Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question is from a mother named Amy, who’s having some problems with her four-year-old daughter. She writes:
“I have a four year old daughter who will not go to bed until I go to bed with her. She wakes up in the night screaming and will not go back to sleep until I lay down with her or she comes in to sleep with me. Even when I am in bed with her she hangs on to me all night long so that I will not leave. What can I do”
Good question Amy! First of all, when you are dealing with a four year old, there are a lot of things that you can try with her. One idea is to set up a reward chart (you always want to keep things positive) and I would make a list for the bed time routine. Start with a bath and then jammies, brushing teeth, reading a couple of stories and then climbing into her own bed. Make each step have a reward so if she cooperates and gets into the bath she can put on a little check mark or a little star sticker, and then jammies, and finally into bed, so that it is all nice and positive. You can also make a separate reward for sleeping all night in her own bed.
It is important to start out small with rewards. You do not want to go for Mt. Everest, so first try only a reward if she sleeps all night without waking up. Just start with bed time. Going to sleep okay and without protest at bed time, would get a reward the next morning.
I would start by tucking her in and then sitting in a chair right beside her bed so you’re no longer running down to her. If she wants to hold hands or touch in some way, do it really intermittently. Let her hold your hand for another two nights and then withdraw it. Try to guide her toward something in her own bed (maybe a stuffed toy or a special blanket).
You want her to gradually become more and more confident in her own ability to go to sleep without you. Basically, she has convinced herself that she cannot sleep unless you are with her. We are very good at convincing ourselves of things such as “I cannot sleep unless I have my earplugs in.”, or “I cannot sleep unless I have my socks on”. Whatever the case, she can sleep without you. She just might not have the confidence yet.
So start out small; sit beside the bed until she falls asleep and do the same thing for three nights, no surprises, right by the bed.
For the night waking, gradually start to withdraw from her room. On night four, move to the middle of the room (less touching now) and spend three nights in the middle and then move to the door. There should be no more touching once you are at the door. With this age group it is important to sort of linger in the hallway so she can just see your feet or your legs for a couple of nights because you are around the corner. Then move right into the hall, and then down the hall a bit.
She may come out to see that you are there and that is fine one time. If she comes to check you say, “Yes, I am here and I will stay here until you are asleep. Don’t come out again.” If she comes out again there should be a consequence. Otherwise she is going to keep coming and keep coming and you are going to get frustrated.
So after one chance, you then would say “If you come out again I am going to have to close your door.” and then if she does, you just close her door for three minutes and then give her another chance. Each time she tests you, close the door a little bit longer. Start with three minutes, then five, seven and so on. Most children of any age do not like the idea of a door being closed on them especially if you are holding it on the other side. So it is a good consequence for her coming out. If you come out, I will close your door. I will not close your door all night, or lock you in but I definitely will hold the door closed for a certain amount of time until you realize that you may not come out and you may not check on me.
I would do the same thing with her night waking. Every time she shows up take her back to her bed and you sit in your chair. You are going to be up a few times the first few nights and it is going to take a while for her to get used to the idea of sleeping without you, but it can be done. It absolutely can be done.
By starting now, in a few weeks time she will be sleeping more independently. Bed time will be a positive thing and this is great for her because I have had clients with children as old as eight who are still sleeping with their parents. It had really become a problem because that child could have a sleep over, could not go to a sleepover, and could not go to summer sleepover camp because they did not feel confident. They do not think they will be able to sleep without their parents, so it really is a gift, to give her to give her confidence to do this on her own.
I hope that helps Amy and thanks for your question. Sleep well!
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
why is it so hard to dicipline my four year old, she just wont listen .
why is my four year so strong headed i have to talk to her numerous times to do just one thing before she do it or if i shout at her to which she do not like .
My 4 year old step-daughter used to sleep upstairs just fine. But then when she was at her mom’s, a bunch of kids (including her) found a bunch of scary movies, and now she won’t sleep up in her own bed, and she will wake up in the middle of the night saying she had a bad dream and wants me to sleep with her. I made her a reward chart for numerous routines around the house, but now she doesn’t care if she gets a sticker or not, she just wants to sleep on the couch or with me and daddy. How can i get her back on her normal routine?
we have five children 10,8,6,3and 1 1/2 and my husband started a domino effect of sleeping with the babies as soon as they were to big to sleen in a crib because the toddler bed were pinless. and they discovered that there was nothing to hold them in. so he thought it was easy to lay with them each until there fifth birthday im on the verge of leaving my husband my four year old is two years away from his fifth birthday an we now have a baby that will turn two in november. i dont want too spend five years with kids in our bed. help.
Why wont my four year old sleep in her own bed.. He-he-he :)
My 4 year old daughter did o through a period when she would get in her own bed in her and her 2 year old sister’s room and sleep all night. Now she has gotten to where she will not go to sleep unless it’s with me. If im not home she will et in her bed, but she will wake up and come to me. I am at the end of my rope and desperately want my bed back so I put her bed in my room for now. Please help me figure out a way for her to sleep in her bed in her room with her sister!!!
I am working with my child on the issue of waking up in the middle of the night and staying in her bed. This article was helpful. The problem is that when I stay with her at 2 in the morning, she is sometimes up until 6!! What do I do??
Thank you for your insight into gettig children to stay their own beds, I have a 4 and 3 yr old that sleep in their own beds no problem but wake up not long after my husband and i go to bed and cry untill we let them in our bed w usaully give in as we also have a 15 mth baby who shares their room and the screaming wakes her up, i shall give this technique a try.
My 4 year old daughter refuses to sleep in her own bed and starts crying when we tell he that she has to. Her bed is in our room, but still she want to sleep with me and her father on our bed. When i asked her why she doesnt whant to sleep on her own bed she said she is scared when i asked her what for all she said was iam scared someone might come into the house. I realy need to get her to sleep in her own bed in less than a month she will be turning 5. I dont know what to do anymore i have tried to assure her that all the doors and windows are closed and that no one can get in but still nothing. We’ve never had a burglary and all this started at the age of 2. Please can you help me? Email me please. Thank you
Try the method that Dana suggests above, takes a lot of patience but really does work!!!
