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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week, I’m answering a question that I get all the time from my clients and customers…
“How did you get started in this business in the first place?”
Well, when we were pregnant with our first son, my husband and I did a lot of reading about pregnancy and what to expect while we were expecting but we did not really have much knowledge about what we were actually going to do with this person once he arrived.
When he was born, we fell into many of the same traps if you will as people who come to see me or people who buy the program, you know, I nurse him/her to sleep all the time. I did not even think that it was possible for him to fall asleep any other way. As soon as he fussed, on the breast he went. We got into this habit of feeding him every hour and a half, he would fall asleep at the breast but then not sleep long enough, and it was just this vicious cycle.
It ended up making me insecure about my abilities to breastfeed. I just did not think I had enough milk and he always seemed hungry. We never even considered fatigue as an option. We just constantly went, “Oh, you must be hungry, you must be hungry.” That was our first mistake; I was constantly overfeeding.
Then we thought, “Well, let’s try the soother. Maybe the soother is a better option instead of nursing him all night.” We would try to soothe, giving him a pacifier and that worked in the sense that he would fall asleep with the soother instead of nursing. However, we were still up the same number of times during the night, many times just to give him back his soother or sometimes for feeding and we were doing a bit of rocking as well.
So all the mistakes that people come to me with I say, “I know, I’ve been there, I did it too because I didn’t know any better.” I just wanted him to sleep and I did not really care what we had to do to get it, I just needed sleep. This went on for five or six months.
I remember the night when I said to my husband, “I can’t do this anymore. I cannot get up five times a night. I’m exhausted, I’m emotional, I’m struggling with a bit of postpartum,” and it was just taking it out of us. My husband was equally distressed. He did not know how to help and he had to work all day. We were both feeling like we were incapable and parenting seemed so hard. It was not coming easy like it seemed to for so many other people.
That night I decided, “I think there’s something we need to do in order for him to sleep well. I think what we’re doing is not helping, whoever we’re praying to is not hearing so we need to actually take some steps and some sort of direction instead of just spinning our wheels every night trying different things and nothing really working consistently.”
That is when we got on board and started to figure out what we needed to do to encourage him to be a good sleeper. That is when I discovered that the things we were doing, although wonderful in their own sense were contributing to the problem because they were becoming his props.
Repeatedly, you will hear me talk about props. Props are whatever you think you need in order to get to sleep; even as adults, we have props. Many people tell me they need the fan on or music playing or socks on or whatever it might be. All the little things we collected along the way tell us, “Okay, it is okay to go to sleep now.”
For our son it was mainly the soother. As soon as he got that soother in his mouth, off he would go. However, the soother would not stay in his mouth; he would spit it out when he got to a certain level in his sleep cycle. He woke up with no soother so in we went back and forth over and over.
We really had to teach him how to fall asleep without the soother and that was difficult because I felt bad that this was something I had done to him. I have convinced him that he needed the soother in order to sleep and now I had to take it away. We struggled with that and all the feelings that come with what we had done wrong in his life.
That was the best decision we ever made. It is not an easy road when you are on it but looking back now, it is only a blink of an eye. The baby we are talking about is my oldest son who is now seven and he is the greatest sleeper that I know to this day. Sleep has never been an issue. He likes to go to bed, he does not want to stay up and talk, he wants to go to sleep. When it is time to sleep, he wants to sleep and I think we gave him a great gift.
We gave the same gift to our second son and our third child, our daughter Georgia as well. Because I had those tools and knew so much more than the first time, we got off to a great start with those two. We knew that they needed to go back to bed every hour and we knew we wanted to encourage them to develop their own skills. Therefore, we did not have to go through those first five months of pulling our hair out and wondering what we were doing wrong because we knew what to do.
With knowledge came power. They are now seven, five and three and they are very good sleepers and they have no anxiety around sleep. They know exactly what the purpose is and they happily go to bed. The gift is that sleep for all of us should come naturally and easily. It is too bad that most of us adults carry around so much anxiety around our sleep that many turn to medications to deal with all kind of insomnia issues.
I think as children, there is a period in our life where sleep is perfect. It is perfect, it is glorious, we go to sleep, we sleep hard and we sleep well. I think we should create an environment where our children are happy to go to bed, there is no anxiety, and they sleep perfectly all night and wake up refreshed and ready to conquer the day. If you have seen children who sleep well, you know that they conquer the day. That is exactly what they do, they go, go, go and they have the energy.
I just wanted to share with you some of the things that I have gone through as a parent. It might seem like I have all the answers but for the first six or seven months as a new parent I did not have any answers. In fact, I felt like a bit of a parenting failure because I did not feel like I knew what I was doing at all.
If you are having those feelings, just know that you are not alone and that we have all been there in one way or another. There is a way to make this better, there is a way to encourage a great night’s sleep for everyone and it really does make a huge difference in your quality of life.
Thanks for reading and sleep well!
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
Sara is my only child and has been breastfed to sleep for 28 months now. She has been a late sleeper all along getting up 2-3 times everyday. Off late she has slept throughout without waking twice or thrice . The problem is she always sleeps past 11.30 sometimes as late as three am and wakes up late by noon. She plays around or is watching tv before she is ready to doze off. Not only she sleeps late but gets up twice at least for feed her daytime nap is unscheduled but last 30 to 90 minutes depending on time. Sometime its post an hour when she wakes up or evenings. I did try to avoid it altogether then she sleeps by 7.30 – 8.00 and is up 9.00 – 9.30 pls help… I am unable to afford money to buy your program but need sleep and a decent routine to find work and life. Also help sara find an easy routine to sleep and wake up easily
my little girl is 5 wks old and wants to nurse all the time, she falls asleep and when i move her she wakes after afew mins and i end up holding her all day. she sleeps ok at night when we get her to go to sleep after a couple of hours trying. what can i do during the day to get her in a routine?
