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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
My husband and I have this little private joke between us, because when we go out and I see a child up in the evening, the first thing I do is look at my watch. He constantly teases me about checking my watch every time I see a child up, when sometimes I’m out at night without my children.
I do notice when children are up past what I consider a reasonable hour. The other night we were out for dinner and I noticed that in the room there were several children with groups of adults. The youngest looked like she was about one and a half, maybe two years old and she was still in a high chair. That leads me to looking at my watch wondering why those children are there at 9:00 at night instead of in bed or at home with a sitter. My husband asked why it bothered me so much, and when I looked over again the little girl was asleep in her high chair.
I just think it’s unfair really to do that to your child and I told my husband, to imagine if I took him out for dinner after a long day when he was so worn out that he could not resist the urge to put his head down on the table and go to sleep, in the middle of dinner.
I would never do that to him. If he told me he was tired and didn’t want to go out for dinner and instead wanted to go home to bed, I would respect that. I wouldn’t drag him around to complete exhaustion. So I don’t know why some people don’t offer that same courtesy to their children. Of course you want to go out and you want to see your friends and you need to have a life, and I agree with all of those things. I just think in that case you should get a sitter or have a family member or a friend come over and watch the kids.
I know not everyone has the luxury of having family nearby, but you could have your friends over to your place or something like that. There’s always a compromise to the situation. I agree, you need time on your own but having children with you when they’re clearly exhausted and should be at home in bed, is not fair to the child. Nor is it fair to take a child out and expect them to behave when they’re tired or to be quiet while you have adult conversation or to just even have an inside voice.
I have three little ones and it’s exhausting taking them out for dinner and keeping them well behaved and using inside voices and so I just would never subject my friends to that. If you were meeting friends who also had children, you could go at an appropriate hour so that you can be home before they’re all beside themselves with fatigue.
I know that not everyone is going to agree with me. Some people might think it’s totally fine and acceptable to take their kids out late and I’m not even saying I don’t do it on a rare occasion. Maybe once a year, my children get to stay up past bedtime. I just don’t do it often because I don’t think it’s honoring their need for sleep and I pay the price the next day with tired children. Then it takes them a couple of days to get themselves back on track if they’ve missed their normal bedtime. I really don’t do it often at all. I get slack from my friends sometimes for not bringing the kids to the outing but I need to practice what I preach and I think that sleep is just as important as everything else in life. I like to honor that for my children and for myself.
So, that gives you something to think about, I hope — and sleep well!
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
Hi Dana, My lb is 10 and 3/4 months now. I bought the sleepsense book and it kinda did help a lot. Recently my lb has been waking at 3am every nite n than every hour after . During the day he has 2 1 hour naps. I’ve tried to make him sleep longer but am not winning. He keeps crying for the breast.
I just want to say that I think your article “Put that baby to bed already” is excellent! I share the same opinion and like you, always look at my watch when I’m out and see these young children/toddlers out so late especially when I hear them crying/whining when their parents have them out so late. I feel sorry for these kids. I have sacrificed having much of a social life to ensure I stay home & my 19 month old is in bed at 7:30. I feel though that it is crucial to his development and that it is my job as a parent to take care of his sleep needs. If I really need to be out, I will get a sitter. I wish more parents cared about their children’s sleep needs instead of their own social needs.
Dana,
my son is a really good sleeper and he takes naps just fine. My only problem is that due to my family’s lack of money. We have to go to laundramats late at night when they have their specials going on. Obviously then he isn’t going to bed at a decent hour. It doesn’t throw off his sleep schedual but I really do want him to go to bed on time. I know that I could have a someone watch him at home but I don’t live near any family and I have no money for a babysitter. My husband can’t stay home with him because he will sleep right through my sons cries. is there anything else I can do?
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My Child “Yara” is 9 months old. She used to sleep by her own since she was 40 days, but since 10 days she is refusing to nap and if yara doesn’t have good naps during day time she doesn’t sleep well at night. I try to put her to bed during day time but she refuses. Since then Yara wakes up like 3 or 4 times at night. I breastfeed her and she’s back to sleep, but I don’t want that to last and I don’t want her to get used to it. The problem is also that she learnt to sit and once she is up she sits and she keeps crying till I pick her up.
What shall I do and how shall I make her nap and sleep all night long?
Please advise
I AM A MOTHER OF TRIPLETS. 2 BOYS AND A GIRL – 20MTHS OLD. THE BOYS SLEEP AT LEAST 10HRS A NIGHT AND HAVE THE HABIT OF GOING TO BED AT 9PM. THE GIRL IS AN ABSOLUTE HANDFUL. IIN THE LAST 3WKS I HAVE NOTICED A DRAMATIC CHANGE IN HER BEHAVIOUR. WE HAVE ALWAYS DONE THE SAME THING EVERY NIGHT. PUT THEM TO SLEEP AT THE SAME TIME. I WAS QUITE LUCKY COS THE TRIPLETS HAVE ALWAYS SLEPT THE WHOLE NIGHT SINCE THEY WERE 4MTHS. LATELY, WHEN I TAKE THE 2 BOYS TO BED AFTER THEIR MILK SHE STARTS GETTING ALL RESTLESS. SHE WANTS TO STAY IN HER HIGH CHAIR OR OUR BED, ALTHOUGH, SHE HAS BEEN SLEEPING IN THE HIGH CHAIR ALL NIGHT.. EVEN IF WE TRY TO TAKE HER TO BED WHEN SHE’S IN A DEEP SLEEP, SHE WAKES UP WHEN SHE IS NEAR HER BEDROOM DOOR..HOW CAN I GET HER TO GO TO SLEEP IN HER BED..PLEASE HELP
why have we gotten so self absorbed that we miss the precious and might I add, short time we have with our chidren. yes going out is good for us but thinking down the road, you have the rest of your life to go out and socialize. Your children look up to you to show them how to be well rounded healthy human beings. You can’t expect them to be on the go whenever you want. They are still growing in every way and proper rest is just as important to thier growth as shots and check-ups and having a loving realationship with mom and/or dad. learn to have fun at home with each other and remember what pulled you together. your job is to give your child the very best that you can. Even if it means some self sacrifice. Besides, who couldn’t deal with a little more shut-eye right?