My 3.5 year old daughter has been sleeping in with my husband & I (on an air bed) since we moved house 3 months ago. Along with having a baby sister & the house move, her confidence was really knocked. She starts off in her own bed, going to bed with no problems, but would come in to us at 10/10.30pm.
I came across your website over the weekend & have decided to give your method above a go! I would love her to be sleeping in her own bed before she starts Nursery School in September. She slept in her own bed for the first time in 3 months last night & only woke twice so we’re off to a good start!
I have a 4 year old little girl, for the last six months we have had issues with her going to bed, she maybe gets 4 hours of sleep at night. when she does fall asleep she will wake up scream , whinning, and kicking the walls. she says she hears noises outside, so we turned on music, she sees shadows so we got new curtains. it was to dark in her room, I painted the room lighter color, we have night light in there. even if she does not take a nap , she still only gets 4 hours of sleep at night.the only time she does sleep good, is if she is in our bed. I need some help really bad. any suggestions would help.
My almost 3 year old talks and walks in her sleep.I dont know what to do.I woke up to my 11 years saying she walked all yhe way down a dark stairwell!!!And was cring for me.My 11 year old brought her up stairs.Im so scared for her.I cazn catch her when I hear her moving and I will grap her and hold her till she falls asleep.Im so tierd.I have 5 kids and a husband who gets mad at me cause I keep her in bed with me.Im keeping her safe and I need sleep.Help.
I have 4 year old twins and they will not sleep in there own beds a full night. They will either fall asleep on the couch with us or in our bed and then we transport them into there room. About 2 or 3 hours later they are back in our bed again. I try and put one back in her bed and lay down with her but she screams wanting to come back into our bed. What do I do?
I have a 4 year old daughter and she will go to sleep in her own bed but wake up everynight screaming to come in bed with me. I do not allow my kids to sleep with me and I do not want to get them use to it. What do I do to stop her from doing this it is driving my neighbors nuts they can hear her. Please help me.
Hello,
I have a 16 month old and since she was born we have lived in a one bedroom apartment and she has been co-sleeping with us since. We have just moved into a two bedroom and now she has her own room as well as her own crib. Getting her to go to sleep for the past few night has been murder. I have put her on a routine that everyone has advised me to do and that part works because she does settle down, but getting her to go to sleep is one problem and then getting her to stay in her bed through the night is the next.
I’ve just started for the first night with the controlled crying method (I believe that’s what it’s called) and it took her about and hour to go to sleep the only thing was that I had to close the door completely so that she didn’t leave her room (her bed is in toddler form because she knows how to get out of the crib form and I don’t want her to hurt herself). So she will eventually go to sleep in her bed (not mine), but between 1am and 6am she ends up in our bed. She doesn’t cry or anything when she wakes up she just gets out of her bed and comes to sleep in our bed. Sometimes we don’t notice she is with us until we wake up in the morning. Is this a real issue and if it is how can we work on it?
My sister is 4 turning 5 and she use too sleep in my mums room but now she sleeps in her room by herself and all she needed was some angel lights on the roof it worked like a charm.
Hi Dana,
Our Son Samyak was not sleeping through the night from his birth. Then we found your site, bought Sleep Sense online and within a week he started sleeping good. On and off he would stop sleeping, but we followed your method and he would be right back on track. He was 8 months old the first time we tried your techinique.
Now he is 2 and half year old. My wife took a break from work in between for 6 months and our son was going to nursery for half a day only. Now from last 3 weeks my wife started working full time and he goes to school full day. After 10 days of my wife started working, our son got viral fever and all of us at home got it as well. Since we both were so tired to care for him, we took him to our bed to get some rest during the night. Our son misses my wife too much now as she goes very early in the morning and returns late in the evening. He keeps saying, no papa………i want mom only for every small thing. He never used to throw tantrums which lasted more than 10 mins but now there is not one minute of peace at home. He will cry for this and next moment he will cry for that.
To add to all of this, he has stopped ( believe me literally he has stopped sleeping) for last 10 days. At the maximum, he sleeps totally for 2 hours every night!!! Me and my wife have lost all the patience and dunno what else to do. Please please help us. We even tried putting him in our bed. He slept ok for 2 days but from next night he started crying there also. Sometimes he sleeps sound for 45 mins and suddenly wakes up crying. He will not be able to tell why he is crying.
We have tried giving reward if he behaved good, we have threatened that if he cries fox will take him with it. Nothing works, nothing works at all !!!!!
From yday we started your method again by letting him cry. He cried for 3 hours continous. My wife lost her patience as she is not well and has not slept for 10 days now. Shouted at him and that made everything worse again. He kept waking up every 15 mins and asking for this and that.
Dana, we know your technique worked before. You are our only hope. Please please please please pleae help us before we all go mad.
Thanking you,
Subramanikandan, Anuradha.
i mean after his bath and feeding…
Hi, I had a 3 and a half old baby that doesn’t sleep in his bed by his own,I have to swing for him and sing for him to sleep,and when he had a deep sleep,I will transfer him to the bed,but now after being exhausted from this process,I am trying to let him sleep in his bed while he is awake and stay with him till he sleeps but while i am doing that he starts crying whenever i put him in bed although he is so tired,today i tried my best for him to sleep in his bed in the morning and he slept in his bed for half an hour but at night after his bed and feeding him his bottle he didnt respond positively in sleeping in his bed,besides he wake up 3 times and sometimes more at night,i am really desperate and dont know what to do to start sleeping by his own and not waking me at night,what shall I do?please i really need help,hope to get a reply soon
Hi, my 8 month old started pulling herself up in her crib two weeks ago. She then screams because she is unable to get down on her own. I have tried to work with her during the day to help her, but it doesn’t seem to help. SHe is often just on her knees and pulled up, but still is screaming. And once I go in, she will not go back to sleep. Help!
