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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
Is your child a “Soother Junkie?” If you’re ready to start breaking the habit, here’s some advice to make the transition easy on your AND your child.
This week’s questions comes from John, who asks:
“It’s time to get rid of my daughter’s pacifier. She’s two-and-a-half and uses it for naps and bedtime. She sleeps through the night but occasionally I have to go in and find it for her. She asks for it a lot throughout the day and we’ve been giving in. Lately, she wants it even more instead of less. How do I wean her off of the soother?”
First, in my opinion there really is no easy way to wean them from a pacifier. Putting restrictions on it like “only in the morning” or only for “10 minutes” might even increase their obsession with it and make them even more attached. When you start restricting things, that can make them want it even more.
I’ve heard of parents setting up scenarios where they tell their toddler that “The pacifier fairy is coming tonight to take away all the pacifiers and replace them with a present.”
My problem with strategies like that is that you’re putting the onus on your toddler. It’s like asking “Are you willing to give up your soother and replace it with a new bike or doll?” They just aren’t yet able to fully understand what the consequences might be. If you ask them if they want a piece of chocolate now or a chocolate bar later; most toddlers will want the piece now, without thinking about later. They might agree with the “pacifier fairy” plan, but when bedtime rolls around and they don’t have it, you’re probably going to get a lot of protest.
I also worry that this tactic might demand too much of them. When you say to them “Remember, you agreed that the fairy could take all the soothers?” That puts your toddler in a sticky spot, as if it’s their fault for giving up the pacifier. That sort of pressure is too much for a child so small. Don’t forget, you are the parent. You make the choices and decisions you think are best for your child, and then you have to follow through with them.
Depending on their age level, you could sit down and have a discussion with them about it, something along the lines that you’ve decided that it’s time for them to say “goodbye” to the soothers. Perhaps you could suggest that they help pack the pacifiers up and give them to a new, younger baby you both know. Maybe the two of you can gather up all the pacifiers and throw them away together. Whatever you decide, definitely get your toddler involved in the process. And remember, you are the boss, you are the parent. You make the decision, not your toddler.
Once the pacifiers are gone, they need to really be gone. Don’t hide them in a drawer, throw them away. That way, the temptation to pull one out “in case of an emergency” is completely out of yours and your toddler’s hands.
There will be a couple of days where they’ll be adjusting to life without their soother; the times they need it during the day and especially falling to sleep. There probably will be some tears at bedtime, they may change their mind about it, and perhaps even try some tantrum-like behavior. Nine times out of ten though, it’s a pretty mild experience. Your toddler might ask for their soother, but your response could be as simple as “It’s gone… there is no more soother.”
The idea of taking away a pacifier is usually much more frightening to the parent than it is to the child. When I tell clients “Okay, we’re going to take away the pacifier,” they cringe, give each other concerned looks or give a nervous laugh. They have a lot of reservations knowing how attached their child is. Surprisingly, within a couple of days, it’s completely forgotten.
Weaning your child from their soother could be an opportunity to learn some new ways of getting to sleep as well. If you’re concerned that going from a pacifier to nothing at all might be too big of a jump, you could try the “stay in the room” method.
With this method, you put your child to bed without their soother, and then sit beside them in a chair to ease the transition. After a couple of nights you move further away, sort of sitting in the middle of the room. A few nights later you’ll sit at the door and eventually totally out of the room altogether.
They may have a couple of questions and perhaps even a few demands. Usually within a night or two though, their concerns are completely gone. This might make the transition for your toddler a little smoother.
Finally, there is no easy way to wean them from their soother. The “cold turkey” approach is the best…”No more soothers. They’re gone.” Both you and your toddler will get through it though and eventually be sleeping well.
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
Hi Dana, my baby girl is 3 and half months old and prefers to have her pacifier in to go to sleep. At night, it falls out fairly quickly and she has her deep sleep time until a dream feed at 10 when shes woken up. She goes down shortly after without the pacifier as half asleep then, but around 3am or earlier sometimes she wakes and starts grunting or crying for it. I know many people take the pacifier away at 1 when it is easier to reason with the child, however HOW do you remove this prop at such an early age? She is now bottle fed so sucking on pacifier is probably comforting to her as she doesn’t have breast anymore. Obviously cold turkey is the key, but I am not sure what help I should give to get her back to sleep when she wakes in the middle of the night. At moment she is waking from 3 to 5 for pacifier, and falls back to sleep straight away without any other assistance, sometimes needing it 5 times every half hour or longer so its exhausting for me to pop it back in so many times. Is her need for pacifer because she is still learning to sleep over ten hours straight. She pretty much sleeps deeply 7 to 3 so I cant complain too much and I put her to bed awake, swaddled in zip bag. She isnt demanding a bottle anymore at 3am so I know it is not hunger she wants, just comfort? HELP! Big Thanks, Amanda
hi my son is thirteen months old and his father and i have considered saying goodbye to the soother i dont really know when is a good time or age to do it though, he usually goes to bed between 7 and 8pm our routine is bath then up to bed i lay him down with his bottle(another concern….the bottle or soother which should go first?) and he drinks his bottle while holding his soother and when he is finished with his bottle he throws it to the foot of his crib and in goes the soother. Wyatt sleeps all night long and sometimes even surprises us as to how long he sleeps in in the mornings, so what do i do first do i get rid of the bottle or soother considering there both part of his bedtime ritual and what age? i heard and read alot about discussing that the soothers are going away but my son is not at an age to understand such a discussion, am i at an advantage or a disadvantage….i need some help in deciding on how to approach this situation before he gets any older. thanks!
I have a 28 mth old son. I have just taken his paci away…cold turkey! He has done wonderful with not crying and sleeping through the night. He understands that his paci is “gone”. My only problem now is that it takes him about a hour to go to sleep at night. He still has his favorite blanket to sleep with, but he just can’t seem to get settled down. He’s not jumping around or anything, he’s just singing and talking. He’s now waking up very tired. His nap time has also been affected by not having a paci to soothe him to sleep. He would usually take a good 2-3 hour nap. Now it’s about 1 1/2-2 hours. How do I get my son to go to sleep within a reasonable time when I put him down at night so that he wakes well rested? And by the way, I adore your sleep program! It worked wonders to get my son sleeping through the night! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Sleep Sense!!
