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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question is from Tammy. She writes:
“My daughter is 20 months old and has been falling asleep unaided for most of her life. She generally sleeps ten hours at night and takes one, two hour nap in a day. Lately however, she has been refusing to nap. I put her in her crib and she plays with her bear and a doll for over an hour. I tried taking the bear and the baby away, but she just cries for the whole hour. I know she must need to take a nap. I am at my wits end and she is tired and grumpy for the rest of the day. Please help!”
At 20 months old, I agree that it’s not yet time to pull the nap. The great thing is that she is falling asleep unaided and sleeps a fairly solid night. As toddlers learn new skills and their verbal ability increases, it begins to interfere with sleep. They will be anxious to try all the new things they are learning, so when they get in the crib they do a lot of chatting and sometimes sing as well. Then that can be a bit destructive to the nap environment but remember that parents have a job to do, as does the child.
Tammy, your job is to schedule a nap time and leave her to nap for a certain length of time and to give her the opportunity to take a great nap. Her job is going to sleep and she chooses that part. You really can’t force someone to sleep if they are not going to. That’s part of the frustration I know, but all you can do is set nap time is at 12:30 and have her in there until 2:00. If she has slept, that’s great. If not, just get her up and proceed with your day.
You might try experimenting with your timing of the nap. If you wait too long the child might catch a second wind and then they get a bit hyper and it is harder to settle. You might be waiting too long, depending on when she wakes up in the morning. Think about having her nap 4 ½ to 5 hours after waking.
12:30PM is a great time because you can have lunch first and then head off to nap. I find sometimes if you wait until 1:00PM or later, you run into the second wind problem. Try experimenting by 20 minutes earlier or later for a couple of days and see if that makes a difference. Make sure the room is nice and dark, so it is not too distracting to be in there. You may even have to hang a blanket over the window for nap times. There is evidence to suggest that a darkened environment stimulates melatonin, which helps us sleep.
I would not take baby or the teddy away, if that is a part of her sleep strategy and she uses them when she goes to the crib. To her it will be like taking away someone’s pillow for example, and expecting them to nap without it.
Try reminding her that it is nap time and it is time to be quiet. Just whisper to her a little or that dolly needs a nap and just try to coax her a bit. She should be a little more restful when she is in there, so even if she does not nap it is still a break, it is a rest. It can serve as a break from her stimulating environment and it gives you a break from each other too. A rest is better than nothing at all.
On the days that she does not nap I would move bedtime earlier, to compensate. So she could be in bed by 6:30PM that day, if she has had no nap and is really exhausted. Or if she does not nap, then maybe go up for a walk or a car ride later so that she can have a bit of a cat nap, to take the edge off a little until bed time. That’s okay too.
Usually these things sort of things are just a phase. I can remember all three of my children going through a nap strike for a week or two and then they got over it and back to napping they go. If you have been getting her after an hour, try waiting another 20 minutes to 30 minutes and see if that makes a difference. It might be just long enough that she finally goes to sleep.
Give that a try Tammy. Thanks for your question and sleep well!
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
My 15 month old boy sleeps great at night. Bedtime is sweet and fun and i put him in his crib awake and he falls asllep on his own for about 11 hours. Naps are a whole different story. He refuses to go down for a nap on his own. We’ve tried variations of the “let him cry” method but he just cries for over an hour and never falls asleep. He will fall asleep in the car and is ok being transferred to his crib but when he wakes up 45 minutes later he’s still tired and very very cranky. Any help you can give me would be so very appreciated. Thank you!
Hi
My 3 1/2 month old twins have suddenly stopped napping for more than an hour at a time but are still tired
I have left them to soothe themselves back to sleep but this does not work
i make sure I put them to bed when they start to show the first signs of tiredness and they generally go off very easily – just not for very long
They used to go for over 2 hours 3 times a day however are sleeping longer through the night now – could this be the reason?
Please help as I am running out of ideas and slowly going crazy!!!
Hi my name is tiffany and i have a 16 month old boy he takes naps 12 to 230 sometimes 3 the thing is when i lay him down or when his grandma lays him down to he starts crying to the point where he makes himself throw up iam a little concerned about and really need adive
After using your progam, we have finally got our 7 month old to sleep through the night. She occaisionally wakes in the night, but goes back to sleep.
Our problem is the naps! After 2 months, she STILL crys and fights every nap. I’m completely worn out. I do not feed her to sleep, she doesn’t have anything in her crib but a lovey, and she crys for sometimes 30 minutes before falling asleep, and then often only sleeps 30 – 40 minutes. I’m so frustrated and I am so tired of the crying. I have a short nap routine (on change pad, sing song, change diaper, sing another song and into crib). Please help me…I can’t take this any more and am tempted to start feeding her to nap again.
I’m trying to get my 4 month old on a napping schedule and I’m having trouble. I’m not sure how long he should be napping and if I should let him cry it out to get him onto a schedule. Sometimes he goes on a nap on his own, but he is mainly in the carseat when he falls asleep, his bouncer, or the swing. As soon as I put him in his crib, he almost always cries.
Hi Dana,
I have a 3 weeks old baby who is up every 5mins to be fed.Is it normal? She is being breastfed only,she just does sleep at all!
Is it normal? She wants food only!
Thanks!
Hi Dana
I have a 3 month old who has slept no more than 12 hours in any 24 hour period since i started monitoring it at 3.5 weeks. I cannot get him to sleep during the day. I am about to start the sleep program to correct his night settling which is currently done with either feeding or rocking. But he will not settle during the day and i am not sure that there is any information on this in the sleep program. I might get him to sleep a couple of hours straight if i put him in the swing chair. At night it can take us 2 hours to settle him (7-9pm), he will the wake anywhere from 2-4am, then again at 6am.. then 7am. I am hoping to sort the nights with the program – will this result in better day sleeps also? I am falling apart and feel like i am failing. We also have a 2.5 year old who is a breeze… the day times are destroying me! any advice would be great for me – i have run out of options.
