at home in his own bed.
Do you have any suggestions to help me?
Thank you so much!
Katie
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44 Amanda // Sep 18, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Hi there,my 11 month old daughter is now sleeping through the night.I used to sit on a chair next to her bed to settle her and I have slowly moved further away and it’s now I’m at the door. She falls asleep now pretty much straight away with no crying.My question is when do you move the chair out of the room? how do i make it a smooth transition.I have tried putting her down and leaving the room,she gets very upset.She stands up and screams and gets that upset she turns bright red and gasps for air.I feel really bad and I hate hearing her scream herself to sleep she has finally got the technique of putting herself to sleep but with me in the room!!Have you got any suggestions?
Amanda
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45 Erin // Sep 19, 2008 at 8:18 am
Dear Dana:
My daughter sleeps through the night, usually, but in the last 2 weeks has begun waking up between 5:30 and 6:00 AM for the day! Prior to that she slept until at least 7:00 AM. Is there anything I can do to help her sleep longer in the morning? Any ideas about what might have caused the change? Any suggestions you might have would be most welcome.
Thanks,
Erin
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46 Jana Crisci // Sep 19, 2008 at 9:21 am
Hi Dana,
My son Nathan is 2 1/2. He has always been an excellent sleeper since he was 14 weeks old. I would just put him in his bed at night and he would go to sleep on his own (he is a thumb sucker). About a month ago, we converted the crib to a toddler bed and since then my son gets up every night (usually once) crying. We have a gate up at his bedroom door mainly to keep the dogs from going into his room. So he stands at the gate and cries and yells for me. He’ll throw something (a toy, book, etc.) over the gate on purpose for me to come and pick it up. One night I let him cry for 45 minutes and he did finally fall back to sleep on his floor. However, the next day he got very hoarse from the yelling and is still hoarse a week later. Now I feel gulity if I don’t get up with him. Should I let him cry it out? I want him to sleep through the night again and if he wakes up just go back to sleep on his own. He usually takes one nap a day around 1:30 or 2:00 for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Then he goes to bed at 8:30 (I’m working on making this 8:00).
Thanks,
Jana
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47 Leslie // Sep 21, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Dana-
My daughter Kylee is 4 and a half months old and is recently having some sleep issues. She has never been real big on naps during the day. When she would take the they only last 30 minutes and usually only 1 a day. And within the past week and a half or so everytime i would try to lay her in her crib after she falls asleep on me she would wake up and start to cry. But at night she is mostly ok. Is it teething or could it possibly be something else. She doesn’t take a pacifer and is breastfed. If you could help me with this it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
-Leslie
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48 Grace // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:46 am
Hi,
I was wondering if standing next to my son’s crib while he falls asleep is considered a negative sleep association. Like another mother in this blog, my son falls asleep fine as long as I am within close reach. The second I walk away he screams bloody murder. Thank you for your time.
Grace
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49 Amanda // Sep 22, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Hi, I have a 14 month old son, he sleeps great for his naps usually, but I am still nursing him, he has his routine-bath then he will suckle for about 20 minutes, I would like to stop breast feeding, but cant seem to get him to sleep any other way then through the night he will wake up every couple of hours and i end up just letting him sleep in my bed with me so that I can get more sleep. I am a single mom, so having my sons father get up with him is not an option. Please help!
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50 Ana // Sep 26, 2008 at 8:15 pm
Hi Dana,
I am trying to get my 3 1/2 month old to sleep longer throughout the night. She will sleep for anywhere between 3-5 hours at a time, and then wake crying. We have tried to resettle her, but cannot seem to, she continues to cry. I have then resorted to feeding her as I figure if she won’t settle then maybe she is hungry. Are there any specific ways to work out if she is in fact needing help to resettle, of if she is genuinely hungry? She is a breast fed baby, and sleeps well during the day.