My 18 month daughter never had a dummy (pacifier) until she was about 8 months old. She would only have it for bedtime and naps. She’s never been great at sleeping through the night and I thought the dummy was something to do with it (ie, kept falling out, then she would cry, I’d wake and go and put it back in), so I did think it was part of the problem. Anyway, I just decided one day to take it away. She’s never been bothered that she hasnt got it anymore, she goes to bed like a dream, but I do still have a waking in the night problem and she wont sleep if I put her to bed in her cot during the day. A small price I have to pay for losing the dum!
My son is 15 months and was waking up to six times a night for me to go in and give him his dummy. I read your article two weeks ago and it gave me the courage to take him dummy away. I was really anixous about this and to my surprise it only took 30 minutes with the stay in the room method the first night and by the fourth night no problems. The day time sleep was actually harder for a least 5 days it took up to 2 hours of trying to get him to sleep but now no problems. I wished I taken his dummy away sooner thanks again your article was a great help
I have a nearly 9 month boy- Jake. After several points from you, Jake is giving us much less trouble to sleep than it was before. But the problem that we can’t solve is that before sleeping (both at night and also during the day), he keeps turning and rotating on himself, face down on his knees etc…. a lot of times. This non stop movement takes sometimes more than 30 minutes.
How can I tackle this?
thanks and my best regards – Dennis
p.s how I can see the answer?
My son is 4 months and i am having trouble with the pacifier. I took it off him cold turkey and at night he screamed and screamed )not a cry, a scream) for at least an hour, next night same and the next same. This was rather traumatic for all so I gave it back. Now I am getting up about 4 times a night and through the day he also needs me to replace it. How can I wean the pacifier without causing him so much distress?
I am due to have my second child on the 1st December. I would like to transition Sian from her cot to a bed. I would like to know if there is an easy transition. Sian is 20 months. Thanks
Hi, Austin is 6 1/2 months old. Sometimes he sleeps through and other nights he doesn’t. We have a sleep routine (porridge mixed with half a banana at 17:30, bath at 18:00 and bed between 18:30 and 19:00) and takes 3 naps a day and will only sleep for 40min – 1 hour each nap. I’d like him to nap longer during the day. When he wakes up at night to feed I can put him back after his feed and he will fall asleep by himself, but for naps and at 7pm when he goes to bed he needs me to rock him and keep his pacifier in his mouth. If I put him in his crib with his pacifier before he is asleep, he takes his pacifier out of his mouth and plays with it. When he throws it away eventually, he starts crying and can’t fall asleep by himself. He has now also started teething, his sore gums wake him up at night. I then go put some Dynexan on and give him his pacifier and rock the crib a little until he falls asleep again.
I have twin 9 1/2 month old daughters. They still don’t sleep through the night. I don’t think they’re hungry- but I still resort to a bottle sometimes just to get them back down. They use pacifiers and when they wake and the pacifier isn’t there, they cry. I come in and put it back in their mouths and they fall back asleep. Often this happens several times a night TIMES TWO. I’m a single mother so I had to hire someone to help on certain nights so that I could at least get a decent night sleep 3 nights a week. If I let one cry for awhile, it wakes the other one up so then I have two crying babies and they get eachother worked up. help. And remember there are 2 of them! :)
My 4 1/2 month old goes to bed and wakes up 15- 20mins later. this happens 2 or 3 times and then he’ll go down and stay asleep. I’ve tried putting him down earlier and then same thing happens. Once he’s asleep he does sleep for a good 5 1/2 -6 hrs. He also goes down for naps only to wake up 1/2 hour later crying, wanting to sleep longer. He will only nap for 1 1/2 -2hrs if I nap with him.
How can I get him to go to bed earlier and stay asleep longer than 1/2 hr.
My 8 month old still doesn’t sleep through the night. I put him down in his crib at bed time and he will go to sleep on his own, but he wakes up a number of times through the night to nurse and then when i put him back in his crib a few minutes later he wakes up again. How do I get him to sleep better?
Hi Dana,
I’ve read your emails and we’ve set a bedtime routine for my 21months old daughter. She goes to bed around 8pm. I’ve attempted to give her milk in a sippy cup but it won’t work so I am still nursing before bed. I put her down before she falls asleep. She doesn’t like it and cries but only until I get to the bottom of the stairs! ha ha… bugger! Then she falls asleep on her own! Ya! So we’ve progressed alot BUT she still wakes up twice a night wanting to nurse. Giving her a sippy cup of water has worked a few nights but sometimes she gets so upset because she absolutely wants to nurse. She wakes the whole family! These past few mornings she wants to nurse in the morning when we wake up but I convince her to take a cup of diluted juice. I’m not stressed over this & I don’t want it to be stressful for her either so my question is, how do I get her to stop nursing?
Thanks for your time!
Dana,
I have a husband who will not let our son (16 months) cry. If he wakes in the night crying, I mean when he wakes in the night, my husband will pick him up and sit with him in the rocker all night. He will hold him and rock him with his bottle (be it water or milk). This morning he slep with him in the chair until about 530am. When he finally put him in the crib he woke up screaming out of controll (sometimes husband becomes unavailble at this point, which leaves me to deal with the problem) It’s to the point where our son wakes up and screams, have tantrums, falls out until my husband comes in and holds him to sleep. My husband will not listen to me and does what he wants. I don’t think there is anything your methods can do to help me if I don’t have a partner who will work with me. But I’m desprate and will ask anyway, “Do you have any advice that will help me?”
Thanks,
First time (thinking only time) mom
HELP!! My daughter, now 7months old, will not fall asleep on her own. She USED to be able to, but now since being able to stand in her crib. Although that it not our main concern. Our problem is that she gets really upset when we leave her in her crib that she THROWS UP ALL THE TIME. I have changed her bedding and pajamas many times through the night before ‘bed’. How can I sleep train when she throws up having a fit in her crib?