byron has started having night terrors mayb 2 or 3 times a week the last one lasted 18 mins i was wondering what could trigger these off? also he sleep walks the terrors and sleep walking dont happen every week but i dont know when they are going to come i just wake up when he screams or running about
Hi Dana, When my son was 6 months old I started your sleep training method. Everything worked really well and he was sleeping about 10 hours at night. He did this for a month and then when he started crawling everything changed. I’m getting up several times at night because he is sitting up in his crib and sometimes standing. Usually he goes right back to bed when I lay him down but sometimes he is just so upset he just screams. When I started Sleep Sense I was getting up every 2-3 hours and I thought that was bad. Now I’m getting up every hour to lay him down. I feel like a zombie. I’ve tried to wait a few minutes to see if he’ll fall back asleep but he doesn’t. He just gets more and more upset. I don’t know what to do. It’s been almost 3 weeks. Will this phase pass? THank you for your time
My daughter will be 2 in Oct. & she is finally sleeping in her crib after a year in mine. Lately she’s been getting up in the middle of the night screaming, crying I believe to come into my bed. Sometimes I can get her to go back to sleep. What is the best way to break this & why would she be doing this?
I have ordered your book but haven’t begun to put it to good use with my twin 2 1/2 month old girls, Addie and Rilee. We have tried the “crying out” method two times. Once, the crying lasted longer then 20 minutes and the other time, I hadn’t put them in a swaddle in their cribs and my husband said the least we could do is swaddle them, so about 8 minutes in I took them out of their crib both hysterical crying. I guess my first question would be how do we get our girls to first sleep in their cribs? They did for the first couple of weeks and then one night, they were super fussy and we put them in their car seats which is where they sleep now but in their crib. Second question, we have them napping in their swings during the day? Is it really that bad? And last question, the girls seem to have a “witching hour between their last nap and their night time nap. It usually starts around 6:30 and lasts until 9 ish. What are we doing wrong?
My 12 week old still gets up to nurse about every 2-3 hours during the night. At this age I do expect him to eat at night, but would like to encourage him to go longer stretches. He is usually awake for about an hour after his last feed of the evening. Occasionally he’ll go to sleep quite early and have a long stretch of sleep, but by midnight or 1 am, he goes back to his every 2-3 hour waking. I’ve tried waking him around 10:30 pm to nurse, but this doesn’t seem to prevent the frequent feeding during the night. Any advice?
hello dana, i think you are very quirky and you make me smile..my son will sleep till 3am then he wakes, thats fine i go in and put his dummies in but that only holds him off till about 4am i live in toowoomba so it is very cold, and when i go back in a 4 am i struggle to get him back to sleep because he is cold and i cant seem to get him warm so i put him in bed with us and he falls straight back to sleep….should i put a heater on at 4 am in his room?? i dress him in a spancer that clips under the nappies, socks, a jump suit, a warm like blanket jump suit over the top of that then two blankets.. can you please help me!!!!!!!!
Regards elly and baby william
Great rant Dana!! People need to respect their children’s sleep is precious. I know how beside myself I feel when I have to go out at night because of some commitment I can’t get out of and I would rather be in bed. The poor little ones must just wish they could go to bed. My kids go out late about once a year too!!
Iam a first time mom, i have a 12 mos old baby girl and we are having a hard time to put her to sleep at night. There are so many times wherein she could not sleep at all, we tried to put her to sleep at 9pm but she just keep on playing,waving her hands and legs, screaming and smilling. In the morning that time where she totally got her sleep, starting from 8am till 4pm then she will wake up to play. Help me, I dont know what to do with her.
Hello Dana, having just found your website, my wife and i are about to start using your methods, hopefully with success, will let you know.
My question is based on my 6 month old son, who used to sleep well in the night, but since his day sleeps have improved, his night ones have got worse, he wakes usually every sleep cycle 40-45 minutes and we are walking around like zombies we are that tired, any advice to make this stop?
Is this possible to get Christian back to taking naps during the day. He is 3 years and 8 months old. I posted my comment on your blog on july 1-st. Thank you.
My baby is almost 3 mos., is it too early to try and have her sleep thru the night? I currently have her on a routine, starting at 8pm I give her a bath, feed her and she normally falls asleep while I’m burping her so by 8:30 -8:45pm she is sound asleep but wakes up in the middle of the night for another feeding.
I totally agree Dana! It saddens me to see babies, toddlers and young children out in the late evening in loud, stimulating places. Usually I don’t see the children sleeping at a restaurant but acting out in some way and the parent is angry, impatient and frustrated with their child… I look at these parents and wonder how they be so ignorant of the fact that their child is exhausted and needs to be home in bed. I hope that parents read your blog this week and make some changes in their children’s bed times!
I just found your last post, which was helpful in answering the question I just posted. Thanks.
Our 13-month-old daughter has always had some sleep issues. We’ve gotten her to sleep during the night pretty well, but she always wakes up earlier than she should- after having slept for 10 or so hours and just talks/plays in her crib by herself for sometimes more than an hour. I might occasionally go in and just say goodnight and turn her back over to acknowledge her, but it doesn’t seem to do much. Only sometimes does she fall back asleep again, right when my two-yr.-old is finally getting up. I’ve tried doing away with a morning nap, but when she wakes up so early and doesn’t fall back asleep, she does get one.
She always falls asleep on her own at night– I nurse her before brushing her teeth and reading books, so she’s fine falling asleep without gimmicks (we start bedtime at 7:30 and put her in her crib around 8). Her two-yr.-old brother gets more sleep than she. She’s very irritable and has started hitting my face and getting frustrated a lot or falls on the floor in the middle of play, and I’m sure her crankiness/shortness is due to the fact that she gets so little sleep. But I hate just leaving her up there in her crib so much of the time, in hopes that she will finally tire herself out. She talks happily a lot of the time, and when I get her out of bed after I know she hasn’t slept enough, she’ll be falling all over the place– she makes it evident when she hasn’t gotten enough sleep. Please help!
