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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question comes from Liz:
“My baby was sleeping great until she started to crawl. She has always been put to bed awake and can self-soothe, but now she is in her crib, crawling and crying, and it doesn’t seem to matter how tired she is. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to ruin all our great progress!”
This is a common problem, and it can happen around any developmental milestone: rolling over, sitting up, standing up in the crib. I remember with my first son, we went through a phase where he could sit up in his crib, but then he couldn’t figure out how to lay back down again. So he’d sit up, he’d cry, we’d come in, lay him down, he’d sit up and cry, and we’d go in and lay him down. And it was frustrating, but you want to remember that it’s just a phase and it’s probably going to happen around every milestone, so don’t let it throw you too much. Just know that it’s going to pass.
When a baby is mastering a skill, it’s almost irresistible. I had one client say, “I don’t understand why he’s rolling to his tummy, because he hates it on his tummy. But he just kept doing it and doing it and doing it.” It doesn’t seem to matter whether they like the outcome or not; it’s just the skill, and the body needs to master it.
So the fact that she’s crawling around and crying and tired really shows you that it’s just irresistible to keep to practicing her skill. So all you can do in cases like that is go in, be very neutral about it, don’t talk about it, don’t give a lot of eye contact, don’t scold or praise or any of that—just walk in very calmly and fix her. So if she’s rolled to their tummy, you roll her to her back. If she’s sitting, you lay her down. The same can happen with standing. Lots of babies can get to standing, but then they can’t figure out how to get back down again. And so you’re just going to have keep going in and fixing her until she figures it out. And once she is sort of over this desire to keep practicing her crawling or she’s mastered the crawling, she’ll go back to being a good sleeper.
She might do some crying while she’s frustrated with this whole thing, and that’s just part of the process. So, you don’t need to rush in every minute you hear her crying. You might make a rule that every five minutes you’ll go in and lay her down and just keep that up until she is asleep. And it will pass. It usually takes a couple of weeks for this to work itself out. You want to be careful not to back step too much or you can quickly undo all the things you’ve accomplished.
I thank you for your question; it’s a great one. Sleep well!
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
My daughter is 15 months and was a really great sleeper right through the night. She has a simple bed routine and puts herself to sleep. Over the past two weeks she is waking at 3am and will not settle back down, lots of whinging demanding yelling. We she thought she maybe too hot but that is not soo, she is getting her molars. She is now waking at 12pm and 3am and the only way she will go back to sleep is if i leave the light on, which is new. Please help as i don’t want her to go backwards as i know sleeping is such an important skill.
Hi,
Our 5 month old is just under 14lbs and healthy she has dropped off the 50th percentile since dropping night feed. She was sleeping through after following the sleepsense programme but since I’ve been supplementing her with formula and doing a dreamfeed she has been waking twice in the night again. What should we do?
Laura
My 15 month old wakes every morning around 430 am crying as he tosses and turns. Why? He started this about a month ago. He has a toddler bed that is not in my room, he shares a room with his sister. He won’t stop til I go in and still continues sometimes.
i made a simple mistake of soothing my 19 month old daughter with a bottle of milk when she woke at 2 in the morning, she is in our bedroom and wakes at 2 everynight, i stopped it last night and she was crying and creating for an hour,can you suggest what i can do?
My daughter is 5 1/2 months old, she was born 5 1/2 weeks early and has progressed really well in many areas except sleep. She was in the NICU for 14 days. Currently she only sleeps 1-2 hours at a time at night. She was up to almost 6 hrs several times since 3 months. She can put herself to sleep when I initially lay her down, but in the night she can’t get back to sleep. She does take a pacifier in the night and ocassionally we turn music on. I don’t know what to do. When she wakes she doesn’t do a whimper she full on screams until someone comes in. It is so hard to just lay there and listen. Please help…not sure what to do. (She has had gas issues and could be starting to teeth.)
Hi Dana, I purchased the Sleep Sense program from you last year and it was amazing. My daughter was soon sleeping through the night. Lately though we seem to have had a major problem with Imogen and her sleep pattern. She does seem to be suffering terribly with teething at the moment but it’s causing the whole family to suffer too! She goes to bed with no problems but will normally start screaming at about 10.30. After some cuddles she seems to relax and go back to sleep but then will wake at about 2am. I have tried leaving her for up to 20 minutes but she is screaming and its very distressing for me and her. I relent and then bring her into my bed where she will calm down but be wide awake for up to 2 hours. Please please please help.
