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Hi! I’m Dana Obleman, creator of The Sleep Sense Program. If you’d rather read than watch, I’ve transcribed the text of this video below.
This week’s question comes from Jenny:
“My husband thinks it’s time to teach our six-month-old daughter to learn to go to sleep on her own, but I’m not comfortable with that. How can we reach a compromise?”
This is a great question, Jenny, and it’s one that I hear often. I even had fathers calling and expressing some concern that they’re ready for their bed back or they’re ready to see their wife get a better night’s sleep, and I want to spend a minute touching on that, because it really is a family decision. You can’t ignore somebody’s concerns or somebody’s need to have a good night’s sleep again or somebody’s need to have their bed back. I think a lot of times fathers get blamed for being less sensitive or cold about the whole situation, but I constantly remind people to evaluate the situation.
If somebody’s not happy, then something’s not working right. Maybe you’re not totally ready to let go of co-sleeping or nursing in the night, and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, but you really do need to pay attention to everyone’s concerns and work together. I tell parents all the time this goes much better, faster, smoother if both parents are on board, if both parents are committed to the plan, and if dads help out as much as they can.
I get lots of e-mails from people asking, “How come it’s so easy when my husband puts her to bed but so much harder when I do?” That’s the opposite of the normal reaction, as dads often feel completely helpless and hopeless when it comes to bedtime and have totally given up. So I do encourage parents to work together on this, and I think you can reach a compromise. I think, from your comments, you’re not comfortable with the idea of letting her cry it out, so to speak. But the Sleep Sense program offers an alternative, and you can be present. You can stay with your baby the entire time.
You can be supportive but not interfering. It doesn’t mean that she won’t cry; it just means that at least you can feel like you are being supportive and that you’re not just leaving her alone. And this is something the dad can be in the room for, so take turns so the two of you can work together as a team. And so you know, in the process of it all, what the key issues are, and it’s not, “Oh, she’ll sleep better because we let her cry.” The crying really has nothing do with it. It’s a development of skills, and so if she’s always nursed to sleep, for example, then she’s probably going to wake up several times in the night expecting to be nursed to sleep again. It’s just her strategy for getting herself to sleep. It’s just the way she does it.
And so, when you’re making sleep changes, one of the central focuses is that you’ve got to break that association between feeding and sleeping or rocking and sleeping and start teaching the baby some new ways and skills to get to sleep on their own. The first step is to make sure that in your bedtime routine, the child does not falling asleep at any point, even if it’s on a feed. You want to make sure that she’s staying awake through the feed and that she goes into her crib awake. And that’s where their development comes. She’ll basically have to figure out some ways to get to sleep that are not her old familiar ways.
When she’s mastered those skills, she’s going to be a really great sleeper. So I do encourage you to listen to your husband and find a way that you can both work on this together.
Thanks a lot for your question, Jenny. Sleep well.
To learn more about The Sleep Sense Program, click here — or you can click here to order now!
To ask a question about your child’s sleep, just leave it in the ‘Comments’ section below! I’ll choose one and create a new video answer each week!
my daughter falls asleep on her own in her crib but will wake up just about every evening only after an hour or 2 ? has done this since birth? and usually she appears to be trying to return to sleep.. I go in there thinking she’s in discomfort and then I seem to struggle to get her back down until she’ s been fully awakened.. what am I doing wrong? I wake her up about 7:30 am to keep her on a sleep guide.. she takes 3 naps a day 9 am then another sometime between 12-2 pm and then a third between 3-5 pm then bedtime is 7 or 7:30?
