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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
Does your toddler have their days and nights confused? You’ve got your hands full, but a proper night’s sleep could be right around the corner…
This week’s questions comes from Anne, who asks:
“My three year old Kurt doesn’t like to sleep. He never falls asleep before 3 a.m. and gets up around 1 p.m. He often takes a nap around 6 but refuses to sleep in his bed. He usually falls asleep either on our bed or on the couch, and then I transfer him to his bed. But then he wakes up every few hours and comes into bed with us. Do you think he has his days and nights mixed up and do I need to get a single bed in his own room? Any advice would be great.”
You can be sure that I have plenty of advice on this one… and that a lot of advice is needed!
I don’t like Kurt going to bed at 3 a.m. one bit. Many of you know that I’m a huge fan of an early bedtime. Unless Anne is a rock star or works a late shift, a 3 a.m. bedtime just isn’t going to work long-term for her son. Let’s address that part of the problem first.
Stop offering him a nap at 6 p.m. now, day one. Even if he sleeps until 1 p.m., in his new routine he won’t take a nap at 6 p.m. Instead, keep him busy and serve his supper at around 6 p.m.
Then at around 7 p.m., start his new bedtime routine. The nice thing about this age is that you can make it interactive and a fun thing for him. Start by writing down the bedtime routine. Go over it with him, showing it to him as you talk about it. Again, make it fun and interactive.
The new bedtime routine starts with a bath at about 7 p.m. Then at about 7:10 he should get on his pajamas and brush his teeth.
Next, it’s time for two and only two stories. Read the stories to him in his room but not on his bed. He has an association between sleep and his parents, so it’s important that you don’t put him to bed or that you lie down on the bed while reading. Sit in a chair or even on the floor for the two stories. And then it’s bedtime.
At 8 o’clock, into bed he goes and the lights go off. This would be a great time to remind him of the new “reward system” that’s part of the bedtime routine. Make up a separate chart that says something like “Sleep all night in your own bed, in the morning you get a Hot Wheel, or a sticker, or a Smarty.” The reward doesn’t have to be huge, but it needs to be somewhat rewarding to the child. That might give him a little more incentive to follow along with the new routine and maybe be a bit more cooperative.
Kurt probably has a hard time being on his own, that’s why he sleeps on the couch or with his parents. Because of that, the “stay in the room” method would probably be best for him.
Kurt’s mom or dad, alternating nights between the two of them, sits in a chair beside his bed. The rules here are simple; you do not lay down with them, they may not get out of bed, they have to lie down and they have to be quiet. Plain and simple – those are the rules.
You’ll stay in the chair beside him until he’s asleep, but he has to follow the rules by lying down and being quiet. If he’s not doing those things, if he’s getting up, talking or trying to engage you, give him one warning. Warn him that if he doesn’t cooperate, if he isn’t following the rules, you’re going to leave the room.
Now, stand up. If he still is not following the rules, walk out of the room and close the door behind you for one minute. You’re sending a message that you mean business; that they have to cooperate or you’re going to go.
After a minute has gone by, return to the chair in the room. If they still are not cooperating, give them another warning. If this doesn’t work, then you get up and leave again, this time for two minutes.
Each time they test the boundaries, each time they don’t follow the rules, you’re going to leave the room for a minute longer that the last time.
It’s not that you’re “never coming back” or letting them “cry it out.” You’re simply letting them know that there are consequences to their behavior. If they cooperate, you stay. If they don’t, you leave. And for this age group it’s important that you stay very simple, very black and white.
Again, you’re going to stay in the chair until they’re asleep and then you’ll leave. If they wake up during the night, you’ll return to the chair and sit beside them until they fall back asleep. Don’t worry; this is just the start of the “stay in the room” method and only short term. You’re not going to be doing this every night.
Next, you’re going to “move” every three days. Your chair started out by the bed, but after three days you’ll move it to the middle of the room and three days later to the door. In our Sleep Sense Program there’s a specific chapter for toddlers with a few extra steps on the way out of the door you might take a look at. Eventually though, you’re going to teach him to go to sleep on his own, to stay in bed, and to go to bed at a decent hour.
It’s also going to take time for his body to adjust to the big changes in his hours. After all, he’s used to going to bed late and then sleeping in the next day. We want to help his “clock” adjust to the new hours.
Let’s say on the first night of the new routine, after supper, the bath, the stories, everything, he’s asleep by 9 p.m. The next morning, help his “clock” along a bit by waking him up at 8 a.m. Open the door and start your day with him.
Don’t let him take a nap during the day. He’s going to go right from 8 a.m. until his 7 p.m. bedtime routine. If he falls asleep in the car for say twenty minutes, that’s okay. But because of his age, we’re not going to bother with an actual nap. The next day, the same thing. And the next, wake him up at 8 a.m. again.
It will take about a week or so for his body to adjust to the changes and for him to realize that there are now rules at bedtime. There’s no reason why he can’t fall asleep on his own at 8 o’clock. If you’re very clear and consistent with him, then soon, very soon, he will sleep well.
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
hi, my 3yrold is driving me crazy, he up all night, he don’t take any naps during the day.
he gets up about 3pm. and is up all day until 3.am again remind you i ave to get up at 6:ooa.m to go to work help me!!
Hi Dana,
My 4 month yr old daughter is a model baby during the day – she sleeps on her owns , entertains herself and only grumbles a bit when she needs to be changed or if she is hungry.however everynight by 9.30pm or 10pm like a ritual she would go into fits of crying (even if she was in a deep sleep she would get up) go on for 1 hr each night. we treat him with gripe water and his feed nothing helps . what should we do ?? please HELP !!
Help!
I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 8 week old baby. My son was sleeping through the night in his own bed and had a very regular sleep routine. Since having my daughter my sons sleep program has totally gone out the window. He started waking through the night and we were really trying to work with him to stay in his own bed but it would turn into this huge struggle. We were getting more sleep with the newborn then with our toddler. The baby is in our room so I know that is the root of the problem. Unfortunately now we broke and let our son in bed with us and now non of are sleeping well.