Hi
My boy is 6 months old today, yahoo! For some time now he has been sleeping from 7.30pm to between 7.00 and 7.30am which has been magnificent. Recently he has begun waking sometime between 5am and 6am (one time 4.45!). He babbles to himself on and off, with the occasional grizzle, and I hold off getting him up until it’s either close to 7am or the grizzling becomes a bit more persistent which is usually sometime around 6.30am. I’m unsure of the reason for this change. We have been trying solids for the last few weeks and only just starting to have some success. Hoping you might shed some light on the possible reason for the early waking – I’d like to get it back to the way it was if possible!
Thank you.
Hi Dana,
We have followed your sleep programme to the letter since our daughter Lexi was 5 months old, it took 3 nights to get her sleeping through the night and weve never looked back, THANKYOU! She is now 27 months & sleeps from 7pm til around 8am every night. We have just hit a problem that I’m struggling with though. Having just potty trained her she wakes at 6am begging for the potty (she is still in nappies at night) I obviously cant refuse her and have to then get her out of the cot and for her to go. After this she is well awake and screams the place down if I put her back in. Before the potty training it was not unusual for her to wake around 6am, at which time I followed your method & went to her quicky and told her it was still ‘nightnight time’. This took a lot of perseverance but paid off and she would normally settle back to sleep within 5 minutes. I now feel like all that hard work has gone out of the window and she is tired and grumpy from having 2 hours less sleep than she is used to.
Any help would be greatly appreciated and strictly followed – your a god in our house & I recommend you to everyone!!
Thanks
Karen
My 17 month old wakes numerous times a night wanting a bottle. He goes down ok about 6pm, and use to wake two times during the night for a bottle. But recently he has been waking within an hour and sometimes taking two bottles to get him back to sleep then having two or three more bottles during the night. I am finding this very difficult to break as I now have a new baby and Joel is waking more often than him
I am 20yrs old and single parent of my 9 month son who still sleeps in my room as im living with my parents. He is a very active child even more so on little sleep, he has 1-2 short naps during the day (and by short i mean any where between 25mins – 40 mins) and i put him to bed by 8. i have tried putting him to sleep earlier but he screams and hell scream for an hour straight if he has to just to get his own way. so today i took some of ur advice and put him in his bed and sat with him tellin him it was sleepy time and he screamed and screamed kicked of his blankets threw his soother and kept pushing his cuddly away. after a while i gave in put some sleep music, put my pillow in his bed for him to lay on, gave him his soother and wrapped his arm round his cuddly and tucked him in 5 minutes later he was asleep its been 30 mins and he is now awake help how do i get him to sleep longer
My 13.5 month daughter slept perfectly up untill two weeks ago. We always had a routine:
7 pm. – supper
then she played for a half an hour (nothing active)
8 – bath time.
then we changed her in her PJ’s, gave her a bottle.
She used to fall a sleep by herself.
Two weeks ago during the same routine something went completely wrong. NOw I have to rocking her to sleep (on my arms). When I try to put her back in her crib she wakes up, gets up, and SCREAMS! she can cry for 30 min minimum.
When I finally manage to put her back without her waking up,she sleeps for 3-4 hours, wakes up and SCREAMS again. The only way to calm her down now is to take her in bad with us. She falls a sleep as soon as I take her in our bad.
We really need help. We don’t know what had happened to her.
Thank you.
Hi Dana
My son is two weeks off turning one and is a terrible sleeper. He wakes a minimum of three times a night for a bottle. He goes to bed at 7 every night and settles himself to sleep. But cannot seem to the same throughout the night. He wakes up so tired and is grumpy throughout the day because of his restless nigh. Is there anything I can do without him screaming the house down?
I can’t get my 22 month old off the bottle. She needs it to sleep and still gets me up 2 to 3 times a night for a baba. She wants a baba at lunch, at her nap time and again bedtime. Help!!!!
hi, my son is 3 and half months old, when he is tired he cries but wont go to sleep till i hold him, its got to the point where i have to take him out in the car to get him to sleep.from 5pm upto his bath he has a screming episode which i think is colic, he knows the difference between night and day, he has his bath at 7pm but only has a bottle after his bath half of the time, he goes to bed around 8pm-8.30pm but he wakes for a bottle between 10pm and 11pm, then around 1am, again at around 3-4am, and then wakes between 5 and 6am laughing and smiling, how can i reduce the feeds during the night and get him to slep a little longer, thanks
Hi Dana
I have a little boy who will be 2 in a couple of weeks. We eventually got him sleep trained and he was sleeping through the night and going to be happily by himself at night. However, we have just been on holiday for 3 weeks and he had to sleep in the same room as us in a bed. We had to stay with him until he slept because of the safety issues of him getting up and wandering around a villa by himself. Now we are back from our holiday and we are back to square one. He is screaming for an hour until he is exhausted and is also waking several times during the night. Help! I thought we’d cracked it and now feel that we can’t ever go away ever again! Thank you
Hi Dana
I love reading your emails and have picked up a lot of helpful tips from them. My 2 year old Aaron has been the perfect sleeper for the last year. Going happily to bed at 7 and sleeping through till at least 7am, with a 2 hour nap during the day. Something has happened in the last 10 days though, he doesn’t want to go to bed and is waking at about 1 in the morning, screaming. And won’t settle. I can’t think of anything that has changed in his routine, I am 8 months pregnant, but he seems to have a good understanding and acceptance of this. Please can you help me…..
Thanks Emma
Hi Dana, my son just turned a year old this week and im realy on the fence about doing something about his sleep habits. He gets at least 11 hours of sleep at night and gets up about 2 or 3 times a night. A while ago it bothered me because he would wake up for about a half hour and i could finally get him back to sleep but didnt get much sleep myself. Now he’s up for maybe a minute and goes back to sleep. The problem is that he sleeps in my bed and has to be nursed back to sleep. This routine is working well for us because we are both getting enough sleep but I just don’t realy know if i should bother to change things. What do you think?
I have a 6.5months old son and he does not sleep at all the longest time he has slept is 30min and he is forever tossing and turning – i was not aware of this since i am not staying with them,
He does not even want a bottle all it takes when he cries is that soothing makes him stop.
Any Advice on what to do?
Regards,
Thuso
How can i wean my daughter off? I am still breastfeeding her through the night (though not as often)and I thought by now we would be sleeping through the night, help.
