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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question comes from Natalie:
“Do premature babies have more problems with sleeping than full-term babies?”
She has a seven-month old, corrected age, who’s not sleeping through the night, and her doctors said it’s because he was premature. And she is wondering if that really is the reason he’s not sleeping through the night.
I do find that premature babies or babies with colic or reflux tend to have a more difficult time learning the skills for sleeping well. Colic, for example, in those first few weeks of life, especially if you’re a new parent, you’re just trying to get through it. I’m thankful I didn’t have colicky children, but I’ve had enough clients with colicky babies to know that really there’s nothing much worse. It’s prolonged periods of crying and all you’re trying to do is just get through it with a little bit of sanity.
So that usually means there’s lots of rocking, bouncing, holding, feeding, and using a pacifier. A few months of that and, when the colic passes, you’ve got a child who really has a lot sleeping props, and you’re going to have to train that baby to learn to sleep without them. Premature babies can fall into a similar category where there’s a lot of holding and rocking. Again, there’s nothing wrong with those things, and they’re necessary when you’re dealing with babies who have some more challenging things going on.
So I don’t want you to blame yourself at all for what’s happened. I usually encourage people with babies who have reflux to wait until the reflux is either managed with medication or the child has outgrown it, and then know that it’s going to be a little more of a difficult road because those things are so a part of his or her current strategies.
The good news in your note, Natalie, is that you say he can self-soothe, that he does self-soothe very well for bedtimes and naps and that he doesn’t use the bottle or the breast to fall asleep. So that’s great; you’ve conquered 90% of the hurdle, so that’s wonderful. But the fact that he’s waking up twice a night looking for food—you might want to have a discussion with the doctor on his weight and find out if he has a good enough weight that he could go the night without food. And some babies just become habitual nighttime eaters, meaning if you’re going to offer a bottle at 2:00 and 4:00, then the baby just continues to wake up at 2:00 and 4:00 expecting a bottle. And sometimes that doesn’t go away until you decide to take it away, and that would just mean you don’t offer the feed. You either leave and check, or stay and say your key phrases and use some careful touch until the baby goes back to sleep without the feed.
The fact that he already has his own skills for sleeping well is really good, and that means it won’t take too many nights to get him sleeping through, because he can do it at bedtime. Those skills will transfer over to the rest of the night with a bit of a push on your part. So that would be the first thing I would do: just discuss with the doctor about his health and his general well-being. You said he’s seven months corrected age, so there’s no real reason he shouldn’t be able to go the whole night without waking.
I would encourage you to give it a go. And for those people with children with reflux—again, it’s not impossible, but do wait until you have the situation under control and then go ahead and start the Sleep Sense program. Keep in mind, though, that I do find it’s a bit more challenging with babies who had reflux.
Thanks for your question, Natalie, and sleep well.
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
Hi
My son 6 and a half months old but was born 8 weeks early. He was very good at self soothing and putting himself to sleep early on but after 2 operations he now struggles unless being held or rocked. However our main problem is he still wakes for feeds at 10.30pm, 2.30am and then wants up to play at 5.00am! After months of this my husband and I are exhausted and can only imagine it is going to get worse after I return to work in 2 weeks! He has been on solids 3 times a day for the past 2 months but this seems to be making no difference. He doesn’t take alot of milk at each feed (averages 75-90mls) and still feeds 7 times in 24 hours! He has struggled with his weight due to Pyloric Stenosis operation and a double hernia operation and at 6 and a half months only weighs 11lbs. The night feed at 2.30am isn’t too bad as he feeds and goes straight back to bed but getting up at 5am is just too early as he’s ready to go back to back to bed at 8.00am. He’s in a very good night routine of bath, bottle and bed at 7.30pm. Am I expecting too much to expect him to sleep 7.30pm – 7.00am? People keep telling me that premature babies don’t sleep through the night until they are about a year old. I can’t imagine going through another 6 months of this.