I agree 110%! My oldest, 1year 8months, is asleep by 7:30 at the absolute very latest. That’s usually days my husband and I bbq and only because he doesn’t get home from work until almost 6pm.
Family is always on our case cause we’re not going 2 hours away to visit for the day or night! It’s just not reasonable. I have a set of 5 month old twins and a toddler. I’m very strict about our schedules, and I wish everyone would understand we can’t go stay until 11pm at their homes. It’s unreasonable. I’m totally with you on this topic. My husband and is now starting to understand why I’m so nutty. We don’t go out, when we decided to have our babies we agreed their needs come first. We’ve been on two dates since my oldest was born and that wasn’t until about a month ago. Your babies should ALWAYS come first.
I watched your video.
Whilst I agree that people that take their kids out past their bedtime all the time are being unfair to their kids. I personally don’t do it. I don’t have the luxury of having sitters or family close by, but also don’t go out for dinner much, and certainly don’t stay late, especially with a ‘problem sleep baby’.
My parents did it to me constantly, late, loud parties at home and families place when all I wanted was to be in bed and be able to sleep.
Having said all that…
I think that you judging a family when you see them for the first time out is also unfair. How do you know that this isn’t their ‘once a year’ occassion that they are taking their kids out to dinner with family that aren’t living close by and it was the only time that they could get together at their favourite restuarant?
How do you know the mum would be looking at their child falling asleep and feeling guilty and that they shouldn’t be there so late, but would feel bad for leaving and think that they can ‘persevere’ just this once.
Afterall, I’m sure you have made yourself stay up during exhaustion because you had to or wanted to finish a task/job or for a dinner or visiting someone.
Anyway, I’m not upset or disagreeing with your point, just the fact that you don’t know their circumstances or how often they do it.
my twins are 9mths and they have been great sleepers since 5mths 7pm-7am… at times they sleep until 730, i like to start the day by 715. is it wrong to wake them up at 715 if oth are asleep? should i just let them sleep until aleast one is awake? I have the same issue during nap time.. sometimes they sleep pass the two hr mark and i am not sure if i should wake them.. i am very strick with their routine the whole day (one has to be with twins) and when they over sleep it throws me off… any suggestions?
Hi
My daughter is 13 months olds, till the age of 7 months she was in a good nite time routine where she would have a bath, massage and her milk and straight to sleep by 8pm at the latest. Howevers since she has been able to sit up she refuses to go to bed. everytime i put her to bed she screams the house down. I’ve tried the rooutine, also altered it slightly, also tried the controlled crying but she refuses to go to sleep till 10pm. I’ve even cut her afternoon naps so that she does not nap after 2-3 pm but it doesn’t matter how tired she is she will not sleep till 10pm.. please help
My son is 2 months old now and ive been having trouble with him sleeping during the day. He is fussy and seems tired but when i try to put him down he wakes up 20 minutes later and he crys. He won’t take a bottle unless he is hungry. How do I get him to sleep more during the day.
I just wanted to say that you made me feel so good about what I’ve been doing for the past three years with my older son Chritstian,he’s three and 8 months old.Until he was 7 months old, he was taking several naps a day, not very consistent, but always slept through the night. At 8 months he started taking a nap every day 1-4 pm or 1:30-4,4:30. Untill just 2 months ago. I kept the same routine:same bed time (in the darkned room) allways in his own bad, just like at night I’d put his p.j’s on, we read for ten minuts, sang two lullubies and then I’d walk out of the room letting him to fall asleep on his own. Having monitor I always new if he cheated or not. most of the time (90%) he slept for 2-3 houers. I’ve allways schedueled all of my errends before or after his nap time. I can tell you that in three years he missed no more than three naps. Here is the word to all parents, allways treat your child’s nap as an important appoitment.
My question to Donna-is there a way to keep Christian still taking naps. He’s 3 years 8 months old. I gave up after three weeks of the same routnie and him not falling asslep for an hour or longer. Some of mine friends say that maybe he’s to old.
The funny part of this was that when I’d walk in to the room, he’d say “Mommy I slept good”.
I do agree that children should be asleep at an appropriate time so that they can get the needed rest. My question however is how can I get my 9 month of baby to stop falling off to sleep so early. I started a routine with him as u suggested since he was 3 months old it worked (thanks). However when 6:30 he cant keep his eyes open and then he wakes up too early in the morning. How can I push back his sleep time?
Our daughter is 21 months and when we out her to bed, she will cry for about 30 minutes. SOmetimes in the middle of the night, she will scream! I get her out of bed, make sure she is not sick and put her back to bed. When I put her back to bed, she is usually awake. Then she falls asleep on her own. Why does she do this? Is she having bad dreams? She does this about 3 times a week. I think she is getting in the habit of me getting her up. Is this normal? Thanks! Lisa
Hi Dana,
Thank you for this rant. Although I do agree with you that children should be home and asleep at a reasonable time (and would point out to some of your readers that your comments were of a general nature), and I do believe this website is a perfect space to express that “judgmental” point of view, I would like to raise one small point.
As you mentioned, there are special occasions, maybe once or twice a year when a child is out late, it should be considered “acceptable”.
I hope that those people who stare, judge, make unpleasant remarks, etc. when they see a child out late might take the following into consideration: 1. most parents do their best; 2. this might very well be the one time this year that the child is out (and the parents too!), so please, give them a break.
As a single mother of a 2 year old, I have given up 99% of my evening social life in order to ensure that my son has the proper evening routine. But on that one night a year, maybe when a very good friend is in from out of town, or there is a family wedding, or just because after going 24/7 for 7 or 8 months, I need something out of the routine, and I can’t find a suitable arrangement for my child, I very respectfully ask that you don’t judge me. I am doing my best.
PS: It’s Canada Day – and while many people (including friends and family) are out together, enjoying the great weather and the fireworks in a few minutes, I am home, with my son, who has been sleeping since 7:30 p.m. Thank you.
