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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
Recently, Amy wrote in about her 14 month old son. Jessie had been sleeping on his own since he was few months old but after a major ear infection, he refuses to let her put him in the crib unless he’s fully asleep. When Amy tries to put him down awake, he stands up and starts to cry. Amy simply asks:
“How can I get my evenings back?!”
Ear infections especially can really throw off sleep patterns. They are quite painful and tend to be even more so when a child lies down. Soon the child associates lying down or their crib with pain. The challenge is to get them to realize that the pain is gone and that they can return to sleeping in their crib. This is a time when you want to make the transition back to their normal sleep pattern as easy on them as possible.
Go back to some structure and boundaries around bedtime and make sure you have a nice routine leading up to it. One of my favorites is having a bath, getting pajamas on, reading a couple of stories, brushing their teeth, and then getting them into their bed or crib.
If the idea of going in the crib upsets them, instead of rocking them to sleep, try the “stay in the room” method. Pick a key phrase like “It’s sleepy time” or “It’s nighty-night now” and put them in the crib awake while you sit in a chair beside them. If they stand up, try lying them back down while repeating your phrase “It’s sleepy time now.”
They’ll probably pop back up and you’ll lay them back down, they’ll pop up and you’ll lay them down. If after five or so times they keep getting up, then they’re up; don’t try to lay them down again. In a battle of wills with a toddler, even after 85 times of popping up-lying down, they’re going to pop up, so just let them stand.
As time goes on, they will get tired and you can then try some “coaxing.” Put your hand in the crib, give the mattress a couple of pats and say “Lay down please…it’s sleepy time now.” They may not respond the first few times but every two or three minutes, try again to “coax” them to lie down.
If it looks like they’re getting sleepy while standing, closing their eyes or doing some heavy blinking, try to lay them down again. If that means that they pop back up, then that’s what that means but do not give up and take them out. All that does it teach them that if they put up a big enough fight, you’ll take them out. If you do that, every night will look exactly the same, so hang in there until they’re asleep in the crib.
You’ve got to dig down deep for a few nights. The good news is that if they used to be a great sleeper, they know how to do it and they’ve just lost their way a bit. A gentle push back in the right direction is going to get them back where they were, sleeping well.
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!







63 responses so far ↓
1 Marie-Hélène // Sep 29, 2009 at 8:38 am
My name is Marie-Hélène. My daughter, Chloé, is 6 months old. Since she was born, I have been jumping at the first cry and feeding her at night every time she woke up, hoping that she would eventually go longer between the feedings and sleep through the night. But came the 5 month mark and she still was waking up 2-3 times a night and I fed her back to sleep. I realized that she did not know how to fall asleep without eating (or without the swing because her day naps were in the swing). So I trained her, using the leave and check method, first for her naps in her crib, and then for nights. She now falls asleep on her own in her crib at around 7 PM after a feed during witch she does not fall asleep. I give her a dream feed at about 10 PM and she does not eat until 6 or 7 the next morning. However, this is the 3rd week into my night training and she only went 3 or 4 times until morning without crying. So she either does not cry at all, cries 2-3 times and stops on her own or cries every hour for 5-10 minutes or more. I usually only go if she does not seem to be able to settle after about 10-15 minutes.
So, my questions: why does she do that? Should I go every time she cries or will it make matters worse? Will she eventually simply be able to fall back asleep on her own without crying or is crying her way to do it? Should I do anything differently? Should I pull the dream feed so she does not get into the habit of eating at 10 every night? Can the dream feed be the problem? (meaning should she have no feed at all during the night so it’s clearer that during the night, we don’t eat). If I stop the dream feed, should I do it gradually (giving it 15 minutes or so earlier every night) or cold turkey? Will she have to compensate with more food during the day? (She now eats solids and I breastfeed her 5 times including the dream feed).
Thank you sooooo much, I am looking forward to your reply. Have a great day (and night!),
Marie-Hélène
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2 Catherine // Sep 29, 2009 at 10:27 am
Please help I have a 10 month old who has never slept through the night. She screams in her cot until she is sick and even at 10 months wakes 3/4 times each night and on many of these occasions apears to want a feed. I am working full time and these sleepless nights are really making my life difficult.
How do I persuade my 10 month old that she does not need feeding during the night?
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Reply by michelle:
September 29th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Wish I knew, My wee boy is exactly the same!!! can’t understand it as I also have a three year old who has slept 12 hours a night from 6 weeks old!!! I put it down to me running to him too quickly so he didn’t cry and wake my toddler. would love to hear a solution to this, but i recon mine is just a bit spoiled!!!. michelle
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3 Rachel Derus // Sep 29, 2009 at 10:36 am
My son is 2 years and 8 months old. He has recently started refusing to nap. I try to tire him out at the park and then put him down around Noon or 12:30 and he’ll play, cry or call me for more than 2 hours. How can I get him to go to sleep?