How do we get him back into his room through the night.
Hi Dana, interesting reading through your website has made me feel a lot better and also realise the reality of sleep time. My son is 23 months old has always been a wonderful sleeper,(8.30pm till 8am) with the exception of the odd week here and there, which I have put down to teeth. This last two weeks, have changed. He naps fine durng the day, normally 2 hours after lunch. But now when it comes to the bedtime routine, hes already saying no before weve even got upstairs. We have weetabix, as he doesnt do milk, we wind down, we have a story downstairs, I give plenty of warnings that its nearly bedtime. Then as soon as hes in his cot, hes just screams for upto two hours. Im trying the controlled crying technic but finding it very stressful. Can you help. PS he has bad eczema so we dont want to start bathing every night. Wed appreciate any help.
Hello
I have a beautiful 21 month old son called Callum who unfortunatly had always had issues with sleeping. He has never slept through the night and will only go to sleep playing with my hair. He has been in a bed since he was one as he had worked out how to dive head first out of his cot if we left him.
Last night i tried putting him into bed, saying good night and leaving. Well and hour and a half of crying and getting out of bed later he finally went to sleep with my hand on his stomach. He woke up at 3am and would not stay in bed or go to sleep so at 5:30 i’m sorry to say I gave up and got in bed with him. He still got up at half 7 so he has had very little sleep. Can anyone help me?!
my son dimitri i 7 and 1/2 months and he cat naps throught the day 1minutes at the least and 1 hr at the most, At night he doesnt want go down until bout 11 11:30 and even then he sometime doesnt want to sleep. He wakes up during the night at about 4oclock so i try to give him some milk and sometimes he wont drink it. When i try to put him back to sleep he doesnt want to. He could be awake anywhere up 2 half an hour. he doesnt know how to put himself to seep so i have to.
I have been trying to get my son Treyton who is 2-1/2 months on a “Baby Wise” nap schedual (feed, wake, sleep). First of all do you support the “Baby Wise” schedual? I can’t seem to get him to take his daytime naps in his crib. He will sleep on my chest for as long as I want him to but as soon as I try putting him in his crib he fusses( I once let him fuss for an hour which about killed me). He sleeps great at night in his crib, he usually only wakes up once during the night to feed. How do I get him to sleep in his crib for GOOD naps?
I am having trouble getting my 7 month old to fall asleep on his own. He used to go down easily and would watch his mobile until he drifted off to sleep. He now recognizes naptime and bedtime and starts to scream as soon as we approach his crib. Even if I try to sooth him without picking him up and he will literally cry for 3 or more hours with no signs of stopping. By then I am either exhausted, it is time to eat, etc. so I end up picking him up. There are days where he will go without a nap because of this madness. The only way we have a peaceful bedtime is if he is nursed to sleep or if I hold his hand and talk to him while he is falling asleep.
WELL JOSEPH IS ONLY 7 WEEKS OLD.. HE FALLS ASLEEP BY HIMSELF.. HE STILL WAKES UP BUT IT’S BECAUSE HE IS HUNGRY.. I CAN’T EXPECT TO SLEEP THROUGHT THE NIGHT YET, I FEEL THAT HE IS STILL TOO YOUNG.. HE GOES TO BED AT 8 WAKES TO EAT AT 12 AM 3 AM AND 6 AM.. I THINK IT’S NORMAL!!
Hi, I’m the grandmother of 5 month old Kaylin and I am having a hard time watching my kids struggle with Kaylin’s sleep problems (I have the same struggles every time I care for her). She sleeps quite well at night and also has several naps during the day. The problem is getting her to sleep;she seems to think that she has to cry (often literally screaming) prior to every sleep session. We usually end up holding, carrying and rocking her to sleep but she cries until the moment she falls asleep no matter what we try. Everyone is almost ready to pull out their hair because this is extremely emotionally frustrating and challenging. She has done this almost since birth and her parents are getting very fatigued. She is healthy and there are no medical concerns. She has always fed well. She’s usually quite a happy baby when she’s rested. Is there any advice you would be able to provide to my kids (Tony and Chris) and to me as a loving grandmother? Thanks for any help you can offer.
Sue Klassen
PS I am a Public Health Nurse and feel like I should have answers to this but I am really at a loss.
Sue
Hi Dana, my question is very simple. Just wondering how do i go about geting my son to sleep without being wrapped. He is 61/2 months, once he gets an arm up to his face or out he will not have a very good sleep day or night. He sleeps after each bottle and also sleeps from 10pm to 7am while wrapped.
Hope you can help as i havent been given much advice on this issue. Cheers.
My 4.5 month old started sleeping through the night around 11 weeks old. She was doing great until we went on a vacation and we have struggled since then. Now, about half of the time she wakes up at some point in the night and will not go back to sleep without nursing or a bottle of water. I’ve let her cry for up to 1.5 hours, while going in and checking on her periodically. There is nothing wrong with her, she just won’t go back to sleep. On the nights she sleeps through the night, she usually sleeps 11 hours, so I know she can. She takes three good naps a day and always goes to sleep on her own. What should I do when she wakes up at night?
Dana-
My daughter was doing extremely well with sleeping and then she got sick. She has VUR and on top of that diagnosis she got a cold. She was put on an antibiotic at night and ever since this has happened she isn’t sleeping through the night. The medicine is supposed to have a side effect of loss of appetite but I think she’s eating enough during the day. However, she wakes at night and is really fussy until I give her a bottle and then she eats and goes back to sleep. I have to return to work and I’m exhaused. I don’t know what to do. She is also pulling herself up in her crib when she wakes and will stand there and scream until we come and get her and rock her back to sleep. Should I just let her try and put herself to sleep and see what happens? Any advice would be great!