OK, so I read the article above. I too have a premature baby, born at 31 wks 3 days, she is now 2 months old. Recently, she came down with a cold and is miserable. Her pediatrician says that she may have colic. I am trying to get her on a sleep schedule that workd for all of us, but she is so tired during the day that she sleeps alot. Then at night she screams unless she’s being held, or sleeps between my husband and I on a special bed for her. What can we do?
My baby is 1 week shy of 6 months. She was born 3 weeks early. We are still having night waking problems where she will toss for an hour or two before settling back to sleep. She self soothes to sleep for naps and bedtime by sucking her fingers so I know she has the tools to fall back asleep. However, the nights when she can’t fall back to sleep after waking, I can hear her try to soothe and get frustrated and will kick and move around the bed for a while until finally tired. She will cry a little but not much, sometimes just mumbles to herself. She is used to me breastfeeding her back to sleep during the night and I am trying to stop offering it unless she can’t get back to sleep. However, I have noticed that even after breastfeeding she sometimes can’t fall back asleep right away and will toss for a while. How can I help her to fall asleep if she tosses for a long time? Why is it happening?
My 5 3/4 yr. old still wakes during the night and climbs into our bed. Sometimes I don’t even know he is there until the morning. He did see a movie when he was about 3 that scared him and I have had problems with a good nights sleep ever since. He insists that he is scared or has heard something. Please help!!
Hi my daughter Ruby has started waking up at night since she has started creche. She was 2 and 2 months when she started and since then Ruby has been waking up at night and wanting to come into our bed or our the bed in our spare room. She will go back to sleep with either my husband or I, but it’s very frustrating because she insists on having milk aswell. We are expecting in one months time and I am really worried because we are also moving house in a week, so we are thinking it might help by putting Ruby in her own bed as she has been sleeping in a cot (crib). Is this a good idea or will her sleeping just get even worse with a newborn and so much change going on?
Thanking you,
Leora
I have 4 month twins they are still waking for a feed between 3-4 am . They end to eat 3-4 hourly how can i stretch them out.
Nicky
Marshall is 9 months old and he has 2 older brothers, Tanner is 3 and Braeden is 11… My problem is that we only have 3 bedrooms in our house so Marshall is sleeping in his crib in our room so he doesn’t keep Tanner awake at night. Marshall and Tanner both go to bed shortly after 7pm. Tanner sleeps 7 to 7 with no problems. Both he and Braedens heads hit the pillow and they are asleep. Marshall is a different story… At naptime, I nurse him and lay him down awake… he cries a bit and then goes to sleep. At night time, he nurses until he gets squirmy and I lay him down. Then he wakes at 11, 2, 5, 6, 7 and I nurse him otherwise he stays wide awake. I know that is bad but he cries sooo hard that I don’t want him to wake the house up. My husband tried to cuddle him back to sleep but he works such long hours, he really needs his sleep too!!! Lately, he falls asleep to my boob in my bed and as soon as I move him to put him into his crib, he wakes and screams until I pick him up again. This is my third child and he is the first that has EVER been brought to my bed! He is my first non-sleeping child! I am just too tired to do anything else…. I feel like i’m failing my other kids because I have no energy all day long! Please help…
My 13 month old daughter has just started to scream hysterically when put to bed, day or night. She has always been a good sleeper untill now. she still has 2 day sleeps ( morning 2 hours and afternoon 1 hour) and sleeps for geneally 12 hours at night.Its just this screaming she now does like she is in pain when put to bed. As soon as my husband or i pick her up she settles straight off in our arms then wakes and screams when put in cot. What can we do?
I have a 14 month old son that sleeps 8pm-5am with a 2 hr nap @9am & a 1 hr nap @2. How can i get him to sleep past 5am? I’ve tried putting him to bed earlier and he still gets up @5. I’ve putting him to bed @830-900 (he prefers 8) and he’ll wake @430. If i ignpre him @5 he’ll cry for an hour before going back to sleep which messes up his schedule. Do i just have a real early bird?
