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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question comes from Sonia:
“My 8-month-old baby has had difficulty sleeping since he was six months old. He wakes up three or four times at night. I have to walk in to his room, pat and shush him and he will fall back to sleep. Lately, this is taking longer. I can be shushing and patting for 30 minutes or more two or three times a night. I do not want to pick him up first from his crib, but I do not know if I should let him cry. This can last for hours, what should I do?”
I like this question, Sonia, because it really talks about sleep props and I just want to spend a minute going over what sleep props are. If you think about sleep as a journey, then point A is awake and B is asleep. How you get yourself from A to B is often the trickiest part of a baby’s night.
Most babies, especially babies that I see and the babies of people who read the blog are hooked on some prop. They attach themselves to things and it could a soother, the breast, a bottle, rocking, or bouncing on a ball. It can be anything that carries your baby from A to B. In the night, when your baby has a natural occurring wake up instead of just going back to sleep quickly, it turns into an actual full wake up and now they’re usually crying. They want you to come in and do all the things that got them to sleep in the first place; this is a good one Sonia because it is not sort of the normal prop, it’s not one of the most popular props, it’s shushing and patting prop.
I would assume that at bedtime when you put your baby to sleep for the night, you are probably standing by the crib and doing some shushing and patting. That is his way into sleep, mom pats him, mom shushes, and I make my journey to sleep. When he’s waking in the night, he wants you to come in and do that all over again.
It sounds like in the past it was relatively easy, you just had to go in and do a bit of patting and he was back to sleep. However, what I find troublesome about props is that they do not work and they become more difficult as time goes on. What used to be a quick fix is now turning into a frustrating 30 minutes or more which is common with all props.
This usually suggests that he is probably not thrilled with the idea of you coming in to shush him and pat him all through the night. He might be looking for some strategies of his own that are a bit more independent so this is a good time to guide him down that road.
I would start at bedtime and it is okay to be there. However, for the next three nights, I want you to just pat and shush less, making it intermittent. You might pat for 30 seconds and then stop for a minute, maybe do it again and then you are going to stop. Every three days, I want you to back away from the crib and I want you to do a lot less shushing and patting.
You will wean him off the idea that you need to be there shushing and patting in order for him to sleep. By night seven you should be at the door and once at the door, I do not want you to go over to the crib anymore at all. There will be no physical contact and by then he should be exploring some other options such as, hugging his little teddy or doing something with his blanket that he finds soothing.
This will take the focus off you helping and guiding him into a direction of finding things that are soothing for him. In the night if he has awakenings, you are going to follow the same system. You can shush and pat intermittently and as the nights go on, you are going to do it less and less as you are backing away. That should get him sleeping through the night.
There is no reason why he should not be sleeping through the night just looking at his age here and he is definitely over eight months old so there is really no reason why he can’t be going a solid 11 or 12 hours with no visits from you. He should be able to handle this on his own.
It starts at bedtime and then it moves through the night and really some of the other props I have heard over the years are playing with mom’s hair. Many children like to play with mom’s hair as they fall asleep or holding hands. I even had a client who had a little mole on her neck that her two-year-old liked to touch until he fell asleep.
Props can be anything you have convinced yourself that you need in order to fall asleep. However, the truth is, you do not need it, you can definitely sleep without it but it is just the absence of it causes you a bit of anxiety.
Thanks a lot for your question, sleep well.
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To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
My daughter is 17 months old, she goes to bed at about 8pm and falls asleep on her own, but seems to always wake up around 11pm, so i go in change her nappie and sometimes give her a bottle, And she goes back to sleep. But lately, she starts waking again at around 2:30am and sometimes will settle but sometimes wont. we took her dummy away a couple of months ago, im just wondering should i give it back to her just for sleeping at night time?
My baby is 15 months old and for the past week and a half he has been getting up like seven times a night.each time he gets up he drinks a little milk then goes back to sleep. The problem is that the crib is in our room as we dont have a nursery and he wants me to hand him the milk and take it from him when he is done.he goes to bed with a full stomach so i dont understand why he gets up so often. Any help would be appreciated greatly. Thank you
I have a question abut my 2 week old son.when he is fussy I found that a pacifier always calms him down whether he is awake or going to sleep.now it seems he is only happy when he has it.but I don’t want to get to the point where I’m up all nite to put it back in his mouth.is it to soon to take it away completely and let him cry himself to sleep at night after he’s been fed?I just want to do what I can now to make sure he and I both get the best sleep we can as he gets older.your advice would mean so much to me!thanks
My son is 8months old. He falls asleep on his own during the day for his naps and going to bed at night after his bed time routine. However, he wakes up in the night 3 or 4 times and he wont self soothe himself back to sleep. Im not sure how to calm him, so that he can go back to sleep on his own. Ive tried going in every 3,4,5,6 minutes ect, to reassure him (not picking him up) and after an hour of screaming the only thing that will get him to sleep is picking him up and cuddling him.
Hi dana – please help me with my six month old! its costing me my sanity patience and relationship ugh….so my son is six months old and he is wonderful so active crawling already such a good eater eats anything…the only problem is he never sleeps!! a normal day for us is a 20 minute cat nap maybe twice a day then it hits 830 and its a fight to get to sleep and he acts like he is starving…after what seems for ever he finally passes out after eating on most nights 6 ounces with some cereal only to wake up every 2 hours to eat more! sometimes its worse and he gets up and stays up for an hour at a time…we get no more than 2 1/2 hours of sleep doctors think nothing is wrong but im not convinced…should he act like he is starving and wake every 2 hours to eat?? – we have tried everything and anything please you are our last hope
Hi, my son Max is 16 months old, and he is so difficult at night. We have to put him down with a bottle, and sometimes we have to use 2 or more before he will finally fall asleep!!! Then he is up between 2 and 4 hours later, and it takes yet ANOTHER bottle to get him back to sleep. If he doesnt cry when he wakes up, then he gets out of his bed and comes into our room, and the only way to get him to sleep is to put him in our bed, give him a bottle, and try not to move as he falls asleep. I am at my wits end, and with a nother baby on the way, I really need to know he will be sleeping through the night before she gets here!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!