Hi Dana,
I have a 24 month old that has always had trouble sleeping. We have done our best at attempting the “sleep sense” program (stay in the room method) for the last 5 nights (and took the pacifier away about 2 months ago). We have by no means been perfect but we are trying and making some progress.
Our success has been in putting her to bed. This used to take anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours with her whining, throwing herself around the bed, asking for more water, hiding, pretending to be asleep, etc. (She is in a bed on the floor. I know you suggest against this but we have concrete floors and she is able to climb out of the crib, so we didn’t want to risk it.) Now, out bedtime routine is a nice 2 story limit, and then tuck her in and sit in a rocker in the middle of the room and she is usually asleep anywhere between 5 and 30 minutes. Naps are especially going well and used not to necessarily happen at all (even with driving in the car).
Our trouble is her constantly waking in the night. She pops up and immediately starts calling for “Ma-Ma”. I have tried to wait 5 minutes but then she just comes out looking for me. So, my husband or I go in and the first or second time we go in and sit in the chair and reassure her with “it’s time for night-night” and she goes back to sleep within a few minutes. But the 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. time she wakes up she doesn’t seem to fall back into a deep sleep. When I think she’s asleep (which is usually 30 min. or more) I go back to my room and sure enough she’s calling me again anywhere from 5-20 minutes later. I have tried to wait longer than I think is necessary for her to fall asleep but after about the 3 a.m. mark she just won’t seem to stay asleep. Every time she wakes up it’s like she just wants to make sure someone is in there with her.
What else can we try to get her to sleep through the night? Or, should I just be more patient? After all things are MUCH better.
Thank you,
Tamara
hello my name is shiela and i would like you to to help me i really dont know if you charge but i need help and i cant afford paying you ….
my question is that i have a 20 month old son name jaylen and he wake up at 12:00 afternoon and he eats play take a nap at 4:00 pm and he wwake up like at 7 or 8 pm and then i feed him and shower him and he playes but he dont fall asllep until 1:00 am in the morning and he is so clingy he still sleeps on the bed with me and i would like him not too and he dont go with nobody but me … i need some urgent help so please help me …..
sylivia
when i put my baby in her bed, to learn to sleep on her own, she can cry for over 1hour before she sleeps. is it ok to let her cry
hi i had a 4 months old son he was a good sleeper when he is little but he stop drinking his milk in the day time and it was so hard to feed him in a day time everytime i try to feed him he crys than i took him to doctors if somethihng is wrong with him they said he is fine but when he start waking up at night i feed him just bec he didnt drink at day time now he wakes 3 times at night and i have to feed him iam a working mother i dont no wat to do?
My 6-month old daughter Bella starts acting very tired around 7 – 7:30 PM. I get her ready for bed and then nurse. She nurses for 20 – 30 minutes, then magically gets a huge burst of energy and thinks it’s party time! She refuses to sleep (even though she’s exhausted) for the next couple hours. Bedtime takes 1.5 – 3 hours to achieve lately and it’s so hard. The last couple nights she’s been in her crib by 11 PM, even though we’re aiming for 8 PM or earlier. :( Please help!
My son is 2yrs and 5 months old. At night he still wakes up wanting a bottle, sometimes we are just too tired to do the bottle in the middle of the night, but we cannot wean him as we don’t know how, this bottle is a comfort for him, as is his pacifier. Have you any suggestions?
Thanks.
Indira
Hi Dana:
My 4-month-old daughter seems cranky all day. She could sleep from 5:30pm or 6:30pm to 5-6am. after a brief feeding and waking which lasts 40min to 1 hr, she will get another half hour until 7am and cry to wake up. She seldom wake up spontaneously for morning and naps since her birth.She is crying to wake up. She never looked well-rested in the morning. Her nap last from half hour to 1.5hr and most of time she still looks tired after naps. Even she had hit 15-16hrs sleep she still looks cranky and easy to be fussy.
I ignored her night waking before 5am. but feed her if she cries after 5am or 6am. then after 1 hr wakeful time she goes back to a half hour short sleep. I am confused when should I let her get up with well-rest. Should I ignore her crying before 6am? Sometimes it will last around 40min to 1hr to 6am.
I feel bad to let her suffer from crying and not enough resting.
Thank you!
My little boy is almost 8 months old. He needs to be swaddled and a pacifier to take naps and sleep at night. He takes pretty good naps but has started waking up 8-9 times for his pacifier at night. I think part of this is because he is starting to teeth and I think the pacifier helps with the pain at night. My husband and I don’t know how to wean him from being swaddled or from his pacifier, but we are both getting pretty tired and would love some ideas.
Thanks!
Hi Dana,
My son Louis was sleeping through fine up until last week when he got a sickness bug and was up every hour throughout the night. I mistakenly kept putting his soother in which seemed to help him go back to sleep, but now has got reliant on the soother so now i’m having to go in about 5 times throughout the night to pop it back in in order to stop him crying. How do i go about helping him sleep through again without the soother. HELP PLEASE.
Hi Dana,
We are on night 15 of your program with our 16 month old son and are seeing great results, it has changed our lives! We are stretching it out a bit pas the 10 days as we feel he needs some extra time and we are night weaning at the same time.
He still is only napping for 1-1.5 hours once a day and I thought his nap times may get longer (I know it should be 2-3 hrs according to his age) …is this normal or do you have any tips? He is sleeping 11-12 hours at night now (waking only once briefly around 5am to nurse). By the way, I wanted to suggest that you may want to include a table in the workbook for nap times. I have been writing my own on the page in the space above, but it would be handy so that parents can track naptime progress as well.
