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If you’d rather read than watch, here’s a transcript of this week’s video:
Hi, I’m Dana and it’s time for this week’s question. It comes from Linda, and she is wondering why does her baby wake up as soon as she lays her down in her crib.
I can remember feeling the same frustration when my first son was born. We would spend all this time rocking him around, and pacing up and down, and he would finally be asleep⦠as soon as I went to lay him in the crib, even if I went in slow motion and I did it in stages where I stopped and waited in between, I’ve tried every trick I could think of to fool him into thinking that he was still in my arms and get him into that crib.
If it worked, it hardly worked for any length of time and often it didn’t. It was like he knew as soon as his back touched the mattress, bing, his eyes would open, and we would have to start the whole process over.
That was very frustrating until I learned what I needed to know in order to encourage him to sleep well, and when I discovered the fact that when people sleep, on some level, you’re still aware of your environment, and when you think about it from an evolutionary perspective that makes a lot of sense, and we would have to know if we were in danger, if there was a predator nearby.
We do need to be aware on some level about what’s going on in our environment. I think as mothers, we become even more tuned into what’s going on in our environment when we sleep, sort of one ear is always listening.
If a baby falls asleep in your arms and then somehow you manage to get your baby to the crib, usually it doesn’t last very long because as soon as they come to a lighter part of their cycle, they are going to realize, “Hey, wait a second, where am I? Why aren’t you holding me anymore? Why aren’t I in the place I was in when I fell asleep?”
I think when you think about it from that angle, it would almost be alarming too, you fell asleep on the couch and somehow you woke up in your bed, you would be alarmed by the fact that something has changed and wonder what’s happened.
A lot of babies, if you watch them and they wake up, they wake up like in a startled response, they usually throw their arms out, sit up if they can, stand up if they can, and they are instantly upset because it’s a frightening experience.
That’s why it’s happening. She’s not trying to trick you or make your life more difficult. It really is just the body’s way of handling the change in the environment.
The good news in all of that, is if you start to teach your baby how to fall asleep in the same spot, then you’re going to have a baby that starts to sleep really well for both naps and bedtime.
Make that your goal number one, teaching your baby how to fall asleep. If it’s the crib, great. How to teach that baby to fall asleep in her crib, so that when she wakes up partway through the cycle, or at the end of one, she is not alarmed, she has the skills she needs, she’ll go back to sleep.
That will save you a lot of frustration in the long run because you won’t have to do all this rocking and all the tricks and moves in slow motion, and memorize which floorboards squeaks and all that. You can just know that you can put your baby in the crib, she’ll fall asleep all on her own and start becoming such a wonderful sleeper.
Thanks for your question, and sleep well!
We have a 2 1/2 year old. We have not had any problems with him sleeping or falling asleep until now. Once he is asleep, then he usually sleeps all night. It is just getting him to sleep. We have quiet time, reading, and regular routines. He will not sleep in his bed. He will want to play after story time. Is there anything that we can do to help him want to sleep in his bed, and have him fall asleep?
We’re a group of volunteers and starting a brand new scheme in our community. Your website offered us with useful info to paintings on. You’ve done a formidable activity and our whole community will probably be thankful to you.
I am busy with the program but really really struggling with naps. The first two days were fine but now he cries through out nap time. Otherwise he sleeps max thirty mins. I followed the advise on getting him back to sleep but day five and it has not worked for lo once. We end up taking him out after the twenty five minutes. What is the issue and what should I change. His nights are improving though. Also I’m using a dummy because he has a tendency of sucking his thumb and I prefer dummy to thumb. Do you think its a huge issue, I know you don’t like any sleep props. Please help with how I can better naps. At what point does one usually see a difference?
Please help! My 14 month old will not sleep in her crib! She will only sleep in bed with me. She needs to rub my ear to fall asleep, or has to have atleast her hand on me. I really want to get her into her crib…I need help with any suggestions you may have. Please help!!