My baby is 10 months old. He doesnt sleep on his own except he breastfeeds.He wakes up 3 to 4 times at night and until he breastfeed before he goes to sleep. He hardly sleeps for more than 30 minutes per nap during the day. What should i do?
my 6 month old wakes anywhere from 5 to 15 times a night. She has never slept through the night. She has to have a bottle to go to sleep. My question is how do I get her to fall asleep on her own? How do I get her to stay asleep?
my 8 month old has never slept through the night.We put him in his cot in his own room to sleep at 7.30 every night and we turn out the light and he goes to sleep alone without any problems.He will sleep a solid 5 hours then he will wake up every 1-2 hours needing help to fall back to sleep,be it patting or feeding.We have tried replacing feeds with water,minimal patting,leaving him to cry but he never improves.
We are so tired and at a loss what to try next,please help
Hi Dana..i have one month year old boy..he wake up about 2 times during the night..and i know that i could not expect him to sleep throught the night at this age..but, is there anything that i can do from now so that at the age of 2 month and above he can the through night..thank q..
Hello! My daughter will be 3 in March. She starting sleeping through night when she was 7 mos. old, although it did not last very long. Her problems began with ear infections, one right after another until it ended up causing her to have surgery. She has had 2 sets of tubes and her adenoids removed. She has been co-sleeping with me and my husband but it is like your in a wrestling match during the night. She is wild! She does not sleep as much as the normal child her age would or should. She is very active and hates to go to sleep. She is afraid she will miss something. I have tried the bed time routine of bathing, brushing teeth, & reading a book, but she is in a terrible habit of wanting warm milk before she goes to sleep. She also wakes up a few times during the night wanting more warm milk. Her appetite is not the greatest either. Any suggestions?
I have a 4.5month old daughter and she wakes up a 3-4 times at night. she gets about 5-6 oz 6 times a day and approximately 30-32 oz a day. i don’t feed her at night, because i think that she gets enough milk. but, she goes to bed with a routine of massage or bath, change diaper and clothes and rocking/singing to sleep. i did see your blog from before. my problem is that during the day my mother-in-law watches her and at night I put her to sleep. I am not sure if this is the reason why she wakes up at night so many times (two different people putting her to sleep in different ways). I will try less patting, sushing and rocking for next 3 nights. but, like I said i am not sure what happens during the day. please advise, i am getting very tired. !
why my sons’s nape is a bit hot than normal and when he sleeps he sweats out even though his room is cool enough, what is the cause of this? and my son has colic what should i do to remedy them? thank you
hi my baby is 4 month old wen he born he used to sleep in his moses basket at night but lat month i ent holidy 4 1 month and he was sleeping in my bed i comw back in london now but he doesnt sleeo any more in his bed he just want to sleep with me all night
I just bought my 2 year old daughter a toddler bed and she is not transitioning well. She runs to the door crying, screaming, and banging the door. It takes over an hour of her crying before she finally gives in. Prior to this, she slept very well in her crib but with a new baby coming in 3 months, I really need to learn how to get her to sleep in her toddler bed. Please help! Thanks!
My daughter is almost 5 months old, and is still not sleeping through the night. She goes to bed around 9 and will sleep till about 2. She is waking up several times after that for her bottle. She’ll drink an ounce and go back to sleep but this happened every 1-2 hours. I am not sure what to do or how to get her to sleep the night without the bottle.
This sounds all to familiar to me!! sounds to me that she is not actually hungry at all. Do you tank or dream feed? giving good amounts of milk before she goes to bed might help if she is still waking after that try dream feeding for a few nights. Does she fall asleep on her own? learning to fall asleep on her own will help with night wakings if she uses a pacifier it might be best to get rid of it if. Some babies do not sleep through till after 6 months, i know people that weaned at 6 months and soon after baby slept through so that might be something to think about.
dana joslynn is now 15mon. and has started climbing alot, so we got her a toddler bed and she sleeps very well in it. the problem i am having is when i put her to bed she gets up several times. i put her right back to bed without saying a word. but she still keeps getting up. what should i do. shes had the same routine since she was born. is this a game shes playing.
My 12 month old and I share a bedroom, due to space issues, and he is still getting up two or three times a night for feedings. Is he really hungry or is it just his way of falling back to sleep? Some nights he wants to sleep in bed with me and we are both exhausted the next day! Help!!
My daughter (6 months) wakes anywhere between about 5.30am and 7am, and her naps can vary between 30 minutes and 2 hours. Because of this, I’ve found it hard to get her onto any consistent daytime nap routine.
Sometimes, (like this evening) I put her down for an afternoon nap, and she’ll sleep for over two hours, bumping into the time I would normally start her bedtime routine. What should I do when she naps late like this? Leave her to sleep, or wake her so that we can do bedtime on time?
I need some serious advice on sleep for my 10 month old boy!! I am desperate
I`ve read everything on the site and several other sites, bought books and researched, but nothing is working in helping my son sleep through the night.
Since he`s been a very young baby he`s never learned to sleep through the night. The mistake I made was co-sleeping because my husband was away travelling for the first few months of his life and it eased my mind co-sleeping. Thereafter, it seemed to be the only was to get a few hours of sleep.
However, the co-sleeping isn`t even effective….he falls asleep around 630 every night (breastfeeding) in my bed and is sleeping calmly until about 830 at which point he wakes without warning crying and crying and if I`m lucky I can rock him back to sleep. (lately he hasn`t been able to go back down until 10!!)..he has a soother which doesn`t help either.
Once he gets back down, every few hours he starts to flip around every which way, eyes closed, crying until he gets comfortable…this process can last an hour.
Obviously, nobody is getting any sleep in our bed and with my return to work approaching quickly, I desperetly need help. I no longer know what to do and refuse to let him cry it out…we`ve tried and it can go literally for hours with no change, he gets sweaty and chokes and is afraid to be in his room.
If I let him fall asleep in our bed and try to transfer him into his crib he awakes as soon as his head touches the mattress kicking and screaming and then won`t fall back asleep.
I feel like a horrible mother, I really don`t know what to do so that we can all get some much needed rest. I have not slept in 10 months!
Thanks for any info or advice you can provide, you really have no idea how much it is appreciated.
Sincerely,
Nadine
My daughter is eight months and 2 weeks. Every time i poot her to sleep in her crib with no noise around she falls asleep. but, when there is too much noise around she wont stay asleep. we literally have to whisper so she wont wake up! Waht should i do in this situation so that when we go out she can take naps sucessfully?