Hi Dana, My 8 month old is totally inconsistent with his night sleeping. Some nights are great but the majority are hard work and I am exhausted. When I go in to settle him at night he just continues to yell, or will finally stop after 20 minutes of me being in there, how ever he has not gone back to sleep and after being out of the room for 10 minutes or so he starts yelling again He is great at getting himself to sleep and is napping well during the day. But getting up upto 5 times a night is exhausting. Please help.
my 17mth son has transitioned into his bed but he is constantly getting out of bed for sleep time. What do I do? He doesn’t have any comforters at all and it seems worse the nights of daycare?
Hi Dana, Since its the summer months and my 10 yr. old and 6 yr. old are not at school, i let them stay up to 11? Is this o.k.?
I totally agree with what you are saying with the kids out late. The other major pet peeve I have is when the kids are out and they are visably sick! If you have to carry around a bag for barfing – your kid is too sick. Stay home! Of course the kid puked in the bag – luckily they were still in the “waiting” area and left after that. Another time there were two kids out with their parents at a different restuarant who were coughing, sneezing, etc, very pale and could barely keep their heads up. The parents could not be bothered to make dinner at home I guess!
Hi…
I bought your system when my little one was still a baby…now she’s 3.5 years old, and still sleeping at 1 and 2 a.m. I somehow wasn’t strong enough to follow through with your system, and have ended up losing one job, exhausted and barely functioning each morning at my new workplace, divorced, and just play tired. All the time. I don’t know what to do… I can’t even find your package coz my laptop crashed last week. I’d bang my head against the wall, but what good would that do me??
Dana, help please, I need to sleep, my little girl needs to sleep and get the rest her brain and body need so badly. She misses KG often coz she wakes up around 10:30 or 11 a.m. (I don’t have the heart to wake her up at 7 a.m. when she’s only gone to bed a few hours before that), and then she’s an energy-bomb for the rest of the day. I’ve tried NOT letting her nap during the day, but either way, she never allows herself to fall asleep before 1 a.m.
Off to make myself a fifth cup of coffee before my boss finds me head-down on my keyboard.
:(
All the best,
Vistara
Hello Dana,
Thanks for your program, the stay in the room method is working really well for us. Now I’m keen to know how to break the habit of the last breastfeed around 6.45pm. My son is so desperate for it, pushing away cups and bottles. He is 14 mths, I feel he will want it forever!
Hi. My 4 month old daughter is sleeping much better after following your techniques and goes down very well for her naps thru the day. However the last nap of the day and bedtime can be a real struggle. Why are the last two sleeps of the day more difficult? Once she has gone to sleep for the night she usually goes right thru and the latest she is in bed is 8.30, Depending on when she wakes from her early evening nap.
What are we doing wrong?
hi dana,
my 6 month old daughter wakes up in the night every 2 hrs and starts crying.She has full bottle and then sleeps and then wakes up in another 2 hrs to make her sleep.We then rock her and then make her to sleep,but she wakes up again in 1-2 hrs.She wont sleep untill she has a bottle of milk.This routine continues until 3-4am.She used to sleep for 8-9 hrs strech,but since last 3 weeks,she wakes up in the middle of the night.How can I make her sleep whole night.I need your assistance.Please help!..
I don’t think it is just a “north american” point of view. I’m in the UK and I totally agree with Dana. Yes there are special occasions and so on but, in general, all 3 of my kids (from 6.5 years down to 10 months) are asleep in bed by 7.30pm every night.
As to the way the Europeans work on a later timescale? Well the Spanish have their official siesta time and my French friends tell me they used to finish school, have a light tea, have a nap and then have a later proper dinner. So they go out later yes, but it is a well-rested later, which is totally Dana’s point. Their need for sleep is being honoured.
We are not our children’s friends we are their parents and it is our responsibility to do what we know is right for them. I have a friend whose 3 children (13, 9 and 4.5 years) all go to bed at 11pm because they co-sleep with her – yes, even the 13 year old! (but that’s a different story lol) And you can clearly see that the 4.5 year old is sleep deprived. He’s learnt to “manage” on that little sleep but he could do with a whole bunch more.
And as for being “judgemental”? This is Dana’s site and she’s a sleep expert. If you don’t like her viewpoint don’t read! Her opinion isn’t just plucked out of thin air, it is based on research and experience.
Our toddler, who is now 2 1/2 years old is still sleeping in our bed. She often wakes up and wants to know that her Mum is still there. How do we get our bed back to ourselves?
My daughter is 18 months old and we are finally getting her to sleep better- with your advice. She has a bedtime routine, and falls asleep on her own at 7pm. She doesn’t get fed at night, and stays in her cot until 6am, even if she wakes a little before this. She does have some night wakings, normally once before midnight, and we try to settle her without picking her up. She normally resettles well. She sometimes cries out during the night but self settles. Is this just attention seeking, or her having dreams? Are some children just more vocal in their sleep? She will have odd stretches of about 4-5 days where she makes not sound at all, and goes 7pm-0630am straight through. I can’t understand why each night is so different- I long for the time I can go to bed and feel reassured that she is unlikely to wake up! It would be nice to snuggle with my husband again at the end of the night without the worry of having to suddenly attend to a child crying! Nothing like a crying child to put both of us off being intimate!
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the great work- we lack such advice in the U.K!
How do i know if you answered my Question ? or didn’t and when will you?
I agree – little ones out and about in the supermarkets, minus their shoes and running around with little snot-noses, always seems like bad parenting to me.
I am trying to get our girl into a routine ala the SleepSense programme, and she’s good at settling herself for naps – I can now put her down – walk away as I say sleepytime and then she’s sleeping within 5 mins – but sadly she only sleeps for 45 mins.
I have tried the race in and settle her again and she will go back to sleep if I nurse her, but only for a further 15 mins! Frustrating I can tell you. So we end up having about 4 or 5 cat naps all day long and then night time is out of whack, but by 9pm she’s usually in bed, only getting up about 3 times to feed.
Am going to start leaving her for 3 mins now, to see if she will go back to sleep – she should only need one feed in the night I think. But at least she’s not out and about in restaurants and supermarkets!!! She’s only 4 months old. Any ideas on how we can make those naps longer – I thought by resettling it would work as you suggested, but no luck JUST yet – Thanks!