My 13-month-old daughter goes to bed around 7pm each night. She is able to fall asleep on her own at naps and bedtime. She wakes up around 4:30-5:00am and we bring her into our bed for a nursing and some sleep. My husband will then take her back to her room until about 7:00am. We realize we need to break this 5:00am feeding habit. What’s the best way to do so?
I have a baby (almost 9 months old) who co-sleeps with me and wakes up to nurse alot. Should I try to break his habit of nursing through out the night and let him sleep with us still, or just put him in his bed? I just feel it’s such a drastic change from sleeping and nursing with me to being put in his own crib without both. Please help! I just need some advice. Thanks!
Hi I have a little boy who is almost three he has never had any soother which sometime I wished he did. We did the mistake of putting him into bed with us at night and now I can’t get him to stay in his own bed. The only way is to read him a story then lay down with him, he wont’ go to sleep by himself he says hes scared but when he wakes after only a couple of hours sleep he won’t go back to sleep unless he is in our bed. I have tried to leave him in his room and walk out but he would cry for an hour if I let him go or just get out of bed and come in. I don’t know what to do I really would like to have another child but this is stoping me. Help Please!
I have heard that if you have a problem w/ pacifiers, to snip the end off of them and the baby won’t like them then, to make it a little bit easier I tried snipping the tiniest little bit off every night untill he didn’t like it anymore. Maybe it might help.
im trying to get my 6 month old baby to sleep in his own bed and i was wondering if theres a time limit on how long i should let him cry.
My daughter is 4 and 1/2 month old. She will wakes up round 4:00 in the morning no matter I feed her at 10:30 pm, 1:00 am or 2:00 am. If I do not feed her at 4:00 am she will cry every ten or twenty minutes and then she will be awake around 5:00 am and play by herself until 6:30am. If I feed her water and change her diaper, she will be wide awake and she won’t sleep until 6:00 am. And no matter what I do she will cry for 15 minutes before she goes to sleep.
how to make her fall into sleep faster at 4:00 in the morning? Thank you.
My 14 month old son goes to bed at 8.30pm. But every night between 2 nd 4am he wakes up and will not go back into his own bed! i have been a bit silly being so tired an just put him in our bed so that i could get some sleep! He will straugh back to sleep laying nest to me (without any contact) but not goback into the cot? Could this mean he is ready for a toddler bed? please help me!
Hi Dana
My 15 month old daughter wakes up every day at 5am, I put her to bed around 7-7.30pm as she is so tired that she just cannot stay awake later than 7pm. She sometimes takes 1 or 2 naps during the day but it is not consistent. At bedtime, she is so tired that when I put her into her cot she is totally fast asleep. How can we get to sleep longer than 5am in the morning? and at her age, how many naps should she be having in the day?
My question is the same as some of the others – my 10 mth old daughter still has a bottle to at bed time 6.30-7.30pm and may wake at about 12am for another then around 5am for another then sleeps til 7am. She eats very well and nutritionally doesn’t need the bottle but do i just not give it to her anymore? She has also stopped eating breakfast because of her early morning bottle. Thanks
My 9-month old Karissa used to sleep 7-9 hours at night before she rolled over around 5-month old, ever since then she wakes up 2-3 times at night. She would scream so hard end up waking up the whole family and my neighbor visited us the next day to make sure the baby is ok. We have two challenges: because of the limited rooms, Karissa sleeps in my room; second, my mother-in-law takes care of Karissa 14 days/month. She insists that a caring grandma should not let baby cry; thus she holds and walks Karissa to sleep. Of course I won’t walk Karissa to sleep during the midnight. I end up nurse her, because she cries too loud!!! Because we share the room and have another person to take care of Karissa, is it possible that Karissa can sleep longer at night?
Hi Dana,
My 13th month old will not take milk. She was never on formula and never took the bottle. I’ve tried cows milk, soy milk and milk with bit of chocolate but she just doesn’t want it. I tried, giving it with a straw, sippy cup and even a cup but nothing. I even tried to warm the milk up but still no use. I want to wean her off as i am only nursing morning and night but I’m afraid she isn’t getting enough calcuim and/or liquids. Please help!
Karen
My daughter is 4 years old. She has never been a good sleeper but it seems to be getting worse. Bedtime is pretty much the same and not much of a problem. She wakes up several times and is very difficult to get back to sleep without sleeping with or near her. She grinds her teeth and thrashes so sleeping with her is difficult. I am exhausted and my family is suffering. Can I get this little girl to sleep before we all drop from exhuastion??
My son is 4, and he still will not sleep in his bed. We will sit with him in his room as he goes down, and he wakes 3+ times at night and crawls in the bed with us. Often we are so asleep that we don’t notice until later. My husband carries him back, but eventually he comes back in. How can we get him to love HIS bed? We’ve tried rewards, big and small. We even bought him bunk beds because he promised that he loved them so much he would sleep in there. He mentions bad dreams of bulls, vicious animals or monsters, but he’s not really watching stuff to make him visualize those things. Any suggestions?
Joseph is 7 weeks old. I give him a bath at 7 and depending if its time for a bottle he will usually eats about 7:30- 8:30 by then he is so sleepy he knocks out by 8:30-9pm. He wakes up for a bottle at 12, 3 and 5:30-6:00 am. I think this is normal because he is only 7 weeks old.. Infants are supposed to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours arent they?
My 10mth old daughter goes to sleep no problem at 7pm, she doesn’t have a dummy. But she is waking between 2-3am for a short period, then is wide awake at 5am. She doesn’t then go back to sleep. I would really like her to sleep through till 6.30ish – what can i do. Thank you
how can i get rid of the bottles at night. My little one has just turned 3 and I have started to cut down the amount he has but he is waking up even more, 5 times last night. Is it the same as I have just read for pacifiers? Just get rid of them and stick it out? I don’t want his teeth to suffer and we all need some sleep! Thank you
My son is 6 months. He sometimes falls asleep on his own for naps and at night and other times screams until I have to go in his room and comfort him. I also have to get up 3-4 times a night to put his pacifier back in. Any suggestions would be helpful.
Carolyn
My son is 9 months old and wakes up each night crying. I give him his soothie but still he has a hard time falling back to sleep. Sometimes he gets so upset crying I have to take him out of the crib and make a bottle. Is it the pacifier or is he just fussy? He does fall asleep with d
soothie and blanket each night.