Hi Dana,
My 21 months old Troy used to be a great sleeper until a month ago. He used to suck his thumb to sleep, but in April we had to stop his thumb sucking because he had a pretty bad thumb infection. I felt bad for him and started to rock him to sleep. It usually took 10 – 15 mins to rock him to sleep and he never woke up in the middle of the night. Everything worked fine until a month ago. He started to wake up 4-6 times per night. I knew it had to do with me rocking him to sleep, so I stopped. My husband started the “stay in the room” method 2 weeks ago and it worked but it usually takes 3 tries (walk out of him room 3 times) half an hour to an hour to get Troy to sleep with lots of crying. Half of the time Troy sleeps trough the night and other half he wakes up a few times. When he wakes up, one of us will have to stay in his room until he is fully asleep which takes more than an hour usually. Because I am always afraid that Troy is going to wake up, I start to have problems to go to sleep myself. Now I can’t go to sleep without a sleeping pill. Could you please give me some advice on how to get Troy to sleep through the night consistently?
Thanks and warm regards,
Tracy
I would just like to say on a positivite note having had four children three of which did not sleep until they walked that theire is light at the end of the tunnel. do not expect miracles you chose to have children and the biggest sacrificee to having them is your sleep deprivisation.think youirselves gratfull forr having chilodren…… needless to say I have a beautifull baby daughter who is a wonderfull sleeper unllike her brothers and I am entirely grateful…….you no look on the bright side you only have your childrs
Hi Dana,
Lukas just turned 1 year old. Lukas has never fallen asleep in his crib weather it be for a nap or for bedtime. He either falls asleep on my bed or my parents bed, but when we try to move him in his crib, he wakes up instantly so I bring him back in my room which I know is wrong, but b/c I’m so tired I don’t have the patience to try to wait for him to fall asleep. As soon as I lay him in our bed he falls asleep immediately. B/c Lukas is my first we spoiled him & let him sleep with my husband & myself b/c we hardly get to see him due to our work schedules. I’m pregnant again & due in Dec. What can I do so that Lukas will fall asleep & stay in his crib?
I have a two year old son who has always been a pretty good sleeper. He naps wonderfully (1 1/2 – 2 hrs. daily). I rock him to sleep and then lay him down and he does fine.
At night, we lay down together after a bath, story, etc. and he falls asleep beside me pretty easily. However, almost every night he wakes up one or two times before I go to bed (we co-sleep). He is usually asleep by 7:30 or 8:00 and I go to bed around 10:30. When he wakes up I go in and lay down with him for a few minutes and he usually goes back to sleep. He does pretty well most of the night, but then wakes up every morning around 5:00 and is very fussy and irritable until we finally get up around 6:30. He crawls all over me, pulls my hair, etc. I can tell he’s still sleepy, but he’s just very restless and won’t fall back into a good sleep. What can I do about these issues?
Thank you!
My 22 week old daughter is still waking at around 2am and 5am. She normally settles back down after a couple of minutes with just a dummy the first time and has a small breast feed the second time. (I stopped breast feeding about 3 weeks ago for all her other feeds she has bottles). We sometimes hear her wake at other times in the night and she will lie there cooing happily and then drift off by herselgf with no dummy – but at 2 and 5 she always wakes crying. She goes to bed at 8pm with never any problems following a bath and bottle routine and uses a dummy to fall asleep which she quickly spits out afterwards. She normally wakes around 7am. We put her down awake and she falls asleep by herself with no problems – she goes down in the same way for daytime naps with no problems and has a good routine with a 1-2 hour nap in the morning and afternoon and a short cat nap at around 4.30pm. Is there anyway to stop her waking and needing us ? I have to return to work soon and am really tired! Your advice would be much apprciated.
hi my son raife is 4months old he has just got over very bad colic, but because of this he ended up having a soother to fall to sleep, often in the night this falls out so he wakes and cries til i put it back. i also ended up rocking him to sleep during the colic weeks so he seems to expect this, sometimes he will go down to sleep but seems very restless constantly moving his arms around until he finally falls to sleep however he wakes from 1am every hour until he wants to get up around 7.30am he managed to sleep 8hrs on monday night but hasnt managed more than 5 since, i have also started giving him baby rice to see if this helped but he still wakes thru the night for his usual feeds i havent had a full nights sleep in 4 months help. ps i have been sticking to a bedtime routine this past week bath at 7, feed then bed at 8.
My wife insists on drying our daughter’s hair after every bath with a hair dryer. She is going on 3 months, I donot agree ,I would rather it dry naturally. May I have your advice, Thank You!
hey dana i hu a 8mnth old daugta wantd to ask u abot er sleep paterns she had bin sleepin thru da nite bt dnt knw y nw she goes tn bed at 9 and tends to wake up at 1 ish i thot maybe she hungry so gv da botle bt she wil nly suck for few mins then shel go sleep and then wake up again abot 3 does da same thng then she goes sleep wakes up at 8 y has her routine changd duqin da day she sieeps for 2hrz at 2oclock she dnt take a dummy
Hi,
My 5 month old daughter goes to sleep well and can make it through the night sleeping a good 12 hours without a feeding. However, she is very restless and constantly moves around her crib. I have removed her bumper pads, because she now immediately flips on her stomach to sleep. But when she gets herself wedged into a corner in her crib she wakes up and then needs me to come and move her just about every hour during the night. I have no idea how to stop this and manage to get myself and my husband a good night of rest! Please help us!!!
At what age is a good time to put my son into a bed. He is currently 20 monhts old, he goes to bed okay but still wakes 3/4 times a night. All I have to do his lay him back down and he will go back to sleep. He is a very active child and climbs all the time you cannot leave him alone. My local health vistor suggested a bed and they do not know what else to suggest regarding him sleeping through the night. I am worried that putting him in a bed he will be in and out all night. I know he does not like his cot because as soon as he wakes up he cried to be let out! what would you suggest?
please help
My son Ethan, who is 11 mths, goes to bed around 8pn every nite and wakes up about 6am in the morning. However, everytime when we put him in his bed, he will stand up and play. I will then put him in the bed again. This usually takes 10-15 mins until he lies on the bed quietly. After that, he falls asleep in 5-10 mins.
We tried different approaches including walking out of the room everytime he stands up. It works for 3 days only. Thereafter, he plays on his own and laughts when we walked out of the room.