Please help me get my 2.5 month old fall asleep in her crib, and not on me…lately that is the only way she will sleep, on my chest. I need help…
Hi. My son has been sleeping alone in his room, in his crib since he was 6 months old. I would feed him his last bottle at 630pm, talk to him a little bit with the room dark with just his night light, did this same routine every night. Then keep on repeating myself to him, “It’s sleepy time, sleepy time, put him down in his crib awake, he always has about 4 pacifiers in his crib so if he loses one, he always knew where and hos to find the others. He also has a favorite pillow and he knows that if it is beside him, it is sleepy time. I was always able to leave the room with him awake and he never cried or freaked out. He sleeps with the sMe lullaby CD since he was born. That is is white noise. He fell asleep between 7-730pm, slept straight and woke up at 530am everyday ( I could never seem to fix that early waking but since he slept through the night, I was okay with it because he can sit in his crib for 45 minutes after that playing with his small stuff dolls and pillows until I come in the room for his first feeding at 630am). At almost 12 months, my husband and I finally took him to his first beach trip for 6 nights and our big mistake was, we didn’t get a room with an adjoining room or a separate room so his cot was right beside our bed. Long story short, he woke up about 3-4 times in the night, saw us and always cried. We didn’t want our neighbors to her him cry so loud so we always transferred him to the bed between my husband and I and all he would do was crawl all over us for about an hour or two before falling asleep. He’d wake up again and crawl all over us, play and obviously, this went on for all 6 nights before we went home. Now that we are back at home, my sleep training is ruined!! Whenever i would put him down in his crib awake and leave the room, he would scream and cry. He would even hold the bars of the crib on both sides so that I would have difficulty putting him down. He keeps on standing up, screaming and crying. I tried to do the CIO method again which I did before and nothing. He wouldn’t stop. My threshold is always 20-25 minutes. It’s come to a point that now a week already at home, he’s almost lost his voice because he cries and screams so much. Finally I decided to just stay in the room with him until he finally falls asleep but whenever he’d wake up in the middle of the night about 3-4 times, he would scream and cry until someone goes in there. All he needs is someone in the room and then he’d fall asleep again. Whenever I quietly leave the room and he hears the door open, he’d wake up, stand again in his crib and start the whole crying and screaming again. It’s come to a point that I put a matress on the floor already so that he sees me there and hopefully be comforted but no!!! Now he’s throwing all the pacifiers at me and once it’s all on the floor, he screams and cries again until I stand up and try to put him down in his crib again. He wants to see my face right smack on his crib and not even far away from him. If i would even move a foot or two away, he’d stand up and do it all over again. What do I do? Even the Ferber method of CIO is not working anymore.
Hi my 16 month daughter goes to sleep at 7pm perfect i never hear a peep until about midnight .When she wakes thats her till about half 1 2am she will not go sleep on her own without someone in the room with her. You dont have to talk to her or even touch her just be in the room. I even resorted to shutting her door once she cried for 10 mins then took herself to bed. Do i stay with her till she goes sleep or is this making a rod for my own back and will get worse? Or i do i play it tough shut her door and keep checking every 5 or 10 mins till she gets the message?
Please help!
Kelly x x
How do I break a sleep association? My daughter was quite sick so I was nursing on demand. Now that she’s better, she’s used to nursing on demand. She can’t fall asleep now without me nursing her. How do I get her to sleep without leaving her to cry it out for 30 mins? I’m at my wits end!
We have the same difficulty with our 6 week old, which I assume is only natural for such a young bub, we still have a great deal of learning to do (mum and bub). However once we eventually get her down after carefully placing her to sleep she can stay there for up to 4 hours. That said it may take a few goes until she is ready to stay put. So my question begs…should we continue to do what we are doing as it can work (even though it is time consuming) or should we begin to teach bub to fall asleep in her cot? We are very determined that she must sleep in her cot and not happily on mum or dad which she loves so I think this has been one factor working in our favour.