I also have a questions about travelling as we are about to go on holiday for a week to Florida and then about 5 weeks after that will be heading home to Australia – via staying a couple of nights in hotels in Toronto and LA on the way. When away from home is it best to have toddlers sleep in their own bed, or is sleeping with us okay? He was sleeping with us for a long time..and we don’t want to get him in that habit again? Just need to know for when booking the hotels…Any other tips for travelling and how to make the transition with time zones etc. as smooth as possible?
Thank you so much,
Melissa
hi dana, we implemented your controlled crying technique on our 9 month old little girl and after only two nights she was sleeping through!! why didnt i find you sooner!!
her main problem was losing her pacifier and i would have to put it back in up to 5 or 6 times a night and after 9 months of that i was exhausted, my partner rarely woke as he is a heavy sleeper and i hear every peep!!
anyway i found it hard to make her go without her pacifier.. i felt mean after i had taught her this was how she was to fall asleep, so i started putting it in her hand so she could put it in her mouth on her own!! it worked because now she searches for it herself at night instead of me getting up.
the only prob we face now is if she loses it down the side of her cot so eventually i will have to teach her to fall asleep without it completely.. oh well i have slept well for the past 2 weeks anyway!!
My daughter is five month now, she always wakes up in around one hour after going to sleep at 8:00 pm, then she has been very active and engergetic up to three hours. So i have to stay up untill midnight everyday. And she gets up at 9:00,; 10:00 ; or even 11:00 in the morning, only keeps awake for two hours then wants to sleep. During the daytime, she is not as energetic as in the night. also not happy during the day. I have tried very hard to set up routine for her, however it seems not working. I have been very tired and frustrated, i really hope she go to sleep through the night without waking up and staying awake for 3 hours. Do you have any solution on this issue? thanks Cheng.
I try not to use the same “old sleep props”, but my daughter is only 11 weeks old. I read somewhere that children do not develop their own soothing techniques until they are 3 &1/2 months, so I thought I would use them until she is old enough to self sooth. Currently I am swaddling my daughter foe naps when she is showing signs of fatigue. I then put her down awake, but I do use a soother, otherwise she gets very upset. The problem is that after 30-40 min (1 sleep cycle) she awakens sometimes with the soother in her mouth and sometimes not. Initially, she is not upset, but obviously still tired becuse she soon becomes fussy. I do not pick her up, but instead I wait until she starts to cry, and then give her her soother back. She will start to fall asleep again, but often awakens after a few minutes over and over again. Usually I am unsuccessful in getting her back to sleep. My question is:
With her being so young, should I let her cry to see if she settles herself down?
Thank you in advance for your response to this question.
Sincerely,
Kandace
We’ve had some pretty good success with Lucas’ (21 months old) sleep after implementing some techniques we’ve read on your blog.
We had a bit of an unsettled period in the past couple of months, with the arrival of Lucas’ baby sister.
He has also just shifted into a toddler bed, as we needed the cot for the new baby, and after a great couple of weeks, since he’s been sick the night times have been terrible.
More recently he was unwell. He had a pretty severe throat infection, and wasn’t able to eat, but was still hungry – so he returned to having bottles during the night.
We’ve now weaned those off again, but we’re having the problem that he’s waking after one sleep cycle (usually just over an hour) from about midnight until about 5am usually. Then he’ll eventually get up about 6am, absolutely ravenous for breakfast.
Any assistance you can provide would be fabulous. My partner is constantly going in to soothe him and tell him it’s time to sleep, but it doesn’t seem to be ‘sticking’. He’s extremely loud, so if we leave him to go for more than a couple of minutes, then he ends up just getting louder and louder, and inevitably wakes his four month old sister.
My son is 1year old and has never slept through the night, not once. I follow the routine, bath,bottle, book, bed and after about half an hour in his cot he falls asleep (normally around 8pm). Then at about midnight he’ll wake and from then it’s anything from 3 or 4 times waking to every hour through the night until about 6.30 when he is ready to get up. He has a small comforter that he has in his cot and has a morning and afternoon nap of bout an hour each. So, how can I get him to sleep through the night, and more importantly how can I get a night’s sleep? Help me before I go mental!
Hi Dana, my on is 7 months old and doesnt sleep through the night, the good thing is i think i know why however i dont know how to change this. i think he eats too much through the night and so isnt hungry through the day, he has even gone off his solids, so he is hungry at night and then through the day he wont eat much he just snacks its an ongoing cycle please help me i dont know where to start
My 16 month old son has always been a bad sleeper, always waking up in the night, im getting up at least 3 times in the night with him. He doesnt usually need anything so I give him his pacifier and he goes back again. The other thing is he wakes up usually at 5.3o every morning…. ive had enough now!!! Im sooooo tired, how can I even think about having child number 2?
PLEASE HELP! I’ve gotten myself in alot of trouble with my 2 year old boy. Since he was 10 months,he refused to stay in his crib and we didn’t want him to cry it out sooo he co-slept with us until he was 22 months,we got him a “big boy” bed. But now i’m sleeping w/him and he “needs” to still have a bottle of milk to go to sleep. I feel so horrible and so guilty about what i have done. I ONLY had the best intentions but things went really wrong! Please help,i’ll take ANY suggestions!! Thanks for your time. PC
my cousin bought me your sleep sense programme, so I have been using it for the last few months. I eventually… just in the last month got my daughter Katherine to go through the night but she is waking at 5a.m. I leave her hoping she will play in her cot but she screams, as I am now back at work and have an hours drive to and from work place getting up so early is exhausting, is there any way I can get Katherine to extend her sleep, she goes to bed 7-7.30pm.