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Reply by Kay:
September 30th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Your dear little boy doesn’t need his naps any more I’m afraid. Between 2 and 3 they begin to reduce the need for a nap. Each child varies. One friend, her son is 21 months and stopped his naps about 2-3 weeks ago, just goes to sleep earlier instead. My twins: the boy no longer needs a nap every day (they are 28 months old)just some days. And my daughter sleeps every day for 2 hours without fail! So each one is different, it’s difficult but I suspect your son has outgrown the need for his daytime nap.
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4 Kat // Sep 29, 2009 at 10:39 am
My 2 year-old son falls asleep on his own around 8:00pm and sleeps through the night. Our problem starts at 4 or 5 in the morning when he is ready to start the day. He’s ready, I’m not. Is there any way to encourage an extra hour of sleep or do I just have to watch the sunrise?
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Reply by Dina Afifi:
September 30th, 2009 at 3:06 am
Hi Kat
I’m a mother of a nine-month boy. I used to have this problem for a while, but you know something, Dana’s advice in this case was good. First how long do you wait for him to see if he’ll fall back asleep? Is it long enough? I think 20 minutes is quite fair. If this doesn’t work and find him insisting on waking up that early, just try to determine the approximate time of his waking up. All you have to do is pat on his back a little bit so that he would just open his eyes and close them quickly about 30 minutes before his usual time for waking up. He would just open his eyes and fall back to sleep right away, so this might push his waking up time a little bit. You know my son usually wakes up at 6 am, this is no problem on working days, But in the weakend this is very challenging. I need to have some rest and sleep a little bit more. When my son wakes up at 5 for instance, feeling thirsty. I let him drink water and he just would get back to sleep immediately. I found that in this case he would wake up at 7 or 7.30. Hope this works
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5 Jeanine Rebeck // Sep 29, 2009 at 10:41 am
I have an almost 18 month old who is at home with me. I have been using your sleep plan and it has worked well. I have hit a bit of a bump in the road. He goes to bed around 7 7:30pm and either sleeps until 7 or get upat 5am a bit too early for me. I try to ignore him but he does not go back to sleep. So I go and nurse him and put him back to bed then he sleeps until 8am I also feel he may be ready to start to go to one nap but I’m not sure how to make this transition.
Thanks
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6 Lisa Aliprandi // Sep 29, 2009 at 10:52 am
My son Jack is 2 and a half years old. I’m embarrassed to say this but I still rock him to sleep. I have no excuses. He’s my only child and I have treasured that time with him. Recently, it’s taking an hour or more to get him to sleep. Whenever I try to put him in his crib he just screams. I feel horrible. I feel like it’s so unfair to him for me to be changing the rules…even though I know it’s what’s best for him. How do I do this? I’ve never been a big fan of the “crying it out” method (obviously!) but if that’s what I need to do I’ll do it. Or should I do the sitting in the chair method? I just don’t want to do the wrong thing and make it worse. Please tell me I’m not the only mother who can’t let go of her baby.
Lisa
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7 Lynn // Sep 29, 2009 at 10:53 am
Hi, i have a 25 week old baby, Zak. Since he was born we’ve had trouble getting him to sleep. Overtiredness we a major factor when he was few weeks/months old. He seems to interested in the world for sleep! I find nap times a struggle. He is not the same every day. If we get up at 7.30 sometimes he might be ready for a nap again by 8.30 - 9.00 other times he will go until lunch-time and then only sleep for about 20 mins!
He is still rocked to sleep at night - we are going to try ‘controlled crying’ once he is 6 months, but he still wakes around 3-4 times in the night. I’m still breastfeeding at night and bottle during the day.
What am i doing wrong? I give him last food at 6.30 then bath at 7 to be ready for bed by 7.30, but sometimes it will take over 2 hours to get him to sleep!
Sorry its so long - i just dont know what to do any more
Thanks
Lynn x
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Reply by Lauren:
October 27th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Your son sounds like my daughter. It has taken a lot of work to get her to sleep from day 1. I would suggest putting him on a schedule. With babies like that you can’t always read their tired signs. Put him down for a nap between 9 and 10 or a little earlier if he can’t stay up, but try to keep him up till 9. Next nap would be between 12 and 2, probably somewhere in the middle. He might also need a 3rd nap in the late afternoon between 3 and 5. Soothe him before the naps by rocking him or nursing him so that he is relaxed, not asleep. Put him in the crib awake and leave him for an hour. You can try to go in every few minutes and pat him to let him know you are there. With my daughter I wasn’t able to do that because she got too worked up so I had to let her cry it out. It worked but you have to be very consistent. After you get the days down I would then work on the nights. The reason he naps for 20 minutes when he doesn’t nap until lunch is probably because he is overtired. They sleep much worse when they are overtired. Also you should put him to bed earlier. His over tiredness and going to bed too late will cause him to not be able to fall asleep well at night. Try moving the bedtime back 20 minutes each night until you get to a time he seems to respond well to. Just be strong, it is a lot of work, but worth it.