Hello
My five month old baby goes to sleep on her side (I put her on her side and then rock cot). the problem being is that when she comes up from light sleep she shuffles onto her back and then wakes either because she is coughing or because she is shuffling around so much she wakes herself up. When she is shuffling her arms are flaying around and her hands are going round in circles near her ears and her legs are all bent in (as if she has wind). I have to get up and put her back on her side which sometimes doesnt work as five mins later she has shuffled back on her to back! when she was a new born she used to sleep on her back but again her legs used to be bent in and she used to shuffle so my mother in law suggested i out her on her side and prop a pillow next to her back to support her. She still sleeps in our room and I would like to move her into her own room but the way things are going I know I am going to be up during the night seeing to her so its easier to keep her in my room. She used to sleep 12 hours straight through but since her last lot of jabs she now wakes during the night, I did start to feed her as I thought she was hungry but the last two I havent and instead taken into our bed and cuddled her, she is half asleep when I do this.
please help, I know I am doing something wrong as this doesnt feel right but this is my first (and only as now too old to have another) child> I am going back to work in July and dreading the nights in case she still wakes up.
thank you Lisa
My 2 month old daughter fights us every step of the way to get to sleep. She has to have a soother, whether its nursing to sleep, being rocked, or just cuddled. I understand that she still needs to be fed during the night, but we shouldn’t have to fight with her just to get her to sleep. What can we do to get her to go to sleep easier without a soother?
My 6 month old sleeps with a small night light on. Is that bad and would it affect his sleep or does it not really make a difference?
sould i put him bk in to his cot
my 18m old son will not sleep on a nite he is in his own bed room nd he sleep in a bed wen i put him in to bed he will clim out nd i put him bk in to bed that cant last up to 4 to 5 hours i try get him in to bed at 7 30 but most of the time he dose not go to sleep till midnite if i put him in his pram in the room he will fall asleep watchin t v at 9 930 wot can i do i bath him read him book make sure he as no sugerey snaks be for bed take him for a walk after dinner nd all so stop him haveing a nap in the day he as onley been like this sins he started climin out of bed wot do a do plz help
Hi Dana, I bought the Program more than a year ago and it worked with my daugther. Now I have a 9 weeks old baby who unfortunately likes to be rocked to sleep days and nights. It was fine the firts couple of weeks but we made the mistake of walking and rocking her to sleep. So, she does not know how to fall back to sleep after her 40 minutes first cycle. I usually get her up for her stay up time ’45 minutes usually’, feed her and rocker back to sleep for her next nap. The same happen at night. My question is, I know I made the mistake, but the damaged is done, and she is to little to start the sleep training ‘I think’. You say that the baby needs to be 4 months or up to implement the stay in the room methoth. DO I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SHE IS 4 MONTHS OLD AND DEAL WITH THE SITUATION RIGTH NOW? OR CAN IT BE FIXED? She cries for help to fall asleep. She does not know now, and breaks my heart to let her cry so little. HELP ME, WHAT DO I DO?
My 13 month old girl does not sleep on her own because since she was nursing she will put her hand in my chest and that is how she falls asleep but i tried to take her hand out and she cries and she wakes up every 2 hours until i bring her to my room cause we are so tired that it is easier. I don’t know if let her cry because breaks my heart or stay with her in the room until she falls asleep, i wish she could find a blankie or something to fall asleep with and not myself!!! i am soo tired.
also, she does not get sleepy for bed until after 1am
hi,
we have a new baby who is almost 5months old. i nurse her to sleep and thru the night. even though i don’t want her to, she ends up sleeping in our bed every night because i’m so exhausted from dealing with 4 little girls. i really want her to sleep in her own bed as we have a small bed and either i or my husband end up off the bed every night to avoid rolling on Brenna! i would also like to know if she is old enough to sleep train? thank you
I have a 6 month old son and this past week I started teaching him to fall asleep on his own without any help from me. He has done great. I put him down around 11 and he goes to sleep within 5 minutes of being placed in his crib. I guess you can say he is sleeping through the night but he figits and cries in his sleep to the point where it wakes him up. What can I do to help him sleep better?