Baby Jace is 5 months now and taking 3 naps a day usually 10-11:30 then roughly 2 – 4 then again around 5:30 – 7:00. I put him down for the night around 8:30 or 9:00 and sometimes even 9:30. I think that is a little late?? I am trying to cut the third nap if you think that is necessary. He is sleeping through the night anywhere from 9 – 13 hours per night ….I know pretty amazing. He is an angel sent from heaven truly the best baby ever! Let me know your thoughts! Thanks in advance and have a beautiful day!!!
Angie :-)
my 7 month old can fall asleep on his own and sleep through the night in his bouncy seat, but will not do either if i attempt the crib. how do i transition him from one to the other? we started outting him in the bouncy when he was congested and needed his head raised, but now what? thanks for sharing your story!
Hi Dana, My question is I am having a REALLY hard time with my 5 year old at bed time. If i lay with her it takes about 10 min to get her to sleep but then she wakes up 4 to 5 times in the middle of the night and i have to get up with her and lay down with her again till she falls asleep. And if i put her to bed and let her cry it will take anywhere from 1 to 2 hours for her to get to sleep but she does sleep through the night. What do i do?? HELP!!
When will my son sleep through the night? He will be 8 weeks on friday and I doesn’t know what to do?
I have a 7 month old that has been an amazing sleeper at night and during her naps… UNTIL the last several weeks. It has been one thing after another that has interrupted her sleep. She was teething and then she had a really severe cold and then she developed a rash and then she was teething again and then the rash came back… you get the idea. Anyway, we have been able to get her back on track at night, but she is really struggling at naptime. She cries so hard and stands up. She can’t get back down without help so she just cries even harder. I go in and soothe her a bit and lay her back down, but she just does it again and again and again. Any advice???
For reasons unknown my 4 month old is waking up at night almost every hour beginning at 11pm. Crying, fussing – this morning I was finally up with him for good at 3:30am after trying every desperate action I could to get him to sleep: pacifier, holding, bottle, burping, diaper change…he’s grumpy during the day and I’m a frazzled mess.
I can SO relate to your blog about feeling, desperate, emotional and a bit like a parenting failure!
I’ve read the testimonial from other parents about the success of this program – in my sleep deprived mind I wonder if my 4 month old might be the ringer – the one baby that doesn’t take.
Sleepless in Texas
My daughter Madison began sleeping through the night as early as 2 weeks of age. She was sleeping between 10 and 12 hours at a time. Now she is a little over 4 months old and will not go to sleep by herself for anything. We have to rock her to sleep and pat her back while she is crawled up in our arms. We have tried the cry it out method but after the 45 minutes of her crying we gave up. It is as if she feels like she is going to miss something. We call her our little party girl. How can we get her to sleep on her own for bedtime and nap time? I feel like I can get nothing done because I am exhausted and she needs to be held to sleep all the time. Please help me.
what sleeping routine should conor be in at 10 weeks. what time should he be in bed at.
Hi Dana, Just thought I’d let you know I have solved Layla’s sleep problem. She hated sleeping in her cot and I would spend hours trying to get her to go back in her cot. In desperation one night I put her in her pushchair, she slept much better so let her sleep there as all I wanted was sleep. My mother in law said I must persist and that I was giving in to her when she was 9 wks old etc. So stupidly I went against my instincts and tried to force her to sleep in cot at night and for daytime naps too. After 2 nights she woke up screaming in pain at 1am and cried all night in my arms, only way she would sleep was at an upright angle on my chest. Took her to docs and she has reflux, wasn;t feeding well too (breastfeeding), hicups etc. Now I know what’s wrong and to feed her upright, keep her upright for 30 mins after feed & gaviscon and night & have given up dairy & caffiene sleep & life is soo much better. Just wanted to share it with you in case it saves someone else the 9 weeks of torture I have endured.
Since I started using this program 2 months ago my 5 month old son is sleeping through the night. However, every time we lay him down for naps and bedtime he cries for at least 5-10 min prior to falling asleep. To help establish the bedtime routine we read to him prior for all naps and bedtime, it is now getting to the point that every time I go to read to him he begins crying because he knows that he will be going to bed. Please help with this concern I don’t want my child to continue to cry every time we read to him or lay him down.
My 3 year old seems to get sick (cough, cold etc) right after we try to do any sleep training or modification. Also, the thing that gets me is when he says “You have dad to sleep with, why can’t I have anybody?”
My son is 1yr old and has never slept through the night. I follow the bath, bottle, book, bed routine and generally he is in bed and settled by 8pm. He then sleeps well until around midnight, then he will wake anything from 3 or 4 times through the night to every hour. He uses a small piece of material as a comforter, which he has in his cot with him. He normally wakes for the day ahead at about 6.30am. A morning nap of about an hour and the same in the afternoon is his regular patern.
Why wont he sleep through the night? Am I ever going to get a full night’s sleep again?
My 8 month old has been sleeping through the night for 3 weeks now. I put him to bed at 7pm and he has a soild sleep but wakes any time between 4.50am- 5.30am (no mater what time I put him down). I have treated this wake time as a night time wake to try and get him to go back to sleep but he won’t sleep any longer. He then has to go back to sleep in another 2 hours or so as he is very tired. How can I get him to sleep to atleast 6am.
How do I get my 2 1/2 year old son to sleep longer in the morning. Or how do I get him to stay in his room until we are ready to get up?