My four year old will not stay in bed for more than 2 hours at a time. I end up bringing her in my bed due to needing sleep. She is keeping my husband awake and I need her out of our bed. I take her back and rub her back until she is back asleep. 5 min. How do I get her to sleep and stay in her room.
Hi donna,
I have one years old baby girl and she never sleep deeply. it dose matter day or night she wake up every two three hour for nurse. actually the past month I stop Brest feeding her at night, but she cry a lot and I can’t make her to sleep in her crib unless she sleep in my bed first. pleas help
thank you for your time
my husband and i are having great difficulty transitioning our 7 and half month old out of the swaddle. i am trying one arm at naps and waiting 15 minutes but she is struggling greatly with the arm and is touching everything and unable to fall asleep at that time i will swaddle the arm back in with the other arm. at times she is able to sleep with the one arm out but wakes up 30 mins later and then i will swaddle the arm back in and will continue her nap. what is the correct way to transition out of the swaddle. she is such a great sleeper in the swaddle. thanks kara and kevin
I have a 1 year old who has never really slept well through the night. He is waking up anywhere from 3-4 times a night and the longest he will go is 3 hours and that is if I am lucky. His bedtime is between 730 and 800 and he does have a bedtime routine. When he wakes he wants to be nursed back to sleep. I just need some advice on how to break that soother. As part of his routine for bed he has a bottle of expressed milk and through the day he has milk in either a sippy cup or a bottle. I am just in desparate need of some sleep.
I have a 3.5 month old son who has a bottle before bed and then goes to bed 10-15 minutes later, when I lay him down he is awake but drowsy. He then wakes up 2-3 hours later crying, I usually give him another bottle and he goes back to sleep for another 2-3 hours. This is the route throughout the night. How do I know that he is full as does not need a bottle? I am desparte for him to sleep through the night, the “cry it out” last for 2 hours if I try, both my husband and I work so we need sleep and HELP!
Thanks Dana, this is very useful, although at bedtime now its bath, play around a little, in to my bed for a story and then in to her cot, I tuck her in put on music and give her cuddly toy.
When she wakes, its now stretched out from 4.30/5pm to 5.30pm I leave her cry a little to see if she will settle as sometimes she can wake earlier in the night but she will settle but at 5.30pm I will go in, I will put her back on her back as this is her starting point at night and she settles well this way, I tuck her in at each side and say night night and put back on music but it doesn’t really work, she will toss and turn and eventually I take her up.
She doesn’t really want to be taken out I believe she tries to get in to sleeping position in my arms and just wants to sleep, I have tried my bed but she can’t really settle there anymore.
It goes on for up to an hour, I end up bouncing until she has settled then back in to the cot and she will sleep once again. Its habit but not sure how to kick it. Plus my back aches at this point and being tired every day at work is not good start.
HOW CAN I GET RID OF PACIFIER WITH OUT FUSS AND WITH OUT DISTRACTING JACOPO SLEEP HE IS A GOOD SLEEPER BUT WITH THE PACIFIER HE IS 30 MONTHS NOW AND WOULD LIKE TO GET RID OF IT WITH OUT HIM SCREAMING FOR IT
I found a website called bye-bye-binkie.com for my daughter. She was 18 months old and slept through the night with her pacifier. She is 19 months old now and completely weaned. It is a free website. Basically you poke holes in the pacifier for the first few days. After that you start cutting the tip off and cutting off more every day or two. It has worked great. She never cryed. It affected her sleep for about a week but now she is sleeping through the night again.
The website is bye-bye-binky.com. I spelled it wrong.
At 2 and half my now 8 year old gave his Dummy to Santa. This worked really well. We left it out for Santa with a glass of milk and a cookie.
Might be a good time to start talking about it with him now as xmas is only weeks away. An extra present in exchange for a dummy seeed to make sense to him.
My son is 8 1/2 months old. A few weeks ago I finally had him weaned off night feeds and he was sleeping through the night (bed at 7:30 wake at about 6) Having 2 nice sized naps a day ( between 1 & 2 hrs).
Overnight he became fussy, wanting to be patted to sleep every couple of hours even if he fell asleep on his own and it got so bad we decided it must be time to move him out of our room and into his own.
We didn’t change our routine, same as always, dinner, bottle, bath, book, bed. He sleeps with a dummy and light lullaby music.
Didn’t help. If anything it has made it worse. Not only am i having to get up to him 6 plus times a night, but he is at the other end of the house. I had to pull up a beanbag and sleep on the floor for some peace and quiet the other night! His new favourite is to wake at 3:30 – 4am and play in his cot. Then he gets bored and can’t get back to sleep so the crying starts again.
Any suggestions? I have no clue!?!
My son in 19 months old, I made the mistake of holding hime and letting sleep on the couch until he was well asleep. It used to work too. Now I can hardly get him into his crib anymore without him waking up and wanting to go back on the couch. Please help.
I have 3 kids – 8 – 4 and 17 months – no one likes their bed. The 8 and 4 year old say they get scared and my 17 month old was crawling out of her crib and I have now gotten her a toddler bed. She sleeps sound until 2:30 and then wakes and cries loud and hard. How do you let her cry it out with 2 other kids that go to school the next morning and can’t be woken up or they will come into my room as well.
How can we train our baby to sleep solid without leaving her bed????
I am in desperate need of help..!!
I have a 4 month old daughter. She has set herself into her own night time routine. She lets us know she is ready and goes to bed at 1830 everynight….. she will not stay up any longer than that (we have tried). We give her a dream feed at 2130hrs (her last feed is at 1730) and she sleeps completely through til 0430 every morning, where she then refuses to go back to sleep. She will not be put back in her crib at all.
She has been doing this for the last month, an on some ocaisions i have let her fall back asleep on me from 0500 (after her morning feed) and she sleeps for an aditional 3 hours. Today i fell asleep with her as i was so tired.
i know it is good she is sleeping for 10 hours, as she should, but 0430 is just so terribly early.
I go back to work in 8 weeks, and i cant be getting up at 0430 every morning as i work shifts…. i will be shatered by the time i come home, and no good to my precious girl.
Any suggestions???? or will i just have to wait for her to grow out of it, and just hope it will be sooner rather than later?