How i can easily settle him lying on his bed without going thru the hazzel?
I’ve used your program successfully since my son was 7 months old. (Thanks!) He is now 19 months old and still taking 2 naps per day totalling 4 hours (2 hours each nap) which seems like a lot for his age group. At night, he goes to bed around 7:30/8:00pm and wakes up around 6am averaging only 10 hours of nighttime sleep, but is rubbing his eyes and yawning an hour and a half after waking up. How do I get him to sleep in a little longer so he is not so tired so close to waking and so he is getting his minimum of 11 hours of consolidated sleep at night. We have tried putting him to bed a little earlier 7am and he still seems tired within an hour of waking up. Not sure what to do at this point. Please help :)
We live in Australia and have just returned from a trip to the UK and are struggling to get Holly’s sleep pattern back to normal? Any tips at all?
Thanks Dana
Dana, my two year old just turned two on 8/31/09. She has never slept all night, at first I thought it was the pacifier, took that, then it was teething, now she has had eczema since she was born and now she wakes every morning around 3:30 or 4am no matter what time she goes to bed. I have tried keeping her up until 10 hoping that she will sleep longer but that doesn’t work either. When she does wake up she is crying and scratching, once I put the medicine on her for the eczema she continues to cry so I put her in the bed with my husband and I. Most times she still continues to cry until one of us gets up with her and takes her into another room and lets her play until around six and we have to get up for work at that time. Please help us, I don’t know what to do at this point.
Hi Dana, my daughter is 6months old. she has a rountine at bedtime and generally sleeps well at night. she falls to sleep around 7.30pm. the problem is she wakes up at around 5.30am then doesnt want to nap til around 9am. I travelled on the train last weekend and because of train delays we didnt get home until 9pm. so i put her to sleep then and she woke up at 7.30am the next morning. my question is; is it a good idea to change her bedtime later so that she sleeps longer in the morning?
my son is 3 and he falls asleep in the car on our way home about 9 at night that is the time i pick him up but he wakes up in the night every night a few times and he wont stay in his bed he will come into our bed and stay there and will ask for milk or drink and after tht he will have a pee but wont tell me even if i put him on potty he still ends up doing it in his pull up(i put a pull up on him every night just to be safe) so please help me because it is to much or me i have a 2 yr old but he sleeps through the night but my 3 yr old just wont please help .thank you
Hi Dana,
My son is turning 5 months old next week. From about 2 months of age he fights to go to sleep. Meaning, he has a hard time falling to sleep on his own. I rock him, sing to him, walk him and he struggles, and grunts thru it until he goes to sleep. Usually it’s a quick process but this past week, it’s getting longer each time to put him down. Last night it took him 2 hours to finally go to sleep. I don’t want to do the cry it out method, but know he needs to learn the skill of falling asleep. Any advice or tips?
love, love, love your work and have been using it with my now 2 year old (caleb) since he was born as well as my 1 year old (elijah). here’s the problem: caleb was sleeping well (in his own room, on his own, all night) until he was about 9 months – due to some transistions the entire family began sharing one bedroom for almost a year. during that time caleb began sleeping in the bed with us. once we were able to give him his own room again, he would fall asleep at night and during naps on his own. at night he would sleep for about 2-3 hours alone and then wake up, come into our room and get in the bed with us. when we try to put him back in his bed he goes but crying, loudly : ) eventually (maybe 15-30 mins later) he makes his way back into our room – he walks quietly back into our room and then to the side of our bed – we put him back and the process begins again and continues until we are too tired to get back up. PLEASE HELP!!! silver lining: elijah, the one year old still falls asleep on his own and sleeps through the night alone: )
my daughter has just turned 1. She has always had the same bedtime routine and goes to bed at 7pm, without any hassels at all and is ready for bed. However she wakes up, usually around 3am and is awake for 2 hours then will go back to sleep. It is 2 hours al almost to the minute!) Sometimes she just chats, really loudly and at other times she will whinge and cry. How do I stop these wakings. I usually ignore her if she is just chatting but it is really frustrating because she always wakes up tired in the morning (between 6am and 7am) and so do I as it doesnt matter if she is just talking or crying she wakes me up too. She has always done this. I dont know how to get her to sleep all night. I prefer it if she crys because I feel like I know the techniques and know what to do….but i cant stop her from talking.
My daughter is now 7 and a half months old. She is used to sleeping while I am breastfeeding her and refuses to sleep any other way. After she sleeps, I try to put her in her crib, but she usually wakes up after an hour or so, and after that she is in such light sleep that I can’t put her in her crib because she wakes up and starts crying. So I put her on the bed beside me and she spends the rest of the night in my bed. During this, she wakes up many times, her mouth searching for the breast, and when I give it to her, she goes back to sleep. I tried to make her sleep in the crib while she is awake, but she cries a lot, and to be honest, I can’t handle her crying. Is there any other way to make her sleep in her crib without waking up throughout the night?
Hi
My baby girl is now 5 months old. She has settled into a very nice routine during the day. She take an hour nap in the morning and afternoon and a one and a half hour nap over lunch time. She eats baby porridge in the morning and afternoon and vegeatbles for lunch.I am quite sure she is not hungry. The problem is she wakes up every hour during the night crying. When she wakes up, I put the dummy, she sucks on iy for about 15 minutes, falls asleep and it falls out of her mouth. She then sleeps for a further 45minutes and wakes up crying again. We bath at 18:00 and she is in bed by 19:00. I have taken her to the doctor to make sure she isn’t sick. This has been going on for about 3 weeks now. Please help
Hi, my 5 month old cannot get to sleep on his own during the day and when he wakes. I use a bed time routine and he goes to sleep. When he wakes up during the night he cannot get back to sleep without nursing. During the day he can will only nap in his stroller, car seat, or off the breast. I ve tried sitting with him whilst in his cot for hours but he gets very upset amd frustrated that he can’t get to sleep . I always end up offering the breast at night or taking him for a walk during the day so he’ll sleep ……HELP!