Hi Dana,
I have a question, my son is now 7 months and 4 weeks old (8mnths on the 9th Feb) and is gen a good sleep – goes down between 6-8pm (depends on the length and quality of his sleep during the day to what time he goes down ) then wakes between 5.30 and 6.30am. The last 3 nights he has woken a few times for his dummy and then again at about 4.45am but I managed to get him back to sleep with a watery bottle and then he can sleep till 7.30/8am! Just a bit of his sleeping history for you….he did a stint at 5 to 6 months of sleeping through the night (possibly waking once for his dummy but straight back to sleep). He has been a tummy sleep from birth so I found that this way he did not wake himself up so easily – seemed to sleep more soundly. About 1 1/2 months ago he started rolling over he would roll over and wake himself up a couple of times during the night so we have started putting him to sleep on his back. He now is waking up a couple of times a night for his dummy (+- 8.30pm, 11pm, 2pm-as he spits it out when he goes into a deep sleep and wants it when he wakes up! Then of late +- last month or so he will always wake between 4-5am and the only way he will go back is if I give him a watery bottle (I don’t do full strength as I realise that he does not need the nutirition it’s more a comfort thing I guess! The last 2 days he has woken a few times (similar times as above) and the only way I can get him back to sleep is give him a small amt of the watery bottle. I wonder if there is anything I can do to train him to go back to sleep himself without a bottle – he certainly does not NEED it as he is eating 3 solid meals a day (a good eater) and has about 3 bottles of 180mls (formula) as well. Also would be good if we could wean him off the dummy as well so we don;t have to crawl around during the night the look for it! The waking times are not long (compared to other Mums) but it is a disruption in my sleep and I find I get very tired after a week of this happening every night. Any suggestions please. I listened to your presentation on the lady who had a child that kept waking after an ear infection but it seems her problem was slightly different, he had an ear infection over Xmas period – lasted bout 4 days and he was VERY restless during those nights (before we diagnosed it) he woke every half an hour for about 2 nights. We never did take him into the bed with us we just gave him lots of cuddles and baby panadol to get through it. He had antibiotics for 3 days and it cleared pretty quickly and his sleep got better but it has been more restless since the ear infection.
Would really appreciated your feedback.
Thanks
Fiona
Hi, We started the sleep sense programme over two weeks ago, my baby is now 19 weeks old. The first night he cried for two hours solidly but that got better and he now goes straight to sleep at approximately 7.30pm. However he had a few nights sleeping from 7.30pm til 2.00am woke for a feed and then woke again for a feed at 6.00 am and slept again til 7.30am. However that has now changed to waking at around 12.00am and again at 4.00am for feeds, he will drink full feeds at those times, is he just experiencing a growth spurt? on the odd night he has woken a couple more times without wanting to be fed and just cries for about 20 to 40 mins and goes back to sleep. Should I continue to feed him at the times that he wakes for feeds and hope that these times will eventually lengthen again? He does go straight back to sleep after a feed (awake when put in his cot) which is a hugh improvement. Feeds in the night now take only 10-15 mins with no rocking required compared to upto an hour before I started the programme with lots of rocking. Thanks.
i put my 8 month baby to sleep at 8 and he wakes up by 12, then at 4 and then at 6am and then at 7.30. he doesnt put himself to sleep like he used to.i let him cry, giv him soother etc put when he wakes up he wont go back to sleep without getting upset.help
My 11 month old daughter has, over the last month or so, started waking very early (between 5-5:30am whereas she used to wake 6-7am). I was still breastfeeding her morning & night when she started waking early, but since then have stopped completely as I am now back at work part-time. She eats very well during the day but has always refused a bottle so just has water from a soft spout cup during the day & plenty of calcium in her diet. I have tried introducing a night-time formula before bed, as her last food is at about 5:30pm, then nothing until breakfast but she refuses formula. I therefore tried giving her some yoghurt closer to bedtime to try to tide her over but it doesn’t seem to make much difference. When she wakes pre-6am I leave her for a bit but if she doesn’t settle, I go in, settle her briefly then at intervals to try to get her back to sleep, with varying success. Do you have any advice to try to encourage her to sleep a little later. Many Thanks, Heather
I am having similar problems. My son goes to bed between 8 and 8.30. He wakes every morning between 5.45 and 6.15, sometimes he settles back after a breast feed but other times he doesn’t. He is clearly still tired. Is there any way that I can get him to sleep longer in the morning. I think waking at that time is a habit. How can I break this? He has just gone a year old and I want to wean him off the breast but he point blank refuses to drink milk from a bottle or cup. If I put him to bed without his night feed he wakes in the night between 1 and 2 screaming and won’t go to sleep without a feed.
Hiya,
I am at my wits end with my 3 year old daughter!
She was sleeping through around 15 months old, which was a god send, but then she really started playing up when I was about five months pregnant with her brother.
I could not stay in her room with her to pat or calm for any longer than five minutes as it was too uncomfortable for me and I was utterly exhausted, so I did the awful thing (now looking in hindsight) and brought her bed into my room.
We upgraded bed about two months after her brother was born and she was going well for about a month or so.
Then she started sneaking into our bed.
I send her back to her room constantly, but she must know when my husband and I have finally gone to sleep, because she sneaks in again. Because she does this more than five times a night (starting before I have even gone to sleep, I tend to read for a little while before I sleep) I am getting less and less sleep, especially with a newborn waking at the times that my daughter is actually asleep (like thy are tag teaming to keep me up all night)
She has a ‘security toy’, a night light and she does not nap during the day either.
She gets a story or two before we walk out of the room and leave her originally in her bed to go to sleep, which she does with no fuss.
Any hints, tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
My son is 7 months old and we just started letting him cry himself to sleep this week. The problem is, is that he wakes up sometime after or around midnight to be soothed w/ breastfeeding. I’m too tired to deal w/ all the crying at that point, so I put him in bed w/ us and he eats on and off for hours until it is time to get up. Should I expect that this will get better since we are letting him go to bed on his own?
Hi,
My daughter has a sleeping problem. She sleeps only one time during day time and wil not sleep long in nights. i wil feed her to make her sleep. If she woke in the night she used to play for hours together then will fell asleep. Please help me in making her sleep for a long night.