I’m having trouble with my 17mo old taking naps. We did the cry it out technique at bed time and as hard as it was he’s sleeping perfectly at night. But over the last couple of weeks he’s started refusing to take a nap. He’s tired and gets completly relaxed in my arms but as soon as I place him in his crib the drama starts. He crys and wants me to pick him back up. If I do he falls right back to sleep and then it starts over as soon as I try to lay him down again. If I dont pick him up he crys himself to sleep, but sometimes it takes an hour and then wakes after about 45 min to 1hr of napping and is just as exhausted. To make matters more frustrating I work two days a week and on those two days he naps just fine for my mother. I’m expecting our second and she’ll be here in a week I’m starting to get really worried that this fight is because he’s sensing the changes coming, and letting him cry for naps is only gong to make him more determined to want to be with me to nap than before. Am I doing this wrong and creating more of a problem when the baby comes? Does he need this time with me to reassure him that the changes coming won’t affect my love for him or should I stick with not giving in an hope this resolves itself before the baby comes?
I have been using your sleep program on my 11 month son, for the past 3 months and seemed to be working, however, he has now learnt how to stand in his cot but doesnt seem to be able to lie back down by himself so stands crying until I lie him down.
Because of this, I have ended up sitting in the room until he falls asleep and have to keep lying him down everytime he stands up, which is on average around 17 times before he decides to settle down and go to sleep.
He has also started to wake at around 12.30am and I have to do the same to get him back to sleep. I have tried leaving him for 10 mins when he wakes but he gets louder and louder as I think he is unable to lie down!!!
Is there anything I can do to get back to being able to put him in his cot and leave the room straight away?
Thanks
Clare
my 2 yr old will not nap and if she does she will not sleep at night. if she has a nap it will be 1am or 2am before she falls asleep at night is there something i could try to help her.
Are 4 years olds too old to nap? My four year old sleeps well at night, but refuses to take a nap or quiet time. He is so wound up by the end of the day and I get so frustrated because he didn’t nap! I can tell that he could have benefited from at least a quiet time… but he just wont do it. I really only try and have him nap twice a week…am I asking too much of my 4 year old? I don’t think so…
Hi,
I have a 6 month old who sleeps 11 hours at night and pretty much goes to sleep on her own. If she wakes at night she will talk herself back to sleep. My problem is she only naps for 40 minutes at a time during the day and has to use a pacifier. How can I get her to nap longer during the day and to get rid of the paci since she doesn’t use it at night?
Hi Dana! My 4 month old twins are really struggling with daytime naps. They typically take about 3 naps a day and go down fairly easy but both of them wake about 20 minutes into the nap and cry. Unfortunately, once I get them back to sleep (I usually go in and comfort them in place) they inevitably cry 2-3 more times throughout the nap. I experimented with letting them wake fully when they fuss the first time but after they are awake it’s obvious that they need more sleep. With two babies, I am surely on double duty. Any suggestions to help them nap more peacefully? Also, how many hours do you suggest that they nap during the day? Thanks!
Hello Dana
I really hope you can help me. My son is nearly 19 weeks old and when he was about 7 weeks old he slept through the night for about a week from 10pm to 7.30am. After that he started waking in the night again. At about 3 months we went away for 3 nights to Devon and he had a bloked nose in the night and was waking every couple of hours. As I was breastfeeding I fed him whenever he woke up as wasn’t sure how else I could get him back to sleep. Since then he was waking at about 1am then 3am and then 5am. I stopped feeding him during the night as was told he would get used to it. Instead I would put the hairdryer on low and he would go straight back to sleep. The trouble is now when I turn the hairdryer off again he wakes up straight away. He will normally go to bed of a night about 7.30 and gets himself off to sleep without the hairdryer. He started on solids last week but is still the same waking up always between 2am – 4am. If i leave him to chatter away he eventually starts gettin stressed out. I put him in his cot in his own room last night, had to put hairdryer on to get him to sleep and he woke as normal at 2.40am. I am desperate to know what I can do as realise that can’t have hairdryer on every night and know he will be in habit of being used to me doing it. Please help! Thanks very much
Gail
My 2yr that WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. I have no problem with her getting her to take a nap but when it is time for bed she just won’t go to sleep. Bed time is around 8:30pm. But it is usally between 10pm and midnight before she goes to sleep. WHAT DO WE DO? My husband and i can’t keep this up. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!
My 7 month old has been sleeping unaided for the past 3 months. Lately she will not go to sleep for the evening unless she is rocked to sleep. She just got over a bad cold so we had to rock her a couple of times to help her fall asleep. How can I stop this before it turns into a habit? Or is this the start of separation anxiety?
My son is nearly 4 months old and is having trouble sleeping during the day and at night. During the day he will only have 30 minute catnaps but when he wakes up he is clearly still tired and needs more sleep however he won’t go back to sleep. In order to get him to even have these catnaps I have to gently nurse/rock him to sleep. I find that if I let him sleep on me he will sleep for a lot longer (like 1-2 hours). At night time I also have to gently rock him to sleep on me and then when I put him in his cot he sometimes wakes up and will not settle himself to sleep, as soon as I pick him up he is asleep but I try to put him back into bed and he wakes again. If I let him stay on me he stays asleep. I then put him into bed after about an hour and he generally stays asleep. He then wakes up at about 1am for a bottle and then goes back down to sleep. Then he wakes again at about 5am and will only got back to sleep if I put him into bed with us and he will sleep until about 8am. Please help to get the day time sleeps longer and to help get him to sleep through the night without us having to put him to sleep!!