my 5 month old son has been a pretty good sleeper since we brought him home from the hospital. I have said that he came home sleeping all night. However, since he turned about 4 months and starting tunring over he wakes up every time. I am usually up at least 3 to 4 times trying to settleing him back down. I do keep a monitor next to my bed therefore I can hear every movement he makes but I have learned to tune out certain ones. Usually it’s about 3 hours after I have gone to bed that he will begin to do this routine and thus begins my routine of getting up and down all night. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can get my sweet boy to go back to sleeping all night. I am so tired and worn down by daybreak it’s hard to get anything else done. thanks so much, a very sleepy mommy:)
My son don’t sleep at night we put him in the crib bout 9 and hes up at midnight. then everyhour hes up
My little girl is about to be 4 months now, and she just started this new thing where she will wake up and whine every time that her binki falls out of her mouth: which is constantly because she still hasn’t mastered how to keep it in her mouth. I really do not want to have to keep putting it back in her mouth constantly all through the night, but she will just start whining and eventually crying until I do. She didn’t used to have this problem! This is going to stop her from ever having the chance to sleep through the night! How do I break this habit!?!
How can I get my 4 year old to sleep through the night? I feel like I have seriously tried everything, she has two special stuffies, we’ve tried a hundred different nightlights because she claims to be scared of the dark, we’ve tried warm milk before bed, and “white noise”…. Nothing is working… She only sleeps well if she’s sleeping in my bed or with me or her dad. (we did sleep with her when she was a baby) but I can tell she really isn’t sleeping well (has dark circles under her eyes) – I can get up to put her back in bed upto 4 or 5 times in a night… When we got home from visiting her cousin in cali she slept in her own bed all night every night for two weeks and then all of a sudden it stopped (but nothing changed…) Im not sure why or how she wakes up so much but she does… My 1.5 year old sleeps better than she does.
Hi there,
My son Alex is 9 months old. We have moved him into the same room as his brother Max about one month ago. While he was waking up for up to 5-7 times a night when he was in our room, this seems to have helped as he now wakes up between 1-2 times and even manages to go till 5 am occasionally without waking up. He is a very wriggly baby, refuses to be cuddled or soothed and it may take us up to 1,5 hours to put him back to sleep if he wakes up (including feeding him, giving him the bottle, patting him, rocking him, etc etc). Things get worse when he is ill (with his older brother going to nursery, this is very often!) and he may wake up 10 minutes after he has fallen asleep with any of the props above.. To avoid waking his brother I have put a travel cot into our guest room and if he wakes up in the middle of the night (after 10 minutes of crying or so) I take him there and he continues the rest of the night in the guest bedroom.
I am determined to sleep train him this time (failed twice before, once because he became ill and second because I lost my nerves and husband cannot help).
My question is about the room… Should I
(a) put him to sleep in the guest bedroom at night in the travel cot with a comfortable mattress (he naps in this room once a day to allow older brother to access their room) and sleep train him there
(b) continue putting him to sleep in his own room (where he naps once a day, when brother is at the nursery) and transfer him to the guest room in the middle of the night if he wakes up. This has the advantage that when he sleeps through the night I won’t have to get him used to being back to his room again..
(c) Transfer his cot to the guest room and sleep train him there (we are not expecting guests for the next 6-7 weeks but there will be guests for 2-3 weeks thereafter). This room is also my office during the day and at night and although I can work on a laptop elsewhere, selfishly I have preferred not to make this room “his”..
Thank you so much, this question is really bugging me!!
Tugba
My daughter just wont sleep at all I need help please
Hi Dana, I bought your sleepsense ebook and have been reading and trying it out. My baby is 12 weeks old and weighs more than 13 pounds. I used to give him a soother to fall asleep and hava managed to take it away for 2 nights. He fell asleep tonight without even crying at bedtime – fantastic! I am just a bit confused about the rest of his night time wakings. He wakes up round 12 for a feed and then again around 4am and used to wake up in between a lot – I assume due to the soother. The in between wakings should get better as we took the soother away. I am not sure what to do about the night time feeds though. Should I continue to feed him both times? Should I eliminate the 4am one or will that confuse him or can I discontinue the night feeds altogether? Isn’t taking away his soother as well as night feeds at the same time too much for the little one?
Thanks.