My son is 15 weeks old. I followed your advice and moved him from sleeping in the bassinett to the crib just recently. I am working on getting him throught the night without waking for a bottle. Last night he slep from 7:30 until 2:45 and then woke screaming. I waited ten minutes and then went in to soothe him briefly. I repeat this about 3 times until I had to pick him up. I did not feed him right away in fear that he’ll associate his cry with an immediate bottle fix. He went back to bed after finishing the entire bottle and woke a 6 am also crying a little. This is his normal time to get up, so is it okay if I take him out of the crib at his wake time if he’s crying? Or am I reinforcing negative behavior?
Thanks
Hi Dana,
I have 8 months old twins, Hubert and Alice. They are not syncronized in their naps ans bedtime sleeping patterns. Hubert falls asleep around 6h30-7h and Alice follow 30 minutes after. I could bring here many questions concerning both of their sleeping habits, but I will focus on Hubert who is presenting more variability and more awakeneenig during the night. They are sharing the same room.
Hubert is showing 3 patterns… One, sleeps around 6h30- 7 h, awake around 1-2, drinks 6 onces of milk, falls back to sleep right away, and sleeps throught until 4h30-5h max! Second, same as previously described, but does not fall back to sleep, could be awake, in a playful talkative way one hour to one hour and an half ( I am not talking to him, hardly looking at him, well I think I do all the behavioral interventions…); falls back to sleep, until 4h30-5h. The third pattern; no awakening, sleeps throught until 5h.
He is falling asleep nap and bedtime on his own, most of the time, after being fed with milk, rock to calm him down, and he use a soother. I put him to bed not fully awake but in a sleepy state.
My question; What could I do to make him sleeps trought the night, almost all night and…more than 9hours to 10 hours (4 -5 o clock as an awakening is way to early…I am exausted and some days, depressed about it…) ? I want him to be capable of doing an 11 to 12 hours night in a row. It seems like he is not linking the last sleep cycle to go from 9h30 to 11 hours night. I do not understand how he could be so awake for such a long time in the middle of the night with no stimulations. Do you have any advice?
Thank you in advance
Natalie
Montreal
My 10 month old won’t fall asleep unless she is nursing. I guess she has associated that with sleeping, so now I feel stuck. We have put her in her crib at the foot of our bed after she falls asleep, but she still wakes up about every hour almost in night tremmors because she thinks that she needs my breast in her mouth to fall back asleep. When I give in, she is asleep almost immediately. She doesn’t like pacifiers or bottles or anything else artificial in her mouth.-please help.
sleepless in CA
Hi Dana,
I been was doing the sleep routine for about three week. I can now put my 26 month old in bed and he will stay there and go to sleep by himself.
He still wakes up in the middle of the night and I can lay him back in his bed and wait in the hallway for him to fall asleep, but he continues to wake up every 30 minutes. How do I get him to stay asleep in his bed?
Thanks,
Crystal
My 7 month old daughter wakes every hour throughout the night she is not wet, cold,hot or hungry as she refuses a feed. If i lift her and tap her back she is back to sleep again within 10 mins at the most and can be paut back down but will still wake again in another all through the night. Ihave tried not lifting her just patting her back she continues to cry non stop getting more and more distressed it is only when i lift her that she drops back off this has been going on now for approx 4 weeks every single night and i am at my wits end both myself and my partner are absolutely exhausted and it is putting a big strain on our relationship as we cant cope with it any more.
Hi I have a 3 year old girl who has not been trained to fall asleep by herself (and has been a shocker since birth!) but I am trying with the help of your book to get her to self settle at night – I am on night 4 of the sit in the chair beside the bed routine and it is taking about 30 mins for her to fall asleep (better than 1 1/2 hrs previsously) – the trouble is what do I do when she flaps about in bed then says “I can’t sleep very well mum” or chatters away and sings and all that sort of thing, is this just her winding down process or do I ask her to be quiet and go to sleep and threaten to leave the room and shut the door or what!? thanks
Hi Dana, I have a son who is 3 years old. He has never been a great sleeper, but things have gotten worse. He doesn’t nap cause he wasn’t going down until about 4 pm and then he’d be up until midnight. When he gave up the bottle and went into a bed we started lying down with him to get him to go to sleep. This was taking a lot of time so before my daughter was born 5 months ago we tried to sit at the end of the bed until he fell asleep instead. This worked well, but then he started waking up between 3 and 6 am and it would take up to 3 hours to get him back to sleep even if we lay down with him. So, we decided we would try to lay down with him again and see if that would help him sleep through the night again and it seemed to work. About 2 months ago we decided to sit at the end of the bed again until he fell asleep and he seemed to do alright. Every now and then he would wake up between 3 and 6 a.m. again, and we thought he was maybe having nightmares cause around that time he started talking about monsters and stuff, but then when he was waking up he’d be wanting to eat something and want a diaper change and he’d want to sit and be around us and he’d seem fine. He often wants to get up and go downstairs to watch t.v. When he used to wake up in the night we would lie down with him and he’d usually go back to sleep within an hour or so, but if we do this now then he wont fall asleep until 3 hours later usually. A few times we did just go downstairs and let him watch t.v. on the couch and he’d eventually fall asleep. About a month ago we decided to move his bedtime earlier to 8:30 ish and try to sit with him a few minutes at bedtime and then tell him we had to do something and we’d be back in a few minutes. He seemed to fall asleep on his own most of the time if we just checked on him every 5 minutes or so, but then he started waking up in the night again and lately it has increased. He has woken up 5 times in the last 9 days and it is really worrying me. I really don’t know what is going on. We ask him why he is waking up and he never really gives us an answer. He is also starting to take about an hour to fall asleep at night which is putting his bedtime to 9:30 now. We have tried to let him cry it out, but he goes on and on for hours crying and freaking out and whimpering and moaning and calling for us. I have no idea what is going on. Could it be that he has been potty trained the last month except for at night and is waking up because he has to pee? Or is he jealous that we co sleep with the baby? (he has been very good with her and is always excited to see her) Or is he wanting attention at night? Or is something really serious going on? My husband has been home with me since his job ended in March and is going to be going to school in a couple of weeks so I am afraid I will be dealing with all my sons sleep issues on my own so he can concentrate on school. Also, my daughter is being woken up by my sons screaming and crying, otherwise I think she would probably sleep through the night most nights. Any thoughts or ideas on this would be great. By the way we do a bedtime routine with him although it lasts longer then you recommend cause he likes to play in the bath. Thanks, Elissa
my 14 month old will wake in less than an hour of being put to bed, when we enter the room on every occasion she is sitting up as if she can’t work out how to lie back down. We end up feeding her at least once a night just to get her through the night and in the day because she is so restless at night she is very moody and miserable it is such a shame for her. Is there anything we can do to help her???