We’ve been working with my son (11 months) on CIO, but its been almost 2 weeks and he still wakes up 3-6 times and will cry for 5-30 minutes. He still uses the paci, but he ends up crying himself to sleep without it. So what should I do? Take the paci away and keep letting him CIO?
I have a 2 year old. Who I had sleeping problems. Only ours was not as he needed to know where I was or needed milk or dummy, it was something else!
BUT!
Now i have potty trained him I am having a FULL night sleep. From day one he has been sensitive with his nappies being clean and dry.
Could it have been him waking up to wee! causing all he problems
Hi Dana
I have twin eight month old girls, who drink more milk during the night rather than during the day. How do i reverse their drinking patterns?
Regards Dimi
Hi, i have the same problem as Rebeccah, my 13 month old daughter is usually in bed by 7, but wakes by 6 or sometimes earlier and is starving, and cranky untill her day time nap because the 11 hours is not long enough for her, she has been doing this for so long! I will soon be working 3 days a week and on these days she needs to be up at 6.45 anyway. But I am concerned she will be tired when she arrives at the childminders and therefore get upset.
She does sometimes fall back to sleep after her bottle, but should I be getting her up and giving her breakfast when she wakes? The bottle works for us in the morning, mainly because of the early time she gets up, but also because i like her to have breakfast with us and I don’t feel like eating at that time.
She goes to bed fine, she does use a dummy but it is not a problem in the night, except when she is teething and gets upset, which I accept as a circumstance that requires comfort, not expectation to go back to sleep on her own.
I usually leave her in the cot at bedtime and she falls asleep alone, without me in the room, but when she wakes in the morning she screams until she has milk and then is cranky all morning, unless she goes back to sleep for an hour or so. she normally naps for up to 2 hours anytime from 11 am. The better she naps the better she sleeps in the night!
Any suggections for getting her to sleep longer in the mornig, so she can get up, have breakfast and then hopefully the milk won’t be a problem am.
My 3yrs,6months old child sleeps while drinking milk in the bottle, he wakes another 2xs till morning for another 2 bottles of milk.His problem is he can’t go back to sleep until his given a bottle.I have to prepare 3 bottles full of cows milk and keep it ready whenever he wakes up.My 8 months baby girl wakes up 2xs in the nite, and i fed her as well , soon as she finishes her bottle, she drops back to sleep.My problem is that Sumtimes i feel very sleepy and tired, but cant help much as thy dont fuss too much on going bak to sleep. Most ppl say milk is very gud for babies and u shudnt stop feding them.Pliz advice if u think I wrong.
Hi Dana,
My 8 month daughter is waking up only once through the night if I put her to sleep earlier than 12am. I started with bathing her at 11:30pm and sleeping her at 12:30 and she seems to sleep through the night. She wakes up at 6am for a bottle and goes to sleep again till 11:30am. I feel like Im sleeping her to late at night but it seems to be the only way she will sleep through the night. What do you recommend I do?? How do I even begin to change her habits??
I have a 15mth old girl and since we got back from a trip to bali she has been clinging on to me alot day and night I can’t even go to the toilet without her screaming down the house cause she can’t find me. she has also started to fight her (day) sleeps, I am in the process of changing her to one(1) sleep and still she fights, if i stay in the room she will go to sleep but i have never done that do I want to start having to do that, WHAT DO I DO?
My daughter has been a good sleeper up until now. She is just turning two and never had a problem going to bed until a few nights ago. She is in perfect health so thats not an issue. But now when I go to put her in her crib (have not changed to toddler bed yet) she just screams. If I put her to bed in the chaise that is next to her crib she is light out in a few minutes??? What gives?I do know that she LOVES to play and sleep in our bed but has only done that twice and only recently. PLEASE help Dana!! I’m exhausted
Hi there, I have a 5 month old baby, who is a very hearty eater. We have started him on solids and he is fully breastfed.
I got sick a few months ago with food poisoning which decreased my milk supply and it started him waking alot during the night wanting more food. My milk supply is up, but it seems the damage is done and he still wakes 3-5 times a night (he goes to be at 7pm, wakes between 7 & 8am and has 3x 30-40min naps during the day but thats all-before this incident he would go to bed at 7pm, wake at 4am then at 7 or 8am)
He does fall asleep on the breast no matter how hard I try for him not too, and when he doesnt fall alseep on the breast but the feed is complete, he needs a soother for a few sucks and then I remove it and he stays asleep. I have tried to not do this, but he works himself into a major upset and its just easier to cave in! He doenst use it overnight however, its just the day sleeps, and bedtime. I think I am the soother at night time…
Any suggestions to get him to sleep through the night, and possibly a little longer in the day?
thanks,
Bree
joslynn is now a year old and goes to bed at 830 and sleeps tell 7 am thanks for all your help my question is how do i get her to take a longer nap during the day she gets tired about 1130 but wakes about a hour to a hour and a half later she is ready to nap again by 3. i know this is not good. HHHEEELLLPPP!
Our 4 month old daughter requires her pacifier to get to sleep, but this means I’m getting up throughout the night to give it back to her. How can we wean her off it? She is not sleeping through the night yet – she still wants 1-2 feeds. She sleeps well through the day, having 2-3 sleeps lasting approx 2 hours each. Is there anything I can do to get her to sleep through the night?
my 4 month old falls asleep after 15 minuets of crying. Then she will wake up 45 minuets later and cries frantically for a half hour. I will then feed her again and she will be very hungry and then fall back asleep. I offer her my breast and or bottle several times before bed time but she never eats a whole lot. We put her down between 7 and 8 pm. She then wakes up a couple more times in the night to eat. When she wakes in the morning she is not to hungry. Can you please help us sleep through the night.
my question is my sun babyfloyd jr is waking up every 30 minit for a diaper chang wat can i do i am luseing sleep help me
Thanks so much for the article Dana! My problem is similar to so many out there. Kaelen is 8 months old, has a great bedtime routine, has learned to fall asleep well, on his own, for naps & bedtime, but is up 3-6 times per night. Typically, if he retreive his soother for him, he goes right back to sleep. If we don’t… and we’ve tried not to, based on previous advice, he will be UP. It doesn’t matter if it is 11pm, 1am, 4 am, he is up for the “day”. Tired, but happy, as long as we’re not trying to convince him to go back to sleep! If we are, it is total screaming. We have tried variations of the cry-it-out, and he has outlasted us every time (always more than 2 hours). Please help! How can we scrap the soother?