P.s we tried moving dream feed to 2300 but it made no difference at all, she was still waking up at same time.
My 8 month old son used to be a decent sleeper. Now he is waking up around 1 in the morning and not going back to sleep until around 5 am. Needless to say this is exhausting for everyone invovled. He will scream and cry in his crib for hours. He gets to the point that he is so tired that he falls repeatedly. Of course this is a safety concern since he could easily hit his head. I have not been able to get him to lay down. If I place him down he fights it and that of course will just make things worse. If I pat the crib that does not seem to work either. He just stands up holding on as long as he can screaming and crying the entire time. Eventually he falls, but gets right up again. As I said this will go on for hours. What can I do?
I have a 26 month old and over the last few weeks, he has changed his sleep cycle. I have no problem getting him to sleep but he wakes approximately every 2.5 hours and usually at around 3am he is awake for the 2.5 hours which is not helping me (who is 9 months pregnant) nor my husband. Nothing has changed in his diet or schedule. It is also getting harder to put him down for his nap. He has always had a later sleep time (9:30ish) as by the time I get home from work and make dinner, it is usually between 7-7:30. I recently moved him to a toddler bed in the hopes that that would help but nothing has changed. I am determined to not have him in our bed and I continue to place him back in his bed with a pat and shush, sometimes a handhold, throughout his wakings. He can be sound asleep and just as I am settling in my own bed, I hear the click of his door as he comes out. I am at the end of my rope. Advice?
Hi Dana,
My son is 4 weeks old and he stays downstairs with my husband and me until we go to bed. He is in his bassinet but I don’t feel comfortable leaving him upstairs yet, even though I have a small house and a monitor. What is the correct thing to do for night time?
Thank you,
Leigh
my 11 month old still wakes up between 1-5 times a night. If I try to let her put herself asleep (even standing in the room) she STANDS in the crib screaming for HOURS. After about 3 hours I give in and lay her on the bed in her room with me until she starts to drift off. If she gets up in the middle of the night its the same thing, HOURS of crying. My husband and I have to work we can’t keep doing this.
My son has just turned 3. He wont go to sleep at night unless either my husband or I are sitting in the room until he falls asleep. If we try to be stern or try any other method he just goes banana’s! Then he wakes up in the night calling for me (he won’t go to my husband and rejects him if my husband goes into his room even if it was him that put him down). When I go into his room he won’t lie back down, he wants to get out of his room almost immediately and then won’t even go into my bedroom. He just cries and cries until he falls asleep again normally in my bed. He is now doing this two or three times a night which means we are all shattered. I feel tearful and emotional all the time now as I am getting no sleep. At nursery he sleeps for 2 hours in the day but on the weekends he often doesn’t have this day time sleep which makes no difference to the night time sleep. We are at our wits end.
Lisa F. London
My Daughter is just over 12 months old and has slept pretty well since she was about 4 months. However, recently especially since being poorly and cutting 4 or 5 teeth she has taken to waking in the night sometimes up to 8 or 9 times. Most of the time she will go straight back to sleep once i have found her dummy and tucked her back in but now i find myself waiting for the next waking. I rarely pick her up, would never start giving her a bottle again in the night and we have a bedtime routine that i have followed since the early days. Any advice please…?
Hello Dana, I have a 23 months old and we are due Feb 5th with baby number 2! My question is, how or when or should I move my son into a big boy bed before baby comes? When is the best time, what is the best strategy? What I worry about is that he loves his bed/crib right now and he is sleeping well…I am nervous about the change…what do I do?
Thanks a trillion!
Cindy
My daughter has just turned 10 months and still wakes up 2 or 3 times a night to eat. Why is it that she will sleep through the night at a babysitters but never for her father and I?
hi i have got a 5 month old baby that i still swaddle else she dont sleep at all unless she is in your arms that wakes up at lease 15 -20 times a night depending what time you put her to bed tryed a routine of 8 o clock putting her to bed but your up and down all night then shes awake at 3.30 or around 4. soon as she falls a sleep her dummy falls out then she you have to keep putting it back in shes not awake but shes crying in her sleep if you dont put it back quick shes awake.
Hi,
My son is 22 weeks and will go to bed at 7pm everynight, he is normally awake when we put him into his cot and gurgles away to himself for 10 mins before he drifts off. He uses a muslim cloth and will not fall asleep without this.
I was demand feeding through the night but have not stopped this as he is able to go through the night without food until about 5.30am. The problem is that he waves the muslim blanket around and sucks on it as he goes to sleep but when he wakes in the night he has often thrown it out of reach. So he needs me to pass it to him, he will then cuddle it and go back to sleep again. This really works for him but it does mean that I am having to pass him his blanket 2 or 3 times in the night. I have tried tying it to the side of the cot but this doesnt help????
Dana, I am wondering how to stop night feedings/wake-ups. My son is only 8 months, but he should be sleeping through the night at this time, I believe. He goes to bed around 9/9:30 and then gets up between 2:30-3:30 and has a bottle and then sleeps until 6 or 7. He doesn’t usually drink a whole bottle, so that’s why I’m thinking he doesn’t really need it, it’s just that he’s in a routine of waking at that time and wanting the comfort from me. But if I just try and comfort him, he’ll cry and cry until I get him the bottle and then he grab it like he’s starving. And I know you talk about a “prop” and how they are put to sleep and I’m sure I need to start there. I have rocked my son to sleep since day one and I love doing it, but now it’s the ONLY way he’ll fall asleep. Unless of course he’s in the car, but he has never just fallen asleep on his own. And he fights sleep EVERY time he goes down, except at night when he wakes for his botte, he drinks and then falls right asleep. Is this when I need to start letting him “cry it out” during all sleep times in order to be falling asleep on his own now or can I still rock him sometimes? I’m a stay at home mom and he’s my first child, so I love cuddling and all that, but I don’t want to continue if I’m going to be causing myself problems when he’s at the toddler stage and still needing rocked to sleep. Please help!
Hi
My 6 month old daughter has several seep issues (waking through the night etc!) but I’ll focus on one of the problems that is really puzzling me!