Hi Dana,
My daughter Teya is now 14 months old and since the day she was born as I remember I have been sleeping from 2am till 11am with getting up every 2 hours to nurse her and now I don’t even remember how it feels to get a one full night continues sleep. She never wanted to sleep in her crib and now she sleeps with me. As I started reading your helpful tips and decided to quit the breastfeeding, it has been just one day but I already feel it’s working really well for both of us.
My question is, before I used to keep her awake as much as I can till she feels really sleepy so she could sleep deep at night, yesterday I put her to bed at 10pm and she slept about two hours and then got up at 12am and was running around till 2 am. How do I teach her to sleep continuesly?
Thank you,
Suvi
i have a two month old baby and i just took away his binky because he is nursing funny and chomping and clicking so i thought he might have nipple confusion, any way he is having a hard time taking naps now that he doesn’t have a binky..how can i change this routine?
My daughter just turned a year and about one week before her birthday she got the flu and was not sleeping well because of it. now that she is all better she has decided that I can put her to sleep just fine but after an hour she wakes up and wont go back to sleep no matter what I do unless I sleep with her on the couch or take her mattress out of her crib and sleep on the floor beside her. When I don’t give in she will just stand in her crib shack the bars and scream till I do give in. I am hoping you have some new suggestion that I could try because I want to sleep in my bed again.
Thank you ,
Sarah
My 6 month old daughter Dembe is becoming increasingly associated with breast feeding to sleep and waking 4 times/night in order to feed to sleep again. Is there a way I can get her out of this habit without too many tears? Her day naps are not consistent. She is bottle fed during the day and only takes enough to stop feeling hungry and catches up with breastfeeding at night. We are all very sleep deprived.
Thanks Tanya
My child is 4 1/2 months old and I would like to try the sleepsense program. The best time to start would be on the weekends. Any suggestions on how to work with naps while we are at church. Her naptime usually is due an hour before church is over but she has difficulties sleeping during the service and sleeps a max of 20 minutes. If I wait too long until after church is over, she is overtired and has a harder time going down and often she gets her power nap in the car on the way home. Any suggestions?
My daughter is 22 mos. old and we have always rocked her to sleep, i though this was good bonding between us, but now i have created a bad habit im afraid. She will lay down with us at night time usually around 8:30 and she “has” to watch dora the explorer, another bad habit we are learning. Once she watch’s an episode or two she will fall asleep, then we carry her to bed. We just recently got her a “big girl bed” and she loves it. She still wakes up in the middle of the night and crys until one of us my husband or myself go in and get her and rock her back to sleep. I hope its not to late to teach her to go to bed on her own and to sleep all night, or if she does wake up to put herself back to sleep. I need some advise on the best way to start this task. I would love to sleep to all night and for her to also, please help. Thank You :)
My daughter is having difficulty napping at her daycare provider. She has her own darkened room, her play & pack and the caregiver follows a similar routine that I have at home with my daughter. At home, my daughter at 12 months has a 2 hour nap in the morning, 2 hour nap in the afternoon and sleeps 12 hours at night. Any more suggestions to help with this transition?
Thanks,
Carolyn
Hi Dana,
Please help! My son Taylor is 8months old, when its time for him to go to bed, he wont go to sleep unless he has his dummy and being cradled untill he falls asleep, and only when he is in a deep sleep can we put him down in his cot. then he wakes up around 4.30 every morning, how can i get him to sleep till around 6.30-7am? please help. thank you!
My 19mth old son has always had difficulties falling asleep – still kicks up a fuss now when he is put to sleep – but once asleep generally slept through until at least 6.30am. During the last approximately 7 weeks, he has been waking at 2am or 3am and won’t go back to sleep for a couple of hours (he wants to play!). My husband and I are at our wits’ end and don’t know how to address the problem. He falls asleep with one of us in his room with him, which I am sure is part of the problem (sleep association) but if we put him down and walk out of his room, he screams and cries interminably.
I have 23 month old twins. One is a fabulous sleeper and the other is not. How can I ensure that they both get good sleep and naps without having one disrupt the other and without separating them? For example, last night for some reason, my “bad sleeper” cried off and on from 2am-4am. Then my “good” sleeper was awake for the day at 6:45 and this woke up my “bad” sleeper who surely could have benefited from sleeping in! Another example is that my “good” sleeper often falls right to sleep but sometimes my “bad” sleeper cries for a while. I let him cry it out but I often go in there after about 20 minutes to quickly reassure him but then me being in there wakes my “good”sleeper! Any suggestions? Thank you!!
Hello there my little boy has just turned 13months up until he was 6months he used too sleep in his cot and fall asleep in his cot with me reading a story to him and sleep for ages !
But when my mum went on hoilday and she asked me to look after her house he would not sleep in his travel cot and his cot at home was far to big to move ! so i took him in the bed with me and since then he will not go back into his cot !
Renctly when he falls alseep in his buggie at nite and day i am putting him in but he is only lasting 1hour or so then getting up crying ! i have too take him back in the bed or hes up four hours plus while he is in the bed he gets up 3 or 4 times and has to have a drink of jucie to fall back alseep bad habit !!!! i really want to get him sleepin in his cot as i have another baby boy on the way which is due in july at the beggning and i am exhuasted i would love youre help many thanks!
Also he is not using a tummy or anything like that he is teething at the momeant but has never had any trouble with it really please help !!!!!!