I followed your program and it worked wonders but….my question is regarding Jet Lag….We live in Singapore but are originally from Canada. We come home to Canada once a year to see family and jet lag is terrible to say the least. Door to door is 24 hours. We manage on the plane the best we can, but I wonder if I am doing it correctly once we arrive at either location. I am forcing the same bed time, not allowing them to leave their room in the middle of the night, and letting them cry it out…any tips? Sometimes I feel like I am being too hard but they need to sleep. After some crying, they get back to sleep but it is hard. Also, not sure what to do about naps and jet lag. We are dealing with this right now (day 3 at the moment) and are exhausted. 6 month old and 31/2 year old.
Couldn’t agree more. Sometimes I do the supermarket shopping after the kids have gone to bed and hubby is home watching TV. I’m constantly amazed at the number of children who are out shopping with their parents at 9 o’clock at night, most of whom tend to be school aged and would be expected to be up for a school day the next day.
Thank you for posting! I am a stickler for bedtime with my 5 month old as well. My in-laws sometimes have a hard time with it because they are late to do things-like eating dinner at 8pm, etc-and my husband and I will miss out on things they are doing because Aidyn is tired and I want him home and in bed. I will, on occasion go a half hour past time just to get more family time in, but it’s rare. After watching your video, I know I am not crazy and just want my baby to get the best sleep possible. And know I won’t feel as bad when my family gives me flack for it! Thanks again!
Hi Dana,
I agree with your viewpoint and admire your boldness in sharing it. I just have one point to bring up. There are families that have different schedules, and parents and/or children wake up later and/or nap later in the day, and therefore have a later bedtime because they aren’t actually tired or ready for bed as early as some would be. I totally see what you’re saying though. In fact just the other day some friends of ours asked us to go out with them in the evening, and I requested to switch it to an afternoon so my 2 year old son could be with us and happy! I’ve done the whole taking him out at night thing, but after seeing him fall asleep in random places while we were out and then be cranky later, I realized it wasn’t worth it! He does sleep later in the morning and go to bed later than the standard 7 or 8 time frame, but as long as we respect his bedtime and let him have his 10 hours of nighttime sleep, everyone is happy!
Thanks for listening and giving your advice,
Cyndi
My son is 4 months old. He has been a great night sleeper for about two months now. But in the last month I have a hard time getting him to take a decent nap. I have followed the guidelines in your book but the most I can get him to nap for is 45 min then he will cry for an hour or so until I just get him up. He goes to daycare 3 days a week and takes good 2-3 hour naps there. I try to follow their schedule but not luck. Can you help?
My daughter is 6mths old and has only ever slept 4 full nights. She is a great sleeper during the day and is a very happy little girl. She goes no bed a 7pm and then is restless from 10.30pm sometimes waking every hour for me to put her pacifier back in. Also she has started wanting to be feed in the early hours of the morning and wont settle until she is. I have 3 other children and am not new to motherhood but my other three did not do what she is doing. I would greatly appreciate some advice.
My baby is 4 1/2 months old and sleeps pretty well (8pm until around 5am with good 45-60 min naps throughout day) my question is, is it ok to use a pacifier to help her sleep for naps? Should I start putting her in her crib without it? Sometimes she does pull it out herself and I will let her whine for a few minutes and she will then fall asleep, but other times she likes to use it to fall asleep. I just am afraid she will start waking if it has fallen out of her mouth and will expect me to put it back in so she can go back to sleep. ???????????
Hi Dana,
My daughter Indiana is 17 weeks old and is fed 5 times a day, we go by the feed, play, sleep routine and therefore is fed at 7, 10, 1, 4 & 7. She is in bed at 7.30. She also has 4 naps a day lasting around 1-2.5 hours (very variable). She is a very sleepy baby and is always tired. I don’t know when she should start to ‘wake up’?? And when she can go to 2-3 naps a day. I literally feel like she sleeps all day! What should I do?
Thanks again for the free flowing forum of being able to ask questions.
I have a 2 1/2 yr old that currently still sleeps in his crib (he hasnt figured how to climb out yet) but we begin sleep time about 745est with either myself or my husband laying on a “make shift’ bed with pillows on the floor watching a movie until he falls asleep and then scoop him up to put in the crib. So from birth, he had severe colic, 5 forumula changes, 2 sets of tubes, acid reflux, a lower sphincter that stays open periodically and allergies of milk, eggs, dogs and cats. So having a normal sleep pattern hasnt really been aprt of zach’s life. He was rocked in a chair or swing most of his 1st yr, however luckily most of this is now diet controlled with prevacid each day. How do we get him to realize he doesnt need us with him. Should we use the ‘big boy’ bed to get him to go to sleep on his own. Thanks SAndy
It’s none of your business if we have our child out and about at a time you don’t believe is appropriate. You don’t know everyones business. It could be the first time in years that parents has been out for a social gathering.
We travel alot with my husband for business, which means alot of crossing different time zones. I would NEVER leave my child with a hotel sitter NEVER so I would rather take her with me, most of the time we are out, she is still in her own home time zone, so not ready for sleep til 12am.
When we are at home, we don’t have any family and I am not ready to leave her with friends or neighbours. So there is NOT always a solution that we are comfortable with. If we have been invited somewhere at night, we will take her. We don’t get out often so whats the issue. It’s not like we do it every night.
Americans!!!!
I think that your comments are overgeneralized and the best advice is to think about what is best for the child/toddler/baby. My 14 month old son is fine no matter what time he goes to bed as long as he has had the proper naps and gets to sleep enough hours after going to bed. Now if that was not true for him then we would not be out with him late just to socialize. We are also very patient and loving parents and he does not have melt downs nor fall over from being tried or we would not be there. My husband and I are young and none of our friends of kids so occasionally we stay out late for dinner. I think that being judgmental especially when you do not know the reason why is just plain wrong.