In the last month, day time naps have really improved. When I put her down, she goes almost straight to sleep about 90 per cent of the time (I should mention, we do use a pacifier), and will sleep for over an hour, sometimes 1.5 hrs. However when it comes to bed time, we have a battle on our hands! She starts crying immediately that we put her in the crib, and I end up going in and out of the bedroom sometimes up to 10 times to sooth her and replace the pacifier until she drops off. How can I make her bed time work better?
Thank you
Hi Dana!
We started using sleep sense about 2 months ago and it has worked wonders
Our son sleeps about 11 hrs at night and takes his naps.
BUT he’s still hooked on one night feeding,- at around 1 am he wakes up and cries.
I don’t know weather to go “cold turkey”
(his crying quickly escalates if I let him cry for more than 5 min.)
I simply don’t go to his room when he occasionally wakes up earlier or later in the night besides the 1 am feeding, he gets furious if I just go in there to “check”, it’s better for us to not go in there at all and he will fall asleep again within 10 minutes
(we learned this when we sleep trained him with your program)
he’s now 8 months and I don’t know how to wean him, he will not settle down at this particular time where he expects his feeding (1am) as he settles down at other wake-ups at night
What to do?
Thanks Dana!
Karin
My daughter has just gone two and I have had another baby 5 weeks ago. Since the baby was born my 2 yrnold will no longer sleep in her cot. She has moved into a bed which is fine but she wont go to sleep by herself. My husband or I have to lay with her until she falls asleeep and then she wakes 1-2 times a night and we have to go lay with her again. What should we do to get her to go to bed by herself?
Hello. My daughter is 23 months old and her sleeping pattern is sometimes weired. She doesn’t have a problem going to bed but usually gets up 2-3 times, mostly around 2 or 3AM crying or sometimes talking in her dreams. She sometimes sits up and cries until I lay her down and pat her back to sleep. I would like to know if she’s having nightmares and if so how can I help her.
Thankx .
My 7 month old baby goes down in her cot awake for all her naps and as part of her night time routine. She has a soother which she puts in herself and she drops off easily most of the time. Suddenly in the last 2 weeks she has started waking every hour in the night and will only settle to sleep in my arms, on her side, in our bed. As soon as I try to place her back in her cot she wakes screaming and the cycle needs to be repeated. she happily naps in her cot for over 2 hours every afternoon and used to sleep at night for at least 3 hours only waking for a breast feed. Why is this happening?
My daughter is 7 months and wakes up 3-4 times in the night. She has no problem going to sleep with a routine that we do every night… bath, pajamas, book, feed, rock for 5 minutes, and then we put her in her crib awake and she usually falls asleep right away. But, then she wakes up and cries about 3 to 4 times in the night. How do I know if she is really hungry, or just wants mom to rock her or nurse her back to sleep? I worry that she is hungry in the night. Thanks so much!
My baby is 13 weeks & still wakes up about 2 to 3 times in the night for a feed, however she doesn’t finish a full feed & wants to go back to sleep. Please advise how I can help her to sleep through the night?
My son is 4 1/2 months old and ever since he was 8 weeks old we have had issues with his daytime sleeping. We have now come so far as to take his dummy away from him and he now has a teddy bear that he cuddles to sleep. His night time sleeping has been wonderful for over a month now…he is in bed at 7pm, has a dream feed at 10:30pm and we don’t hear a peep out of him generally until 7am. During the day though he is waking after only one sleep cycle…which is 30min for him, even after falling to sleep on his own, and I then have to go in and pat and shush him back to sleep…which sometimes doesn’t work at all, but every now and again he will sleep for an hour solid without waking. By the end of the day he is usually very irritable with the lack of quality sleep. I just down know what to do anymore…I feel like I have tried everything under the sun to help him be more independent at bed time, I just don’t know why he can have such great sleep at night but not during the day when nothing changes in his sleep routine??
Hi Dana,
My daughter Ocean has just turned four months old. I cannot get her to sleep for the night before 10pm. If she sleeps at 7 or 8 she gets up as if it were a nap during the day and will only settle down at about 10, earliest 9:30pm. She then will only sleep for 4hrs generally (on the odd occasion 4 1/2hrs) then she gets up for a feed then goes down for 2-2 1/2 hrs (3 at most- on a good night) then up again. She used to sleep til about 9am and I took that as because she sleeps so late, but lately she is getting up and 7 or just before 8am. From about 6am -8am she doesnt sleep properly either she keeps niggling and I have to say to her shhhh, sleep and she sometimes will fall back to sleep and other times not. Its pretty frustrating. Would love for her to sleep earlier and sleep through the night or at least even get up only once halfway through.What advise can you give for me to try?
Thanks
My 6.5 month old, is waking up at least twice a night, sometimes three times. He can put himself to sleep at bedtime, without being fed. But it seems as though throughout the night he cannot go more than 3-4 hours without waking up. I try and sooth him back to sleep, without feeding him, but sometimes he get so upset the only thing that will get him calmed down is a bottle. After he eats he is asleep again and will sleep another 3-4 hours. Also he goes to bed round 6:30-7:00pm, but will only sleep until 4-5am. How can we get him to sleep through the night without having to feed him.
Thanks Christine
Hi Dana my baby is 10 months and still doesn’t sleep through the night I nurse him to sleep and sometimes he’ll sleep until about 2am but other times he’s up every hour or so until ten. I put him down at 8-830. He sometimes sleeps through the night but other times he’s up every 2 hrs I nurse him and he’s right back to sleep I need some help thanks
My 6 1/2 month old daughter takes cat naps during the day and wakes up often at night (sometimes every 30 minutes). To make matters worse she also depends on her pacifier to make herself sleep. I’m so sleepy getting up at night to check on her that I just sleep in her room on an air mattress. I’m sure my husband’s concerned about that.
My son is 6 mts and hasnt been sleeping through for the past 3 mths. He will fall asleep in the car on day trips out for about 30min, will fall asleep in bed while being breastfed, or in my arms while being breast fed. When he is with dad in the morning he will fall asleep in the bouncer. He will cry in his cot when he wakes up at night till I pick him up and to get him back to sleep I breast feed him. He is waking up every 1 – 2 hrs at night goes to sleep at 9:30 – 10pm and we get up at 8am. Usually I put him in our bed to feed him if I am to tired to stay up this usually happens at 3am or 4:30am he usually wakes up 4 or 5 times a night. I am feeding him 3 meals and 4 breast feeds a day, then all that feeding at night. Have tried increasing milk intake at day. He is teething as well. My question is what and how do i get him in to a routine so i can get stuff done around the house and most importantly get more than an hours sleep straight? I havnt made dinner for the last two weeks because he is so cranky. He wont take the bottle or a dummy and my husband works night shift so im looking after him mostly all day and night except for the odd acasion that my husband is awake before me then i get a hours sleep in.