I have the same problem as several others. Ian, my 6-month-old, sleeps fairly well at night. He can put himself to sleep with only a few minutes of fussing and only wakes up once, at about 3:00, for a bottle. (7:00-6:00 or so in total) But, during the day he will only sleep for 30-45 minutes at a time. Thus, he takes 3-4 little naps and is usually very cranky before bed because he is very tired. He doesn’t fall asleep by himself so well during the day either. He often needs a bottle. If I try to let him cry it out during the day (it worked for us at night) he will cry for 30 minutes and then still only sleep for 30 minutes! Thanks for your help. Leslie
My 11 month old son, who has been sleeping through the night since he was 4 months old (or even if he wakes up he has been able to get himself back to sleep more often than not), recently started waking up in the middle of the night and will not go back to sleep for hours (basically until he wears himself out). He screams and cries when we try to put him back in his crib. He is completely fine if we are carrying him around but the second we try to bring him into his room he starts up again. We tried leaving him to cry but that did not work. On a few occasions, he seemed ravenous so we have given him a bottle which he has drained in no time (8oz.) and then goes back to sleep but that has not always done the trick either.
Please help!
-Once well rested parents who are now, once again, sleep deprived
P.S. We used your sleep system plan when he was almost 4 months old and in a matter of days, literally, he slept through the night.
Thanks for you video. MY daughter is 15 months old never sleeps by herself. I’m still having to breastfeed her to sleep, she wakes up every 4 to 5 times and she wants me to nurse her. I will keep her on bed around 8:30 Pm and she waks up at 7: Am. Actually I am trying to stop nursing at night times but she crys a lot and she refuses to take the sippy cup. Day time she drinks 3 to 4 oz from sippy cup. She sleeps for 2 hours from 2 pm to 4 pm. I want to stop nursing her but I am not finding it easy. From 3 months I am trying to stop nursing her but she demands me to nurse her especially at night times. Please advice me how should I stop nursing her and I want her to sleep by her self with out nusring.
Thanks in advance
hi dana
i love the videos they have gave me great ideas to try. i have a 11 month son named bridger who has always had problems sleeping when he was born he was on oxgyen for a month and so i had him really close to me all the time i even had him sleeping with me at night, and durring the days he would only go to sleep when i held him or when i would feed him, well we have got through that he sleeps by him self and falls asleep by him self but he WILL NOT stay asleep at night he wakes up every 3 to 4 hours and will only go back to sleep with a bottle, i have tryed to have him cio and he just gets to worked up and its even harder to get him back to sleep, iam just out of ideas and need so help. i am worried that if he keeps this up how will he ever sleep when he cant have his bottle after his 1 year old? please help
My son Joel is 26 months old. We put him in his cot sitting up at bedtime with some books and his cuddly dog and he sits and plays/reads untill he lies down and falls asleep on his own. He then sleeps for between 12 and 13 hours – the perfect sleeper! However, as we’re expecting another baby in 5 months we’d like to move him into a bed in January or early February – when he’ll be about 30/31 months old. My question is how to do this without upsetting him – I’d like to continue the good habits he already has – no crying at bedtime etc. I know you recommend leaving them in a cot up till the age of 3 or more, but I feel that it might still be hard for him then, so I may as well do it 6 months earlier and have the cot free for the baby between 1 and 2 months later.
Thank you!
My 4 month old is having trouble sleeping through the night most nights. We put her down 7-730p, after a bath and cuddle, and I put her to bed drowsy but still awake. We are still using a pacifier just to get through to a 6 am-ish feeding (when she wakes up periodically at 2 or 4 am), and most the time she will go right back to sleep. During the day, we will also use the pacifier to calm her down right before going to sleep, but she will usually wake up 40 minutes after she goes down. I think the paci might be the main trouble, but fear that my Toddler (who is a good sleeper) will wake from the “protesting” when we take it away. Also, I am able to take Sara to work with me (my 4 month old) but she never seems to sleep well at my office either. I try not to have her sleep in the car to throw off her schedule, but most of the time it happens. How do I stop that?
My baby girl uses a pacifier in the crib and is a pretty good sleeper. That is why I am afraid to mess with a good thing. She is 9 months old and I am considering getting rid of the pacifier now before she becomes a stubborn toddler. I’ve attempted ditching it once before with a poor (screaming-no-nap) response. She only has 2 teeth now and I wonder if the paci will be a comfort to her in the near future when the top teeth come in? Should we lose it or use it?
My almost 8 month old boy used to sleep through the night. But since he started teething when he is four months old, he wakes up at least 4 times a night, and does not go to sleep unless I breastfeed him. His dad sometimes try to calm him but it doesn’t work. I don’t want to let him cry, thinking what if he needs breastfeeding or me at that time and what if he lose his trust in us when I let him cry. Should I really be concerned about theese?