Hi Dana
I totally agree with you! Its definitely not fair for the children and we have to respect them by fulfilling their needs like by putting them to bed at bedtime just as we do by feeding them when their hungry… Simple as that!
We recently just got our lil guy on a bedtime routine and sleeping in his crib. But since this I find everyone seems to be in “wonder” why we must be home at a certain time.. like as if they don’t respect this? I find myself a little perturbed and irritated because you’d think people would KNOW and have a little respect. Sorry I just needed to rant myself a bit but thanks for listening!
-Nichole
Hi Dana,
I have a 9wk old baby girl who is really hard to get to sleep at night.We start her bedtime routine at 7ish at the moment because that is when she is next hungry after her 5ish feed.We bath,feed & put her down at this time but she will lay wide awake,sometimes settled but other times very unsettled till she will finally fall asleep at about 9-9.30ish.She is a good sleeper through the night ony waking once or twice so i’m wondering if I should be concerned about how late she goes to sleep or to just go with it at this stage?!She struggles to get more than 3hrs sleep during the day also despite my efforts to put her down she will sleep longer if she is in my arms but this just isn’t practical.I feel her lack of sleep during the day is not good for her but don’t know for sure what to do.I hope you ca help me with some suggestions.(This is my first baby).
Hi Dana,
My son will be 6mos old next week, and he’s never been a good sleeper. We’ve used some of your techniques and it’s worked a little, but he cries periodically all night long IN HIS SLEEP. He doesn’t lift his head or open his eyes, he just squirms around and cries. I can usually stop this just by patting him on the butt for a couple minutes but I try not too – but it’s just weird because he’s obviously asleep. He’s done this for the last 2 months. He doesn’t do this for his naps, but he “catnaps” all day long, not sleeping for more than 30-45min at a time…he literally takes 4-5 of these “naps” all day long. And even if he only takes a 20 minute nap, he wakes up happy and will play in his crib for 10-15min before fussing. Everybody tells me this is so abnormal!
Also – He goes to bed by 8, and I try to get him in bed by 7:30…..he does NOT eat at night, even if he wakes up he does not get a bottle. I don’t do anything to “sooth” him unless the crying gets really out of hand. When he’s crying in his sleep though, I will pat him to calm him down. But he usually only has one 4hr stretch of complete quiet sleep. Help!
My comment stems from your last video – put that baby to sleep already! Just so you know, I TOTALLY AGREE! There is a time & place for kids and if your friends and/or family cannot respect that you have children and they need to eat/sleep at proper times then you should not go out with them!!
On that note….
I have huge issues getting a babysitter, for fear that they will not put my kids to bed properly. They are 6 and 1 1/2 years old, and though I know my 6 year old will tell me everything, I fear for them. That it isn’t loving and warm because i’m not doing it. Or that the sitter will let my baby cry or be harmful to him if he cries. I would never have someone i didn’t trust in my home, so there lies my problem and I never go out. My husband and i end up going seperatly, which is not healthy for us as a couple.
We have no family, and though I have “mom friends” I feel it is asking too much of them to go away from their home and kids just to take care of mine.
What can I do??
PS; I have been following your Sleep Sense program with my baby, it works, and though it has taken longer than I thought, he will, eventually, go to sleep on his own. It still takes me a few trips into his room to tuck him in, or “shhh” him, but we are getting there!
Thank you!
Dana, I have a 4 month old daughter who until this last 7 days was a good sleeper. I used many of your ideas when she was born to intitute a good sleep habit . We established a bedtime routine right away. She did use a pacifier until a week ago. She only woke up once at night for the most part and actually slept all night for 2 nights in a row 10 days ago. Now she won’t take her pacifier, she is waking every 3 hours at night, and for naps I am letting her just cry herself to sleep with
careful monitoring. She literally went from one way to another in 1 day. I am so exhausted. I am starting to institute your program but feel
very nervous for some reason. I just want to know she will be ok and will not change again in 1 month.
Hi Dana,
I laughed out loud when I read your last post even though at home I tend to agree with you. It is nevertheless such a North American point of view. There are so many cultures in the world where children stay up and out with there parents with no seeming harm. I don’t know how they do it – maybe they learn to sleep in?? But one of the things I enjoy about Spain, France, Italy etc. if that whole extended families go out together to eat – usually starting about 8:00. Not recommending it because it wouldn’t work for me – but I do admire it. Just a comment. Best, Cecelia
Hi Dana,
I would like to know if a 26 month old is ready for a toddler bed yet. He currently sleeps in his crib and I have a 10 month old, who is still in a bassinet. Instead of buying another crib, I want to put my toddler in a bed and give the crib to the baby. I just don’t know if he is ready yet. Usually, he wakes up around 5 or 6am and I bring him to our bed so we can sleep some more. Sometimes he’ll wake up middle of the night and start crying for me to bring him over and I do, because if I let him cry, he wakes up his little brother and now I have two kids up and crying. I’m just tired of him sleeping with us. Even if it’s just for a few hours. Do you think i’ll work if I put him in a toddler bed? Is it too soon? Will it make a difference if I put his bed in our room?
Thank you!
Hi Dana,
I have a 4 month old little girl who has been sleeping through the night since she was 6 weeks old. We have a bedtime routine (bath, massage, swadeling, and feed) and she goes to bed at 9. I know that is too late for you, but she sleeps until 7 or 8 in the morning! It has been great but we are still struggling with the day time naps. She usually takes a little 1 hour nap around 10, and then a giant 4 hour nap in the afternoon. Sometimes it’s at noon and sometimes it’s not until 4. My question is; do her daytime naps have to be consistant like bedtime? There are many times that we are just too busy to accomadate her daytime schedule. I am pretty much trapped at home just so she can nap. I do my best to be home as much as possible but there are those days when I just have to get to the grocery store or appointments. What do you reccomend we do?
Hello Dana,
My son is 2 1/2. He falls asleep by himself at night. My problem with him is not sleeping well, he tosses and turns alot in his sleep. What could i do to get him to sleep better. I have him and his sister on a routine. My daughter sleeps well now but not him.