Hi Dana,
I have a 11 month old little girl. About 7 weeks ago she started refusing her second nap of the day. I tried putting her down later to see if that would help. About 1/2 the time she would sleep and the other 1/2 she is in her crib “talking”. I am not sure what to do as I have been told that she is too young to move to one nap in the middle of the day. She sleeps 12 hours at night and take a 1.5 hour nap in the morning. She used to take 2×1.5 hour naps during the day. Thank you for your help and advice. We are both tired at the end of the day. Warmly,
Christine and Emma
Beatrice is 9 months old and has no teeth yet, though she seems to be on the verge if you look at her drool and discomfort. We follow a pretty strict daytime nap schedule and she has always been a pretty good sleeper at night. She usually sleeps 7p to 6a or 7a. Lately, she has been crying and screaming at bedtime, normally she goes right down, which we have attributed to teething pains, and so we are going in to her when she is screaming, since it seems unusual. But now I am beginning to wonder if she is just getting older and smarter and wants to hang out with us rather than go to bed, and that this has NOTHING to do with teething discomfort. How do we know whether to comfort her or let her cry it out????
Thank you!
Hi Dana,
I have two questions:
1. My 8 month old daughter is still content being swaddled at night. I’m curious how to go about weaing her from this or is it okay to keep her swaddled? She does not roll over at night.
2. Her naps are very short lived. She will nap anywhere between 20 to 30 minutes usually 3x’s a day. I’m worried she’s not getting enough rest during the day and she’s fighting going down for a nap.
thanks – crissy
Hi Dana
Our daughter is 2 & 1/2 and we are about to transfer her from the cot to a bed. We are expecting our 2nd child in August so this will mean Eden changing bedrooms as well. Eden currently settles herself to sleep and sleeps from 20:00 to 6:30 without any real issues. However she does have a dummy. We plan to remove this at the same time as the bed / room change. Is this going to be too much for her? Should we do things differently? Thanks Kathryn
My son is 23 months old and he goes to bed anywhere between 8pm & 9pm. He niggles a bit at first and likes me to stroke/pat his back and then he falls asleep. But then he wakes again as soon as my Partner and I decide to go to bed. I usually manage to settle him again but then (almost like clockwork) he’ll wake again half hourly after that – until finally we give in (as we both work full time) and put him in the bed with us – then he’s out like a light – usually for the rest of the night! But as he “wriggles around” so much in the bed (and I usually end up almost off the bed!) my Partner and I don’t get much sleep at all – resulting in us being very sleep deprived! And with our son waking up throughout the night (prior to coming in our bed) he doeesn’t get the continuous sleep he needs either. How do I get him to stay asleep for the enitre night in his own cot bed? Also, is there anything I can try to stop him waking up coughing in the night – which has been the case the last 3 nights?
same as above forgot to tick box to notify me via email – sorry
my 4 year old has has normally slept quite well , the occasional blip with her getting up during night but recently getting worse with her going to sleep the usual way, bath story and bed, she falls asleep on her own but always wakes up at early hours shouting on me used to just be for a cuddle but now she wants in beside us and says shes scared of dark, I have been leaving hall light on and door opened but nothing is working!!! She just keeps shouting all night until I go through or she come in to our room. Help!!!
I have the same issue as Grant. My daughter is 9 months and has never slept through the night. She goes to sleep on her own at around 7pm, but wakes between 2-3 times during the night, and even more often when she’s teething. Sometimes she’s up every hour, then seems to get a good block of sleep between 3 and 6 when she has her morning feed, then back to bed until around 8am. I’ve gone back to work & am finding it hard to function with such little sleep! I’ve tried cutting out a night feed, but all she seems to want is some “comfort suckling” then go straight back to bed. Any suggestions for a full night’s sleep?