I have 9 month old and a 2 year old that share a room. My 9 month old goes to sleep on his own ok, but during the night he’ll wake up crying (obviously because he’s still tired and doesnt know how to put himself back to sleep) so i take him out of the room into my bed, he fall back asleep but evry 20 min he cries for a couple seconds and fall right back asleep, we have put him back in his bed so we could get some sleep, but we ususally dont because were scared he will wake up his sister, my question is why is he so restless in the night, and hes nap I cant seam to get him to nap for longer then an hour and 20 min……
Hi Dana, My son John 2 1/2 wakes up everynight !! It’s always between 2-4 am. He gets out of his crib and will run into our room. Sometimes he wants to play!!! He doesn’t nap anymore and we put him down the same time everynight. 8 o’ clock. We tried putting him down later and he still gets up. We are very tired and could please use some advice. Thanks so much! Karen Trapp
My 8 months daughter Evelyn won’t fall asleep without having an extra bottle around 10 or so, being held and having a pacifier, which means she wakes me up all night long…and in the early morning she wants to come to bed to me. What can I do to make everything easier…I need help! I am exsausted! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
My problem is I have a 23 month old (in 2 days) who goes to bed EVERY night at 7 PM- and she’ll either sleep until 6 AM-7:45 AM. It depends on her nap time during the day, I guess. Anyway, twice over about a 2-3 week period though, she has waken up about 1:30 AM whining for me. I go into her and hold her for awhile before laying her back down. At this point she is screaming “MOMMY, MOMMMY!” and of course it makes me go back to her for awhile longer. Finally, I can’t take it and lay her back down (I REFUSE to put her back in the bed with me and my hubby)…and listen to her cry for about 15 minutes or more before going back to sleep. Then she’ll sleep for another hour, wake up whining again…before finally sleeping until like 6 am! WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THIS? What can I do to get her to STAY sleep! I want to switch her to a toddler bed, but I know then she won’t stay in bed at all! What should I do? I’m so concerned because I had a LOT of problem with her sleeping through the night up until a few months ago, and she’s been doing so good lately and now it seems she’s having trouble again! Even during the day, she used to take her naps in her crib. Now she screams bloody mary when I lay her down during the day, but she will take a nap on my bed with me…???? She doesn’t have any problems going down at night though-it’s just the waking up lately that’s got me concerned…
Is a Psychologist Needed??? My husband and I are very concerned about our 3 1/2 year old son Logan. He appears to be unable to sleep on his own. We have tried nearly every method that we have read about through your tips and other books that we have read. We stopped trying because of the behavior he is exhibiting which I will explain. When he takes naps (in the car, at school, at home) he will wake up and be in what seems to be a delirious state where he is crying and talking about things that aren’t even happening at the current time. It takes up to 10 minutes of this before he just snaps out of it and everything is fine. He understands he was crying but isn’t really sure why. He just knows it’s over. When he gets worked up and starts crying he pleads to us for one of us to help him calm down. He actually says, “I need someone to help calm me down. I can’t calm down. I need help.” This is what concerns us. He appears to be a VERY emotional boy. Times are tough (i.e. economy) and medical expenses are well expensive so ANY opinion or advice you can give us would be GREATLY appreciated. Thank you.
–Two Loving, Concerned and Very Tired Parents
I actually thought of the changes my 2 1/2 yr old was going through and what I have been doing that may have thrown her off. It was the music I was putting her to bed with. I thought it was helping. Just before I read your website I thought of eliminating it. You confirmed that decission. It has been two nights now and she has not gotten up at all. Our routine is to take a bath or wash up, read, pray, and then say good night. She asks for me to stand by her door. So I close the door so that it is still open a foot. Then I let her know that I am there by saying goodnight. She sleeps with a night light.
I rewarded her by letting her put a quarter in her piggy bank. I do have a question. She is 33 months old 3months shy of being 3yrs old. She sleeps aroung 10-11 hours during the night. We can not get her to take a nap. She is so wired from 11-2pm. Sometimes she is tired at 3-3:30 pm but that is too late to give her a nap because then she doesn’t want to go to sleep at bedtime. She has never been a good napper. She can not nap for more than an hour. Even when she was an infant, the most she would nap is 1/2 hr to 3/4 of an hour. We stopped giving her naps. Do you think this is ok?
Hi Dana,
I’m currently reading your sleep sense program. My eight month old son, Sebastian, is going to sleep on his own without any props, etc., but still wakens for a bottle around 3:30 am. How do I cut out this middle of the night feeding? He is of a healthly weight and is eating 3 meals a day and 5 bottles. I know that he doesn’t need the fifth bottle nutritionally, but is now in the habit of
getting it. Should I just eliminate it cold turkey or give him water, what do you think?
Thanks,
Desiree
hi dana
my son (17 months)is sleeping at 8 every night till 3.30 and I feed him (breastfeeding) he sleep again until 5 .. he is crying thats way I feed him one more time he sleep till 6.30 .. he does not sleep more . we start the day .. he can not sleep during the day .. maybe just 40 min .. I am very tired .. please help for his nap and night sleep .. thanks very much
my child goes to bed on his own at 7pm but is still waken up for it leasts 3 bottles durning the night he is 2 and 5mths of age i thought by this stage he should of been sleeping all night is there anything i can try to get himto sleep all night.
I can sympathise with Fran, i too have a 14 month old daughter who will just about fall asleep on her own at night (after almost feeding to sleep), but wakes every 3 hours demands milk to go back to sleep, i have tried crying but she makes herself sick, she doesnt actually fall asleep on the breast, as i remove that from her before she actualy is sound asleep but then it is up on my shoulder and patted until almost asleep and then down. She is very very windy though, and will scream until i pick her up which results in alot of burping and then she is fine. What can i do to stop the night walking, she sleeps fine during the day and puts herself to sleep – in her buggy in the dining room without rocking. She will scream in her own cot though, but not when she is put in her cot at daycare! Please help – what can i do?