My daughter sleeps at 8 to 8:30pm but wakes up at 6am and does not sleep more than 2.5 hrs in the day. She has a morning nap of about 45 mins to 1 hr and another nap of about 1.5 hrs. I have tried bringing her into my bed and giving her milk – she is playful and doesnt want to sleep, but instead is sleepy by 1.5 hrs after she wakes up. She used to wake up at 7:30am and its been about a week that this is going on?? Any ideas please?
Hi, my son is almost 10 weeks old. For the last 10 days, he has his bedtime feed at 7/7.30 and goes to sleep. His next waking time has been 2.30 am and then 6.30 am. But for the last 3 nights, he is waking himself up at midnight or 1 am, not hungry. First night I fed him milk but last night I fed him water and allowed him to cry himself to semi sleep, then put him back in his cot. How can i change this ?
Hi there my son is 8months old is breastfed and is waking 3-4 times a night.he always ends up sleeping in his mummy and daddys bed and will never sleep through the night.i am exhausted.please help.
Chelsea is nearly 9 months and will not sleep anywhere during the day except on my lap. if i put her into her cot she wakes up and refuses to go to sleep. she use to sleep very well in the evening only waking at 2am and 5 am for a feed but now she wakes every 2 or so hours and will not go in her cot. please help because i’m feeling exasperated. she is in a good evening routine and is in ‘my’ bed at 7pm. i am still breastfeeding as well and Chelsea refuses to take a bottle except for little sips during the day. i’m scared she is hungry thats she wil not sleep through.
Hi
Ellis is now 9 months old, and although pretty good at sleeping in the early months is now a nightmare. We have just had the 8 month check from the health visitor, who although means well, doesn’t really listen to our concerns, or sounds as though she is reading from a book!
Ellis will drop off to sleep at around 7.00/30 when he has finished his bottle, sleeps fit fully until around 12, 1 oclock in the morning and then screams his heart out. He refuses to be nursed by his dad, and screams louder/stronger if his mum leaves the room. This can go on for an hour! he will drop off again, but sleep is fit full again.
He is still in our room, and more often than not will end up in our bed, he is having problems teething, seems to be one after another are coming through. He’s lactose intolerant, so the milk we have for him is all there is, no follow on milk for hungry babies. He will nap for about 40 minutes, twice during the day and gets over tired very quickly. For a little boy he seems to have bags of energy, not wanting to sit on our knee, always wants to be walking (even though he can’t yet)
We have been through a bad time, in 2006 our daughter was still born at 38 months 5 days pregnant, we feel really lucky to have Ellis in our lives, and know what is happening now during the night is a small price to pay, we hate to see him upset, and would appreciate any advise you could give us.
HELLO! My son is 19 months old, and he goes to bed at 8:00 after our bed time routine with no problems. He falls asleep by himself (or with the company of a bunny that plays music upon request = a little “a” from tha baby). mY problem is that for his nap time around 1:30 (after lunch) he wants to be rocked to sleep and refuses to lie down on his own, like he does at night. what should I do?
Hi Dana,
Following some of the tips we’ve picked up on this site, we’re making good progress with our 3 year old’s sleeping habits – getting him out of our bed and into his own (after an extended period of travel and illness where he slept with us for almost 6 months), better settling down routine etc.
The last main hurdle we have to cross is that he has gotten into a habit of waking up every night at about 2am. He comes into our room and taps me on the head (it’s very freaky to be woken that way, I can assure you!) At that point I have to take him back to bed and settle him. This generally takes about 10 – 15 mins. My question isn’t so much about settling him back down but more, how can I break this habit? He is pretty regular, and generally appears between 1.50 – 2.20am every night.
Thanks!
Hi Dana, I have followed your advice on having a routine w/ my 7 old month son before bed time and it has worked quite well during the night. The problem is during the day. He can’t fall asleep on his own (or with anybody else’s help). Sky and earth come together before he finally lies down and take a 2-3 hour nap. I know for sure he isn’t hungry or doesn’t have a wet diaper so what am I doing wrong?
I have a 10 month who has, up til recently, been sleeping really well at night time and having good naps during the day. for the last 4 to 5 days she has only been sleeping for 40 mins for each morning and afternoon nap. How can you tell when they are ready to go to one nap? I would hate to keep her up til after lunch only to have her wake up only a short time afterwards. Night times aren’t too bad, she goes to bed at 730pm and mostly wakes up between 5 and 630am is breastfed and then put back to bed and wakes up between 730 and 815am.
My son is 7 months old and has not slept longer than 5 hours in a row since he was born. He has a bedtime of 8:30 and a bedtime routine of bath, nurse, brush teeth(mostly gums), read 2 stories and then in the crib with the lights out. He then cries and cries for an hour or two before he falls asleep. I go in and check on him and rub his back every 15 minutes. When he eventually falls asleep, he is ALWAYS up again in an hour or two max and the crying starts all over again. He continues to get up every two hours until he is up for good at 7:30am. He takes a nap for an hour or two somewhere between 11am and 12pm, and another hour nap around 4pm. I am about to lose my mind! Please help!!!!
Hi,
I really want to try your sleep sense program but am wondering if it will work for me as i have twins! Boy named Ash & girl named Abbey, they are 6 months old. They have both been wrapped to go to sleep and with a dummy. I have just got my girl un wrapped and is now in a sleeping bag and doing ok, she might wake up a couple of times at night which i have to put her dummy in. But Ash is a nightmare! Still is wrapped and dummy to. Wakes up sometimes 15 times a night. I cant do to much of a control crying thing with them as they are both sleeping in the same room so as soon as one starts crying i pretty much have to race in there and put the dummy in so they dont wake the other. Please help me i can not do this for much longer!!! I also have a 3 year old so have no time to rest in day! Would this program work for me with twins??
My 22mth old daughter has a great night time routine and is in bed asleep by 7pm. We never have a problem with her going to sleep as she can self settle BUT she constantly wakes during the night for no reason at all. Sometimes she will wake screaming so we need to go in and lay her down again or other times she will wake up and sit there laughing or singing for an hour or so. We took the dummy off her 3 weeks ago, she no longer asks for the dummy but is still waking. Not sure what to do as she is now waking my 5yr old and making him have restless sleep each night. Pleas help.