I have a just turned 3 year-old that takes quite a long time to fall asleep in the evening. I put him in his bedroom at 8 and he is usually asleep by 10. He plays and reads books and when he comes out of his room (at least 20 times), we send him back in and tell him it’s time for bed. He will finally fall asleep in his own bed, but will end up wandering in to our room after 3am and comes in to bed with us. He goes right back to sleep. We only allow it because its more convenient for us (not having to get out of bed). Thanks!
I have a 10 months old and a 31 months old both of them still waking up at night 2 to 3 times every night for bottle feeding can you help and help stop the the 31 months old to quit the bottle she’s potty trainning now but it seem so hard for her to stop the bottle she’ll eat a little only when we feeding her baby sister. THANK YOU
hi dana,my baby is eating at 9 pm(last bottle),how to make his program ? he eats always every 3 hours from 6 am to 9 pm. thanks so much for everything. gabriela
I have a 25 month old and he goes to bed with no problems on his own at 8:00, but wakes up any where between 4:30 -5:00 and will not go back to sleep. We moved up his bed time but it didn’t work. This has been going on for about 45 days. Nothing seems to work. He knows how to fall asleep by himself for a long time now but refuses to sleep past 5:00 am.
I got my baby sleeping at 5 weeks old with your program! I thought that I was done with night wakings, until my child, at 19 months old, started climbing out of his crib and hurting himself. We have tried the methods in your book (a crib tent apparently does not work unless all four sides of the crib are the same height) and leaving him in the crib with a mattress underneath (so he doesn’t hurt himself). He stil manages to hurt himself, so we have taken out the front of the convertible crib, so in essence he is in a toddler bed. He comes out of his room 30-40 times after his 7:30pm bedtime, and he wakes up several times during the night and gets out of bed and comes looking for us. We even tried to put the knob covers, but given enough time, he “Houdinis” through them. When he does come out, we just say, “Back to bed” and take him back to his room and close the door (no matter how many times he comes out). I have tried holding the door closed for 5 minutes, but as soon as I let go, he continues. Short of putting a lock on the door, what’s left? It’s been almost a month…
I have a daughter who turned 2 in March and since then has been waking again during the night. She has always been a great sleeper, so I don’t know what is happening to make her wake. When she wakes we have real difficulty to get her back to sleep. She refuses to lie down, we have tried a bit of controlled crying, but I usually give in after 20 mins as I have another daughter whom I don’t want to wake. I am hoping to try and stop her night feed at Easter but all she seems to want is a feed, but that doesn’t send her to sleep. we are so exhausted as it can take up to 2 hours for her to settle and often that ends up in our bed which I know is not a good solution, what shall we do?
Thank you
Im in need of some help , my daughter is 9 months old and is still not sleeping through the night . We start her bedtime routine at 6 and is in bed at 7pm she goes to sleep fine with out any trouble but i cant get her to stay asleep , she wakes at 11 , 3 and 6 ,i have stopped giving her a bottle at 11 and 3 as i know she is not hungry as she eats well during the day , i give her a bottle at 6am when she wakes sometimes she goes back to sleep spmetimes she doesnt . How can i stop her waking up at 11 and 3 ?health visitors have told me just to leave her to cry it out but i have a 7 year old and they share a room so i cant leave her to cry as she will wake my other daughter up and i also dont like the idea of the cry it out routine . She sleeps well during the day sometimes she has two naps about an hour long each time or she will just have one nap for about 2 hours i dont understand why she is not sleep through yet , maybe it is just a habit she has gotten in to , if it is a habit how do i get her out of it? Any suggestions from anyone would be of a massive help.
Thank you
I can’t get my girls to fall asleep unless I’m holding them. I have a 2 1/2 year old and an 11 month old. I know that I have fostered the bad habits, but I’m not okay with just letting them cry it doesn’t ever gets better, just escalates and then the other sister that’s not upset, picks up on it and wants to help her sister feel better and I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. They will just scream if i don’t hold them, even if I’m right there.