Julandi
My 2nd daughter is 2 mos old and the only way I can get her to sleep more than 1 1/2 hrs in the bassinett is if I hold her on the couch she will sleep a good 3-4 hrs straight without making much noise or movement. I also have a 3 1/2 yr old in the room right next to the nursery. I have tried to lay her in her crib awake and it doesn’t last long before she is crying and I have tried to soothe her and get ?
Hi Dana, my son Liam is 14 months, he started sleeping through the night since he was 2 months old. We used to put in the crib and he would fall asleep by himself. The night I brought home his sister Emi, he started waking up once or twice a night (he was then 12 months) it’s been 2 months now and he now won’t go to sleep until after 10pm (normal bedtime used to be 830/9pm) he wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to go into the big bed with my husband (we have a guest bed in his room, my husband has now become my room mate). Liam will not stay in his crib anymore and wakes up crying and now cries when we even bring him into the room for bed. None of my bedtime routines has changed since Emi came along. My husband always falls asleep with him while putting him to sleep and then I don’t see him until after work the next day! I feel like a single mom! Help!
Hi Dana, I have a very tricky almost 6month old baby boy who is a terribl sleeper. He wakes soooooo many times through the night I loose count. He can be as bad as waking every 45mins. He is easy to resettle as it is usally just pop the dummy back in and back to sleep he goes. He falls asleep in his cot (own room) and I will occassionally have to help him to sleep. I’m not sure if the dummy is the problem or if he just wants me to go to him but it is getting so bad that I feel like I never sleep. Any tips or advice? Cheers
My baby is 3 months old. He has been a very difficult baby from about 3 weeks. We are assuming it is colic and have tried everything and anything to help his gas and tummy. Now at three months I want him to become comfortable on his own. We have rocked and held him because he cries so hard from pain and discomfort. His night time sleep is amazing. He will do almost 9 hours already. It is naps that he can’t do. He wakes up just as described in this video screaming. We watch him cry himself to sleep to start his nap but he still will wake up screaming until he is comforted back to sleep. How can I get him to make it through his light sleep cycle so he can get a well rested nap?
Dana, any tips on the 20 month old and naps? She will only take ONE nap a day whether it’s in the morning or afternoon, but clearly needs more sleep. Her nap is typically 1.5 hours, occasionally more. An early bedtime won’t work for more than one day (I’ve tried it, after 2 days she wakes up exactly 11 hours after she fell asleep) and quiet time does not seem to help. It is starting to affect her night sleep of 730-630. By the way, why does everyone seem shocked that she sleeps 11 hours at night? From what I’ve learned it’s average and even slightly below average for sleep needs!
My daughter is almost 9 month old, but do not sleep at all by herself! I need to sing and rock then she sleeps, that also in my bed! She needs me with her all time for longer sleep. If she seeps she will be up in 30min then again whole process. I m tired of it don’t know what to do? Can anyone please help!?
Help! My son has never been a great sleeper unless he is held or nursed in my bed. Now at 10 months old (almost), he will no longer sleep in his crib at all. He will go in immediately after falling asleep nursing, while still in deep sleep, but during his transition to lighter sleep he wakes and won’t go back to sleep unless he is nursed or rocked. after falling asleep again, IF I can manage to get him back in his crib the cycle will repeat again 30 minutes later. I obviously give up and go to bed with him as who could keep getting up with him every 30 min all night long? I can’t take crying…my son never just fusses, he immediately screams and thrashes and gets so worked up. I would love ideas on how to gently remove him from all night nursing to sleeping peacefully in his own crib. Or even in my bed for that matter! Thank you! Here’s to well rested babies in the new year!
My almost 9 month old still sleeps in the bed with my husband and I. I have tried to put her in her crib before, but all she does is roll over and stand up in the crib during the middle of the night. She will hardly ever be still. I can’t rock, sing, or do anything to get her to sleep. I do give her a bottle to calm her and get her still to go to sleep, but she does not feed during the middle of the night. I have tried the cry it out method, and she pitches a fit when I leave her. She plays in her crib often so I know she is used to her surroundings. I have no idea how to get her sleeping on her own in her own bed? She typically sleeps the whole night (when she’s in the bed with us) and when she does wake, she grabs my hair for her comfort and i have to put her passy back in her mouth. I need help for my busy baby!!