Hi Dana,
Thanks to your book my daughter can put herself to sleep with no crying! It’s great. My question is this: everything I’ve read suggests that once they can self sooth at bedtime, they will magicly sleep through the night. Well this is just not happening! My daughter will wake up at random times through the night and waiting the 10 mins you recommend does not work. This morning she woke up at 5 am and it lasted until 545 when I gave her a small feed. She went back to bed awake and fell back to sleep. I’m not sure if it was that she was awake for so long already or the feed that did it though. What do you recommend for the rest of the night or early mornings? She has slept through the night in the past so I know she can do it!
My 3 year daughter is still hopping into bed with Me. (My husband is still sleeping in the lounge)
She will go to bed fine, no problem, still wants us to stay in there and rub her tummy until she drifts off.
Our 16 month year old has been moved in now for 2 months so dealing with that as well.
But our 3 year old still gets up, wanders in (with pillow in hand) and hops in beside me.
We have tried to say “this is your room”, “this is where your sister sleeps now and she likes it when you are here”
Look at all your pretty things in here, etc, etc etc, but no at approx. the same time every night she gets up and comes in.
I want her back in her bed.
HELP
to add to my previous email above I forgot to mention that this 20 minute sleep problem is only for nap time he still sleeps 12 hours at night on weekends for me. Its only the nap time i have trouble with.
My son is 8 months old and a great sleeper thanks to you. I used your sleep sense programe about 3 months ago and it worked fantastically and he sleeps 12 hours at night. He is in daycare full time, he also sleeps great while at daycare. My problem is that on weekends when he is home with me i cannot get him to sleep for longer then 20 minutes at a time, i have tried all your tips in the sleep sense programe but not sure how to tackle this. Any ideas on why he is doing this and how to tackle it?
my 6mths old son has been sleeping between 7:00 and 8:00pm and would wake and feed just after midnight and between 5:30 and 6:00 am but fall back to sleep straight after but two nights back he has started crying so much that last night i was so tired and fished him out and into our bed. i’m dreading tonight as i am afraid he might play the same thing and expect to be in our bed again, he sleeps in our room
Hi my daughter is close to being three years old and since the time change last mth she has had a hard time going to bed and gets up really early in the am. I try to put her down for bed around 8pm but it usually takes a half hour to get her to stay in her bed. I usually have to go thru the same rountine every night of singing “rock a bye baby” and she refuses to go to sleep. She keeps sneeking out of bed… So by this pt it is 9pm and she gets out of bed several times a night around 3am.. Then what makes matters worse is that she gets up as early as 6am… I wish she would stay in her bed and learn how to fall back asleep on her own so both her and I can get a better sleep at night… Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated..
My son is 9.5 months old and for the last few weeks it’s impossible for him to fall asleep on his own at bedtime! He rolls around and stands up – he thinks it’s playtime! If I leave the room he sis hysterical (this is new behaviour as I’ve never seen him act like this)! The strange thing is that during his 2 daytime naps he is able to fall asleep unassisted. And if he stands up, he is able to lay down and fall asleep with no cries or tears. I fear that all of our hard work is going down the tubes and every day he is getting less and less sleep. I’ve started to sit beside his crib (sometimes singing to him) until he falls asleep. But I am having to do this after 1.5-2 hours of laying him down after he stands up. I don’t make much eye contact and I don’t talk to him…what am I doing wrong? Do you have any advice for this type of situation?
My 4 month old sleeps beside our bed. She sleeps well most of the time, but not at convenient times. We put her down around 8 pm and she fusses a little, but is usally asleep within 15 minutes. She is up around midnight and then begins the sleep, wake, soothe with patting, singing, or pacifier until she falls back to sleep. The sleep is brief and she is awake and the processs starts again. I do not pick up her up until about 2 am where I end up giving up and nursing her. I do not want to let her cry because she will wake my husband who has to get up for work and already is getting less sleep than he needs. I won’t put her in her own bedroom because she will wake her 5 year old sister. Her pediatrician wants me to tend to her because she has medical issues, so I have to make sure she is okay. When she gets up at 2 am, I will nurse her and sometimes she will go back to sleep by 3 or 3:30, but most mornings she stays up until 5 am. Then she will sleep from 5 until 9, eat, then go back to sleep until 1 or 2 pm, then take a short nap later in the day before we start her bedtime routine. How can I get her on a better sleep schedule? I have tried waking her up earlier, feeding her more often, letting her cry on the weekends, etc.