Thanks
Brindha
I also have a 2 1/2 yr old who uses a pacifier at night. Her brain is ready to get rid of it, but emotionally she is having a hard time. We have tried, she wants to try to not use it, but eventually she just falls apart (and I have a 9 month old, so I can’t just camp out in her room). Any suggestions?
Thanks!
Shani
I suggest you have a ‘pacifier’ bag, get one of those little trinket bags you can buy and hang it on the tree outside for the pacifier fairy to collect and leave something in return (just like the tooth fairy when they get older) preferably a toy that can become the new comforter.
Once it has been done, let her know that her new gift has replaced the pacifier. The pacifier has now gone to someone else that needs it.
I have a 9 month old with severe reflux and stomach issues.. does your program address any of those complications? He is still feeding every 4 hours all night long.
Thanks!
Shani
Hi Dana-
My 10-month-old daughter is having some issues with her sleeping at night. First, she still wakes up every 1-2 hours to nurse and then falls back to sleep. Second, (and most draining) is that starting a month ago she will not sleep in her crib at night. She screams and cries if we put her in it. We tried letting her cry it out, but after an hour we couldn’t take it anymore. We have tried sleeping her in a bassinet in our room, and next to our bed, but no luck. She will only sleep laying on my husband or me. During the day she takes naps in her bassinet, so this is only a night-time problem. Please help! We are so tired, and sore from sleeping sitting up! :) Thank you!!!
My 14 month old son wakes every morning between 5-5.30am, we have tried everything from putting to bed at night anywhere from 6pm to 8pm, it doesn’t seem to matter! He sleeps well during the day (most days) he has a longer nap in the morning (1.5-2hrs) and afternoon is either about 45 mins or not all. My husband and I both work and are utterly exhausted, what are we doing or not doing? please help.
After many tears, our seventh month old has learned to fall asleep on his own most times without crying (at night and for naps). But, he still wakes up 2 to 3 times a night. At first, I let him go, but he would cry for at least an hour to an hour and a half. If I get him up and nurse him, he goes back to sleep in 10 or 15 minutes without crying. Right now, he seems to like getting in his crib and going to sleep. I hate to undo any progress we have made. (Oh, he was getting up between 5 and 7 times a night before this!) What do we do?
Hi Dana. My Son Lachlan is 3 months old and breastfed. We have been on quite a rollercoaster ride with his sleeping times. (no daytime sleeps and bed at 11pm at night. We have come along way but not quite there) At present he is having a 3 hour sleep in the afternoon around 1pm and is going to bed around 8-9pm at night. He will have 1 or 2 feeds during the night and usually will wake around 7pm in the morning. Getting him to bed is crazy. I will often put him to bed up to three times before he stays asleep. He doesn’t go to sleep on the breast, I will rock him in the rocking chair then will hold him standing up for a couple of minutes before putting him down. 10mins later im doing it all over again. I have tried laying Lachlan in his cot and patting him to sleep, but when he starts crying he gets so upset it becomes a nightmare. I feel he needs to have a sleep in the morning as he is often really moody and im having to hold him alot but im not having any luck getting him down. When he gets upset I cant seem to do anything with him. Please help he is so over tired. I want my happy boy back!!!
My four-month-old is able to sooth herself to sleep at night and is usually able to sleep for 8-10 hours before waking for a feeding and then goes back to sleep. She goes to bed around 7:30 PM and wakes around 7:15 AM. My question is related to naps. She rarely takes them and when she does, they are wildly inconsistent. One day she will take a morning nap of 1 1/2 hours and an afternoon nap of 1/2 hour; the next day she will take a morning nap of 1/2 hour and an afternoon nap of 1/2 hour; another day she will refuse to nap at all. I have a routine that we follow for naps and bedtime and I let her cry at nap time (sometimes for 30-40 minutes) and she just does not fall asleep (or stay asleep more than a sleep cycle). Am I allowing her to sleep too long at night? What is an appropriate amount of sleep for her to be getting at night? Am I putting her to sleep too early? Please help so that her sleep can be more evenly distributed so she is not so sleepy in the daytime. I know she is!
Thanks!
Is she crying because she doesn’t want a nap, or becuase she’s hungry? Are you waiting for tired signs or watching the clock? Have you tried putting her down slightly earlier? If I wait until my 5mo to display the tired signs, usually its too late….
Hi Dana,
I have just recently started to listen to your blog and I’m so glad I found you! I haven’t yet bought your program, but I am thinking I may just do that! Our daughter, Bronwyn, is 7 months old now and for a short while she would sleep 7 hours in a row, wake up for her soosie (pacifier), rollover and be back asleep for 5 more hours. I could handle that, but…she just got over a cold and is waking up 3 times a night now. At first because she couldn’t breath with a stuffy nose and she wanted her soosie or a cuddle, which I lovingly did. Now, it is starting to take a toll on me as it has been a while and Im worried that she has made this a pattern. So, my question is if we take the soosie away and we don’t let her sleep with us anymore, how long will it take to get her to a good sleep pattern? Also, if she gets sick again, what should I do so I dont fall back into these patterns? And lastly, is it ever ok to give her the soosie?
Thanks Dana, I really appreciate your help.
Sarah
My little girl is 9 months old. She was sleeping through the night, but a bout of teething threw her off. She now is having some separation anxiety when I put her down to sleep. It will sometimes take her over an hour to go to sleep, deep enough for me to sneak out of the room if I’m in there, or will just cry for that long or more if I’m not. She also used to fall asleep for naps on her own, but now has the same problem during the day as she does at night. It takes so long for her to fall asleep. Any Ideas?