Dana,
I really love your blog and appreciate all the free advice. I have an almost 15 month old son and he is still getting a bottle as part of his bedtime routine. He normally has a bath, has a bottle, we brush his teeth, read, sing, and then he goes right to sleep. My question is how to take him off the bottle without messing with his bedtime routine? I’m afraid he will also wake up hungry if he doesn’t have it. He still wakes up in the middle of the night about four times a week anyway and I’m worried this could make it worse. When he wakes up I usually have to go in and calm him down, lay him back down, and stand by his crib until he goes to sleep.
Thank you,
Cassie
Hi there,
My son who is 21 months still sleeps in his playpen in our bedroom and does not sleep through the night.
Either he wants his sippy cup with milk or wants to stay up. Sometimes he wakes up looking for his papa to arrive from work. My husband works nights and gets home at 2 AM.
My son does not want to sleep in his toddler bed at night. But will nap in his rrom. He takes about 1-2 hour naps a day.
My husband and I are so tired and sleep deprived …we feel like single parents at times due to our work schedules.
Because we are extremely exhausted .. when my son wakes up in the middle night.. I put him on our bed so we can try to get some sleep. You know, to avoid him being fussy.
I really need some advice.
Also any tips on potty training would be greatly helpful.
HELP, i am a first time mum who has tried almost everything (except your sleep sense programme). My little boy just turned 1 and has never slept through the night.. He goes to bed with no trouble, day or night. He has a great routine and is normally a fairly good baby but he wakes up anywhere between 2-5 times a night. My dr pescribed phnergan and the peditrician wants to sedate him and put a camera down his throat. I am at wits end and totally exhausted. ! He does have a soother, only at bedtime ,does not have a bottle at night and has a bedtime routine & in bed by 7pm but wakes at 6.am i have never rocked him or fed him to sleep. In the last 8 wks i put him in our bed as we both had bronchitis and i was totally exhausted. My biggest issue is how can i apply these methods at night everyone talks about when i am physically soooo exhausted i can’t even function properly, i am so exhusted a year of no sleep has caught up on me and i am lucky to get through the day, i am worried about myself and my relationship and my beautiful boy which i’m finding myself very impatient with him as i am tired and snappy. Please help i am really at a crossroad, what to do now…. Thankyou Kellie
I have a 16 month old daughter who used to sleep through the night but recently she has been getting up about 3 times a night. Sometimes she wont get back to sleep till we put her in our bed for about 10 minutes where she just tosses and turns and then we will put her back to her cot and she will fall asleep again. I have changed her day naps to once a day where she will sleep for about 3 hours. I usually put her down for her nap at about 10.30 am. Should she be having 2 shorter naps during the day. I am so confused and I am always hearing different advice from people. Please help.
Hi I have a 0-3mnth old who sleeps beautifully at nap times and from 10.30pm after her last bottle. The prob is she just can’t seem to setle before this between 6.30/7pm after her 6pm feed. she can cry and scream for the whole 3 hours. We have tried everything we can think of ie, cry it out, dummy a quick cuddle, keeping her up a little longer, putting her down a little earlier etc. I just don’t get it, why can’t she settle at this time? Any suggestions?
Ok so my daughter is almost 2, she doesn’t have a pacifer as such she has her thumb? question is how do you get them to stop the thumb sucking. I mean it’s good in a way I don’t need to get up at night to find the dummy and give it to her she self pacifies.. However she doesn’t sleep through the night it’s insane. I also have a 4yr old son who refuses no matter what we have done to sleep in his own room own bed so he sleeps with us I know that’s a big NO NO but i have tried it all this child is terrifed of sleeping alone. Now the problem is my daughter is getting older and understanding so she doesn’t want to be put to sleep in her bed anywhere but her bed the control crying routine DID NOT WORK. I even got complaints from neighbours she does not give in no matter what has to be her way. Don’t know what to do i’m sleep deprived by sharing a bed with my son and waking up several several times at night for my daughter. People ask when is number 3 coming up and I just look at them with disgust…
HELP
My Son is 19 months old and he wakes up about 4 times a night and i have to go in to steel him and put him back to bed. I have tried to let me scream but it gets to much and i don’t know what to do?
I have a 9 month old baby and he sleep around 9 PM and the problem is that He wake up 5 or more times in the night for not long period ,as soon as I give the soother to him,thenhe falls asleep again ,and the thing iis that make me get up so many times in the night ,Do you know any advise I can do for make him to sleep trouw the night.
thank you ,
Kenia
Hi, my son is 13, 1/2 months old and we have worked very hard to get him so settle and sleep through the night. Between 8 and 9 months he was having 2 naps a day, on a schedule and sleeping through the night. Lately he has been refusing sleep during the day and if he sleeps, it is only for an hour or so. I think he is tranisitioning to 1 sleep a day! He sleeps well at night, but about 3am/4am he wakes for a cuddle and then goes back to sleep, he never used to do this? How can I stop the early morning wake ups and put him on a new day sleep schedule!?
hi, my 1 year old daughter goes to sleep by herself and takes two naps a day. She nurses before bedtime but we make sure to have something between nursing and sleep ( a story ). Our problem now is that she wakes up a little before 6 every morning – and she wakes up cranky and tired. She goes to sleep around 6:45/7 (is in bed at that time). I’m not sure what to adjust to help her sleep longer. Also she seems to wake up starving because she must nurse right away.
thanks, rebeccah
OM Gosh I am so worried for all of you as you all desperately need to order Dana’s program. We were victims to the non sleep episodes with our two year old and following some of Dana’s basic rules of the Stay in the room method, moving bedtime up earlier, and NO milk in the middle of the night or early am seemed hard but totally doable. Now with our second child we have had to have a few reminder nights, but overrall my heart goes out to all of you that haven’t quite gotten it yet. It’s like the MC commercial – it doesn’t matter what the cost is, sleep is priceless! As for the last comment with the 3 yr old – I liked a suggestion from Dana about covering over the numbers on the digital clock and saying when this first # becomes a 7 you can get up. Consistency and telling the children what the night should be like and that they can do it themselves is the best gift you can give them (As well as yourselves)
Hi Dana,
Since starting to use your program, our 4-month old daughter has been sleeping through the night (which we’re thrilled about!!) After tracking her behaviour patterns for a few days we were able to figure out a feeding and sleep schedule that works really well for her. She wakes up most mornings between 7:30-8:00 am but some mornings, would sleep longer if we let her. Should we “let sleeping babies lie,” as the saying goes, and thank our lucky stars that we get to sleep in, or should we wake her by 8:00 am so as not to disrupt her routine for the entire day (which is what we’ve been doing)? I realize this may sound like a funny question from a parent who, not long ago, was begging for help to get her baby sleep through the night but we’re just not sure what’s more important — letting our daughter sleep longer if she needs it, or maintaining her routine at all costs. Your thoughts?