Hi Dana
Estelle is now 11 weeks old, and for the last 5 weeks I have been struggling to get her to sleep longer than the one sleep cycle during the day. I seemed to everything, but am running out of options. She is a good sleeper during the night, between 7-10hrs. What should I do?
Dana, your comments do seem very judgemental. I have two kids (2 years and 4 months) and we don’t take them out after bed-time, but I don’t think that gives me the right to criticise others who make different choices. Your children might take a few days to recover from a late night, but we know that children are all very different, so I think it is wrong to assume that all children will. Your analogy is also a little weak. Your husband is a socialised creature and he would now want to put his head on the table and go to sleep in a restaurant as he knows it would be considered weird and antisocial. Children have no such qualms, so if they are quite happy to do so, what’s the problem? Is this really so different from children napping in their pushchairs when we go out with them over nap-time?
Re: ‘my baby is a burrower’. I live in the UK and here we can buy baby monitors with sensors on which will beep if your child stops moving for 20 seconds. Can you buy the same there? Would using one of these help you to feel more confident about letting the child sleep in her own chosen way?
I am having the same problem as Alexandra! I came to the comment section to ask the very same question. My 9 month old daughter used to go to sleep pretty easily after some talking, fussing and singing but now she has figured out how to stand up. And she gets extremely upset and screams and cries when we try to put her back down and she stands back up anyway. My husband feels bad because she is so upset and holds her until she falls asleep and I know that is a very big no-no. What should we do???
Hi,
i would to start by saying that i agree with you that all kids should be put to bed at a certain hour. some parent have a busy schedule and that they should think that a child rest comes first. i have four month old baby boy and there were nights that i couldn’t sleep at all. my got son got into the habit of waking up different times in the middle of the night and had a hard time in putting him back to sleep. that’s all changed now thanks to a sneaky trick that i got from your web site. at i would like to thank you for helping me get full night sleep.
thank you,
taisa (from Los Angeles)
Hi Dana I was just wondering, my daughter is almost four months old and the youngest of four and the only girl.She has been a tremendous sleeper since she was about six weeks-something her brothers never were until they were walking. She has her bath at eight pm followed by her bedtime feed and is always asleep by 8.45. She will then sleep until 3.00,sometimes4.00 and I was just wondering if I gave her a dream feed would she sleep longer and if so what time should I do it at?
Thankyou.
Hi,
I have a 6 month old son. We have always been very happy with his sleep habits. He falls asleep on his own, and when he wakes at night, he will put himself back to sleep. But recently for the past month, he has been waking up at 4:00 in the morning, and not going back to sleep. I have tried everything.. cry it out.. rocking him.. etc. I have just gotten him up, but he is miserable all day and just catnaps! He used to sleep til 7:30 or 8 in the morning… I have found that if I lay down with him when he wakes up.. he will go back to sleep for another 3 hours.. WHATS THE DEAL!! I dont know what else to do.. Please help.
Thank you
HI there,
My son is two and he is not sleeping in his own bed. We lay with him every night and then when he wakes at night we bring him into our bed. My husband Darren and I have had a fundamental disagreement about this situation. I need sleep and do not want my son sleeping with us anymore. We need help and am hoping you can e-mail us so another person canexplain the importance of children sleeping in their own bed. And perhaps some tips on how to get us started! Thanks,
Frustrated and Tired
Hi Dana,
I have a 7 month old who is a great sleeper and usually takes three naps a day lasting around 1-2 hours. Do you have tips for transitioning into two naps a day? When I lay him down for his usual nap he seems fussy and tired but lays in his crip for up to an hour playing. When I do get him thinking he doesn’t need a nap he is still showing signs that he is tired. Any advice?
Thanks!
my son is 5 months old and has been “sleeping” through the night since he was 2 months, but he still gets up throughout the night for his pacifier. what i would like to know is there something i can do so he doesn’t depend on that all night because i would rather be getting up and feeding him then getting up every 30 minutes just to give him his pacifier
Hi Dana,
My daughter is 6 months old. Since she was 10 weeks old we have stuck to the same night time routine but she always wakes up 30-45 minutes after we put her down. We leave her for 3-5 minute to see if she will re-settle herself but the only way to get her back off to sleep is to pick her up and within minutes she is asleep on our shoulder…..how can we get her to break this pattern and stay sleeping?
Appreciate any advise!
Thanks
Hi Dana,
When my daughter turned 9 months old, her daycare switched her to a room for more advanced children. This was fine with me except for one thing… her care providers now offer her only one nap each day whereas she was getting two or three naps each day. She has adjusted pretty well, and still manages to get in about 2 1/2 hours during her naptime, but sometimes I feel that by afternoon pickup she is so tired that she is cranky and another nap would have been better for us both. She is now 10 months old. Is one long nap enough for a child that age, or should I insist that the daycare offer her 2 naps each day? — Thank you.
Dana,
Your articles and emails have helped tremedously! I agree with having children out past their bedtime. I catch myself checking my watch at times too. It is great to know that someone out there fells the way I do about their child getting the right amount of sleep. Thanks! =)
Hi Dana- You seem to really have your ducks in a row. My little man, Reece, is 6 months old. What are your thoughts on crying it out? My pediatrician recommended it but I personally do not like the theory. I am willing to try it if you think it is effective without making the baby feel abandoned. Mr. Reece hardly ever cries during the day and wakes up in the morning singing or talking. He has a good spirit and I don’t want to ruin the bond or trust he has with me or my husband.
When you go to sooth a child in their sleep, are you supposed to pick them up to sooth them or just rub their back or tummy while you reassure them that you are there and it’s going to be ok? Many of my friends just pop a pacifier in their babies mouth to sooth them back to sleep but my little man does not like pacificiers. Please give me some good advice and alternatives to soothing Mr. Reece during the night. I give him a bottle at 8:00pm and can lay him in his bed awake, turn on his Fisher Price Waterfall machine and he will fall asleep wihtout any crying. When he is ready to go to sleep he will stop watching the waterfall, turn to the side of the crib and snuggle with the bumper pad. But, then, he is waking up on a schedule at 12:30am and 3:00am then usually up for the day at 5:00am. When he wakes up at 12:30am he is crying his hunger cry. He did not start doing this until about 2 1/2 weeks ago when I started feeding him rice cereal at 7:00pm. He would not drink his 8:00pm bottle, (because he was full from the rice cereal) and started waking up at 12:30am. I think it is definitely starting to be a habit because he wakes up at the same times every night. Thank you in advance for your advice.