My son, William, turned 2yrs old, 2 weeks ago. With some sleep training round when he was about 12 mnths, he’s been a very good sleeper, up until a week ago… He has decided that there is no way that he is sleeping in his cot anymore and he can climb out. There is a bed in his room, so not too much of a problem, but now he wakes up at 5am (has always slept until 6h30/7am) and gets up (although he sleeps in a sleep-sack, he shuffles to our room without a sound!) and daytime sleep that used to be 2 hours long, are now 40 minutes at best. He still goes to bed at 7pm. I’ve also always been able to transfer him from his stroller/the car when he’s asleep without a problem, and now as soon as I put him on the bed, he wakes up. What can I do to keep him in his bed/room and sleep for longer? Thanks!
Hi, my son is 11 months old almost a year and he will go from sleeping in his crib for 11 to 12 hours to sleeping 6 hours waking up and wanting some bottle. But I dont understand why he will sleep sometimes all through the night and sometimes he wont. And there are times where he will wake up more than once. I am not sure what to do. He is walking now and stands in his crib so he wont lay back down. I dont like to just let him cry so I was wanting to know what else I can do?
Hi! My son is 6 months old and we just transfered him from our bed to his crib, but i still nurse him to sleep everynight and every nap, but in his crib he only lasts 2 hrs at a time at night. and now we want him to also start learning to fall asleep by himself, but i hate the cry out method, how do i go about this??? please help i need it. this is my first baby and i have no idea what i’m doing!
Hi
My son is around 9 months. Having problems with sleep cause the only way he knows how to sleep is by nursing him to sleep…. Tried controll criying but it breaks my heart to hear him scream. Dont know what to do, guess i am at fault. Also sometimes during the day he will nap for 20 mins then a few days later he could go for 3 hours straight! Need help…
My baby is 8 months old and we have the similar pattern, however I only nurse her to sleep at night, she will not nurse to sleep during the day ( I have tried as I would do anything for her to get a good nap). She too will have a few days of 20 minute cat naps and then she will pull a really long nap. I have resigned myself to the fact that this is how she is and that she has a catch up day every so often. Her mood is pleasant. don’t have much advice for you sorry, but hope it helps to know that someone else is going through this. My baby also does this: goes to bed by 830pm, sleeps straight until 230am and then is awake laughing and squealing as if it is playtime, this can go on for up to 2 hours before she finally goes back to sleep…
Thanks Stephanie makes me feel much moresane knowing all mothers have the same problem… I feel like my whole life now at this moment revolves around getting zavier to sleep well. Dont even want to think about when the teenage years come along.We will probably be thinking of how easy things was when they were babies! lotsa love and keep sane… zareena
My 6 month old is routinely waking up at the same times every night; 12:30, 2am, 4am. WHen he wakes up it seems as though the only thing I can do to calm his crying is breastfeeding him back to sleep. He only eats, or suckles for about 2 minutes before falling back asleep. I know that this pattern will only continue if I continue to pacify him as I am. What can I do to get him to sleep through the night, I don’t want to let him just cry it out. Please help, I’m exhausted.
My 2 1/2 year old has NEVER slept through the night except for 3 weeks before he learned how to crawl out of his crib when he was 16 months old. I have tried your method and it worked for about 2 nights, then never again. I have tired EVERYTHING!!!!!!!! He goes to sleep ok it usually takes him 30 min or so sometimes up to 2 hours. Then he finally sleeps and he is up in the middle of the night sometimes for 2 or 3 hours always around 1 or 2. Last night he was up from 2:15 until 5: 45. He comes in our room and I put him back in bed, he comes in our room, I put him back in bed, etc. It goes on for HOURS. When I finally give in he just lays there awake. This is our RULE not an exception. I would say out of a week he is up like that 4 times. Could he have child insomnia? He is exhausted we are exhausted it is ruining my relationship with my husband. We have no evening time together and we can’t even get a good nights sleep. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help us.
Hi Dana,
So I have a real stumper (well, I think so anyway!)