What if your refuses to lay down in their bed and it’s a fight just to get them to do this? My son says he’s scared and I really think he is. His room is upstairs and mommy and daddy’s room is on the main floor. Currently our son sleeps on the living room couch.
My 5 month old has a dummy (pacifier). She settles well with it and will often sleep right through the night with no issue, however, sometimes she wakes up numerous times looking for it. Any suggestions for how to remove her need for the dummy?
MY 8 MONTH OLD IS USING SOOTHER. i WANT HER TO COME OFF OF IT. EVERY TIME SHE WAKES UP DURING THE NIGHT SHE WANTS HER SOOTHER. PLEASE ADVISE HOW I CAN GET HER TO WEEN OFF OF SOOTHER
I have a 2 year old and a 5 1/2 month old. My younger one is in his own bassinet but is still in our room because he still wakes up once sometimes twice a night. He is not in his older brother’s room because I am afraid if he wakes up he will wake up my 2 yaer old then I will have two crying babies. However I desire them both to be sleeping in the same room. Any suggestions?
My almost 9 month old daughter is just being taught to go to sleep by herself. She was put down for a nap, but only slept for 20 minutes, what do I do to ensure she sleeps longer or to get her back to sleep?
My 3 1/2 year old toddler wakes up in the middle of the night crying. I think it might be what some people call night frights. He was never a good sleeper until we started using your program when he was 15 months old. We’ve had problems on and off with sleep but he has a good routine and goes to bed great most nights. We’ve accepted that he’s an early riser at 6 am but these bouts of crying in the middle of the night are hard. It doesn’t happen every night, but it happens often enough that I worry about what to do for him. Do you have any suggestions about how to handle these? Sometimes he is crying so hard and still half asleep that my husband has to walk him to the front door and give him some fresh air to wake him up all the way so he can be consoled. I would appreciate any advice.
My son is almost 15 months old and i cant remember when i actually slept through the night. At least twice a night, our son will wake up in the middle of the night. We go in and pick him up, as soon as we do he falls asleep on our shoulder. We have attempted to put him back in the crib but that doesnt work. As soon as we lay him in our bed, he is fine and instantly goes back to sleep. We wake up every morning with little eyes staring at us. I really want my bed back. Any suggesstions??
My daughter is almost 8 months and is still being nursed. She falls asleep on her own for her naps and at bedtime, which is between 7-7:30pm. We have a routine every night before bed…bath, bottle (expressed breast milk) and then we lay her down and she falls asleep within 10 minutes (no fussing). The only problem is that she usually wakes around 3-4am. I know they say that breast milk is digested faster than formula, is there any need for her to wake for a feed at her age and what is there I can do to get her to sleep through the night??? PLEASE HELP.
Hi Caroline
I have a similar problem. My son Sam is 7 months and also falls asleep on his own for naps & bedtime (which is 6-6:30pm). We also have a routine before bedtime (same as you except Sam is on formula). And just like your daughter, Sam wakes up at around 3am. We have weaned him down to 60ml for the 3am bottle, but he is still waking up. Any advice on weaning babies off this early morning bottle would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much. (Good luck Caroline)
Oh, and also, Sam is sleeps in a crib in our bedroom. However, we will be moving into his own room in the next few days. Hopefully this will help the situation too?
My son just turned 4 months old and is having trouble sleeping both during the day and at night. Up until 2 weeks ago, I had been able to get him down for a morning and afternoon nap, and then bedtime at 7:30, however now he wakes every time I put him in the crib, and will not fall back to sleep.
We had a routine for naps and bedtime; book, rocking and nursing. He goes to sleep in my arms while I’m nursing him, and then I put him in the crib, and he would usually sleep for 2-3 hours for naps. At night, he would sleep 4-5 hour stretches, and would awake 1-2 times. Now, he is very tired and will go to sleep if you even rock him, but the minute he is placed in the crib, his arms flail and he wakes up.
I try to let him “work it out” on his own, but this goes on for hours, and he will just not go to sleep without me or my husband picking him up. I am totally exhausted and going back to work in 1 week, so I’m desperate for help.
On a side note, I had been swaddling him up until a week ago, but stopped after I heard you shouldn’t swaddle past 3 months (Dr. Sears). At this moment, he is asleep, swaddled, because I couldn’t get him to sleep any other way (has not slept at all today).
Thanks for your help. I’ve ordered the Basics edition and am looking forward to receiving it!
Christy,
I am expriencing the same thing. My 4th month old only sleeps in 3-4 hour stretches, and then is up 2-3 times a night! “Working it out” is not working for us either, he seems to get more upset the longer he cries. I feel for you. Are you giving a bottle when your baby wakes up? I am and I think it could be a mistake( it has become a crutch). I am looking for help myself! Hang in there.
My son is 14 months old & has never slept through the night i thought he was bad as a baby but he is now worse than ever & seems to be never ending ive tried everything & i mean everything on a good night i may have to go to him about 3 or 4 times but on the bad nights which are quite often im up to him every 30 minutes! i have no idea what is waking him up we have gone through eveything that it could be & have no answers!!!!
Jenna, I don’t know if this will help, but my daughter (now 2) has always been a pretty poor sleeper. When she was the age of your son my health visitor gave me the following advice: aim to get them into bed between 7-8; the same routine should be followed every night so that they know sleep time is on the way. So… Bath (lasting around 5 mins, apparently much longer than this can wake them up too much, which came as a suprise to me), into pjs, milk, story, into the cot.
I gave my daughter a lot of sleep props when she was little (falling asleep on the breast until she was 6 months, then the bottle, then rocking her etc) think I made just about every mistake going. Although it was very difficult to begin with, I found that a week or so of using the gradual retreat method instead meant that she learnt to settle on her own.
Good luck!!