hello. my daughter is 7 months and giving me a bad time to put her to sleep,for naps and at night. been happening for last 2 months. before she was an angel used to put her self to sleep by looking at wall, talking to herself, now since she start rolling over she doesnt any more, now she’s crawling an standing. its been a nightmare. if i put her in the crib, she cries for almost an hour until she falls asleep. its very hard to let her cry, even going to check on her every few min, sometimes i pick her up calm her down n put her back in, and when she falls asleep she wakes up cryin in 1/2 hour, sometimes if i pat her before she wakes up, she goes back to sleep, or she stays awahke for another 3 hours, but wont sleep no matter how hard i try. at night she keeps waking up every 3 hours. trid to put her toy on the crib, but it doesnt really interest her.please would really apreciate your advice, this situation is getting into me.i feel like i cant handle anymore.
thanks
bia
My daughter is 3 months old and had a good bedtime routine sleeping from 7.30pm til 3.45pm when she would wake for her bottle until about 1 week ago when she got a cold and her sleep routimne went oiut the window, she has been waking nearly every hour not nto be fed but just restless or wanting her dummy, but when her dummy falls out she crys as wants it back again so i am constantly in and out of bed putting her dummy back in.
Her cold has now gone but she is still not sleeping like she was and still keeps waking for her dummy, how can i get her back into her routine and if possible get her to sleep without her dummy.
A first time mum in need of help
Thanks
Claire
My son is 12 months old and still does not sleep through the night. He goes down pretty good and sleeps for maybe 2 1/2 3 hours, but wakes up. Should we go in and make sure he has his binky or just let him go? I really want him off the binky, but it really helps him go back to sleep. I think my son is only getting about 8 hours a sleep a night if that and I know it’s not enough not to mention my husband and I not getting sleep either. We are exhausted. This has been going on for a year. Should we just let him cry it out?
Hi Dana,
I’m having a very hard time putting my 2,5 year old boy in for a nap. He keeps on coming out and eventually he only falls asleep when I lye down next to him. It all started after we got back from our big overseas trip in December. Before this I would just put him in his bed and he would go of to sleep on his own.
At night I put him and his big 4 year old brother to bed at the same time (they share a room). It normaly takes us about an hour before they finaly go to sleep. The little guy keeps on coming out of his bed and again he only stays in bed and finally falls asleep if I stay in the room and get upset.
How can I help him falling asleep on his own again and preventing him from coming out of the bed all the time?
Thanks for having this website so we can ask for your help.
Ami
Hi i have a 1.5 month baby girl and she woke up 2 times in the night for breastfeeding. How can i stop her to wake -up during the night;;; Thank you.
We have a trip planned next month to go to AZ. My one year old is sleeping beautifully, but we are definitely worried about the 3 hour time difference. How do we conquer this without being extremely sleep deprived?? We’ve come so far in this sleeping “journey” and I hope that this doesn’t set us back to the beginning of our sleepless nights. Any help would be appreciated.
My seven month old has been doing better (just for about a week or so) with self soothing to sleep. She goes to bed at 7:00, fusses at around 10 but I have been letting her go back to sleep on her own. She is not consistant with the number of times she gets up. I am still breastfeeding in the evening, at night, and in the morning. When she gets up for 12-2 or 3 am I feed her because I am not sure how many hours a 7 month old can go. As long as I can stay awake at this time she will go back to sleep (from awake) in her crib. Problem is I have to get up for work at 5:30 and half the time if I keep myself up to put her back after she nurses I can’t fall back asleep for an hour or two and then I can’t get up!
How many hours can a seven month old go? What is through the night to her? It can’t really be 12 hours can it?
My 2 year old (26 months) always seems to wake from her naps crying as if she is still tired. She acts delirious and is in no way sick or has a fever. She has done this most her life, with occaisonal good happy wakeups from naps. The naps can be anywhere from 1 hours to 2.5 hours. She goes to bed by 8pm every night and typically sleeps till 7-8am without a peep. She gets very upset when I put her down to nap and won’t let my husband or I even read her a book. She typically eats before she goes to nap…could that be an issue? But regardless she will nap soundly without wakeups. It is her wakeup itself that is strange. It can take anywhere between 5 minutes to 15 minutes to have her calm down. Any suggestions?