My Daughter Tallulah is 11.5 months. WHen she was about 9 months, she easily put herself to sleep for her naps, as well as bed time. She still would wake up thru the night. Sometimes every hour or two, sometimes she would have a three hour stretch. If I didn’t come to her, she would just scream and scream until I came. After a trip to Florida where I had no crib, I had to stay with her to put her to sleep for naps and bed time, so I have definitely back tracked. THe question though, is if she didn’t have any sleep associations such as nursing or bouncing, why would she still wake up all night screaming for me. SHe is still a terrible sleeper. I co sleep with her as it’s too tiring to go in and out of her room all night. I still nurse her as well. She likes to nurse all night long, but never falls asleep on my breast. I want to do some sort of sleep training, but if she doesn’t have sleep associations that are negative, I don’t see how to proceed.
Thanks Dana,
Hadria
My son is 6 months and has never slept through the night he usually gets up once during the night and then the next time he gets up its time to get up. Now that my husband is working he is starting to get up every 2 hours during the night. How do I get him to go back to getting up only once through out the night? I would eventually like to get him to sleep through out the night, but also not sure how to approach that or when to start approaching that issue.
My daughter is 11 weeks old. I’m having trouble getting her to take naps during the day. Normally she will go to bed around 9pm and sleep until 2:30 – 3am to feed. Sometimes she will go back to sleep well, other times she is up 1-2 more times at night. During the day it is a fight to get her to nap. And when I do get her to fall asleep somedays it’s not for very long. I know she is not getting enough sleep but don’t know how to fix problem. I am returning to work in 1 week and worried this might get worse with a new routine. Please help!
I have the same problem. I have a lot of trouble getting my 15 weeks old baby to sleep during the day. I know she’s tired but when I put her in the cot she start crying. And I’ve tried all posible avenues and haven’t got anywhere. If she does fall asleep she only stays asleep for a short time. She sleeps for about 8-10 hrs during the night but she needs to sleep during the day. Please HELP.
My son Lucas used to sleep right through for me. but since he got a bit of a cold he wakes up 4 times a night and gets up really early of a morning, I have tried to keep him awake in the day but this didnt help.
9 week son is waking up for 1 middle of the night feeding. how do I get rid of this without crying it out?
How do i get my son to take his naps without his pacifier? Without it he will wake up after 30 min.
hi my daughter is 22 months old she used to sleep through the night untill we went away on holidays when she was 11 months old on the second night she awoke screaming in her portacot and i brang her into bed with us to calm her. we went home the following day and ever since she wakes up several times a night and wants to come into bed with us(she still sleeps in our room)i have tried to let her cry a bit or resettle herself but she just ends up in bed with us so we all still can get some rest. sometimes i can put her back in the cot when she falls asleep again but she will awake in half an hour or straight away as i am moving her. a couple of times she has slept through the night again and i think yes its finally over but the next night it will be back to waking up and crying untill she comes into bed with us .please help me i am sleep deprived stressed and confused!
My 10 month old son has the thought that he needs to wake up atleast 4 to 5 times at night to get feed. What should I do?
My son sleeps through the night about 9-10 hours. the problem is he doesn’t go to sleep until midnight. How can i get him to bed earlier without ruining the progress we have made?
My daughter is 15mths and has been a good sleeper until recently. I decided to let her cry it out one night and she climbed out of her crib and fell, since then she REFUSES to sleep in her crib. I also started back to work and i don’t know if it’S separation anxiety or because of the incident!
My 8 month old will not sleep in his crib. He never has. He gets hysterical in it, like he is terrified of the bars or something. He slept in the swing until a few weeks ago, but he is too big for that and is not comfortable. He hates to lie down.
Tried all of the suggestions, laying him down awake, patting him, he has a regular night time routine, but nothing works. He only sleeps when he is held now. Sleeps very little.
I have an 8 month old boy. He also hates his crib. He likes to have a lot of room, rolls around a lot. When he wakes up and cries at night he gets into a crawling position and then starts to roll everywhere. He was getting his legs stuck in the bars. So I put him in a bed with bed guards on. This has helped a little. I’m at the early stage of letting him cry it out at nights. Been tough, some days its for a short time other days it’s more difficult. I find it very difficult to stick to a routine everyday as things always pop up. I have a lot of family and friends nearby and it always disrupts my routine. I need to find a way of coping around this.
I have a 16 month old that i cannot break from the bottle and still gets up at night and wants fed. I have tried everything. This child has a piercing cry that will wake everyone in the house and the neighbors as soon as the windows can be opened. I am so frustrated. I have ready through your testimonials, but I just don’t know what you can offer that will help us.