Following up with Katie’s comment….my almost 3 year old (33 months) is a great sleeper and sleeps from 8 p.m. till 8 a.m. (when I usually wake him up) but has stopped, pretty suddenly, taking afternoon naps. I normally have him go down about 1 p.m., but he now has “quiet time” where he can sit on his bed and read for 1 hour and if he doesn’t fall asleep I will then allow him to get up. He now only falls asleep about 2 x per week if that. Does this mean he has “out-grown” naps, or should I be doing something differently? Thanks!
Question:
Can sleep training work if it’s done at another home? My 9-month-old son still wakes up 5-6 times/ night to nurse. I told myself that he would eventually learn to soothe himself, but the opposite seems to be true since his night wakings have increased in number in recent months. Since we live in a small apartment where the baby’s crying disturbs the neighbors, I don’t feel comfortable letting him cry for sustained periods of time. (This is probably how he became so dependent on me to soothe him in the first place.) Our friends are going away for a couple of weeks and have offered their house for us to use to teach the baby to sleep. Will this work since it won’t be his room? We thought we’d bring his crib, bedding. etc. Your thoughts? Thank you!!
Dana,
Thanks for sharing your story, I related to it 100%.
Kind Regards
Tonya
At what age do children not need a nap anymore? My 3yr old daughter (39 months), has reduced the length of her naps and sometimes doesn’t nap at all. She sleeps well at night–about 11.5 hours.
My 4 yr old daughter stopped her naps just after she turned four. When she did nap, it was a solid 1 1/2 hours every afternoon, very consistently. When she started to stop naps, her naps became more erratic and the time began to decrease overall. From what I have read and experienced kids in the 3-4 year old range need about 11.5 hours of sleep per night, so it sounds like she is getting what she needs at night. Does she seem sleepy during the day? My daughter sometimes does at times, but refuses to nap. We just make sure she keeps a consistent bedtime and try to keep her sleeping time “sacred.”
Hi
How do I get D’Arcy (7mths) to sleep beyond 5am? I can get him back to sleep if I bring him into bed with me. I am concered that I may be making a rod for my own back I can continue. He is not cold or hungry when he wakes. He jst talks. This morning I let him talk to hi self for approx an hour – as I thought he may resettle. I am returning to work nect month,
We do everything wrong with our 18 m o son – take turn sleeping with him in separate bedroom, feeding at night, using soothers, etc He still wakes up uncountable number of times, often whimpering, checking if I am there, not even letting me turn his back on him. I want to work on soothers now, but the problem, he has 2, paci and a bear whose little fabric tag he needs to rub all the time. He developed very strong dependence on both at the same time and what is worse, most time of day and night if he spits paci, he throws away a bear, picks up a bear, looking for paci. I want to take away a paci, but taking away both seems cruel, babies need attachment, my daughter had her blankie and still likes it. So, what should I do, take away paci and leave the bear, but then he will be conditioned to want paci, or take away both, but then he will not have any of his security items and it will be too stressful for him?
My little boy is almost 22 months old. He has always been a great sleeper. Prior to getting sick with bronchitis and an ear infection in December he was sleeping from 7:30pm to 7am and napping 2 hours naps during the day pretty regularly. While sick he started having trouble sleeping at night and going to bed but was still napping 2 hours. Once he was better, after a little persistence, his nighttime sleep is back to normal (usually 7am-7pm), but he is now only taking 45 minute to 1 hour naps (and sometimes less). He’s obviously still tired when he wakes up and by 6 or 6:30 he’s about to pass out. I’ve tried letting him go back to sleep, I’ve tried waiting to go in for 15 minutes are so. On the VERY rare occasion he’ll go back to sleep, but usually he’s just up. Please tell me that I’m not stuck with 45 minute naps forever. I’m starting to lose my sanity! Going from 3 hours of napping a day 5 months ago before he dropped his morning nap to 45 minutes just seems crazy!
Hi All, at nearly 4 months my DD suddenly became a trial to get to bed at night and started waking once or twice a night again for a feed (previously would go down no prob and sleep through from 7′ish to 6). Getting to sleep at night went from a 1 hour fed–>bed routine to almost 3 hours as she was still hungry. After about 3 weeks we decided it wasn’t just a growth spurt, I just no longer had enough milk at that time of day. Finally we decided to “top” her up with formula in the evening and she took that so well that I’m now only BF her once a day. Since this, she has become much more contented and happy when awake and she’s gone me struggling to get her to sleep twice a day to 3 sleeps during the day and from 7pm’ish to 6am. She still feeds almost twice as much for that final feed but it gets her through the night. I don’t necessarily believe that it was formula over breast milk that did it – it was just the quantity required.
So, to those who find they’re constantly feeding to get to sleep – is baby getting enough to feed on (whether it be formula or breastmlk)?
I also find that if i put her to bed about 1 1/4 – 1.5 hours since she woke up, she’ll go down a lot quicker….she’s now 5 months.
Hope that helps someone….
I have 2 sons. Bracken is 2 1/2 and Ashton is 6 months. Ashton is great at getting himself to sleep, I put him down, leave the room and he just goes to sleep – no problem. Bracken is totally different. As a baby I had to rock him to sleep and stay with him and I thought this would pass as he got older. IT HASN’T! Still today I have to stay with him until he goes to sleep. When he wakes up at night then he screams as I am not there anymore and its very difficult to get him back to sleep. HELP PLEASE! How can I get Bracken happy and confident and willing to go to sleep on his own?
Hi my son sleeps through the night but how do I get him to fall asleep in his own bed so I do not have to carry him every night to his own bed
Dana~ From time to time my son wakes up just crying hysterically and it’s almost impossible to wake him up, I’m not sure if he’s bad dreams or what’s going on. It’s been going on ever since he was born. What’s your thought on this?