I have a 5 week old little boy. I don’t know if you can help me with this problem cuz it’s not really about sleep, but I really need help. he sleeps good but when he is a wake you you can’t put him down he always wants to be held. it’s a big problem I can’t get house work done if he is wake. If you can help please tell me know thanks so much.
My daughter has twin boys, 19 months old. They have never slept all night, but lately, they stay up until 8:00 am and sleep 8 hours straight during the day. She and her husband work, as do I and mine. We would really like to get them to sleep earlier, even if it is 12:00 am. She would love 9:00 pm until 9:00, but we haven’t much hope of that. They are impossible to wake so what do we do?
My son Julian is 14 months now and has (always had) a really difficult time with daytime naps. He cries anywhere from 15-30 minutes before falling asleep and then only stays asleep for 20-30 mins., 40 max. Often times, he will cry for 40 mins and skip second nap entirely. We started sleep training at 6 months and endured an excruciatingly difficult 3 two week trials before he finally started sleeping through the night at 9 months. Naps have been even harder.
To top it off, I run a home day-care and am not able to sit with him in the room during the napping process.
What can I do? Help!
Thank you
Alicia
My son (5 months) falls asleep on his own for naps but always wakes up after 30-40 minutes. Is there anything I can do to encourage longer naps?
Hope you are able to offer some ideas!!
p.s. love your weekly video resource. great idea.
Hi! I’m Tina. Our 15 months old toddler Andreea still has problem falling asleep and sleeping through the night. She is waking up 2-3 times a night asking for milk. She drinks it, but then she wants me to stay next to her. Sometimes she’s waking during the night in tears and I cannot calm her down. Her father picks her up and takes her in bed with us. She lives in the same room with us because we live in a rented house with 4 other people. I would like her to sleep on her own all through the night. what should I do? thank you.
Hi Dana,
My baby can sleep on her own when i put her for morning and afternoon nap but she can’t sleep on her own during the night and she wakes up several time at night. Should I stop feeding her milk or water at night time ? She is 8 months old now and still can’t sleep though. She sleep at 8pm, sleep routine start from 7pm (bath, milk feed, dim light, soft music, & cry it out for about 20mins). She will wakes up at 10pm, 12am & 5.30am or sometime 2.50am.
I sleep with her in the same room, should i sleep in another room instead. Will there be a different ?
First Thank YOu for recommendation to transition Mya out of the swaddle. I gave her one arm for two weeks, and then cold turkey took her out of it and only had one bad night. The issue now is Mya did great putting herself to sleep from 6mnths forward, now 10mnths and mya had been sick, fluid in her ear and this changed drastically and she fusses and is very mobile sitting up playing , talking and crying alot. She never cried. i go in reassure her rub her back and i have a got feeling i am not suppose to rub her back. It may create a bad habbit and she will be required to have her back rub to fall asleep. all was so well. help us get back on track. she fusses from anywhere from 10mins to 4o mins this happens at bed and naps. how do i soothe her appropiatley and get her back on track . i have taken her out of crib when she is crying to point she is out of breath and sit in rocking chair till she calms and put her back in the crib still awake. it upsets me to see her so upset. at times i do not know if she is over tired and i read once they have rubbed their eyes its too late. for our sched. i can put her down at 7:30 is this a better time for mya. at this time i start bed at 745 and with the fussing, playing, crying it takes awhile for her to fall asleep. she gets up at 8am. usually 8 to 8. please help me so i feel confident i am meeting myas needs through this transition period and how to put her to sleep now that she is very mobile in the crib. thank you so much kara
My daughter is 11 weeks old today and she is consistently waking up once a night. I am wondering if there is something I need to do in order to encourage her to sleep through the night; I have heard of ‘stretching’ but am not sure how to do this. Should I stop responding right away when she cries in the middle of the night? Should I hold off on feeding her right away and try something else soon? Or, will she start sleeping through the night when she is ready?