Hi Dana
We are having huge problems with my toddlers sleeping. She has not slept the night through since she was 6 months (now 2yrs 2 mths) We have tried all the sleeping techniques we have found (tried them for a few months at a time) and she always reverts back to her “normal” sleep pattern. We have consulted health proffessionals, ENT specialist, paed and GP and midwives and they all said it was a stage and she would grow out of it. 18 months later, it is still happening despite our efforts to change it. She wakes during the night (anywhere from midnight to 5 am) and is wide awake and won’t resettle and go back to sleep. She was really good at resettling up to about 8 months. She used to wake and play, but now she is in a big bed she gets up and stands at the door whining. We have a gate at her door to stop her coming into bed with us. My husband has sleep apnea and iron deficiency runs in my side of the family and we were told these were possible causes by our ENT. We are chronically sleep deprived, and are desperate for some help. She wakes tired and crabby and now we have a 4 month old, we are not coping. Please help!!
We have been fairly successful so far with the ‘sleepsense’ programme, though I am still having some trouble with naps. My son is now putting himself to bed every night at 6.30 on the dot after a routine etc, he then can sleep for about 12 hours and only occasionally wakes up crying once (and puts himself to sleep again within minutes). This is great and I am just starting to come out of my sleep deprived fug (thank you). During the day though he will not sleep for more than an hour at a time (twice a day). He is still very grouchy when he does wake and leaving him to cry hasn’t worked so far as he just gets really distressed. It is clear that he does need a bit more sleep because of his mood. Does he just need to settle into the nightime thing for a bit longer (it has only been 2 weeks)?
My baby is 8 1/2 months old, and we are doing the daytime nap battle. I have postnatal depression and find that the battle to get my daughter to sleep or even have quiet time is very stressful and can ruin an entire day. She stands up in the cot, and after a while gets frustrated and cries. I have tried leaving her, but she cries and cries until I can’t stand it any longer. I can also spend hours going in and laying her down every time she stands up. She is in her cot at the first sign of tiredness, but we have also tried leaving it, at the risk of her being over tired. We have tried moving her bedtime forward in the evening to compensate, but have the same results. She is teething, so we make sure that pain isn’t the cause. HELP!
We took away from our daughter pacifier when she was 5months old. She very quickly replaced it with her thumb. Now our daughter is 16 months and she naps and sleeps well but she is always using sucking her thumb as her falling asleep strategy. What shall we do to stop her bad habit? Should we re-introduce pacifier as we can take that away but we can’t do very much about her thumb? Please, help us!
My son is now 5 months old and refuses to sleep in his own bed for more then 15 min. and on top of that i can’t put him to bed it has to be someone other then me or he will just cry. He will not take naps unless i nurse him to sleep and slowly sneak away. and most of the time the naps only last 15min. any suggestions on how to get him to sleep at night?
My 7 month old son is not sleeping well at night up until 5 months he was sleeping right up until 6 in the morning but now he goes to sleep around 9 after being rocked and then decides to wake up at 3 to be rocked again its turning into a nightmare we just don’t know how to get him to sleep through the whole night im at my wits end. I have tried the crying theory, bathing at night but nothing seems to work he goes back to bed at 3 only to be up at 6 again for a feed then up at 8 im totally exhausted and im back to work next month so please help i need to get him to sleep through the night. Can you help?
Our daughter is a little over 6 months now. She sounds very similar to another post contributed by Aimee. She sleeps well at night. She’s in bed at night around 7:00. Sometimes she falls asleep nursing and sometimes she’s awake and fusses a minute or two before falling asleep in the crib. She used to sleep until 7 am (before Daylight Savings). Sometimes she’d sleep all night and other times she’d wake up with one feeding. After daylight savings, she sleeps until 8:30 am. I think this is because we got a shade for her room since it is still very light when I’m putting her to bed. Her nighttime sleep is usually very good. Lately, she’s been waking up twice during the night. The first time is around 1 or 2 and the second time around 5 or 6. I change her diaper, feed her, and put her back to bed.
Naps are another story. She has always (since about 6 weeks old) been a 30 minute napper. It doesn’t matter how much activity she’s had, how long she’s been awake, if I’ve bounced her to sleep, or left her to cry. I had her on a schedule of waking up at 7, nap at 9, 1, and 4 (based on the recommendations of information in Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child) and she still only sleeps for 30 minutes. I read the book Baby Whisperer and think that when she woke up after 30 minutes around 6 weeks old and I went to her immediately, I probably caused the problem. I’ve tried letting her cry after waking up and she just cries and cries. She might fall back asleep for a couple of minutes. But, then she wakes up and cries more. I’ve also tried soothing her back to sleep, but that doesn’t work either.
After these catnaps, she is a very fussy feeder. I know it’s because she’s tired. The rare times that she has slept longer than 30 minutes (usually from being held), she is a joy to feed. There are times that I get so tired of these fussy feedings that I’m in tears, too.
I feel like she would sleep even better at night if her naps were better. I’ve learned that sleep really does lead to more and better sleep.
What can I do to help her to sleep longer for her naps? I’ve read so many books and asked so many people for advice. No one really knows how to help me. I’d greatly appreciate any suggestions.
My son is 5 1/2 months old and is not sleeping through the night. He doesn’t have any problem sleeping on his own, I just put him in the crib and give him his pacifier and blanket.
The problem is that after he falls asleep, he spits the pacifier and when he wakes-up during the night he needs the pacifier in order to sleep again. He still doesn’t know how to find the pacifier and put in his mouth. Any suggestion?
My son will be 3 in July and he is refusing to nap. We put him down in his room for nap time usually around 12:30 but he jumps put of bed, jumps around the room, climbs the gate in front of his door to get out and tells us he is not tired. Can he be done with naps already or what is your advise to help hime take a nap? I feel like we have tried everything!