My son is 4 months and two weeks old I was previously putting him to bed at 9pm after a feed and a cuddle aswell as tickling his arm and he would drop off to sleep and go in to his crib no problem, but then he wakes up 3 to 4 times a night, I am now trying to put him to bed at 7pm after a feed and a quick cuddle, but he now cries and attacks and kicks his crib untill I go back in. when he does this what should I do???
My son has just turned 3 and we have finally got him broke of sleeping in bed with us. We put him to bed between 6:30-8 depending on if he has had a nap that day. Our problem now is that his internal clock is waking him up at 5am ready for the day. How can we reset that clock? He wakes up at 5am no matter if he falls asleep at 6:30 or 10. Please help!
We’ve tried everything but my 1 year old throws up after only a couple of minutes of crying. Then we have to clean everything and her and she is so upset, sobbing choking and screaming if we leave her again. We really have tried everything, cry it out, staying in the room, not talking to her, not picking her up, just cleaning her and the crib quick and putting her back in the crib. Nothing has worked.
Help!
Thanks,
Jenn
Hi Dana.
My name is Dafina, and i’m a first time mother……
I really like your advice , thank you very much.It really helped me out alot for the bedtime routine.My daughter is almost 12weeks old, i start at 7pm with the bath, feed her, and by 8pm she’s in her crib alone, sleeping on her own.But, my concern is that , she wakes up twice at nights and by 5 am she’s awake through out the whole day.She doesn’t like to take naps, she only takes 2 naps a day 30 minutes each, opposite from what she used to do up untill she was 9 weeks old. Than at that time she used to sleep 4-6 hours nap few times a day everyday, and i understand that it is normal because , she was still a newborn trying to cope with the new environment, but now i don’t know what to do to make her sleep longer at nights and how to make her take at least a few longer naps.Help me please.
Regards, from a desperate mother.
Thanx.
My Son Joshua is 18 months old and is a great sleeper, he naps 2-3 hours everyday and goes to bed by 8pm and not back up until 7.30 pm, however it took me a long time to get him to that stage, I am now due to have my second baby in August and with a toddler my need for sleep is even more important, when can I start getting my new baby to sleep through the night?
I did just this. We got rid of it. She then started sucking her thumb. What do I do now?
MY DAUGHTER IS 2 NOW AND I HAVING THE SAME PROBLEM WITH THE SOOTHIE!!! WELL I GIVE HER A BATH BETWEEN 8 AND 9 AND ALL HELL BREAKS LOSE IF SHE DOESN’T HAVE A CUP OR HER SOOTHIE SHE GET VERY MAD AND TREW A FIT ON ME SO I WONDER WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS AT NIGHT TIME IN FACT SHE STILL GET UP 2-3 TIME AT NIGHT YELLING FOR CUP AND HER SOOTHIE PLEASE HELP ME!!!
My two year old wakes up each night wanting milk. I just give him a sippy of milk and go back to bed. Is there any way of curing his waking for milk?
Hi Dana,
My 21 months old Troy used to be a great sleeper until a month ago. Troy used to suck his thumb to sleep, but in April we had to stop his thumb sucking because he had a pretty bad thumb infection. I felt bad for him and started to rock him to sleep. It usually took 10 – 15 mins to rock him to sleep and he never woke up in the middle of the night. Everything worked fine until a month ago. He started to wake up 4-6 times per night. I knew it had to do with me rocking him to sleep, so I stopped. My husband started the “stay in the room” method 2 weeks ago and it worked but it still takes 3 tries (walk out of him room 3 times) half an hour to an hour to get Troy to sleep with lots of crying. Half of the time Troy sleeps trough the night and other half he wakes up a few times. When he wakes up, one of us will have to stay in his room until he is fully asleep which takes more than an hour usually. Because I am always afraid that Troy is going to wake up, I start to have problems to go to sleep myself. Now I can’t go to sleep without a sleeping pill. Could you please give me some advice on how to get Troy to sleep through the night consistently?
Thanks and warm regards,
Tracy
Hi We took away our daugthter’s pacifier about a month ago. Ever since she cries before every bed and nap time and can not fall asleep without the crying. The crying lasts anything from 10 – 30mins. It breaks my heart. What can I do? I would really like her to fall asleep calmly and not get so stressed.
hi,thanks anyways,but andon no longer has a sleep problem.he now sleeps 12 hours in his crib and goes down no problem.we used the crying it out method and it worked great,he only cried the first night, for about 45 minutes,haven’t had a problem since……monique
Dana,
I have the same situation with my 2 1/2 year old, HOWEVER his 10 month old brother uses the pacifier a lot, it helps with teething. What would you do different in this case?
I am embarassed to say that my 4 1/2 year old son still doesn’t sleep through the night. He wakes up screaming saying that he is scared in his room. Sometimes it just takes us laying him down again for him to fall back asleep. I don’t even think he is awake most of the time becasue his eyes are still closed and he isn’t even aware that I am there. Other times he is fully awake and walks into my room and crawls into bed with us. He wakes up about every 1/2 hour from the time he goes to bed until about 1:00 and then can usually sleep through until morning.
He is in daycare and is still required to have rest time there. He sleeps during that time because he is not getting enough restful sleep during the night. Even when he is at home with me on the weekends, he tends to sleep better when he takes a nap in the day – so I am not sure the nap is the problem.