There are always bumps in the road, but get the schedule going and you will not feel so helpless. One more thing… I learned to put my daughter down for a nap regardless of whether or not she truly looked tired and she would fall asleep. Just so you know, some kids just don’t want to sleep but they really need to.
Lauren
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8 Tracy Durocher // Sep 29, 2009 at 11:01 am
Dana -
I have twin girls that are 15 months old and they have never been great sleepers. We have figured out the bedtime routine and we put them to bed awake every night at about 8PM and they easily fall asleep on their own. (YEA!) The issues is that about 90% of the time one of the girls (or sometimes both) wake up anytime between midnight and 3AM. If we do not get up and sooth them the crying can go on for over an hour.
Please help, my husband and I are EXHAUSTED!
Thanks!
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9 Irina Feldman // Sep 29, 2009 at 11:02 am
I have 9-month old twins Alexander and Claire. Claire is sleeping through the night with ocassional waking for a bottle but mostly sleeping. She also has two healthy two-hour naps. Alex was the same until very recently. Now he wakes up after 30-minute nap and every couple of hours at night. We saw a doctor two days ago, who pronounced him healthy. What is going on and how can I fix it so he sleeps through the whole night again? I have the other set of twins who are 4,5 years old and a full-time job; I am very tired and want to sleep more than two hours at a time. Please choose my questions to answer.
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10 Sarah // Sep 29, 2009 at 11:07 am
My 8 month old daughter has been sleeping 11-12 hours per night for the last month. She goes down without a fuss for her morning nap, but hates going down for her afternoon nap. She screams and cries and IF she falls asleep, will only sleep for a short period of time. I am wondering if she is growing out of two naps per day? I know she is still suppose to have the two naps, but could she only need the one? Help!
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11 Amber // Sep 29, 2009 at 11:24 am
Hi Dana
My son is 8 months old and has woken up almost every half an hour at night his ENTIRE life. Yup 8 months of 20 minute interval sleeps..If im lucky.
Uusually he wants his bottle back and seems to be hungry, weve tried stuffing him all day so that this doesnt happen, but it still does.
OR he will wake up and be gassy. No mount of burping or gripe water works here and if it does, its only for about an hour. I want my sleep back!!!!!! Please help dana. Thank you!
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Reply by jude:
October 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I know what you mean! I have a 6 month old girl and she has never slept through - she is currently waking 8 times a night and she will not take a bottle or a dummy so it’s always down to me to feed her. I also have a toddler and therefore canot really do the controlled crying thing as I don’t want her waking up as well! My baby is on 3 meals a day in a desperate attempt to try and fill her up so she won’t wake so much in the night but instead she almost always has a big poo about 3am instead, right after I have changed her full nappy in an attempt to let her sleep more comfortably (she doesn’t poo if I don’t change her!!). I know what the trouble is - she has got into the habit of being fed/cuddled back to sleep - I just don’t know what to do about it!! I, like you, am so tired I end up crying most days and and so fed up I feel like I am at the end of the line. Any advice would be more than welcome!!
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12 Carolina // Sep 29, 2009 at 11:27 am
Hi Dana, i have a 14 month old son who breastfeeds every three hours during day and night. He falls asleep with the breast for every nap and bedtime. I enjoy breastfeeding but the frequency and the night wakings are leaving me very tired. He doesn’t take the bottle or pacifier. He doesn’t eat much solid food either.
I find it very difficult to wean him, instead of losing interest on the breast he is getting more addicted. Since breastfeeding is the principle of his sleep problem what do you recommend doing in this case?
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13 Heather // Sep 29, 2009 at 11:35 am
My 2 year old is terrified to sleep in his room. He won’t even go in there to play without someone with him. Nothing has ever happened in the room. It seemed like this just happened one day. What should I do?
Heather
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14 Jennifer // Sep 29, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Hi Dana,
My daughter will be 3 in January. I have been sleeping with her for most of her life. Usually, I am in her bed until she falls asleep and then go to my bed but she wakes up at about 2:30 and wants me to come to her bed. She quickly falls asleep again but only if I’m there. I usually end up sleeping with her just because I’m tired and want to get a good night sleep. The thing is my husband and I discipline her by putting her in her room by herself; nothing seems to work as well as this. BUT!!! When I leave her to sleep alone, even though I explain to her that she is not in trouble, she gets very upset. Do you have any suggestions?