My six month old wakes up at least 2 times a night for his binki to fall back asleep. How do I help him fall back asleep without me have to go in and put his binki in? If I get in there quick enough he falls right back to sleep if I don’t he wakes up totally and I end up going in a lot more. I don’t pick him up or feed him it is strictly for his binki. He is also only sleeping 11 hours a night since I cut the 5:30 bottle. If I feed him at 5:30 he sleeps till 9 but now he is waking up between 6:30-7:00. Please help me!
My 12 month daughter has a very good sleep at night and two naps during the days , every thing is perfect just she goes to sleep by pacifier how can I wean her she spits it when she falls sleep but whenever during the night that she wakes up looks for it and puts it again in her mouth , please help
My son is 34 months & still wakes up between1&4 times a night. He either cant find his dummy or wants milk or just a hug!
He has no problems going to sleep,he just wont stay asleep. He is still in his cot but will be going into a bed very soon. My second chlid is due in June. I really dont have the energy to keep getting up to him. He still has occasional naps during the day. Controlled crying doesnt work neither can I reason with him.Help.
Hi my baby boy is 5months old. He is hard at times to get him to take a whole bottle or any!! Especially in the evening when he is tired and grouchy,he takes a good size bowl of baby cereal before bed and goes down around 7 but wakes again the after 12 and takes a whole 9ounze bottle! He will wake again between 4 and 5am and take a further 7 ounzes and goes back to sleep as hes drinking it.. Then its back to not wanting a bottle when wakening and will only take a spoon feed until mid morning he will take a bottle. Is his night feeding a habit or because he isnt getting enuf in the day. Im afraid he has been wakening out of habit and dont know how to fix it!!
Hi
Ellis is 5 months old, he had been ‘sleeping through’ for a couple of months, sleeping through I mean not waking for night feed. Over the last 6 weeks however he cries out when his soother falls out of his mouth, this can be over 40 times during the night and is getting tiring to say the least. I don’t what to do, and was hoping for some guidance from you. We have tried not giving him the soother when he’s not sleepy, so he doesn’t become reliant on it. Funny thing is, we have started to put him in our bed, he goes to sleep soundly without his soother!!!!
Thanks Justin
My nine month old twins are consistently waking between 5am and 6am in the morning. This is a substantial improvement on what they were doing a couple of weeks ago (i.e.waking two or three times in the night and taking up to two hours to settle), but I am finding it hard getting up so early. I have tried settling them back to sleep (usually by patting them) and have also let them cry it out (they cry for over an hour) but have not been successful in extending their sleep. How can I encourage them to sleep longer? Should I reduce their daytime sleeps (approx 3 hours in total)? Should I put them to bed later (currently 7pm)?
Our son is 20 months old. He already had a period of about 3 months in which he was falling asleep all by himself, both for his nap and at night. Now, and for the past 2 months we have to stay in the room till he falls asleep. If I try to walk out he cries non stop until I give up and come to sit next to him. Lately his been taking longer and longer to fall asleep, about an hour and even longer. He usually goes to bed between 7:30 to 8:30.
We are expecting our second son in about a month or so, and worried we should work this out before the birth.
Hopefully, your input and wisdom can “save” us…
Thanks
hi
i have a 8mth baby boy who wont sleep in the day unless we are in the car or going for a walk
at night he wakes around 4 times
could you please help me
Hi Dana:
My 16 month old son only falls asleep while nursing. I have tried putting him down before he is asleep but it NEVER works. He starts crying like crazy so I eventually nurse him again to try and calm him down and to get him to sleep. I don’t mind at night but I need to go back to work so I need to get him to go to sleep without me at least for his naps. Please help!!!
Hi Dana,
My husband and I are having quite the trouble with getting our 2 1/2 yr old daughter to sleep each night, and I hope you can help us out. We try to get her to bed around 7:30 (after bath and story time), but immediately after turning off the lights and saying goodnight, she gets up to ‘go potty’. This can go on for the next hour or so, and has exhausted both my husband and myself. Also, we have caught her several times in the last few weeks getting up and turning on her bedroom light in the dead of night- I am talking 2 and 3 am- to play in her room. Again, we turn lights off and tuck her in, but as soon as we leave the room, she turns the light back on to play again. Please help- she ends up sleeping around 10-12 hrs each night, and usually takes a nap each day of 1-2 hrs., but I’d like to make bedtime easier for all of us!
I am a single mom of 2 babies. My 2 year old and 9 month old share a bedroom and both are early risers (sometimes 5am or 5:30am) Sometimes when one wakes, the other automatically wakes as well. Their bedtime was 8pm so I recently have been trying 7:40pm instead to see if that makes a difference. So far not too much of a difference and I’m not sure I should put them down any earlier. My 9 month old often wakes up around 4 am as well but can usually fall back asleep. I’ve tried many of the things the books suggest to get them both to sleep a little later i.e. ocean sounds to keep noise and distraction to a minimum, good evening routine including snack, bath, bottle for baby, brushing teeth and reading. I don’t know what else to do. I’m a single mom and really need whatever sleep I can get. Please help!
Hi Dana
My twin 2 yr. old boys have had unassisted sleep for nap time at about 11:30 am for 2 hrs. and going down for the night at 7:30pm for 12hrs. they just turned 2 and it seems their schedules are changing to later naps if any and later night time sleep. The other issue is that we had to convert their cribs to toddler beds and find it difficult to keep them in and not running around the room. It is worse for nap time than at night. The only thing that does seem to work is temporarily taking away the pacifier from one and the others lovey if they get out of bed. I don’t want to be mean but I don’t want them to think it’s a game that I keep going into their room every time I hear the pitter patter of their little feet .