Best Regards,
Lea King
I totally agree with you, Dana. It drives me crazy when we are out late and I see a parent getting upset with their child for misbehaving when they are clearly tired.
Thanks for your blog, it’s great. You can rant away anytime!
hi dana Madison would be turning 4 mths on the 7th and i usually put her to bed around 8pm every night and sometimes she fall asleep before that and usually gets up like12.30 or 1 am and then every two or three hours after that how can i get her to sleep more hours than what she is doing now. thanks Simonne
Hi Dana,
First I think you’re right regarding kids, bedtime and restaurants.
Second, I have a question for you. My daughter is going to be 8 months in a few days. She has three naps, two of 30 minutes and one of one hour and 10 to 30 minutes. She sleeps fairly well at night, from 6:45/7:00PM to 5:30/6:00AM with just one waking at around 3:30AM, which goes for about 45 minutes. Whenever other times she calls, it’s just for… pacifier AND her swaddle. Truth be told, some nights she does not call at all. And some nights it’s up to 4 times.
But this is what I don’t even know where to begin: I know she shouldn’t be swaddled anymore, nor have a pacifier for bed, but it seems she can’t get to sleep without them both. I tried to take the swaddle a few times, but she bangs her arms on her face, on the crib, tries to hold my hand, and will simply not go to sleep. Same happens with the pacifier. Also, I can’t bear the cry-it-out method, which is the only piece of advice people seem to give. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks! Nelly Altenburger
Hi Dana,
My 6 month old baby girl has been waking up constantly. What happens is I put her to bed when she is very sleepy but still awake with a pacifier. She wakes up as soon as it falls out and screams and cry’s until I put it back in her mouth. She will not sleep without it. I have tried to let her cry for up to 15 minutes but it does not work. I am so tired so I know my baby must be too. I do not think it is good for her to be waking up that much. Please if you have any suggestions my daughter and I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you
Diana
I totally agree! As much as possible I do not take my kids out at night. But I do believe family get togethers are an exception once in awhile. It’s really not worth it to take tired children anywhere…why put yourself in the situation?
Hi Dana!
I have your sleep sense program and it did wonders for my 3 1/2 yr old son getting him to sleep in his own room! He did sooo good for so long, however now he all of a sudden “scared” of the dark and being alone by himself at night. Naps are fine, he doesn’t complain, but for some reason at night he is scared and requires a whole ritual of “magic spray” to spray in his closet, under his bed, by the window etc.. he also will not go to bed unless someone is in the room with him, which isn’t always possible with another baby in the house. Either myself or my husband will have to stay in the room until he falls asleep..usually if it is my husband he will end up falling aleep himself! :) If my son wakes up in the middle of the night, sometimes he will fall back asleep himself, but other times he requires someone to stay with him until he falls back asleep. If we don’t respond, he will usually call out saying he doesn’t feel well or something to get us to come check on him. Is this a phase he is going through possibly or is there something we could try to allow him to fall asleep more independantly? My husband and I are at a disagreement on how to handle our son’s insecurities!! I respond or make him respond always..he would rather just not respond and hope that he will just “cry it out” and learn that he just needs to go to sleep!
My son is 10 weeks old now. Since about 5 weeks old I have tried to establish a bedtime routine so he knows it’s nightime and to go to bed for the night. My routine consists of bottle, bath, bedtime. He falls asleep fine by himself at that time, but wakes about 20-40 minutes later wanting to be up to interact. I try rocking him on his chair in the dark room keeping all stimulation out, but he just doesn’t want to go back to sleep. He cries and almost throws a mini tantrum until I bring him out of the room. When I bring him downstairs, he likes to kick around for an hour or so on the chair, then at around 9-930pm he is ready for bed for the night. What more can I do to let him know that bedtime is 7-730pm? Thank you in advance!
Hi Dana, my question is how best to handle night terrors. Our daughter is just over 2 yrs. we do our best to get her to bed at a reasonable time. It seems as an hour later she wakes up screaming or at times just crying, what are doing wrong or what can we do.
Thanks,
David
Has it ever occurred to you that not everyone is on a 9-5 schedule for work so maybe their family has adjusted. I’m not talking about the kid who passed out but there are other people who go put later because they get up later. The point is not when they sleep but that they get the right amount of sleep.In the US there is all this craze about sleep but other countries do things differently and their children fare no worse.
I do EXACTLY the same thing. Why can’t people appropriately use the 12 hours a child is supposed to be awake and let the poor things rest when they need to! Decent friends should/would understand this and accommodate it.
Dana,
My granddaughter, Gabi, is 6.5 months old. She is a “burrower” and likes to sleep with her face buried. We have pictures of her sleeping face down. Of course, my daughter will not let her sleep this way and spends all night making sure she is not sleeping on her face.
This is just Gabi’s preferred method of sleeping and has been since she was born. Some professionals tell us that she’ll be ok since she rolls and is perfectly capable of moving her head. The pediatrician says NO because of SIDS.
My daughter is exhausted.
Any ideas for us???
My little boy is now 10 3/4 months and has up until now been a good sleeper. We have an evening routine which starts with tea at 5pm, bath, milk and bed. We would put him down awake in his cot at 7pm and he would fall asleep himself.
He has now however started standing up in his cot and once we have left the room will stand up and then start crying. He won’t stop crying until we lay him back down, but once we have left the room he will then stand up again and this process can go on for an hour before he is just exhausted and over tired. To add to the problem he is becoming self aware and cries when we leave the room, something he never used to do. We have tried to teach him to sit down himself but he wont do this himself yet. Every nap time is a battle and any help would be greatly received! He has one nap in the morning at 9am for an hour and one nap after lunch for 1 1/2 hours.
Thank you.