We went through the same thing with my daughter – 6 months old. It got to the point that I was up with her every 30-45 minutes. That was my breaking point. She was not behaving well during the day and worse at night. I purchased the sleepsense program and the third night she slept for 11 hours straight. We recently had a bit of a regression, and I went back to the principles of the program and we are back on track. The most amazing part is her demeanor during the day is so much improved – no more soothers at all! I realized that lack of sleep was a huge contributer to her behaviour during the day. Now, when she gets fussy I start the nap/bedtime routine and she goes down. It seems to be much better for all of us. I am sorry I didn’t do it sooner. She was waking up during the night so often because she 1) didn’t know how to fall asleep on her own; and 2) I was doing things to make it very comfortable to be up (i.e. nursing, cuddling, co-sleeping) – so the hardest part of the program is learning to let them do these things on their own and basically get out of their way:) Hope it helps to know there was someone else in the same boat – but it’s all better now.
sounds quite similar to my son who is now 22months! most nights i have to go in 3 times but cant find a cause!
Hi, I have more of less the same problem as the mom with the 8 month old baby. My baby is almost 4 months old. He sleeps quite good during the night, but I still have to put the dummy in every now and again. He doesn’t want to go to sleep without the dummy. How can I change that. The same during the day. He will sleep for 20 – 30 minutes and then he is fulle awake and doesn’t want to sleep anymore. I want him to take longer naps, because by 18:00 he is tired and an unhappy baby. Any suggestions?
Thanks, Lizelle
My son is 4 months old. He goes to bed at 8 and then wakes up only once at night for a feeding and diaper change. He then does not wake up for the day until 8. But he does not sleep very well during the day, he has 2 – 3 20 minute kat naps. Is this normal? Should I just be satisfied that he is sleeping so well at night?
HI,MY BABY IS 4 MONTHS 3 WEEKS OLD, I HAVE JUST STARTED MY SON TO SLEEP IN THE CRIB BUT HE DONT LIKED IT. HE CRIED FOR 45 MIN IN THE NIGHT AND FINALLY I HAVE TO NURSING HIM THEN HE SLEEP BACK. BUT MID-NIGHT HE WAKE UP AND WANTED TO SLEEP ON MY BED AFTER THREE HRS. WE LIVING ONE BEDROOM MY HUSBAND WORK 5:00 IN THE MORNING SO I CANT MAKE HIM CRY IN THE NIGHT. ANY ADVICE!
Hello, my son would sleep throught out the night up until he turned 12 months. When he made a year he started waking up multiple times a night. I don’t know what to do because I am so use to him sleeping soundly. Now I did hold him while he was falling asleep. I tried different ways to try and get him to sleep, but nothing is working. He also still wants some milk in the middle of the night. Please help me I don’t know what to do!!
My daughter is 6 months old. She has never napped or slept very long. Even as a newborn she would be awake for 3-4 hrs at a time. However I have been able to get her to sleep better then she was. When it is time to nap or bedtime I just lay her in her crib and she goes right to sleep, the problem I have is bedtime is at 7pm she sleeps until 11pm then wakes up and talks for an hour then she falls back to sleep. Then she wakes up at 2am and talks for about an hour and goes back to sleep, then she wakes up at 630am and is ready to get up. She never cries or fusses, she doesn’t even wake up starving or anything, but it is very hard to sleep when your baby is awake. Is there anything I can do? Or is this just something she will grow out of? My other two kids were such great sleepers I really don’t know what if anything I should do. Thank you
Hi Barbara I’m having a similar problem with my 6mth old daughter, up until a few weeks ago she would go to bed after her bath & breast feed at about 7pm & then sleep until anywhere between 5a-6am. She does have a pacifier but it has never interrupted her sleep until now. I have to go in & give it to her several times a night it sometimes is every hour or so. If she is not doing that she wakes up chatting to her self & I end up getting her up & feeding her she will go back to sleep after quite a while but then wake again chatting this can go on for 2-3hrs until finally she either falls asleep feeding or me patting her off to sleep. Hopefully Dana can help us with our problem.
My son is 11 months old and I know he is MORE than ready to be sleeping through the night. He usually wakes up one time in the night, about 4 hours after he has gone to sleep, for a bottle and goes right back to sleep. It took your advice about putting him to sleep at night…we have a bedtime routine, and he is more than ready to be put in his crib for bedtime (at 7:30). My question is what is the best way to wean him off of the 11:30 bottle AND how do I get him to sleep longer than his usual wake up time of 4:30 to 5:30 am???
My son is now 8 months old and is a BIG boy (in 18 month clothing). He had issues with allergies which caused lots of discomfort and pain during his first 7 months, meaning that he slept in our arms or in bed with me during nearly the entire first part of his life and ate OFTEN (45-90 minutes) day and night. Now, he has been on solids for 2 weeks but anytime my husband or I try to lay him in his crib, he throws himself onto his back and kicks and SCREAMS, then falls asleep instantly when we pick him up. We REALLY need him to learn to sleep in the crib but the patting, blanky, white noise, and even light show on the ceiling are powerless to him. We are lucky to get a 2-hour spurt of sleep out of him regardless of where he is sleeping and lucky to get 5 minutes of sleep in the crib. Please help us!
i don’t think you believe in CIO (cry it out). In my point of view i would let any child cry it out even if it means a big fit.
Dana-
Our 23 month old has always been a good sleeper. She would go down easy for us around 7:30-8:00, sleep through the night and wake up ready to go around 7am. We have always been able to put her in her crib awake and have her put herself to sleep with no problems. But about 3 weeks ago she started waking up around 4am and crying hysterically… we were able to get her back down but only after a lot of rocking and soothing. Now she won’t go to bed in the evening either. We’ve tried crying it out, staying in the room but not holding her, rocking, etc but she just won’t go down. After about 1-2 hours of this she will finally fall asleep but still wakes up in the middle of the night and it starts over again. She has also started doing this at naptime. Could she be ready to drop her nap this early? Is it something developmentally? Her 2 year molars? (those are coming in) Any advice on what to try is greatly appreciated.