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15 Marilyn // Sep 29, 2009 at 12:23 pm
What if the whole time you are trying to coax them to lie down, they are screaming to the top of their lungs.
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16 selin dari // Sep 29, 2009 at 12:29 pm
My 11 month old daughter sleeps all night eventually, but whenever I put her down she cries. especially when I was leaving the room she cries a lot. How can I calm her down? If I stay in the room until she falls a sleep it takes too much time.
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17 selin dari // Sep 29, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Hi Dana
My 11 month old daughter sleeps all night eventually, but whenever I put her down she cries. especially when I was leaving the room she cries a lot. How can I calm her down? If I stay in the room until she falls a sleep it takes too much time.
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18 Heather // Sep 29, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Hi Dana,
My son is 4 months old and sleeps well after his bath and bottle at 7pm. We wake him to feed him at 11.30pm but he still wakes at approx 3.30am for another feed - we can’t seem to get him to sleep through the night.
He goes to sleep on his own every night and for every nap, so I can’t imagine why he is still waking up in the middle of the night. I have tried putting him back to sleep without feeding him but he continues to wake up every hour until the morning and then doesn’t seem hungry! (!??)
I have no idea what to do next… helllp!
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19 mharie // Sep 29, 2009 at 12:51 pm
logan is 8 months and three weeks old he has had a bad chest infection and ha snow stopped sleepin in his own bed he would rather sleep in my arms cuddled now he s gettin over itr i was wonderein how would be best for me 2 get him back inyo a routine as i start back to work in 5 days and i am very tired,
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20 staci // Sep 29, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Hello Dana-
Thank you for the illness and sleep response. But my actual question is that my son who is 11 weeks will sleep for 3 hour interval at night. After he has slept those 3 hours he wakes up every hour after that. During period of times that he wakes up I am not sure how to responed. Do I pick him after each whimper or let him self soothe himself back to sleep. Do I pick him when he has a long lasting cry and feed him?
Thank you for your feedback and suggestions
Stac’i
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21 Laurie // Sep 29, 2009 at 1:48 pm
My daughter, Emma, will be turning 3 this Thanksgiving — 6 days after I am due to deliver our second child. Since our house is small, the kids will have to share a bedroom. How can I help Emma to sleep through the baby waking up in the middle of the night? She slept in her own room from the first night we brought her home from the hospital, and we plan to do the same with kid #2. Is it likely that Emma will adjust to the nighttime interruptions?
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Reply by Dina Afifi:
September 30th, 2009 at 4:11 am
Hi Laurie
You know I had the same problem. My older son was 3 1/2 years when I had my second. I was really worried about sleep interruptions for my older son, but the thing I found out is that children at this stage of their lives sleep very deeply. He rarely woke to to his brother’s crying. He just would continue sleeping till his usual waking up time. And I think the same would happen with your daughter.
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22 Ellena // Sep 29, 2009 at 3:12 pm
How do I do sleep training with a soother?
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23 Nadine // Sep 29, 2009 at 4:34 pm
My son Liam is coming 2 and has been a brilliant sleeper (7-7). However, this last month has been a different story. He goes to bed at 7 but sleeps in a singles bed now. He has been waking and getting out of bed at 9, 12, 2, 5 and 6 ready for the day ahead. I keep putting him back in his own bed but sometimes he has an excuse eg. he needs a drink or has to go to the toilet. He does not sleep at all during the day and shows no signs of tiredness, he iss generally in good form all day. How can I get my great sleeper back? I have thought about putting him back into a cot?
Nadine
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24 joanne stubbs // Sep 29, 2009 at 6:10 pm
hi charlie is now 18 months and has never been a good sleeper. he goes to bed at 8 and sleeps til 5 which is far too early for me to get uo for the day. i changed his bedtime til 9pm and he started sleeping til 6aam, so i then dropped his afternoon nap whcih left him so tired he slept from 8-6 every night for a few weeks. but now he is waking between 4 and 5 most mornings and is ready to get up for the day. CC doesnt work on him anymore, it has helped us in the past and he now goes into his cot awake and falls asleep without a peep, but its a different story in the mornings, he just makes himself sick. i tried to follow the advice in your book but he didnt go back to sleep. how can i make him sleep 8-6 again? i need him not to wake before 6, 18 months of this has left me emotionally drianed, i feel he’s not as good as other babies his age who sleep 12 hours. i’m losing my patience and feel like giving up and just letting him do what he wants and accept im destined for no sleep.
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25 Helene // Sep 29, 2009 at 7:10 pm
I’ve got two boys age 1 and 2 who have both been bad sleepers since a trip overseas 4 months ago. They’ve just never settled back in. We stick to our bedtime routine, they go to bed at 7 and have no problem falling asleep by themselves. But they constantly wake until around 12 (we only have to go in quicly - but it’s still broken sleep!) and they think 5 in the morning is a great time to get up and play! They both sleep for 1 1/2 hours during the day. How can I get them to stay asleep at night and get up an hour later in the morning?