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51 Carol Brock // Sep 30, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Hi my 19 month old baby is still waking up through the night and I end up giving him milk to get him back to sleep. He only takes one hour nap through the day and even if he hasn’t slept he still wakes up through the night. I wonder if i should start controlled crying or is this unfair on the child.
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52 Alyce // Sep 30, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Hi Dana,
I have a almost 9mth old daughter Holly, she will not fall asleep on her own she has to be rocked to sleep each time she falls asleep (even her day sleeps) if i put her straight into my bed when she falls asleep she will normally stay asleep however if i put her in her cot she will wake straight away and i then need to rock her back to sleep and start the process again, if she is in a real deep sleep then i can manage to get her in her cot. she wakes a few times through the night either wanting her dummy or to get into our bed sometimes she will wake and cry and ill leave her for a bit and she will fall back asleep but sometimes she wont, at about 4am every night she comes into our bed and then will sleep through till about 6-7am….
Please Help me to get her to fall asleep on her own and to stay asleep!!!!
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53 Janice // Sep 30, 2008 at 7:22 pm
My son is 10 months old. Since we have been back from our holiday, he has taken to waking at 4 am every night. He also has trouble falling asleep for his day time naps.
He has a cold and also is teething, but I don’t really put it down to those.
Can you suggest anything I can try?
Thank
Janice
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54 Chay // Sep 30, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Hi Dana,
My baby Sophia is now almost 9 month, she’s a really good sleeper since she reached 5 month-old without soother or cuddle. But she’s been sick for about 3-4 days now and the doctor said she got viral infection which is part of the immune system development.
My question is about do I still have to keep the routine up when I put her to sleep? Because sometimes it seems like she want a cuddle to sleep and when I put her back to her cot she will yells at me. I usually leave her scream for 15 mins but I’m not sure in this case that she’s sick, should I get in there and help her to sleep? And we are going for holiday oversea and the time will be 3 hrs different, how should I manage with her routine? It would be a really kind of you if you could give me advices.
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55 Joanna // Oct 2, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Hello Dana –
Thank you for your program and support. The “stay in the room” method was the perfect balance for my family. We were able to coach Nina while she learned how to sleep through the night. It’s been wonderful. She fails asleep for the most part without a peep at night and sleep great until about 5:45 am. For us and for her, we’d like her to sleep until 6:30 or 7:00. She does not wake up crying or complaining really. We don’t go to her until after 6:30. We have even being trying to give her a bottle early to see if she’ll sleep more but nothing is working. When she does sleep until 6:30 – 7:00 she is in a much better mood and has more energy. Any advice?
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56 George // Oct 5, 2008 at 6:12 am
Hi my little boy is 5 months old now. He has about four naps of 45 mins a day will not sleep for longer. He goes to bed on his own after a story at 7 pm settles very well and asleep within ten minutes, he doesn’t have a dummy. The problem we have is he wakes every 3 hours for a feed am not convinced he is hungry. If i leave him he will stay awake for over an hour where as if i feed him he falls back to sleep straight away. what should we do? how can we get him out of this habit or is he just hungry?
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57 lisa hickman // Oct 5, 2008 at 10:39 am
hi i have a 6 and a half month old baby boy. he was sleeping through from about 8 weeks old. and since he ahd a cold he has been waking up ever since. recently he has a had a viral infection but wakes up in the nite and full belt screams. but after this he dosnt settle i try all the steps you can think off but nothing seems to work. it gets to the point where he is screaming and i dont no whats wrong with him thanks
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58 Jennifer Mahon // Nov 5, 2008 at 8:56 am
It is comforting to hear similar stories from other parents. I am a mother of two. My first child slept through the night from 7 weeks old and he is still the best. At age 3, he loves his bed. His sister is the complete opposite. She is 13 months and has rarely slept a full night. She goes asleep no problem but wakes at some stage and now wants company. The last two nights we have let her cry it out. She is persistant. Last night she cried for 2 hours but eventually fell asleep. It is very tough on all of us. I just hope if I persist she will get the hint and go back asleep if she wakes in the middle of the night.
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