Also my older daughter takes FOREVER to fall asleep. I’m talking an hour and a half to two hours. She’s not getting enough sleep because of it and I’m hate bedtime because it’s so difficult. How do I get her fall asleep quicker?
Hi Dana – my daughter Demi just turned 6 months and began eating baby food. We’ve tried 3 different veggies and since beginning this, she’s woken up every night (sometimes two or three times a night) because she’s had a bowel movement. She was sleeping through the night before starting food. What do you suggest?
Briley is a little over 5 months old now. She is teething like crazy. How often is it safe to give her tylenol to relieve her?
Thanks
Sharon
Sharon,
Check the weight limits with your doctor, but if she is at least 13lbs it is safe to give her 0.8ml of Tylenol every 4hours. I have found with my son that rubbing the tylenol on his gums gives him better relief and uses a lot less of a dosage. Also, teething tablets work wonders! These have given the greatest relief for my little one and the effects seem to last longer than the tylenol.
My daughter is 11 months old. She goes to sleep happily on her own. She nurses, then we read a book and then brush teeth, I then give her a “blankie” which instantly causes her thumb to go in her mouth, I say prayers, kiss her & lay her down. She smiles up at me, sometimes waves and then happily drifts off to sleep sometime after I leave the room. The problem is that she wakes in the night usually still 2 or 3 times and is not easily settled unless I nurse her. Sometimes even after nursing it takes over an hour to get her settled and ready to go back to sleep in her crib. I’m baffled because she puts herself to sleep so nicely at the beginning of the night and I can’t figure out why she doesn’t do the same in the middle of the night. Any suggestions?
Hi,
I have the same issue as Danielle. My daughter just turned 2 and she is now going to bed at 8:00 pm and waking up between 5:00 – 5:30 am. She is groggy and cranky. I don’t know what to do to help her sleep longer. I love the days when she sleeps 11 hours and wakes up refreshed and happy. That is few and far between now.
I have a very simple question – my son – 10 months old – has learned to sleep on his own – according to your programme – for 6 nights by now. Curious thing is – the first 4 nights it got better and better (up to 5 minutes), then suddenly on the 5th and 6th night it took 40 minutes! Tonight, the 7th night it took 20 minutes. I have been told to stop this programme as there is no improvement and my child is not ready for it yet. I refuse to do it as I refuse to nurse him again, often 6 times a night. Are the others right and will this “intolerable cruelty” from my side affect my baby seriously? I enjoooooy those nights fully as he awakes max 2 times a night and goes back to sleep on his own fast.
My son Kai was sleeping very well through the nights and naps but recently he will not fall asleep in his room. For the last 2 weeks he will cry for a half an hour (longer if we let him) when we put him down for a nap or for the night but once we bring him to the living room and put him in the playpin he’s out. What could have prompted this sudden change and how can I get him back to his good sleeping habits?
I have a 13 month old that will not sleep through the night. I am not a mother that will allow my child to scream and cry at night for an hour. I am still nursing her at night, but put her down groggy. She will wake up at least two times in the night. If I do not go to her and allow her to cry she will cry for over an hour. I believe that is too long. What are your suggestions instead of letting her cry it out.
Hi Dana,
My son is 16 months old. He is getting up waaayyyy to early every morning – usually around 5:00a.m.
Until about 2 months ago I nursed my son to sleep every night. He would normally wake up 2-3 times a night and it would be very difficult to get him back to sleep (in his crib). Then every morning at about 5 a.m. he would join us in our bed where he would sleep attached to my breast until around 7:30pm.
We were totally fed up with this and used a “gradual extinction crying” technique. The results were fast and amazing. He now falls asleep by himself around 7:30 – 8:00pm and sleeps all night long. But we still have 1 really big problem – he is waking up fairly regularly at 5 a.m. and won’t go back to sleep.
We make him stay in his crib until 6:00am and regularly go in to check on him/convince him to go back to sleep. Sometimes he dozes off but normally he just cries. And when he gets up that early, he is zonked all day long.
Please help us not only sleep well, but also longer!