My son is 2 1/2 year old has really never slept all night even though he never goes to bed before 10:30 -11.00 pm & still wakes up tossing & turning and flipping and flopping for about 3/4 times at night…… He doesn have his own room and doesn like to sleep in his crib since he was baby (which is in our room ) and finally shares same bed as us so by him not sleeping properly keeps me tired n restless next day …. I really wonder even if he wakes up at 8.00 am and takes only one nap of 1 1/2 hrs during day at his Pre school why doesn he sleep early/properly at night… Can u please HELP me out or give me suggestion how to encourage him to sleep more independently ??as I really want him to learn to sleep on his own and through out the night so I can spend some time with my Husband ……
Wow; your a very busy women, with all these e-mails. My problem is I have a 9 month old girl, Ruby, who wont sleep through the night. And since shes been born I’ve had a problem with Insomnia. I’m absolutely exhausted. If I do manage to fall asleep, she wakes me up for a feed. And that’s it I can’t go back to sleep. I need her to sleep through, so I can sleep through. Your help would be much appreciated.
My 32month old will not nap at home. He sleeps at daycare fine from 12-2. But he has always put up a fight with me at home. Recently, he just plays for that 1.5. I know you said that is ok, when you answered Tammy’s question. But I have been taking TV priviledges away if he does not nap. He is in a toddler bed so he does get up and play. At night there is a smaller battle but he seems to be more tired at night and eventually gives in after about an hour.
I’m worried my daughter Sumayah who is 6 weeks old isn’t having enough sleep. she sleeps about 10 hours a night but doesn’t sleep atall in the day even though I can see she is very,very tired, she crys all day and is very grouchy. She also only sleeps at night if I hold her or rock her to sleep. Whats the best way to get to nap though the day? How can I encourage her to sleep by herself? please help
hi there my son elijah is 7 months old he has 2 possible 3 sleeps through the day sometimes none depending on what we are doing.
He goes to bed Between 730 and 830 and most nights sleeps right thru but lately he has been waking up early hours and sometimes its just to play or cry or for no reason at all .
im still breast feeding thru the day and he is on solids 3 times a day and his last feed of the day is a formula bottle .
is he teethin or is there a solution to getting him to sleep all the way thru the night.
if he does sleep right thru its from 830 till about 730 8 so when he wakes during night other times its unusual and frustrating a little any ideas thanks
My baby is only 4 weeks old. Is that too young
for him to sleep? All he does is eat every 2 hours and cry. If he overeats he throws up. I think he is nursing and using me as a pacifier. But he won’t take one. I am exhausted, my husband is exhausted and so is Benjamin.
My pediatrician said that that is normal as he is
looking to be comforted. My husband took him
in the middle of the night to the car as he falls
asleep as soon as we take off.
I have a 2 1/2 year old that has really never really slept all night so we recently had his tonsils and adenoids taken out thinking that his tonsils were causing him breathing problems at night and that was 6 weeks ago and has slept all night one night. He wakes up groaning and tossing and turning and flipping and flopping, I will even go in and lay down with him and he still wakes up doing the same things so it makes me think something is hurting him. Do you have any suggestions?
I’m worried that despite my best efforts, I am still sleep prop for my 11 week old son. As the sleep program suggests I put him in his cot awake. I do this at about 45 min -1hr after he wakes. However, he still seems very alert at this point and not ready for sleep. He stays calm for a moment or two, but then starts crying regardless of whether I stay with him or leave the room (I have also tried comforting touches to reassure him while he is still in his cot, but this does not settling him). So then I try picking him up and calming him and then putting him back. However, while I’m doing pick up-put down, he starts to fall asleep, no matter how quickly I try to return him to his cot once he’s calm. So, in the end, he not settling himself as he’s not awake when he finally goes down. Admittedly, he’s not completely asleep either (i.e. still moving around, sometimes his eyes open and close, but definitely part of the way there). When he does go to sleep it’s usually between 1 hour and half and 2 hours since his last sleep and he only ever naps for 1 cycle during the day. At night, he sleeps for much longer stretches (thank goodness), but always requires picking up to settle him. How can encourage him to sleep more independently? I have already adopted sleep rituals for both nap and bed times. How can I encourage him to take longer naps. I try to resettle him, but I have never been successful, he is always wide awake
I have a guilty confession…my son is 18 months old and nurses to sleep for his naps. Sometimes I nap with him and others I just hold him in my lap. Our apartment building is surrounded by heavy construction (they’re demolishing a building behind and a building in front). I afraid that I’ve waited too long to nap train and also that there is just too much noise for him to go to sleep unassisted. He goes to sleep on his own at night and generally sleeps for 10 – 12 hours. We’re moving in 3 months and he’ll need to be in daycare or preschool. Is it possible to nap train him before then without completely weaning him?
Is 3 hours of crying okay? — Our 6-month-old daughter is a spirited baby and will resist napping on all accounts. We practice your stay in the room method and lately she has been screaming(!) for 3 or more hours before falling asleep. I attempt naps after 2-hours of awake time. Due to her length of crying, sometimes we achieve 2 naps a day and sometimes 1 nap a day. After 1.5 hours, I usually take her out of the room for 20 minutes. And then I try again. I don’t know what else to do.
my baby kyla is 13mnths, she wakes every few hrs for a short while, have stopped giving her water and sometimes she gets herself back to sleep but when she cries too long i give her water to settle her, should i stop the water and if so what do i do to settle her?