Hi
I have a 1 year old, who I have been able to master a routeen to get her to sleep. This is fine until she wakes at about 2 or 3am, when I pick her up and put her inbetween my Husband and myself (her cot is still in our room).
This partly due to my own laziness of having to get up at 6am every morning to go to work.
Now we have decided to try for another baby, but I want to get Amy-Louise into a better sleep pattern before this happens.
When I bring her into my bed she plays with my hair until she falls back to sleep. I have tried giving her a teddy with long ‘hairlike’ fur, but it doesn’t seem to help. What can I do, except for standing over her cot until she goes back to sleep.
To add another detail to my previos comment, Grayson has and still continues to wake 2-3 times per night. Thanks for your help, Dana.
Since so many people have problems getting their child to sleep through the night… isn’t it normal that X% of kids just don’t? What is the magic age where all kids do?
I began transitioning my 7 month old son Grayson from my bed to his crib last month. I took away his pacifier and decided on a consistant 7:00 bedtime. I began sitting in a chair in his room until he fell asleep, and I gradually moved my chair toward the door and eventually finished our nighttime routine, kissed him good-night, and left the room. He cried every single night, but eventually he would fall asleep from pure exhaustion. Then he began pulling himself up to standing, and would scream because he could not sit down again. I would go in, lay him back down and leave the room again. He now is absolutely screaming when I put him to bed every night! He can now sit himself down without my assistance. Should I begin sitting by him at night until he falls asleep again? I’m afraid that all the progress I’d made was to no avail. I am also not a supporter of letting him cry himself to asleep every night. But I will do whatever it takes! Please help me.
Hi Dana,
Thanks for your video it is helpful. I have been battling sleep problems with my daughter since birth, she is now nearly 5 1/2.
I would just like to know what can I do with my daughter who will contest me every night in the middle of the night for up to 4 hours.
This can go on for up to 7 nights unitl I am so exhausted that I have no choice but to give in to her and let her sleep with me. I realise I am giving her a mixed message by doing this, but I really am past exhaustion point.
We have tried reward charts, sitting on a chair, meditation CDs for children, shutting her in her room, she will not meet on these agreements, it is constant protesting. Due to lack of sleep she is very demanding through the day.
Why is it that we have one child who has sleep problems and the other one has never protested going to sleep or required such attention? (touch wood). Any assistance would be grateful.
Ben sleeps well through the night, but only will sleep during the day for 20-30 minutes at a time, for a total of 3-4 naps. How can I get him to take longer naps? he slleps at night from 8:30- 7. Thanks
Lorin Wheatley
My son is 16 months old. He still wakes once or twice during the night. If we give him a bottle, and only then, will he go back to sleep (and without crying). He takes a 1.5 hr nap and falls asleep on his own. We have a bedtime routine that is consistent, and he falls asleep after his bottle. Is he really hungry? We’re exhausted.
My daughter, Rhia, (3 years old) has night terrors where she starts screaming in her sleep. She and her 16 month old brother share a room. When Rhia starts screaming in the night, I go and sleep with her in her bed to calm her down. If I leave her screaming she wakes up her brother. What should I do?
hi dana
when my daughter was born she had acid reflux really bad!!!the dr. said to let her sleep in her car seat. we tried it just to get some sleep. she is now 14 months and we have having such a hard time making the trasition to her crib…. i dont know what to do.. she will only sleep in there for 25 mins and then is up crying all night. i have tried just laying her back down, singing, rubbing her back, rocking her, and just letting her cry it out… nothing works. then i put her back in her car seat and she goes right to sleep!!! but she still gets up atleast 2 times a night for a bottle. her dr. said its fine because she has always been small for her age…. thats why she is still on formula.. she just doesnt eat that much. and her dr. said she is hyper active already.. she only takes 1 nap a day.. lasting from 20mins – 2 hrs…. please help me get her out of her car seat and into a sleeping routine.. i feel like i havent slept since i was 4 mos. pregnant.. thank you
Hi, Dana. My nine month old daughter was exclusively breast fed until 5 mos. She was an on-demand feeder, and I’m starting to think that was the wrong thing to do. We’re trying to break her of it, but I had always nursed her to sleep, and if she woke up at night, I nursed her back to sleep, or just put her in bed with us. I know, you’re probably cringing right now! I so badly want her to be able to soothe herself back to sleep, and not be so dependent on me. Please help! BTW… she will not even take a bottle at night. :(
Thanks,
Lauren in WA state.
Hello Dana,
Thomas is 16wks, and isn’t too bad with sleeping at night. I can put him down and he goes back to sleep on his own. Usually he gets fed around 6, 10, 3, then the morning is around 6 or 7.
It’s the daytime sleeps that I’m having trouble with. He is ok in the morning… I put him in his cot and then rock him a little to settle him, but he stirs after about 45mins, then it’s really hard to get him to settle again. And that’s it for the rest of the day. I’m sure he needs to sleep more. I know he gets tired…
and tips?
Sam
Hi Dana.
My daughter is 7 months old and still needs to be put to sleep for naps and at night. Is there any way I can get her to fall asleep on her own without her having to ‘cry herself to sleep’? Also, after being put to bed at night she consistently wakes up half an hour later crying and needs to be put back to sleep again. When she wakes up from naps she never cries. She just talks to herself. But at night she’ll wake up every half hour (2-3 times) just crying and needing to be put back to sleep. Why does she wake up fine during the day but wakes up crying at night?