11 weeks in really young to start trying to get your baby to sleep through. When their this young i think they still need one feed during the night. Wait until she’s a little older and if she hasn’t started doing it on her own then try a strategy. Hope this helps x
Hi Dana, My question is regarding my 7 mo old and nap time. He is great at putting himself to sleep at nap time and bed time. He has a bottle then goes into his crib and rolls over and goes to sleep with little or no fuss. The trouble is getting him to consistantly nap for longer than 30- 45 min at a time. Sometimes he will sleep for 60-90 min but that is few and far between. I read your blog about the 45 min sleep cycle. I just don’t know how to get him past that and into the next sleep cycle. Any suggestions? Thanks.
Our son Leo is 18 month now, is it too late to start the sleep training? I tried last night, he just cried and cried and won’t sleep till he was totally exhausted, not till 10:30pm
My son Keshaun falls asleep in his bed at night. Then between the time of 2:30am-4am he wakes up wanting to sleep with me. I usually let him because I’m too tired to wait on him to fall back to sleep. Any ideas on what I should do?
I have a 19month old toddler, I just bought her her new bed set, i am trying to move her over but the only problem she still wakes up at night for her bottle. I tried to take it away, but its impossible she cries and cries, until she gets her bottle. I dont know what to do any more I cant even sleep well.
My 4 month old baby girl gets herself of to sleep fine but relies on me feeding her or a dummy to get back to sleep in the night, and wakes up 3-4 times…i’m so shattered through the day.I don’t know how to wean her of night feeds…should i give her water or leave her or try giving her the dummy instead of milk? Please give me some advice!
Hi Dana,
My daughter is nearly 4 months old. I am very very interested in sleep training her but my hesitation is that she has to always be in her own crib at the exact time. Which restricts me from going to other people’s homes or running errands with her. Once I sleep train her, it also restricts my traveling because I would not be willing to give up her learnt skill… What do you say?
Thanks Ruchi
I started putting kynan to bed when he was 6mths so he could learn to self settle. during this time it could take anywhere from 15 mins to an hr to fall asleep while i stay in the room beside his cot and tickle his hand of just sit there. This was going ok until he cut his first tooth just before 8mths and now he is 8mths 1wk old and the plan is history as he needed comfort and so he has been falling asleep on his last bottle at 6pm feed at night. I feel lost as to how to get back to where we were at before his teeth started to come through. Please help. I would love to buy your dvd but our finances are just too tight, as you know how difficult it is on one wage. I would be grateful for any help you give me. Thanks and your emails are always welcome!!
generally speaking at what age does a toddler stop having their day time naps. My daughter who is 22 months has been great at her day time naps but recently her naps have gone from 11/2 hours to 1/2 hour.
MY WIFE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 2 WKS. BEFORE THAT SHE WOULD SLEEP THROUGH THE NITE.WHEN SHE WAS IN THE HOSIPITAL,SHE WOULD NOT SLEEP IN HER BED. SINCE WIFE CAME HOME SHE JUST WON’T SLEEP IN HER BED OR THROUGH THE NIGHT WITHOUT ME(DAD).SHE WILL BE 2 IN 2WKS. WE ARE SO TIRED OF THIS . LIKIE SHE HAS ANIXETY OR SOMETHING ,HELP PLEASE.
My 2 year old son has been sleeping soundly through the night since I read your Sleep Sense book when he was 8 months old.. My son started to climb out of his crib a few months ago, so we converted it to a toddler bed. He slept great for about a month, but now for the past 2 months, bedtime is a fight because we put him to bed and with his new freedom he immediately gets back up. We’ve tried everything (even putting a baby gate across the front of his bed to keep him in, but he just climbs out!! We are getting very frustrated… your advice was a miracle at 8 months of age….. what can I do now with my toddler????
Hi,
I have a 6 year old, 4 year old and a 7 month old and we do trips to and from high school (my husband is a teacher) primary school and kindy during the week we usually spend an hour and a half (some times longer) in the morning and again in the afternoon doing the pick up and drop off i am finding this is very disruptive for my 7 months sleep habits.