Thank you,
Danielle
Since starting your program, our son goes down around 7:30pm and sleeps until around 5-5:45am which seems too early. Is this normal or is there a way to get him to sleep longer? Should we just live with it or should we get him to sleep longer? We have tried coaxing him back to sleep like we do at bed time and when or if he wakes in the middle of the night, but he wants nothing to do with it and wants to be awake and play. We leave him in his crib and let him play or fuss intil 6 and then turn on the lights and let him get out of his crib at 6, but not earlier. He doesn’t go back to sleep, usually just plays and then starts crying because he wants to get out and be up.
My son is now 3 1/2 years old, he has been sleeping in my bed since he was 1 and half years old. He goes to bed in his own room around 7.30 ish whilst I lay with him. He always wakes up around 10 ish and I just put him into bed with me. I have purchased a new big boys bed for him but all that is happening is that I am sleeping in his room now instead of mine?? how can I get him to sleep on his own
My grandson Tyler is 10 months old and still gets up to nurse 2 and 3 times a night. My daughter has tried to let him cry but after 1/2 she goes into his room to soothe him or nurse him. How can she get Tyler to sleep through the night?
I have a 3 year old who has gotten in the habit of coming in our bed around 5:30 and having a sip cup of milk and then snuggling with us. I don’t mind him snuggling but I would like to get him to sleep later in his own bed. I know it is the milk that is getting him into our bed. He loves, loves milk. How can I get him to stay in his bed until atleast 6:00 or 6:30? I know we have started a bad habit. How do we end it? Thanks for your help.
Try the ” good nite light” ( google it). My husband bought this online for my son in January and within a month we went from 5 or 530 wake ups to 7. The light is set for 7 pm to come on as a blue moon and in the morning at 7 it changes to a yellow sun. We told him he has to wait for the sun to come up before he gets out of bed. If your child can see the light outside though you should get blackout curtains too. Worked like a charm and it was recommended by another parent with the same problem. We did not however let out so. Come into bed with us so that may play in.
Thank you for addressing this topic.
My baby is a former 29-weeker (currently just 5 months adjusted) and suffered from GERD and other things.
However he does not really self soothe well – While I have succeded getting him to sleep without the breast he does not stay asleep. He almost acts as though his bed is abhorrent. He will not stay asleep if anything changes (ie putting down, car stops moving, me sitting down after rocking him even if I still have him).
I actually do NOT want him sleeping through the night just yet – he is only 10 pounds so I strongly feel he needs to eat.
Are there any suggestions though on how to make him sleep consistently? I try to have a schedule but most nights the bedtime routine is only about 30 mins (bath, nursing/rocking while swaddled then in the bed) but then I spend the next 2 hours trying to get him to sleep without crying/waking etc.
Katharine; I’ve had a 29wker (nonspitter) & a 30wker (acid reflux). Preemies just seem to be a bit “more” of everything, and can be extra sensitive to stimulus (motion, sound, light, etc.) I have not solved the nighttime sleep issues of my 30wker, but we’ve overcome several huge issues with naps. At first, she wanted to nurse/bottle to sleep every time and then be held for the entire nap. She woke up as soon as you moved, or 30mins into the nap. Car rides were nightmares; she screamed the whole way! When they get overtired, this just makes everything that much worse. I sleep trained during the daytime; I’d either sit in her room & occasionally shush & use key words, with an occasional pat on her tummy. Or, I’d shush/pat/use keywords & then leave for 5mins. Then return & do the same thing. 30mins with every 5min visitations was my limit on crying before I picked her up, comforted her, and tried again later. It wasn’t easy, but now she naps beautifully during the day. This also translated into smooth car rides, where she could enjoy the trip and even comfort herself to sleep in the car. So I’d recommend keeping the routine, because that helps queue them that it’s sleeptime. And then I’d start working on the naps. You can continue to feed on demand at night since weight is an issue, and just know that this will be another hurtle to overcome later down the road.