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26 amanda // Sep 29, 2009 at 7:16 pm
My nine month old daughter Emily regularly wakes at 4.15am. Sometimes she will resettle herself after some brief crying and other times she will resettle quickly if I go and tuck her back in and give her comforter back to her. However at other times she can continue to cry on and off until the morning (we get up at 6am). Although she sleeps well generally this pattern results in everyone feeling tired as we all wake around 4am. Is there anything I can do to reduce these 4am wakings?
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27 Nicole Buschgens // Sep 29, 2009 at 7:50 pm
Hi Dana,
Georgia is 22 months old and has rarely slept through the night. The last 6 months,due to various circumstances such as my husband working away 4 weeks at a time, illness and holidays she has come into bed with me at about 1 am. She goes to sleep well by herself in her cot for her 2 hour afternoon nap and at night as long as I sit in the chair next to her ( it only takes 5 mins). We have just got our 7 year old to sleep in her own bed again with sticker charts (and shameless bribery!!) and I am due to have our baby boy in 3 weeks so feel a little worried! We have toyed with the idea of putting her into a bed in the same room as her sister before baby is born-what do you think?
Thank you,Nicole
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28 Michelle // Sep 29, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Dana,
My son is 1 years old and he is still not sleeping. He had surgery when he was 3 months old and has been has been hospitalized a few times. He has no doubt had a rough year and we have kept him in our bed usually starting at 4 am. I am back to work right now and we have been using the principles of your book for over a month. He will sleep with a bit of crying in the evening and at naps but the middle of the night is a nightmare. Do you have any other suggestions b/c it seems he is not responding very well to any of yours or others suggestions adn I need to be able to function during the day.
Thanks.
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29 Vanessa Case // Sep 29, 2009 at 8:15 pm
My daughter Carley is 11 1/2 months and has been waking anywhere from 3.30am - 4.30am. She still has the same bedtime at 6pm sometimes she is that tired I put her down at 5.30pm. she has no problem going off to sleep. Up until a few months ago she was sleeping from 6 - 6 feeding and then going back to sleep. I have tried to keep her up and put her down later but she still wakes up at the same time. She started waking at 5am so i gave her a bottle an put her back to bed and she slept until about 7 - 7.30am. But now she is waking at around 4am and I am feeding her and putting her back to bed which she sleeps till 6am. I have tried to let her put herself back to sleep but it does not work. Pls help me to get her sleeping from 6 - 6am again. I need some sleep - I am awake from 4am and can’t get back to sleep.
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30 Erin Cook // Sep 29, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Hi Dana,
I read Sleep Sense when my daughter, Caitlyn, was 6 months old. It worked absolutely great for us. We did the “leave the room method”. We have been smooth sailing up until 6 weeks ago when we had baby #2. We’ve had no jealously issues what so ever with her and the baby but when we put her to bed like normal she goes down and about 5 or 10 mom later the “Caitlyn Show” begins. She gies into hysterics running and banging on her door. The othernight she made herself so upset that she even threw up. One or two nights out of the week she will do down no problem. But the rest of the week is heartbreaking seeing/hearing her so upset.
My questions are:
Should we start all over and do the stay in the room method (even though sometimes she falls asleep no problem, but like I said this is only 1 or 2 nights out of the week)?
What do you recommend about her bedroom door; leave it open or close it? She can’t turn door handles yet but I’m wondering if shutting it makes her feel completely disconnected from us.
Thanks in advance for you help.
Erin Cook
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31 Sarina // Sep 29, 2009 at 9:30 pm
My son Brady is 2 1/2 years old. He had been sleeping through the night since 5 weeks, up until about 5 months ago. To give you a little bit of a background, 5 months ago we moved into a new home, in addition Brady was climbing out of his crib so we decided to transfer him to a toddler bed,while at the same time he was sick with a double ear infection. Hence, looking back we should have waited I think to convert him to a bed until he was sleeping through the night after his illness. Well since then he has not slept through the night except occassionally. He was always able to go to sleep on his own, even if it was us leaving him in his crib and allowing him to cry it out for 10 mins. before he would fall a sleep. Now the issue, is not only that Brady is afraid for some reason to be in his room alone, he likes to see us as he is going to sleep even if it is in the hallway. We have worked our way out of the room, trying to let him fall asleep on his own. He seems uneasy and nervous, not sure why we have a night light and never use to act like this. In addition, he gets up sometimes 2 or 3 times throughout the night. He walks into our room and my husband goes back to his room with him and sleeps in his full bed with him till he falls asleep, then leaves until the next wakeup time. He seems to think that 5 am is wakeup time, but again if you lay with him he goes back to sleep. This has been stressful and time consuming. We are expecting Baby #2 in February and I need him to be able to put himself to sleep and to sleep through the night.