He tends to doze on and off as i get him in and out of the car several times and can be quite cranky when we get home i find that this doesn’t help him through out the day and it is not much better during the night …….. any help would be greatly appreciated i am exhausted!!!!!
Hi Dana,
My son Ryan who is a week shy of 6 months will not sleep in the crib or the basinett. From when we first brought him home, he would only sleep on me or propped up comfy on the couch on a blanket. Now that he is getting so big, it is uncomfortable to have him sleep on me not to mention, I miss my bed and my husband! (I sleep with Ryan on the couch). In addition to this we have the added hurdle of the fact that he spits up all the time (we had a gastroenterologist see him and he said Ryan was ok), and I am afraid to let him cry it out in the crib, even for a short bit. The first few attempts he would spit up so bad that I was afraid that he would choke. My sister said that there have been some instances where children have choked on the spit up in there sleep. After hearing that I have been afraid to leave him in the crib and let him cry it out. On the positive side, I kind of have the sleep pattern thing working he takes a nap about 2-2 ½ hours after he wakes up (10-10:30) and then about 4 hours later which is after lunch (2-2:30). Then dinner is around 6-7 pm and he is usually sleeping for the night about 7:30-8:30. He wakes up around midnight for a feeding (I breastfeed), and sometimes one more time in the middle of the night. Since he tends to sleep shortly after eating (during the day is not an issue since he is on the couch near me) I am nervous about the spit up. At night I have spent blocks of hours with him in his room sitting by the crib in hopes he would fall asleep but no luck, it always ends in him crying no matter how I try to comfort him. I have even tried putting him in the crib shortly after he has fallen asleep but he wakes up within 15-20 minutes or sooner every time. I just ordered a memory foam mattress topper, in hope that the extra cushion might simulate the comfort of the blanket he lays on in the living room.
I really want to have another child and fear that the routine Ryan and I are in now will jade my husband against having another. Any suggestions on how I can have my husband and my bed back!!! I miss them more then you know…
Sandy – Orange County New York
We are starting the process with our 9 month old daughter of getting her to fall asleep on her own. She is normally rocked AND nursed to sleep. We rock her until she is drowsy and lay her down and shh shh her until she is alseep during the day, and this works well, but at night she is hysterical the minute she hits the crib. She will do anything including banging her head, or forcing herself to puke in order to get us to pick her up. If we do, she nuzzles in and goes right to sleep. The longest we have gone is 45min of sitting in the room with her while she cries in the crib, before we have broken down and either nursed or rocked her to sleep. How do we get away from rocking her to sleep, without having a bruised and sick baby??
Our son Liam would go to bed every night with a bottle. We would pit him in his crib with his bottle and Lion stuffed animal, and he would doze off in less than 5 minutes. We have taken away the bottle cold turkey at 21 months and now he just refuses to go to bed. It’s almost like he’s scared to be alone in his crib at night. We have to take him to bed with us and wait until he falls into a deep sleep and then transfer him to his crib. He sleeps through the night, which is good….but I wish he could go to bed in his room. Just going near the crib makes him cry like crazy. I guess the bottle was more of a comfort thing than anything.
My son falls asleep in his crib with my hand on his back. He still wakes up during the night and he will be sitting up. Once I lay him back down flat, he goes back to sleep without me taking him out of the crib? What could be the cause of this?