My 2 year old doesn’t like to go to bed before 10:30 pm, she won’t even stay in her room! I’ve tried taking her in there and placing her on the bed without saying a word…this went on for over a week and hasn’t done anything to get her to sleep. We’ve tried putting on a movie to keep her in bed, but she doesn’t stay. I’ve tried everything I can think of, even taking away her afternoon nap. Nothing has helped. HELP! My husband and I want our time back at night. My 6 year old is asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow at 8:30 pm and my 3 month old is asleep at 8 pm. We are at our wits end!
In an effort to do everything right, I feel like I have done everything wrong. My 2-year-old daughter is a terrible sleeper. At night, she will only sleep in our bed. Early on, she did so poorly in her crib (she would get so upset that she would projectile vomit everywhere – she only slept in it a total of two times) that we brought her to our bed. Her nighttime routine requires that I lay down with her until she falls asleep. This usually takes an hour of laying in the dark and by the time she falls asleep I am too exhausted to get back up. Naps are just as bad. She will fight them off, often not falling asleep until between 4pm and 6pm, far too close to bedtime. She typically wakes up at least once during the night (usually between 2am and 4am) and asks for a cup of milk. If she doesn’t get it, she will work herself completely awake and can be up for the rest of the night. I thought this would get easier as she got older but it is only getting worse. I feel like a zombie. Any advice?
My son just turned 9 months old. He has never been a “good” sleeper. Meaning, he never has taken naps for very long and at night he sleeps b/t 10-11 hrs, usually with one awakening.
We have been struggling with the naps probably since about 2 months old. The longest nap he has ever taken was probably 2 hrs, and this is quite rare. Some days he goes takes no naps and other days he will take 1-2, 30 min naps.
We have followed several methods, cry it out, Ferber. We stick to a strict schedule, first nap 2 hrs after waking (if he wakes up at 6am) and a second one at around 1pm.
He usually does one of two things. He will cry for a couple of minutes then fall asleep, but wake up in 30 minutes happy as can be OR he will throw a tantrum…kick his legs, bang his hands, wiggles his body, cry and cry. The worst part is the longer that I wait to go in and check on him, the louder and more aggressive he gets. He has gone sometimes for 3 hrs (this was a middle of the night waking).
Typically he gets about 11-12 hrs total of sleep per day and this has probably been since he was 3 months old. He is growing fine and developmentally on tract.
We try so many things to tire him out throughout the day. He has a jumper, a walker, we take him to swim classes (once per week), we started letting him splash and play more in the tub after dinner. He sometimes gets really cranky, fussy, but he still will not let himself take naps.
He is at a sitters house 3x/week, and he is the same with her.
I am just wondering why he doesn’t seem to need sleep? And what can I do to get him to need it.
I have a 30 month old son and we are expecting our second in July. My son is still in his crib and is showing no signs of wanting out, he loves it! We will be needing the second crib for the new baby eventually, probably around November when baby is 3-4 mo’s old. At what point should we transition our son to a toddler bed? Should we wait until after baby is here and we actually need the crib, or should we transition him before the baby comes. My fear is he will feel pushed out and resist if we do it after baby comes.
I have an almost identical problem to Pamela with my 13 month old son. Now that he is moving to one later and longer nap around lunchtime, he struggles to make it to bedtime and often he falls asleep around 5.30pm (especially in the car on the way home from nursery). Since this is so close to bedtime, should I let him nap or try to keep him awake for an earlier bedtime? Or, like Pamela, how can I get him to nap longer in the day time so that he can make it to bedtime at 7.30pm?
My daughter, Josephine, is just 3 years old and still wakes up during the night. She has dropped her afternoon nap and usually goes to bed ok at about 7pm. But wakes up like clock work between about 3 and 4am. She says she wants a “Mummy cuddle” which I give her. If I didn’t she would scream the house down and get to the stage where she is almost sick! Often it takes several cuddles and sometimes up to an hour to get her back to sleep. She can then be awake properly from about 6-6.30am. It seems to have got worse since we got rid of her dummy. What can I try and do to stop the early waking or get her back to sleep quickly?
Hi,
I have twin girls. They are sleeping about 11 1/2 hours at night (they do wake up sometimes for their pacifier which a lot of the time i have to get! but they are getting better) and 2 naps during the day approx 1 to 1 1/2 hours each nap. My concern is that WHENEVER they wake up they start crying but loudly. I always hear about children staying in their crib playing etc, mine just want to get out and fast!
In the morning and after each nap. Why? what is causing this? and how can we stop it? or at least minimize it?
thanks
Eva
My 15 month old falls asleep unassisted for naps and bedtime, but is now starting to drop down to one nap. When he took two, each nap was about 1 to 1 1/2 hours. When he takes one nap the nap only lasts about an hour to an hour and a half. Then he has a hard time making it to bedtime. He has been going to bed at 6 pm because he is sooo cranky. Is there anything I can do to help him take a longer nap in the middle of the day? He sleeps a good 11 1/2 to 12 hours at night.
My son is 9 months old. He has been on a very consistent routine for nearly all his life. Eats dinner, has a bath, reads books and gets a bottle before being rocked off to sleep. Tends to fall asleep on the bottle most of the time. All bad habits i realize since i haven’t taught him to go to sleep – therefore, when he wakes up… we have to help him back down. I am opposed to the cry it out method and flat out refuse to do any of those tactics. However, lately, he is not taking to the norm. He will not go to sleep on the bottle. He starts a major meltdown and gets into hysterics. His eyes are closed and he is beyond tired, but there is nothing we can do to soothe him. No bottle, no binky, no rocking – nothing. This has been going on for a few days now where he is hysterical for 30-40 minutes before he literally passes out on our shoulders from the fit. Do you have any suggestions to address this?
PS – don’t believe this is gas or teething etc either. He is in a perfectly good mood until the lights go off after books and we sit for the bottle. Then the waterworks start.