PLEASE HELP!
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32 Cindy Bruhl // Sep 29, 2009 at 9:50 pm
My 5 yr old grandson wakes at least 3-4 times during the night. Getting him to go to bed is often a challenge. He is also been recently diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. He takes medication in the am. My son and his wife are desperate for sleep and it has taken it’s toll on the family. The pediatrician recently prescibed Clonitine 2mg and benadryl to help him sleep, you would think he would be out cold, but he wakes up in less than 2 hrs and can not go back to sleep. Alex gets about 3 maybe 4 hrs of sleep all total. He has a sister (6) that has no sleep problems.
Help please!
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33 Jenn // Sep 29, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Hi,
I have a 6 month old, who from the age of 3 months or so, had been sleeping through the night, or waking up once or twice a night to feed then go right back to bed. Now, however she wakes up 3-6 times each night, screaming from her crib. We have tried everything it seems, and the only thing that works is taking her to our bed. She can be screaming and as soon as we lay her down in bed, she calms down. How do you get her to sleep in her own crib and throughout the night? Help!
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Reply by sarah sheridan:
October 4th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
im in the same situation!!my daughter will sleep easily if she sleeps with us
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34 Sarah // Sep 30, 2009 at 12:09 am
My 16 month old daughter has multiple sleep aids. She always falls apleep in my arms (or grandma’s or dad’s) with a bottle for naps and bedtime. For naps we would put her in her swing once she was asleep because she always woke up as soon as we layed her in her crib but she has outgrown her swing and now will only nap in someone’s arms. If we try to lay her in her crib she immediatly wakes up and will not go back to sleep. We have a good bedtime routine of bath and books at the same time every night but its followed by bottle in my arms. At bedtime she will stay asleep once she is layed down in her crib but she waked up 3-4 hours later at which point I pick her up and put her into our bed. She sleeps through the rest of the night in our bed. Although night time is not as much of a problem as naptime, I realize that it all goes hand in hand and I have NO idea where to begin to teach her to self sooth. Please help!
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35 Lisa Jordan // Sep 30, 2009 at 12:12 am
My son is 21 months old. He was always sick since he was born. He started doing better at about 6 months so I would lay him in his crib,say goodnite and he would go right to sleep. However he started getting sick again so frequently and my husband & I were so tired getting up every hour and couldnt stay awake with him at night that we made the big mistake of putting him in the bed with us. Then we all slept well. Now it is over 10 months later and I can not get him to sleep back in his own bed in his own room. We have tried putting him there then he would cry so hard & try to jump out of the crib and I was afraid he would really hurt himself.Then we gave him a toddler bed then he would cry again to where his face would turn blue & run back to our room time after time all night long. We do have a bedtime routine of bathing,pjs,putting his toys away then up to bed but nothing works.I know we are at fault for starting this bad habit but what else can we try so it will be a peaceful night in our house for all of us? Please Help,Lisa
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36 Danielle // Sep 30, 2009 at 2:06 am
My question is similar to Staci and Heather’s above. I have a 3 month old girl, Jordan, who is very good self settler (thumb sucker), going to bed around 7:30pm after a bath and breastfeed. I give her a dream feed around 10:30pm. Up until 2 weeks ago she was sleeping well usually waking once a night for a feed around 4:30am and sometimes sleeping through until 7:30am. But in the last 2 weeks she only sleeps until about 1:30am then she wakes . I feed her and leave her to self settle to sleep again which sometimes takes up to an hour, she is not distressed but I can hear her “talking” and sucking her thumb. But once she does fall asleep she has begun waking frequently, up to every 40 mins crying until I go to her. I use the leave and check method and until she falls asleep again, then she usually wakes again in the next hour and so forth. if she doesn’t fall asleep I usually give in and feed her again about 4:30am, since it has been 3 hours since the last feed (and the last time I had any sleep). After this feed if she has fallen asleep in the hours earlier she will not go back to sleep herself and cries or grizzles in her cot, during this time I again leave and check, picking her up when she gets really upset as she shares a room with her 22month old sister.But she continues this and then I give up at 6am and start the day as my other two children are awake then. Once she has had morning play time she goes to sleep soundly for about 3 hours at about 7:30am. I can’t keep getting up so frequently from 1:30 am, and I know she can sleep better because she was before. Should I just stop feeding her at night so she realizes 3 hourly feeds don’t happen at night? Has she got day and night mixed up? Help!