We cannot go on like this. We thought he would have been over this by now – but we were obviously wrong!
Help!
Dana
I have a little girl about to turn three in September. A couple of months ago, she wanted to sleep in a bed and out of crib. So we did what most parents do and put her in her own bed. However, 2 weeks went by and she never slept, so we reverted back to the crib and she starting sleeping through the night again. The last 2 weeks, she has been waking us up for more “milk”, and we have been giving it to her in Sippy cup…BIG MISTAKE we know. We start the bedtime routine at 8pm, restroom, brush teeth, story and light snack while ready. She has to read 5 books and go through all these little rituals before she says good night quietly and falls asleep at 8:30 or so. I must admit I give her two Sippy cups before bed of milk with a lot of ice. That said, in the past she would wake, drink, and fall back asleep. Now she drinks it and calls out for more. We created a monster. So I recently started awarding stickers if she does not call out for us asking for milk and it worked for two days. I know you will probably advise, take away the Sippy cups completely, however, we tried and she screams for hours in her crib and makes herself throw up, so we give in. She can go for a week doing this. I am at my wits end and do not know what to do anymore.
Please advise
Help!! My daughter Jade is 22 months and she won’t go to sleep unless she is holding on to my finger. She doesn’t want a pacifier or stuff animal..she just wants my finger. Whenever she gets sleepy, Jade grabs my finger. I literally have to put my hand in her crib so she can hold on to my finger until she falls asleep. Please help me so I can get my finger back and Jade can fall asleep without my assistance.
I have a question. Cameron is 15 months old and still wakes at night for something to drink, sometimes several times a night.
What can i do ?
I am just curious what age you think is appropriate to get rid of the paci’s. I know that you are suppose to get rid of the bottles at one but my twins are 17 months. When should we start this process?
I have a serious problem when I take my daughter in the car.. It doesn`t matter how long the ride is, she will cry..no no, SCREAM the whole time we`re driving. It`s now at the point where i`d rather stay home then go anywhere with her. She is 3 months old, what should I do??
hi i live in a flat and i cannot get vixs to go in her cot to sleep, i leave her there for about half hour screaming then she does go off, but only for 4 hrs, by 2am shes awake again and i cannot let her scream and cry at that time of night because of the naugbours, so she lands up in my bed what more can i do, ive tried staying in the same room as well and that dont work,
I agree with what you said about the pacifier and he need for getting rid of it. However, it wasn’t that simple for my daughter. When we got rid of hers (cold-turkey), she got sort-of depressed for a few weeks. She had a hard time sleeping, she started biting her nails, and just generally seemed sad.
Now, my other daughter is 8 months and she uses a pacifier mostly at night and nap time. She has a great bedtime routine. I don’t nurse her to sleep before she goes to bed. But, she wakes up at least 3x a night bc her pacifier has fallen out and wants it back. Sometimes she wakes up and just wants to nurse. My question is should I get rid of the pacifier now? Any suggestions on how to do this with an infant? What about teething? I think that she may be teething now and it’s comforting for her to suck. I don’t want to just let her cry either if she is in pain. Please help! I am desperate for sleep!!
I am interested in getting the Sleep Sense program, but right now financially, it is not a good time for us.
Thanks for your help.
Libby
My 18 month old has a one hour sleep anywhere between 10.30 and 1 o’clock every day without fail. At night he wakes up at least 7 times a night and my 3 year old refuses to go to bed until 9 or 10 at night and wakes up at least 3 times and if she finds herself in her own bed she goes and climbs into mine then screams herself into hysterics if I put her back in her own. How can I get them to sleep even just a little bit better? I have tried everything!
My son Ryan is 30 months and still doesn’t sleep through, he has no dummy and always falls off to sleep without a problem and without me in his rom. He has a good bed time routine, has a 1-2hr nap at midday, and bedtime is 8pm. Usually starts his day from 6.30am onwards. he can wake anything from once to 3 times a night, sometimes just to be covered up but mainly for milk and then a cuddle, not sure what to do anymore, I don;t want to sleep train as I don’t like the idea of letting him cry it out. I’m very tired and at the end of my teather. I would love to have a second baby but until Ryan sleeps through and I can get some sleep it is not possible, please help
Thanks
Amanda
My 8 1/2 month old doesn’t use pacifers, only for the first month then he started rejecting them. My problem is he has 2 – 3 naps a day usually lasting 1 – 2 hrs each. Bathtime is 6:30 and bedtime is 7. As soon as we put him in the crib, he gets a burst of energy and wants to play even though he’s rubbing his eyes etc and we know he’s tired. He fights having to go to sleep. Usually takes anywhere from an hour to 2 hours before he falls asleep. Have to keep going in and harsley telling him to go to sleep, it’s not playtime, it’s sleeptime ( he laughs and thinks it’s funny ) within an hour he wakes up screaming and have to give him a bottle to go back to sleep but he only has couple sips. Wakes up again within another hour after falling sleep and i have to do same thing, then sometimes he’ll just sleep through until 5:30 – 6 am and sometimes wakes up couple times in the morning around 1 am / 2 am where i have to give him couple sips again. Never consistant. Very frustrating because i’m so tired from my sleep getting broken
Daughter is 11mos and still not sleeping through night. Up anywhere from 3-10 xs a night. I have to get her out of crib and walk her to get her back to sleep- just what NOT to do I know! I’ve tried cio but she doesn’t stop and doesn’t finally fall asleep. I just tried it again the other night and now she’s sleeping worse (up every hour last night) and clings to me when I try to put her in crib. What to do?!
My little two year old has no problem going to bed. But she wakes at 4.30 most mornings and cant get back to sleep so cries for a couple of hours til i get up. She can’t seem to sleep longer than that and is soo tired in the day because of it.
Kate
My eight and half month old daughter goes to bed at about 6.30pm and doesn’t normally have problems settling. Two problems: (1) She is now turning on her tummy in the night and sometimes it wakes her up and she is distressed and trying to push herself up. It takes a soother to get her back to sleep. (2) she wakes at around 5.30 in the morning and again it takes a soother to get her back to sleep for about another 45 minutes to an hour. I would really like her to sleep to 6.30/7 every morning. How can this be encouraged?