Dana, what is your view on ‘dream feeds’? My daughter is almost 10 months old and is breast fed. She was waking frequently in the night so I went cold turkey on breast feeding in the night. Instead i introduced a bottle of formula at 10pm. I give it to her without actually waking her (though sometimes she does stir or wake slightly.). She then goes through till about 5.30-6am. When i didn’t give her the dream feed she would wake at around 1.30/2am. My rationale was to gradually reduce the amount of formula i’m giving her when she is consistently sleeping through till after 6am. I know she doesn’t technically need the calories but do you think this is ok as a strategy? By the way, we have been working on self-soothing and she is getting much better with this and can put herself to sleep (though she doesn’t always want to!)
Thanks Dana,
Janine
Why do newborns twist and grunt then finally cry once you lay them down. Mine is almost 6 weeks and it seems like he is unsettled most of the time while sleeping
my 2 1/2 year old wakes (2-3 times) up during the night, (sometimes crying and some others not, o asking for water) but he goes to our room and I have to take him to the room and tell him to fall sleep again (I also leave a glass with water so that he can have a drink if he is thirsty), and asks me to tuck him in with the blanket. I know you have talked about props that we do for him to fall sleep, but what can I do if at night time our routine is reading a book and then singing one song and then he asks for his blanket so we tuck him in at the end and kiss him good night and leave the room. but now , reading abouts props, anythings is a prop for them to fall sleep, eveng the fact of just telling him to fall sleep, wich I think it is what is happening with our son… please any advice on what can I do si that he can sleep all night. he usually sleeos 11-12 hours total.
thanks!
Hi Mel,
My 2 1/2 year old and yours should get together. My son has never been a good sleeper and still wakes up in the night 2-3times. He comes into our room and I have to walk him back to bed and kiss him goodnight. We have a good bedtime routine. Brush teeth. Books etc and he initially falls asleep fine. I have tried the sleepsense program with him and it worked for a while but now we are suffering sleep deprivation again. It really is ridiculous. I have no answers, only empathy.
my son will be 4 months old on Wednesday. He is still sleeping with me and he is still coughing quite badly. I find that his soother is my breast. Can I wait until he is 6 months before transitioning him to the crib.
Claudette, I am not the expert by any means because as you will see below, we have our own problems, but I have found with my son (8mos) that although his health issues appear to have cleared up, he now associates me with co-sleeping so any attempt of mine to lay him in the crib are futile. However, if my mom or dad lay him in the crib at bedtime, he will stay for an hour but then I can’t soothe him back to sleep because as soon as he sees me, he wants to be in my arms or in bed with me.
Jessica, We have had a similar problem with ear infections since he was 5 months old. Now he is 10 months and just got tubes in last month. He is not crying as much, but we spoiled him by putting him in our bed when he was sick. He is just starting to sleep in his bed more through the night since Thanksgiving. We find that if he put him in the crib and let him play with a toy he became more comfortable being in his room and not so scared of going to bed. He still wakes up several times crying but if he finds on of the 5 pacifiers we put in the crib he usually goes back to sleep.
Sara i like your idea of letting your son play in the crib and putting in 5 pacifiers in his crib great idea.
claudette, waiting till 6 months is a bit late to be moved to a crib by himself. he will cry and scream when you put him down and maybe if you let him cry a bit to long he will throw up cause he’s crying so much. But i can tell that your breast is his like soother/pacifire.
Our baby used to wake up four to six times a night but since using your method this has dropped to just one time a night, usually shortly after he goes to sleep. He go in after 10 minutes and check on him for 1 or two minutes, then wait 13 minutes and check again. Usually that second time he falls asleep when my husband goes in. We’d like to at least consider the possibility of going out on a date, but we aren’t sure what we would tell the babysitter to do! I fear that if our son looked up and saw another face trying to soothe him, this would only rile him up more.
I two kids – daughter 3 1/2 yrs old and son 1 yr old. My daughter used to sleep by her own till I had my son. Once he came along, she wants me or her dad to pat her nefore she sleeps. It was ok earlier but now in the middle of nigh if she gets up, she needs somebody to pat her and same is happening with my son. Ohter probelm both of them do not sleep in their bed and crib. They sleep with us. I am not sure how to make them sleep whole night.
My son Justin 17 months old, goes to sleep at night on his own, but when he wakes, usually around 3 a.m. he wants to be held to go back to sleep. Putting him back in the crib before he is asleep he just cries, which wakes him up further. What do you do in this case?
Hi I have 11 month old daughter, and she gets up 3-4 times at night. Her main problem is when she gets up and finds herself in crib she cries because she is still not use to of sleeping in the crib. Before that she was sleeping in the bassinet and her transition from bassinet to crib has been very tough. Initially I use o get up at night and bring her to my bed with me but I don’t want her to be making that habit. I even tried the cry out method and it didn’t work with her, don’t know what to do.
Hi, I have 11 month old son, and just like your daughter he gets up 3-4 time a night, He doesnt want to sleep in his crib, I tried the Dana cry out method didnt work, he can cry for hours non stop. I need help to calm him down. Please help.
My 4.5 month son wakes up 1-3 times during the night and I must go in and give him a pacifier but I try really to not pick him up. He has slept before till the early morning hours but lately seems I must put the pacifier in his mouth more frequently. Is this normal? Should I be winging him away from the pacifier? Should I just let him cry? Please Help!
From being 6 months old Joseph has been an excellent sleeper usually 12 hours a night. He always settled himself to sleep in his cot by sucking his thumb.
He is now 13months old. Six weeks ago he became ill and had to spend two nights in hospital, this coincided with cutting two teeth. During this illness he stopped sucking his thumb and is now waking at 5 a.m. or 5.15 every morning and is obviously still tired,but seems unable to settle back to sleep. He has always snuggled a muslin cloth, but this doesn’t seem to work without his thumb!
I have also recently returned to work and Joseph has started day nursery where he seems happy and settled.
Help! We have tried all sorts of things to get him to sleep longer, but nothing has worked. We never feed him until 6.45 so he is not waking for food.
My daughter is 4.5 months old. From day dot I have taught her to self settle which she is amazing at. She is a great sleeper through the day and settles herself well but at night (her bedtime is 7ish) but she is still waking once or twice (usually 1.30am and 4.00am) through the night to feed. When she gets up she seems hungry but I don’t know whether that is me settleing her back to sleep or she is really is hungry.. how do I know and how can I cut these feeds if she doesn’t need them so she does settle into a longer sleeping pattern? Should she be sleeping longer periods without getting up or is it different strokes for different folks?