Thanks,
Kathy
HEllo Dana,
I really need your advice. My 15 month old son has been exclusively breastfeeding since day 1 (he would not take a bottle of paci whatsoever), so neither he slept more than 3 hours at at time since day 1. But in past 6 months he became so clingy. After dinner, he takes his bath, plays a little, but refuses to go to bed, cries when I bring him in his bedroom, wants to go play with mommy and daddy, when I finanly take him to my bed he falls asleep while nursing (he has never fell asleep for night on his own). I put him in his crib. THen he wakes up an hour later (always has been), nurses and goes back to sleep. Sleeps 2 more hours, then he nurses again but when i try to put him in his crib thinking he is sleeping he starts screaming. So I bring him in the bed (around 1 am, but neither I or my husband really sleep since our son still twists and turns and wants to nurse). HE wakes up around 7, then plays then falls asleep a lot ot times on his own and naps for an hour till 9.30. Around 1.30 I try to put him drowsy in his crib for his 2nd nap, 50% of the time he falls asleep, but most of the time he screams for me to pick him up and nurse him.
We tried few times “cry it out” method, but he screams bloody murder at bedtime, .. he can wail and cry (REALLY LOUD< I MEAN REALLY LOUD), and there is no end to it. Please help!!! WE haven’t slept in long 15 months, what can we do to help him sleep on his own and make him forget the breast! He would never take a bottle, so even if I express the milk and give it to my husband, it will be senseless, since our son won’t take it. And really want to stop breastfidng him, but he wants to nurse almost all night. Please help! What isn’t he sleeping? HE does it solids during the day, some juice.
Thank you so much beforehand.
Dana,
My daughter is 8 mths old and just hates to sleep. she goes to bed at 9pm nursing if I just lay her down she can screem well over an hour. Then she wakes up every three hours to nurse. She wakes up for the day at 7am. I can bearly get her to take at 10am. I put her in her bed, she cries for about 20 min then falls asleep for only30 min. I know her is tired, she shows all the signs. Then she is awake agian until 3pm. Then its another 30 min nap. She has one more 30 min nap at 6pm. Is she getting enough sleep? why can’t she sleep thruogh the night?
hi dana, i have just managed to get rid of the dummy for my 11month old as you advised, which isn’t going too badly as the boys have seperate rooms. but i have had to put them both in the same room now and malachi (11months) wakes around 4ish and takes 45 min’s to settle himself back to sleep, this is no problem but my 2 1/5 year old (who is a brilliant sleeper) is now being woken by the crying and is getting upset (i would be if i was woken like that to be honest), i think this is unfair to him but don’t know what to do, i know you say it will take a while for things to settle bue this has been going on for two weeks now to no avail, i cannot do the “stay in the room” method because as soon as he see’s me he loses the plot and it actually makes it worse!! but my 2 1/5 year old wan’t me to come in just to reasure him that everythings ok, but offcourse that sets malachi off even worse!!! i’m at a loss!! its actually making me very angry and frustrated, and it hasn’t been that long since i came out of post natal depression and i can feel myself slipping into that depression cycle again… what do i do??
My daughter just turned 2. She still does not sleep though the night. She falls asleep anywhere between 9:00 – 10:30pm and usually wakes around 3 times during the night. She demands a bottle of formula and will then be able to go back to sleep. How can I get her to sleep though the night without needing a bottle to soothe her??? PLEASE HELP! My husband and I are EXHAUSTED!
Hi, Dominic my -almost 1 yr old- falls alsleep great at night, all on his own, but continues to wake up 3-4 times a night. My husband was getting up with Dominic for the first waking, and laying him back down. This worked great for awhile, until Dominic has decided he will stay awake screaming until I come in- an hour plus later. I am very frustrated and tired. please help!
My 16 month old daughter slept through the night until she started having allergy problems and teething issues when she was 13 months. I can get her to sleep by rocking her. She falls asleep within 10 minutes and I can easily put her down. However, after 2 AM she will wake up and cry until I come in there. I have to rock her back to sleep. Sometimes when I put her back in the crib she will wake back up and grab onto my arms. How do I help her go back to sleep without me? Do I let her cry?
I have an eight month old who still wakes up about 3-4 times a night. We used CIO method, so she goes to sleep on her own at 8pm everynight. She wakes up around 7 every morning, but still wakes up a lot in the middle of the night to be rocked. PLEASE HELP!! I’m so exhausted!
I thought my 2 year old might be ready for a bed (what a mistake), so I took the crib out of her room. She would scream and get out of bed if I left the room so for a week straight I would lie down beside her until she fell asleep. This was taking up so much of my time, I couldn’t get anything done at night, that I decided to bring the crib back and just let her cry herself to sleep. The problem is, the first night I put the crib back she got out of it and now I’m afraid she might get hurt. I put her back in the bed but she is devastated if I leave the room, and she screams from the top of her lungs. If she sees that I’m not there in the middle of the night she’ll wake up and look for me or come to my room. I don’t know what to do, please help.
My 4 month old will not sleep through the night. He falls asleep at 7-7:30pm, and will wake at 9 or so and I will feed him. He then wakes at 2, 4, and 6 am. I do not want to feed him and I do not want to use a pacifier. What can I do to help him sleep through the night?
Hi Dana,
Xavier is 3 weeks old and he only sleeps while i feed him. how can i make him sleep on his own?
Dear Dana,
We are on day 12 of your program and our 10 month old son Finn has made some great progress! He used to go to bed with a soother and woke up 5 or 6 times a night. Now he falls asleep on his own (no soother), wakes once at most and is up at 6:30 every morning. My question has to do with the upcoming day light savings time change. When we change the clock back I am worried that Finn will wake-up at 5:30 as to him it will still feel like 6:30. Is there a way to make this transition easier on him (and me)? I can deal with 6:30 but 5:30 is much too early for me. Thanks,
Allison
My 11 months old baby wakes up during the night and she doesn’t go back to sleep not even after I nurse her or put her in her crib. She cries or she simply stays awake for a while and I am so tired at that time. She doesn’t have her own bedroom, so she sleeps in our bedroom and she wakes up at every little noise. Does this have to do with her teething? Maybe you can help me in this problem.