Thanks
julie
my 21/2 year old son still does not sleep through the night he wakes up and cries sometimes for 15min or maybe even 2 hr, he still has about 3 bottles a milk a night i have tried to half the bottle to half milk half water. if i dont give him the bottle he will have a real bad tantrum sometimes even kicking me.
My son has always been a good sleeper unless he was sick and we always got back to routine as soon as he was well. What we are now having a problem with is sometimes, and its getting more often now, he will wake up crying uncontrollably, sweaty head, and sometimes thrash when I try to comfort him and then as soon as he’s settled, he goes right back to sleep. It’s almost as if he’s having really bad dreams. He’s now 2 years and 3 months so this is becoming somewhat of a mystery and concern to my husband and I. Do you have any suggestions?
It sounds like night terrors. They are normal, and the child will resist being comforted (because they are still asleep), and will not have any memory of it in the morning. They will usually grow out of it, and it is way more terrifying for parents than for the child.
We had a child with Night Terrors and it ended up being a food reaction. Everytime he had cheese at dinner he had terrors. We also gave him a natural herb called calm kids that helped him with the pains in his legs that he got at the same time. Magnesium is also helpful.
Hi, I hope you can help. My son is 3,1/2 and we’ve recently moved into a house. Before now we lived in a bedsit, one room, he shared my bed and has relied on me cuddling him to fall asleep. Our new home is wonderful, he’s very happy here too. I’ve just finished decorating his bedroom, in calm colours with pictures of things he likes in the room, the big step is getting him to happily sleep in there alone. Please can you advise me the best way to approach this? He’s getting anxious about it already, saying he loves his new room but doesnt want to sleep in there alone. (Personally i cant wait to have my own bed back!!) Your advice would be so very appreciated.
Kind Regards, M
Hey, I am having the problem were my son keeps rolling over to his backa dn he doesnt like his back. So he cries tll i go in there and turn him back to his stomach. When will this stop. he is 5 months
My son has never been a good sleeper and has always put up a battle both day and night. He is now 2yrs old and goes to sleep at around 7pm (after some protesting), but always wakes up at 5am. I have tried keeping him up later, but he tends to wake up even earlier! I have tried controlled crying and sometimes he will go back to sleep that way, but only after 1-2hrs of crying which is exhausting for both of us! And I’ve tried just ignoring him, but nothing seems to work! On the rare occasion I have managed to get him back to sleep with the controlled crying he is like a different child during the day – happy and a pleasure to be with. However when he is up at 5am he spends the day crying & whining and clinging to me! This has convinced me that he needs the extra sleep, but how do I make sure he gets it?
Our 2 and 1/2 year old has similar issues. She protests going to bed, all of a sudden, after never having any problems, wakes in the night and won’t go back to sleep most times. And she is up early for the day. IF she naps it seems to effect the bed time and how she goes down but she is so tired during the day that she needs to nap. We’ve tried waking her after an hour or so but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. She has never had sleep problems up until about a month ago. Very frustrating!!! I feel your pain!
One good thing to do is let them practice as much as possible their new skills during the day. So this means to give them plenty of floor time and not keep them in the pram or car seat for too long while they learn their new skill. :)
My baby will be 9 months old next week. He STILL doesn’t sleep through the night. And, because he shares a bedroom with his school-aged brother, I can’t just let him “cry” because he’ll wake his brother. I refuse to let my older child ‘suffer’. I want him to be awake and happy during school; but after nine months, I am at my wits’ end. On a GREAT night, the baby only gets up twice. But that is rare. Help?!
Our 7 month old baby also shares a room with his preschool-aged brother. As I know Dana would say, the first step to ending night crying is to make sure he puts himself to sleep in his crib in the first place. If he is doing this and still waking in the night, you might consider moving his crib to your room so you don’t feel that urge to jump up and run every time he makes a peep. Then you can move him back once he is sleeping more consistently. Also, we put a fan in our boys room, and our preschooler never wakes up when the baby does fuss. Hope this helps some – I understand the frustrations of room sharing!
My son is 17 months old. He was sleeping in his crib all night after I made him cry it out. I let him sleep with me while he was sick a few months ago and ever since he won’t go to sleep unless I lay down in bed with him and only if he gets to sleep in our bed. I try putting him in his crib and he is awake after 15 minutes. Please help. I don’t know what else to do to get him to sleep in his crib. I let this go on for so long so I don’t know how to break this habit. Thank you.