My 33-month-old daughter has been waking up a lot in the middle of the night, regardless of when she feel asleep or her nap status for that day. She will just wake up, chattering away, totally awake. Last night, when I said it was night-night time, she said, “I just can’t sleep mom.” She eventually will go back to bed a few hours later. What can I do to facilitate her sleeping all night? She is not crying or fussing, jsut awake!!
Thank you so very much for your program. We went from being up several times a night to getting a full night’s sleep. Our 9 month old now sleeps 12 hours a night. He is also a great napper and sleeps at least 4 hours during the day. Our whole family is much happier due to baby, mom and dad getting enough sleep. Thanks!!!!
My daughter is 4 months and I have to nurse her for her to sleep we tried pacifiers but does not like it and I even tried to rock her but I can never get her to fall asleep on her own. What can I do?
Hi Dana,
We never had a problem getting our daughter to sleep or having her stay asleep when she was a baby. Our problem started at about 4 when she started getting scared of the dark and not wanting to go to bed. She is now 7 and it seems to be getting worse. It is physically impossible to get her to stay in her bed unless one of us stands in her doorway until she falls asleep. We have tried reward charts, taking things away for bad behavior, grounding her, etc. Nothing seems to matter to her.
It is taking a toll on my husband and I and I am wondering if you have any helpful suggestions. I know that you mainly work with babies, but hoping you can help us as well.
Thanks,
Jeni
My son Colin is 4 months old and I have him sleeping through the night. I can’t seem to get him to sleep longer than 20 minutes to half and hour during the day for his naps. I’ve tried letting him cry when he wakes up and sometimes it works but alot of the time he doesn’t get much sleep from his naps.
Hi Christina:
My 4-month-old daughter is having the same problem with your son. She seems cranky all day. She could sleep from 5:30pm or 6:30pm to 5-6am. after a brief feeding get another half hour until 7am. But she never looked well-rested in the morning. She is crying to wake up for each nap. Her nap last from half hour to 1.5hr. Even she had hit 15-16hrs sleep she still looks cranky and easy to be fussy.
I’ve tried letting her cry when she wakes up, the same with you, she will cry more than sleep. I feel so bad. I happened to try vacuum cleaner when she cried during nap, She stopped crying and went back to sleep soon or gradually. I also used music as background during her nap. I know it is not suggested using noises. But more sleep is what she really wanted.
my son is 10 months old and we have done sleep training but his naps are still only 30 min long and are getting harder and harder for him to sleep. he fights it and still uses his pacificer and requires some rocking.
his night sleep is from 6pm to 6 am (usually) without crying
any advice you can lend is super appreciated.
best,
julie
My granddaughter Gabriella will be 2 years old Feb. 2nd. Every night is a struggle to get her in her crib. She has to be rocked to sleep. However, when she is totally asleep and we get up with her to place her in her crib, she immediately wakes up, gets stiff in your arms while crying and saying: Crib, no, Crib, no! What can be done to improve this situation? Is she afraid? She has a nightlite.
Hello,
Lately my 20 month old has been getting up around 2/3am. She does fall alseep on her own for naps and initially at bedtime. She cried last night for 45 minutes and the minute I picked her up she fell asleep in my arms, however would not let me put her in the crib. Please help, as I am working 2 jobs and need to sleep.
Hi Dana, how do I get my 7 month old to take good solid naps when he eats so little per feeding? The nap times would cut into his feeding times. Most of the time he naps for 30 – 45 minutes and no more but if I was to put him on the sleep program and he learns to sleep better, wouldn’t his longer naps just throw off the rest of the day? He currently eats every 3 hours. Thanks, Judy.
Lovro started to fall asleep on his own and so the first period of sleeping is now 3.5 h-4h, but after he wakes up as usual. Every 2-2.5 h which is still terrible. He is a breast-fed baby. What I began doing was not to nurse him to sleep again. I’m ”taking” my breast away before that, and I’ve been doing that for a while now (cca a month) but it doesn’t seem we have any progress. If I don’t nurse him at leats for couple of min, he cries. What should we do next???
my daughter does not fall asleep until 11-12 at night and only when being rocked or in our bed. my husband refuses to let her cry herself to sleep because he thinks it mean and heartless to let her cry. but when she does she sleeps through the night and when she is in bed with us or had been rocked to sleep she is waking 2 – 3 times a night. how can i make my husband understand it is ok to let her cry and she will not learn to sleep on her own if we always run to get her?
tell him to get up with her every time whilke you sleep. He might start to see the light. ;)
Hi Dana,
I m pankti’s mother,as u said i tried to make her sleep early in the night at 8:00 insted of 9:00n9:30.but she wake up early in the morning at6:30 insted of 7:30.
i tried it for 2-3 days but some times she is not sleeping untill 9:00.
and if she sleeps early she wakes up early..
and during the daytime her2 naps she sleeps 2times for total 3n1/2 hrs.
will pl suggest me something about this.
some times what happens if we have party or some one came to aur place than also she is not sleeping n again she is waiking up early..
how can i make her sleep for 11 or 12 hrs.
pl kindly suggest me some thing
Thankyou
Dhara.
Hi Dana, my son is now 2.5 years and he still does not sleep thru the night, he does not have a whole night of sleep without waiking up at least once. I really dont know if there is sommething that I can do to help him sleep.
Thank You .
hey .my baby is 2 montch old i am brestfeading her and she has put on alot off wait like she shout,but naw i am terit off brystfeading her and want to give her the bottel but she will not take it what can i do? i know is urly i am trying to quik but i want to be abel to eat and drink what i fell like and not fell bad and worry if is bad for her
The problem I had when I tried that and could not figure why he would not take or suck on it a few seconds and then not take it. The bottle and nipples were wronge he did not like them I tried with my sisters bottle and liked. I bought the bottle he did not take it then i bought a different nipple size and he takes it now.