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37 rechelle scott // Sep 30, 2009 at 2:52 am
bonnie is now 20 weeks and up until a week ago would have 2 2 hour day sleeps and one of 45 mins. She got her two bottom teeth a week ago and ever since will only sleep for a maximum of 45 mins at each day sleep. when she wakes she is tired and rubbing her eyes but wont go back to sleep. Her night sleeps are still good. 6.30pm till 7am with only 1 really quick feed at 5am. but the day sleeps are frustrating me as she is taking about 4 45 min naps instead of two long ones like she always did and is cranky all day!!! Help!
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38 Donna Harris // Sep 30, 2009 at 4:12 am
since my so has been teething he is going to bed at 7.30-8pm however he seems to bed crying out in his sleep from 12pm-3am do you have any suggestions as this has now been 9 weeks thank you
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39 Nicole Bence // Sep 30, 2009 at 7:04 am
Hi,
We have a 2y3m old and an 10 week old. our 2yo got sick just before our second was born. she was right out of whack and her sleeping was terrible. until then she had been 7 till 7 even 730. we got her back into a good sleep routine but she has started waking earlier and ealier and is now waking at 530. consequently she is now sleeping 1.5 - 2hrs during the day. i thik she needs ot cut this back but i also need a plan to get her sleeping later. if i feel confident then i am happy to cut her day sleep back but until then i think she needs he extra day sleep..
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40 Laura // Sep 30, 2009 at 7:49 am
Hi,
I have a 17 month old who at 2 months old was sleeping from 9-7 straight through and now I am lucky if he goes 3 hours without waking up. Recently we had to move him out of his crib because he was climbing out all the time and now he shares a room with his 3 year old brother in a toddler bed and I need to figure out how to get them to go to bed at the same time without totally disrupting each other and getting the baby to stay in his toddler bed all night!!!
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41 Megan // Sep 30, 2009 at 9:17 am
My daughter is really good at throwing tantrums at bedtime. The problem is, she gets very physical to the point where she hits herself in the head or face. Even more often, she’ll hit her head on anything available (the crib, the wall, the floor, my head, my face, anything she can reach). We’ve tried telling her no, we’ve tried ignoring it, we’ve tried just putting her down (or picking her up) and nothing seems to work. How can we keep her from doing this at bed time?
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42 Isabelle // Sep 30, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Hi Dana,
My baby is 8 month old and needs a dummy to sleep. She usually cries once or twice a night when she wakes up without her dummy. I just have to give her the dummy back and she goes back to sleep. How could I make her sleep without her dummy?
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43 joanna // Sep 30, 2009 at 7:14 pm
My 5 month old son used to sleep all night. His routine was bath at 6pm, fed at 6.30pm and he would be in his cot by 8pm with a dream feed at 9.30pm. I would walk him in my arms after his 6.30pm feed and he was sleeping all night till 6am. But then he got a very bad cold and cough and I ended up taking him into bed with me so I could get some sleep. But now he will not sleep on his own and is waking every hour. By 3am I have had enough and end up with him in bed with me. He is not needing feed during the night as he will fall asleep as soon as I pick him up and if he is with me he will sleep the rest of the night. Please help me get back to sleeping thro the night and what I can do. Is he too young to try the cry it out method ?
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44 Kathryn // Sep 30, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Max who is 30 months old has never been a good sleeper and rarely has slept through the night since he was born. He has been in a single bed since he was 20 months old and bedtimes have always been a battle with him only falling asleep in my arms as a baby then lying on my or my husband’s chest in his bed until recently. We have worked through these issues with your help and he now has a bedtime routine we follow each night however he still continues to wake frequently in the night and comes into our room. I walk him back to his bed and he lies down and most of the time goes straight back to sleep.
How do I get Max to stay in his bed when he wakes during the night and go back to sleep without leaving his bed and coming to us to resettle him?
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45 Jen Cheek // Sep 30, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Hi Dana,
Could you please answer the questions asked by Marie-Hélène as I am in exactly the same boat!!
Thanks and take care.
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46 Anonymous // Oct 1, 2009 at 7:33 am
Hi Dana
Wow there are so many people with sleep issues as i noticed above. This makes me feel less alone.
My questions is… I put Chris down at 7:30/8pm each night. He is 2 and 1/2y. He always wakes at 4am, 4:30am ready to get up and go.
What is the acceptable amount of time to try and re-settle him before giving up?
Thanks
Linda
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47 lisa hopkins // Oct 1, 2009 at 9:46 am
Hello dana I have a friend that her baby has been sick most of her life with ear infections the only way her baby would sleep is next to mommys body, Im guessing for the heat to ease the pain. Now little Brooklynn has tubes in her ears, shes doing alot better. BUT Brooklynn has not sleept in her crib since she was for monthes. She doesnt get good naps and still gets up four to seven times a night and looks for her mom then shell go back to sleep. Her mommy has tried to put her in the crib but Brooklnn cries so bad she gets sick and screams her head off. Brooklynn is one year old today. How in the world can she solve this. Brooklynn is one year old today. P.S. thank you so much for your help with my little one she sleeps 11 to 12 hrs a night and takes a 3hour nap at 1200 in the afternoon. Joslynn is alot happier now. So is mommy!