I have the same problem as most parents have posted.
My daughter is 7 months old and USED to be a good sleeper, going to bed at 8pm and waking up at 6:30am. Now she is starting to wake up at 4:45am and won’t go to bed unless I bring her to bed me (or after having some milk). How do we get her to back to sleeping 11-12 hours straight? On occasion (last week) she had started waking up at 2am and 4am. I was thinking this was party due to separation anxiety as she started crawling and standing up. Is it really that? Or am I making excuses??
Hi ,
I have a 7 month old son named Adrian … And I’m having alittle problem with him .. He won’t fall asleep unless he’s rocked and he’ll wake up atleast once or twice during the night just fussing in his crib … I’ll rock him and he’ll fall asleep quick at times … He’ll be up ready to play at 7 am and mommy is tired from soothing you during the night , help !
our son is 6 months old and is going to bed at 7.30pm falling off the bottle to sleep and wakes at 10.30, 12, 1.30,3,4, and 5.30am and sometimes more during the night. He has at least 2x 1.5hr naps in the day. What should we do?
My Son, Cole (18months-today!) needs to be in his own bed! He’s spent most of his life sleeping in my bed with me & wakes often during the night. I’m exhausted! The source of my problem is that I’m feeding him to sleep (as you say – tricking him to sleep). He sleeps well during the day (often has 2-3 hours) and depending on what time he goes down he will often be up very late – even when I try to get him to sleep early. I’m preparing to get him to sleep in his own room using your beside the bed technique but not sure if the day sleeps should be shorter? I feel horrible waking him but I’d hate to be working hard to get him sleeping well at night then ruining it during the day…
Lindsay is now 9 weeks old and we have introduced a soother. he loves it but after reading a little of what you say should i now take it off him? Im scared to do this as i know he will be very hysterically upset.
I have finally got my son, 19 months, sleeping through the nite, for the most part. He goes to bed around 7:30 with no problems and he actually initiates bed time. But he is still waking up around 5am wanting something to drink and a diaper change then back to bed for another hour. How do I get him to sleep for 12 hours without interuption??
I have 16 month old baby girl and she always had sleep problem. She always have to have her bottle when she went to bed since but she didnt have to have the bottle during the night but she turned 13 months old, she had to have her bottle during the night. She wakes up 3-4 times and starts to cry. I tried to comfort her without bottle but she would go back to sleep unless she has her bottle. What should I do?
My daughter Millie is 20 months old and enjoyed mummys breast milk too often she had me up 3 times a night and thru the day but I felt strong moved her at last into her new nursery and took your advice on putting her in her cot while awake and I sat with her while she settledshe woke once in the night but I refused to give her my breast bless her but she had a cuddle and I put her back down it took about a hour but she did settle and since then she has slept through the night. I could not do the leave the baby to cry to sleep that the health visitors recomend . I wish to THANK YOU I will recomend this to my friends . Thank you again well rested mummy now .
My daughter is 6 months old, and like my son before her isn’t a big believer is sleep. We’ve started with a routine and we put her in her crib sleepy but awake for her naps and at bedtime. She uses a soother and has a lovey for sleeps. She fusses for about 10 minutes, then goes to sleep. My problem is that she still wakes up twice during the night to eat. She has reflux, and is on medication for that, but she never seems to eat well during the day. Her two best feedings are those night feedings, so I’m scared to try stopping them for fear that she won’t be getting enough. She’s a healthy weight. Do you think it would be okay to not feed her during the night?
Hi there!! I have a beautiful nine month old baby called Romeo who has a sleep association problem. He goes to bed at about 730 after his dinner, bath and story but then he wakes up atleast 4 times in the night until he’s up at 7am. The problem is he sleeps 90% in the bed with us, and the only way he will go to sleep is to be breast fed, again whenever he wakes up I breastfeed him back to sleep. I know this is wrong but it all came about because my husband drives long distances for a living and needs his sleep and this was the only way to get him to sleep. The problem is I am back to work next month and could do with any advice to get him to sleep on his own and not wake up. Thanks in advance!!!!!
My son, Jayson, is 4 years old. He was in our Foster Care at 8 months old, and then back and forth between bio parents and foster until 13 months old at which time DCFS started termination proceedings. We adopted our little angel at 2 years old. He was badly neglected as a baby and wasnt fed or nurtured during that first year of his life. When we first got him, he sufferred night terrors almost every night and we learned to keep him safe from himself, and found that a cool walk outside, or a cool wash cloth would usually bring him out of it. He was diagnosed about a year ago with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). He does have lots of aggression towards others at times, has some drug baby tendencies, and has a rough time trusting others, especially females.
Since we were blessed with this little boy, he has usually needed to be touching someone when he goes to sleep at night. Either a hand on a parent, or a foot touching a parent, as to comfort him and assure him that we are there for him. During the first year of his life, he never knew where he would be waking up, who he would be with, and if anyone was there to take care of him when he woke. (Many times no one was there).
OK … now for the qustion! At 4 years old, he still has a rough time shutting down to go to sleep. He fights it every night and even cries that he cant keep his eyes from closing! We usually put him in his bed, but most of the time, he ends up with us comforting him and working with him to settle down and sleep. He has fought sleep for up to 2 hours before but usually when we are having problems, it takes about 1 hour to get him down.
I am very protective of him as I do not want him to feel any more abandonement than he already has in his short life, but i need advice on how to help him go to sleep easier. He doesnt nap often, sleeps about 9-11 hours at night currently.
We recently also adopted his bio brother from the foster care system, he is 2 years old and we put him in bed and he is out! No problems at all!
Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated!