I have a child that is 27 months and a child that is 15 1/2 months. Neither one of my children sleep through the night. Their bedrooms are across the hall from one another so it is like clockwork that once one wakes that the other will be also within the hour of the first one. I am lost as to what to do, and I need some sleep. I am financially strapped to be able to buy your product, but I do read about your solutions in your blog, but I have yet to see the age difference of 1 year and 16 days to read about.
My 6-month old daughter, Abigail, has started waking up more and more frequently lately. We have a good bedtime ritual of dinner, then bath, then PJs, nursing, reading and then bed. I can get her in bed “drowsy but awake” about 50% of the time. The rest of the time she falls asleep nursing no matter what I do. I will tickle her, sing to her, tug on her ear, or whatever I can think of and she’ll still fall asleep nursing. When she was around 3 months old, she started only waking up once at night to nurse (bed at 7, wake up at 12:30, up for good at 5:30). She she turned about 5 1/2 months old though, she has started waking up two or three times at night. Usually one of those times she’s really hungry and will eat for a full 10 minutes (or drink a 6-7 oz bottle of expressed milk). The other time (or two!) she’ll only eat for 2-3 minutes or have a 2 oz snack. I don’t know why she started waking up more frequently, especially when she was sleeping so well before. My husband is in the military and is about to deploy in 2 months. I would really like for Abigail to be sleeping through the night before he leaves since I work full time too!
Dana,
My 22 month old daughter just started sleeping through the night – yeah! However, she goes to bed at 6:30pm and wakes up at 5:30am. My husband and I have been trying to make her bedtime later so that she wakes up at a later hour, however, she is resistent to the things we try. If we do get her to stay up a lttle later, she wakes up even earlier because she is overtired.
We suspect that the real problem here is that she naps from 11am-1pm. While she is a good napper, she is tired at such an early hour that it is unlikely that she can stay awake from 1pm to 7 or 8 at night. We are trying to move her nap to a later time, but since she is up so early, she is tired early. This makes it difficuly for herto be with us for so many activities and outings – even for dinners. We feed Jordan at 5pm and then we eat after she goes to bed – and often she misses out on seeing her Dad since she is asleep so early.
This seems to be a vicious cycle. Can you help us adjust her timing so that she wakes up later, then naps later so that she can stay up later at night? We’ve tried gradual movements of time (5 min later every two days for 28days = 1 hour later for everything) – but to no avail. Is there anything else we can try? Or is she just always going to be an early to bed, early to rise kind of girl?
Regards,
Andrea Purcell
Naperville, IL USA
My grandaughter Hailey wakes up to be resituated at nught, then goes back to sleep. Why is that? She is able to turn herself,sit up, lay down, why does she wake up and cry for someone to come lay her in the position she wants. The positioned desired is not always the same, not sure what is going on.
Hi Dana,
He had his first ear infection the week I began working again at 6 months. I put him to sleep with me, and it stuck. I want him to be able to sleep through the night and in his own crib. His is now 10 months old and teething. How can I help him rest peacefully?
Thanks!
Naima
Hi Dana, I have a question about my 4 month old’s sleeping patterns. He seems to be waking up at 1:30 and 5:30 every morning to have a bottle. But, he only drinks an oz or 2. I think he just wants the comfort of sucking on a bottle and now it is a habit. What do I do to get him to sleep through the night?
I have a 17 month old that wakes at least once a night for a bottle…isn’t she too old for this? Is this a bad habit or is she truly hungry??
Thank you so much,
Jill Hathorn
Hello Dana
I can sympathise with Amy’s situation. I have a 14 month old daughter who also can’t fall asleep on her own. I’m still having to breastfeed her to sleep, she tends to wake up every 3 hours demanding more milk (and screams to the point of making herself physically sick if I try to reassure and cuddle her back to sleep) and she only manages to nap during the day if we take her out in the car or for a walk in the buggy! She also suffers from reflux so we’ve been advised against the controlled crying method (which we did for a whole month without success in July) … I would really appreciate your advice please, as sometimes it gets really hard to stay motivated with this lack of sleep!
Very many thanks in advance
With my best wishes
Fran
This is exactly what Hunter is doing but he is only 13 months old. I can not put him down with out him waking and screaming till he gets picked back up. He use to go to sleep by himself and sleep through the night but all that has changed in the last month. What can I try?
Hi Jamie.
We have the same problem with our 2 year old. A week ago she was taking 2 hour naps and sleeping for 10 hours a night. Then boom she won’t stay in her bed, and she won’t sleep thru the night. You have to stay with her until she is asleep.
My 4 month daughter sleeps through the night 7:30pm to 6 or-7 am but won’t nap for longer than 30 minutes 2 -3 times a day. We call them her “power naps.” Doesn’t she need more sleep when she naps? How can I get her to sleep longer during the day. should I put her down and hour to two hours after she eats? I’m concerned because she will be going to daycare soon when I returtn to work and I want to be able to tell them when she needs to nap. Please help!
My 5 month old daughter wakes up every hour throughout the night. She eats every 2.5 hours during the day, and I only feed her every 3 hours during the night. If she wakes up before three hours have passed, I let her cry herself back to sleep. I hoped that would help her figure out how to soothe herself to sleep (which she does very well for naps and bedtime), and maybe she would stop waking up and crying – but no luck. Why is she waking up so often? What can I do about it?
Sean is 19 months
He sleeps through the night about 3 out of 7 nights.
He always falls asleep on his own for naps as well as for the night.
When he wakes during the night, he drinks a cup of milk (7 ounces) hands it to me, says “all done” and walks across the room and puts his arms up to be put in his crib.
He falls back asleep on his own.
Now what?