After 8 months of trying my baby finally has a morning and afternoon sleep. NOW he wont osleep at night, Jesse wakes every 3 hours, at 10 months i would think he would sleep through the night. My first child was a breeze and realise no 2 children are the same. Any advise on what to do, hes not hungry just waking.
My 4 month old wakes up at night and I feed her then put her down awake but she doesn’t fall a sleep she just gets cranky and cries and wants my attention! What should u do?
My daughter, Elisa, is 7 weeks old. Elisa will fall asleep while being feed and/or while being burped. She has been awake once in her bassinet and fell asleep on her own. We have a bedtime routine, I’ve used a heating pad on her mattress to simulate my warmth, she’s swaddled (which works well) and still we get varing lengths of sleep from 2-7 hours. Then I question if she had too many naps, did I drink too much caffeine, etc. Any ideas?
My daughter is a good night sleeper but a terrible napper. She seems to wake for every nap after 20-30 minutes due to having a dirty diaper. I feed her well in advance of her naps so that she does associate feeding with napping but she always wakes from her nap with a diaper that is dirty and then I cannot settle her down to sleep after I change her. I would love to know what to try to get her to take a longer nap or go back to sleep after her diaper is changed.
How old is your baby Claudia? Is the diaper dirty or wet? Personally I would try and settle her back to sleep without changing her – it’s what you would do at night (once they’re old enough to be sleeping through the night a bit more anyway). My daughter was always a terrible napper too, but really it was just me going to get her up the moment she woke up. Leave it a minute or two and you might just find that she goes back to sleep!
Hi, for several weeks i have been trying to teach my girl to self settle in her cot, only letting her protest for a maximum of 6 minutes before entering the room and trying to comfort her. Sometimes she is fantastic and falls asleep with little noise or protests strongly but falls asleep before the 6 minutes or will carry on for the 6 minutes and i have to go in and comfort her. I was of the opinion that as time passed, the protesting time would get shorter, but it’s all over the shop. One sleep she is great, the other she needs help. I know that there things don’t always go to plan, but any particular reason??
I am aware that the goal is to try and get your baby to fall asleep by themselves but how can I get him to do it? I have tried the “baby whisperer” method for a month, the cry to sleep method and nothing works. My son would cry for hours and hours. I don’t nurse him all night long. Even his naps only last half an hour. Getting up every three hours for a yeas is really starting to get to me. HELP!!!
my son is coming a year old soon and stil gets up at least once during the nite! he will get up for a drink of juice then back down eventually! i have done the whole let them cry etc it is soo hard to do! eventually i was crying with the state he was in! i now give my son his dinner, play, bath, some supper and his bottle milk then take him to his cot around 9pm he will be down till 2.30-3am up for a drink then back down around 3.30 – sometime 7am is this good??
We are getting ready to start the Sleep Sense program with our 5 month old. We are currently using a pacifier and a swaddle blanket as sleep aids. Should we ween her out of the swaddle before we start teaching her to sleep or take away the pacifier and swaddle all at once? Thank you!
What do you do if they yell the moment you put them in the crib awake or asleep?
I have a nearly 9 month old daughter who wakes most night about 4 times, twice for feeds. If I don’t feed her she just screams and screams. She would scream non stop if I didn’t just give in and feed her. I have tried a music mobile and patting her back to sleep and even just standing there so she can see me. As soon as I leave the room she starts screaming again. She has the same bed time routine every night and generally goes to bed perfectly she just won’t stay asleep.
We had the sleep thing down till Grace was 7 months old….when I had to go back to work full time, .then suddenly she started waking up 3_4 times per night….she is now 10months old and still waking regularly…. From this happy sleeper who we had in her crib next to the bed, I now have her in our bed so that I can get some sleep while she leisurely feeds. But this is now causing friction with my husband, who wants her in her own bed….