My 13month old son goes to sleep fine but wakes up a number amount of times throughout the night an quite often i have 2 get up for 2-3hours he has been waking in the night since he was born but it has got worse now and i have only been having 2 actually get up for the last few months as he screams if i dont get up with him ive never heard him cry like this before, i dont understand why he has started doing this as i have not changed anything i do and he has the same bedtime routine as always PLEASE HELP! im exsausted
my 2 and half yr old maisy has always been hard to get to sleep we have to lay with her at nite and she has got in a bad habit of making us suck her fingers then we have to creep out her room she wakes up to 5 times at night and alwaYS ENDS UP IN OUR BED ITS NOT GOOD HOW CAN WE GET HER OUT OF THIS AS SHE SCREAMED FOR 40 MINS LAST NIGHT WHEN TOLD HER SHE WASNT COMING IN MUMMY AND DADDY BED WE TRYED TO SETTLE HER BACK IN HER BED BUT THEN MY 9 YEAR OLD WAKES ANY HELP WLD BE GREAT XX
Johnathan is 9 weeks old. What time shouldd his bed time be and should I try and keep him up during the day?
Hi Dana,
I have the same problem as Robyn. My son just turned 3. We do the same bedtime routine every night. Dinner, Bath, books, bed. He will go to sleep at 8 pm however he wakes every 1-3 hours and comes to our room. I will take him back to bed and sit on the floor by the door until he goes back to sleep. Sometimes this takes 20-30 minutes. Most of the time he is up between 2-4 times a not. I have tried everything and am very consistent. Please help I am exhausted.
My son is 6 months old, almost 7 and he will have about 3 naps a day last between 1-2 hours. He will not want to go to bed until 10 pm or later at night and wakes up EVERYTIME his bottle falls out or he in uncomfortable. Thats about 16 times a night. No matter what I do, I cant get him to sleep through the night or even put himself back to sleep without any props. Please help, Im exhausted and we all need to sleep. Thanks Dana.
why does my son sometimes cries ALOT before a nap time, although we do the same exact thing every time, AND when he starts getting drowzy around one hour after he wakes up. he is four months old. i usually check if he’s wet, needs a burp, or is hungry, and when all those are checked he is still crying, i wonder what am i doing wrong?
thanks,
danah
My Francesca, 9 monht old has trouble staying asleep
although the past 2 nites have been better with a lavendar bath. But she still woke up at 2am and wanted to nurse. I get exhausted and she ends up in my bed. Her crib is beside my bed
I have to say we are living in 3 different houses so I am trying to stay consistent and its been tough…
My daughter has never been a great sleeper. Recently she had been sleeping from8 or 830 until 7 730 all night. She recently also started walking. She is 13months old. My question is when she cries at night after only being sleeping for a few hours do I go into her and say it is time to go to sleep? Or do I wait it out to see if she will go back to sleep first. I think she is going through seperation anxiety. Not sure, but during the day she can be clingy and whiny for mommy. I thought she finally had this sleep thing down buy apparently she doesn’t. I do go in now and give her her binky and say it is time for sleep and turn her music back on then leave the room. She usually falls back to sleep on her own, but lastnight she was up every few hours crying. Any thoughts or suggestions. She has a bedtime routine and goes to bed by 9. She does seem to do better when we put her to bed earlier though?? Thanks for your time.
Hi Dana, I purchased your program to help me with one of my twin boys. They are now 14 months and we are struggling to put them in the same room. Charlie, my good sleeper, has been in our walk-in closet since they were 4 months due to the constant waking of his brother Mattie. Mattie is waking less and less and often sleeps through the night but it is unpredictable and his crying wakes up Charlie who then is quite difficult to comfort back to sleep. We have a third baby coming in a month and are desperate to get the boys together in their room – any advice?
Thanks so much, michele
ps. they go to bed around 6:30 and wake at 5-5:30
My Daughter is 13 months old and has never slept through the night and can wake up every hour althought as a general rule im up around 5 times a night and thats any where between 9pm and at the moment 5.30am. i stick to her bedtime routine and have never changed this since she was born bath at 7pm then bottle and bed but she makes her own routine up for example the past week she hasn’t been going to sleep till 10.30pm up about 5 times where i have to go and let her no im there and eventually she go back to sleep. She has only been having a two hour nap just before lunch and then nothing till bed and is very grouchy all the time but she just will not sleep.
Im so exhausted with having to get up and go to work as well please help
My daughter is 8 years old, she has never slept well even from birth, but I am now at the end of tether…I have always put her to bed at a normal time (8pm) most of the time she has a nice hot bath before bed, yet she will come down the stairs every half hour till maybe twelve/half twelve at night…I take her back up firmly every time she comes down but she still does it every ngt.
I am absolutely exhausted, I am bringing my daughter up alone and would love just a few hours peace of a evening.
Any help would be appreciated.
Hi Dana,
I have a 14 month old boy who just starting walking and used to be happy when we would lay him down for a nap or bedtime. Now, he cries or clings to us every time we go to put him in his crib. When we put him in his bed, we give him his soother and love toy and say “it’s time to go to sleep and we will see him in a little bit” and then walk out of the room. He then cries for 5 to 10 minutes, then remains standing in his crib then sits and finally falls over to lay down and go to sleep. This whole process can take up to an hour. We have a regular bedtime routine with a bath, pjs, bottle, brushing teeth and stories starting at 7 or 7:30pm. Is this normal, or am I doing something wrong?
Also, when he wakes up in the morning I am never sure when he is awake. He never calls for us or cries. We have a video monitor that I check and wait to see that he is standing in his bed then I go and get him up. This can be anywhere between 7 and 8am. Should I be more consistent and wake him up at a regular time? And again he will sit in his bed and fall over if I check the monitor earlier at 6 or 6:30. Is it possible that he is sleeping in a sitting position?
If you have any advice I would love to hear from you.
Thanks
Sincerely,
Taryn
Hi,
I have a 16 months old daughter who got used to being nursed to sleep. She used to sleep through the night, but for the last 4 months she has been waking up 2-3 times a night, and she will scream if I do not pick her up and nurse her. I would try to soothe her back to sleep by standing by her crib and not lifting her up, but most of the times after a couple of minutes she gets so furious that she throws up.