AGGHHHHHHHH! :-)
my daughter is 5 years old in May and I still have to take her to bed and sleep with her till she falls asleep and most nights end up falling asleep with her which leaves little time to get things done. she would awake as soon as I leave the bed. I have done this since she was about a year old. I have tried everything as in crying out, moving further from the bed each night etc but nothing seems to work she has a fear of being on her own. have you any ideas as to what I can do to help her to sleep on her own and to go to bed on her own.
My son, Ethan, is 12 months old and still has not slept through the night. I know that the main reason is that I always end up comforting him to sleep. I have tried to put him to bed awake, and let him cry it out, sitting beside the crib comforting him with words…my problem is that he shares a room with our 6 year old, who has to get up for school in the mornings and can not be kept up by Ethan’s crying. How do I create a bedtime routine, and get Ethan confident enough to go to sleep on his own, without interrupting my older son’s sleep? I also have gotten into the habit of getting him right away when he wakes up in the night, so that he doesn’t wake his big brother. I know that I am to blame for Ethan’s sleep problems, but how do I go about fixing it without waking my older son? I am willing to try just about anything, I have not gotten a full night’s sleep since I was 7 months pregnant!! Help!
My son is 18 months old and is quiet when I leave him at bedtime but after about 20 mins he will start to cry and will alternate between crying and talking for about an hour before he will finally go to sleep. I try and only go up to settle him again if he is crying for longer than 5 mins. When I go in, he will quickly lie back down in his cot but after another 15 mins or so he will start again. Is there anything I can do to shorten this process so he goes to sleep quicker. He is getting more tired during the day as he doesn’t get to sleep much before 8pm now. His bedtime has always been 7pm.
My son is now 8 months old and although his sleeping habbits have gotten better he is still waking up at least two times a night. Once for a bottle and once ready to play. I have to lay down with him in order to get him back to sleep. My son also wakes up frequently within the first 2 to 3 hours after laying him down fussing before putting himself back to sleep. He has a solid routine and is put to bed at the same time every night. Even though he is getting better about sleeping, is there anything else I can do?
I have a 5 month old boy who has trouble staying asleep. I normally rock him to sleep at night and was wondering if it was best to read a book and then just lay him in his crib. He suffers from eczema and was wondering if that would be a reason why he wakes up so often kicking his legs like crazy!
My daughter is 13 months and no matter what I try she will not go through the night, she used to until she started teething and cought a cold and things have just gone down hill since then. She gets herself off to sleep when I put her to bed but when she wakes in the night she cries until I give in and give her a bottle and sometimes even that wont settle her for another hour or so, Ive tried controlled crying but she goes on for hours. I cant feed her anymore than I do in the day time so that rules out hunger, I’ve made sure she is dry, not too hot and not too cold etc, Ive tried a night light incase she is unaware of where she is or frightened. Im just at my wits end now, me and my partner are so tired I just dont know what else to try? Please help?
My 3 year old has a pacifier only to fall asleep. When I go to bed it is out of her mouth and she sleeps all night. How do I take it away without tears. I tried when she turned 3 a week ago and told her that 3 year olds don’t have them, and we had to give it to a baby and she cried for 3 hours. I couldn’t handle putting her through that so I gave it to her.
My son is 5mnths in a week and he still need to be rocked or walk around the room before going off to sleep, or you have to lay him down on a bed and lay beside him before he goes off to sleep.
My son is 4 1/2 months old. We just started feeding him rice cereal and he loves it. We now feed him cereal right before bedtime at 7:30pm and again in the morning. We had hoped this would help him sleep through the night, however it has not helped at all. Like I said we put Jack to bed at 7:30 after cereal and a bottle. Every night is different, but he usually wakes up at 11:30, 3:30, 5:00 and then about 6:30 for the day. We had been offering him a bottle every time he wakes up as it seems to get him to bed faster. And during the day it can be hard to get him to finish a full bottle. What can I do?
My son is 2 years old and naps each day at daycare for 2 hours, no problems at all. On the weekends he will not nap for me or my husband. He is great with bedtime each night at 7:30, goes to bed awake after we read a book. He will nap for his grandparents just fine too. Why is it he will not nap for us? What can we try to get him to nap on the weekends??
Maddox falls asleep nursing at 7:30, then wakes up 4-5 times during the night and I have to nurse him back to sleep!!!!!!! He is almost 6 months old!!!! HELP!
My daughter is 5 weeks old. She has a hard time falling asleep on her own. Especially at night. After she feeds she needs to be held. She will fall asleep on me and when I out her down she wakes up and crys. I do this back and forth for 2 hours before she will sleep. At this point, she needs to feed in another hour so I am not sleeping much and neither is she. This is not every night but the majority of the nights. Any suggestions? I want to get her on a good schedule to eventually sleep all night.
My daughter is 9 months old and puts herself to sleep for naps and at bedtime unassisted and usually without fussing. The problem she is having is that when she wakes up in the night or during a nap to readjust and move around a little, she starts crying. She eventually puts herself back to sleep, but she cries for a minute or two before doing so. I know this is interrupting her sleep and am wondering if there is anything I can do to help her sleep more peacefully.
Hi Dana,
My 3 month old, Sophie has just in the last 5 nights started sleeping anywhere from 7:30-8:30 pm to 5-6am. We love that but want to try and get her to sleep until 6:30 or 7. Is that feasible at her age? Should we let her cry until then? She is still taking a nap 3-4 times in the day and the last nap is usually around 5 pm for 30min. She gets really sleepy again at 7 and sometimes won’t finish her 6oz bottle-last night she only drank 3oz and was up at 5:30 crying. HELP!!! Thank you. Kellie McLain