How do I now retrain her…..as the last stage of the bed time routine no takes up to more than an hour….before she will happily go to sleep on her own. How do I know if she is hungry?? Or just meeting her suckling requirements because of me working??? Or if she has a bad sleep habit???
Its likely to be because of you working. I only work part time but on the days my 10 mo old has had a baby sitter the following night isn’t very good. I think it’s a security thing. Its a big change for a baby to be so far away from mom for so long. I try to compensate for that by making sure I spend extra time with him when I get home. That helps some. Eventually they out grow that stage too; my 2 year old sleeps just as well as ever even if I was gone for the day.
Great advice, I can see how and why a baby would feel the way he/she dose. However it still leaves me with one big problem. How do I make her fall asleep in her crib/cot ?
When my daughter was 6 months old, she would not nurse to sleep anymore. I tried carrying or singing her to sleep but nothing worked. She would not cry it out either. She cried me to sleep but not herself. One day, I put her in her crib, turned her over on her side and held her arms and legs down so that she could not move. She screamed her head off for a few minutes and then went to sleep. It has been two months since that and she goes to sleep really well now. Sometimes even by herself. I think babies keep themselves awake by kicking or flailing their arms, which is why restraining her movement worked.
If you bath, change a diaper and then feed your baby for a nightly routine, after I’m done feeding I put our baby into the crib. She will most likely still be awake but drowsy. Do I still comfort her? Or do I let her be and walk out of the room. What happens if she starts crying?
I have the same problem… I have a very long routine and my baby WILL NOT falll asleep on her own… she’s gone to sleep on her own maybe 5 or six times total and she’s 7 months… if I leave she absolutely freaks out and wakes cries herself completely awake. Lately I have to get her to sleep and put her in a car seat (or my bed) because that’s where she sleeps best. I want this answer too!
My boy is 8 months old, and I still can’t get him to sleep through the night. I have tried everything, but still. I have tried to take him my breast, but I only end up with sore, full breast. This makes my edgy and moody. Any other advice or treatments to help me teach him sleep through the night? I am open to anything.
Hi, I have a 16 month old son that STILL isn’t sleeping through the night. I know that it’s my fault since he wakes up 2-3 times wanting a bottle and I give in. He’ll have his bottle and go right back to sleep. There is no way he is hungry, it is just out of habit, this I know. I am approaching the cry it out method, when he awakes, i will let him cry for 5 minutes, go in and lay him back down and repeat until he is asleep.
My questions are…If he is standing up and screaming at the top of his lungs, do I go in and lay him back down, leave and repeat? What if he stands right back up? Will he eventually lay back down on his own? Do i do this for all of his wakings or just one at a time? Has anyone else had experience in doing this or another method?? My husband and i are at the point of severe desperation as well as sleep deprivation! Thanks!!!
Hi kate in answer to your question, my son is now 15 months old. Up untill he was 14 moths I used to sit him on my lap and snuggle with him untill he fell asleep, then place him in his cot. He would wake around 12 and either cry for 10 minutes or end up getting in bed with us.
It got t the stage where he was messing about at night time and rather than snuggling with me and falling to sleep, he would want to get down and play. That’s when I decided enough was enough. I did the night time routine, tea, play, bath, story then say night night and take him to his room and place him in his cot. The first night he screamed non stop for an hour, I just kept going in and laying him back down. The next night 40 mins, the night after 40 mins, the night after 20 mins. The night after that no problem, he just laid in his cot until he fell asleep. He is doing really well and were all better rested!!! He sleeps from 7:30pm-7:00am. He’s like a different child, (his temper tantrums have almost stopped!) I found it extremely hard not to go in an pick him up! So I would leave the baby monitor off and just keep checking on him untill he was asleep! Old luck!
I’ve also heard (from doctors and professional websites) that letting your child “cry themselves” to sleep can affect the trust the child has for the parent and he or she will not trust to help them feel secure. What do other people believe about this? Is it really a good idea to let your baby “cry it out”? Will it influence the parent-child relationship.