She does sleep through the night occasionally, maybe 3 times in the last 4 months, so I know she is capable of it. If we pick her up and walk aroound with her or sit with her she would fall asleep in our arms, but once we put her back down she wakes up and screams again…
I can not just leat her cry it out alone in her room because she is on the verge of climbing/falling out of her crib now, she is so tall…
Any suggestions?
thanks,
2 sleep deprived parents
Hi Dina,
Hoping you’ll be able to give me some advice.
My son is almost 3 now and has never slept all through the night.
My family is overcrowded in our current home and we are trying to move into larger accomodation.
I have a teenage daughter, she has her own bedroom, and my son, almost 3, sleeps in my room. We live in a small 2 bedroom flat. I hoped we would have moved home by now, i thought i could address my sons sleep habits once he had his own bedroom, but its a long time coming!
He never settled in his cot as a baby, he would cry and scream until i took him out, and i fell into the common trap of putting him into my bed for peace, -which didnt really bring it either!. I breastfed him through the night until he was 18months, thinking this gave me an easlier night, but it didnt. I found your site at this time and realised this was not actually helping either of us, so i weaned him off, but he has replaced the security of my breast into wanting his hand on my tummy as he falls asleep!! -Obviously this is not a great change!
My room does not have enough space for my bed plus another single. I have tried sleeping on the sofa so he is alone in the bedroom but he wakes and cries out for me after about 2 hours, and then more requently after this if im not in there with him; wanting me to lay down with my arm around him with his hand on my tummy as he falls back to sleep.
My relationship with my sons father has obviously suffered enormously, luckily it hasnt totally broken us, but too oftan my sons father now sleeps on the sofa, our son in our bed. I try to get up to go into the living room to be with my partner, but settling the little one exhausts me and i oftan end up falling asleep with him.
Your advice would be so very appreciated! We cant go on like this.
Yours tiredly, Maxine
My 6 month old daughter starts to scream when you bring her near her crib! I have been doing the same routine for a month now and she will not fall asleep on her own. We have bath, food, books, and then I tell her it’s night-night time as I lay her down. She screams as I place her down and will continue until she sees me peak in to make sure she is okay. As soon as I leave, she continues to cry until she has tears, snot, drool, and red cheeks. Finally I give in after 20 minutes and go pick her up. She falls right asleep after she calms down and then I put her in her crib. I know I am setting her up for failure…please help! Same problem with naps. She will scream bloody murder until I hold her.
My 4 1/2 year old daughter goes to sleep at about 8pm every night. We have a bed time routine and then when she’s under the covers (after a few minutes of asking me for “another hug” “one more”) she goes to sleep. The problem is that she wakes up often at night. She stays in her bed and calls for “mommy.” When I get there, she just wants a hug, or for me to tuck her in again, or a drink of water (which is on the nightstand right by her bed) – she just wants the comfort of me to be there, and then she goes back to sleep.
This sometimes happens 2-3 times a night, and it gets exhausting. I have tried giving her rewards for sleeping the whole night. She gets excited when she receives an award, but the next day she can be back to getting up again 1-2 times a night.
Any advice on how I can get her to sleep through the night, every night, without needing the comfort of her mother in the middle of the night?
Thank you!
Robyn
My husband and I are going to be having a new baby and I am worried about my 2 year old who do not sleep in the day time unless I am sitting next to her. How am I going to beable to do this and look after a new baby? How can I get her to fall asleep on her own in the day time?
I am a first time mom and my son is almost 4 months old and is starting to wake every 3 hours at night. Ever since I brought him home from the hospital when he was 2 weeks old, he has woke up @2:30 am and usually between 5-6 am. I put him to bed at 7:30pm. We had issues with him going to bed for a while until I started a routine every night and since then he was perfect. However, he has just started this every 3 hours and I have tried feeding him cereal and that seems to make it worse. On the nights I have given him cereal, he wakes up every hour after 11pm. I am a first time mom so I tend to listen to others that have experience but it never works with my son. Please help!! What can I do to get him to sleep all night?? I would even be happy if he went back to his 2:30am routine. Also, I am breastfeeding him because he is allergic to corn syrup. Sometimes I think he wakes up just to use me as his human pacifier. Thanks for all your help!!!!
I put Tianna to bed some where between 9pm-10pm. For some reason she wakes up anywhere between 2:30am – 4:30am screaming for mommy or daddy to come and get her. Once we do that she wants a cup and she goes back to sleep. What should we do?
My son is almost 4 months old and is starting to wake every 3 hours at night. Ever since I brought him home from the hospital when he was 2 weeks old, he has woke up @2:30 am and usually between 5-6 am. I put him to bed at 7:30pm. We had issues with him going to bed for a while until I started a routine every night and since then he was perfect. However, he has just started this every 3 hours and I have tried feeding him cereal and that seems to make it worse. On the nights I have given him cereal, he wakes up every hour after 11pm. I am a first time mom so I tend to listen to others that have experience but it never works with my son. Please help!! What can I do to get him to sleep all night?? I would even be happy if he went back to his 2:30am routine. Also, I am breastfeeding him because he is allergic to corn syrup. Sometimes I think he wakes up just to use me as his human pacifier. Thanks for all your help!!!!
Hi. My son Jared wakes up 2 to 3 times in the middle of the night sleepwalking. He comes straight to me, not my husband, and asks for juice. I walk him back to his bed, he has one sip of juice, then immediately falls back asleep. My question is – how do I get him to stop this since it seems be developing into a bad habit?
Thanks!
I have been using tips from this site since Katie was born. She is now 4 1/2 months and sleeps solidly from 7pm to 7-8am. she also has around 5 hours of naps during the day. She is breastfed, gaining weight consistently and is very contented all day. Is she getting too much sleep now?
My daughter, Ellie will be 18 months in August. We have managed to get into a routine of going to bed at around 7pm and she goes to bed no problems. We put her to bed, say goodnight and walk out of the room. This is wonderful apart from the fact that she wakes around 5am and won’t go back to sleep unless we bring her in the bed with us. I know this is not ideal but we can’t seem to get her back to sleep otherwise. Can you help us?
Many thanks