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48 Carrie Clark // Oct 1, 2009 at 11:24 am
I have a 27 month old son. He has slept in his own bed in his own room since he was a week old. We always stuck to the same schedule too. Recently, he is fighing us going to sleep and staying asleep. He never really had problems before. I could walk in there, lay him down and walk out and he would fall asleep. Now, I have to go in there a couple of times before he falls asleep. He wakes up a couple times during the night and then he is awake by 5:30 and ready to go. I need him to sleep through the nights again and to sleep longer in the morning. He does go to daycare and take a nap daily but it’s never longer than 2 hours. He also has tubes in his ears and his adenoids recently removed. Please help! Thanks!
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49 Miranda // Oct 1, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I have an almost 16 month old son who is not sleeping through the night. He’s not been the best of sleepers from day one but at one point around 10 months old he did start sleeping through the night for which we were thankful. He caught a virus about 5 weeks ago and I understood why he might be getting up during that time due to the congestion but that has now passed and he continues to get up every night (with the occasional 1 night per week of sleeping through the night-if we are lucky). We have a consistent bedtime routine and he gets a snack before bed as well. I am not sure what do and we are all exhausted and ready to sleep through the night again for good. Any one have any suggestions?
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50 arlene // Oct 1, 2009 at 9:04 pm
My child was diagnosed with Reflux disease. I have to hold him up for 30 mins after each feeding if I don’t everything comes up. Keeping him awake is not always possible after a feeding because I am unable to put him down in a chair or allow much exercise. What I’m beginning to notice now is that he is waking up often at night(3 to 4 times). We don’t pick him up from the crib but do soothe him and walk away as he is beginning to get drowsy again. How do I get my little David to sleep through the night?
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51 deborah montgomery // Oct 2, 2009 at 7:19 am
We are having probs getting our 2 & 8 month yr old daughter to sleep through the night since we have transferred her from cot to a bed. she always used to sleep through, even though she only really needs 9 1/2-10 hours. she is very active during the day so i don;t know why she isn’t sleeping through as she must be very tired. She was starting to wake every 2 hours and last night was every 4 hours making a little easy but still broken sleep for all of us. We are really tired now and running out of ideas. We’ve tried everything and she does have a really good bedtime routine. Is this just a phase thing that she is going and can someone please tell me it will get better - help ???
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52 Karen A // Oct 2, 2009 at 8:51 am
My 4th and last child, Parker, 16 mos old is giving me a run for my money! He has RARELY ever slept through the night. We’ve tried everything and just when it seems he is onto some type of positive sleep pattern….a cold! an ear infection! teething! painful night time erections! SOMETHING always gets in the way of our consistency and blows his sleep out of the water!!!! Help us PLEASE!!!!
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53 Sarah LaFata // Oct 2, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I would love to have my 11 month old daughter in her crib putting herself to sleep. My big problem is that she starts crying and gets herself so worked up in a matter of 5-10 minutes, that she throws up. She is a tiny girl to begin with, I can’t afford to have her losing calories. Any suggestions?
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54 Rabia // Oct 4, 2009 at 8:22 am
Hi, my name is Rabia. I have a 4 months old boy “Fawaz”. He is my third child after a five year break. I do not remeber having big issues with putting my other two children to bed, however, Fawaz would not sleep unless I pat him and the dummy is in his mouth. If I stop patting him or if the dummy falls out, he will cry again. Also if I pat him untill he sleeps, once I leave the room he is able to sense that I have left the room and starts crying again. Please help, it is really stressing me. I have tried to let him cry for a while but he just won’t stop until I pick him up or pat him. Please advise me as to what i should do to get him out of this habit. Thanks
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55 sarah sheridan // Oct 4, 2009 at 6:07 pm
the only way i can get my three month old baby girl to sleep is by rocking/singing to her, once she is asleep,i put her in her cot, but as soon as she hits the matress she wakes up, this is a major problem especially during the day,so i end up letting her sleep on me, or else she wont get any sleep at all.any suggestions
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56 laurie // Oct 4, 2009 at 8:46 pm
I have a 6month old and he would always be put to bed at 6pm and sleep anywhere from 4-8 hours recenlty every time i put him in the cot he screams so i would pick up and put over shoulder & put back into cot -this has be going on now 3 weeks,i dont leave him to cry & not sure how to go about it anymore.Plus his day sleeps are only ever 15 to a hour depending
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