Hi Dana My son is 9months old and hasn’t been a great sleeper all along from the time i brought him home from hospital. He has slept better at night since he got his teeth. he goes to sleep at night with the final feed and generally wakes up from 7pm when i put him to bed around 4/5 times up until 11pm then can wake anywhere from 4.30am to 5.30. A couple of times he woke at 3am and was very hard to put back to sleep. My problem is that he doesn’t sleep well during the day and is so tired at bedtime that he falls asleep at the feed at 6.30pm. It’s so hard to keep him awake. I am trying to get him to go to sleep by himself during the day sleeps but he can cry it out for over an hour or more. I generally get him up after this time and try again later but it’s taking so long. Do you address day sleeping in your sleep sense program i really need to know how to get him to go to sleep by himself and for longer than 40 mins. Thankyou Dana, Very appreciative on any info you can impart. Regards Nicholle
My 17 month old son is finally sleeping through the night. We have a bed time ritual (bath, nursing, reading, singing) and he goes into the crib awake and puts himself to sleep sometime around 7 or 7:30pm. The problem is that he wakes up some time between 5-6am and asks for milk. Sometimes my husband can settle him until 6 ish and then gives him to me to nurse and we start our day. We are not morning people so it’s been really hard to start our day that early. Any tips on getting him to sleep or at least play in his crib until 7 or 8 or at least until the sun comes up?
how do i get my 31/2 yr old girl to stop coming in our bed in the middle of the night this happens at least 5 2 6 days out of the week.
I used a sticker chart with my daughter at 3 1/2 (she is now 4). I found something she really wanted and yes, I bribed her. She filled the whole chart and did wonderfully. We do use music in her room (which is a problem sometimes) but she will at least go directly back to her room when I offer to turn the music back on. Most nights she goes back to her own bed and does not sleep in ours now (as long as daddy isn’t the one to take her back to her room).
Our son Connor 9 months old, sleeps very well during the night after we followed some of your recomendations, but we have very little success getting him to sleep during the day. we have tried a few times now putting him in his cot with no success and he gets very upset. He cat naps in the push chair or in the car seat for 20 mins mid morning and afternoon. Very difficult to get him to sleep any longer than this.
Regards,
Les
My 7 month old girl Molly will go down during the day fine with out any help but when it comes to going bed at night she just wont go down I have started using a dummie and this is working but I hate the thought of her starting to want the dummie more as time goes on. Any way I can get her down at night without the dummie?
I am curious what you are referring to when you say dummie?
My son is 9 months old & is self settling for the most part but I cannot get him to sleep past 5.30am. What can I do to encourage him to sleep a bit longer in the mornings?
My daughter Aniston is 11 months today and she has been waking up at around 3 am in the morning. She does this at least twice a week? She use to sleep through the night with no problem. Why is this happening?
My son is 9 months old and will not nap during the day time unless im laying with him or holding him. Do you have any advice on how to get him to take his naps in his crib by himself. for the recommended hour or two a day?
My son is nearly 10 months old, still breastfed and sleeps fine at night (goes to bed awake) he did sleep 12 hours now it 11, no big deal but our problem is naps. For 3 months i have been trying to get him to nap ‘well’ going to sleep alone, in his crib. i thouht i’d had progress but know he pulls himself up to stand. i don’t react, i lay him down & tell him its sleep time but it goes on. i’ve ended up patting him to sleep only for him to wake 30min later, i know he’s tired so we hug, i put him down & pat him to sleep again. I can do this, however i don’t want to give him problems later. Am i helping or not??
Hi Dana,
I purchased your program a week ago, and I want to start on it as soon as my daughter gets over her cold. She is 4 month old. currently she is sleeping with me at night and napping on me during the day.
Should I train her to go to bed on her own first and then work on the naps or should I do them both at the same time?
My DS is 11 1/2 months old. We are finally starting to make progress with his night time sleep and he is only waking up once in the night. He use to be a great napper, now, he fights naps to the death!!!! I use to be able to put him down once he started showing signs of being sleepy and he would whine for 5 -10 minutes and then fall into a nice long sleep. Now, he screams and thrashes around. After about 20 minutes if this continues, I take him out of his crib and try to exercise him some more. But it seems like no matter how long I wait to put him down he still fights. We have never had a problem putting him down at night… we have had a very consistant routine since he was about 3 months old. Maybe we need a distinct nap time routine????? He has completely eliminated his 2nd nap, so this first one is soooooo important. He is normally such a happy baby, but when these nap problems started, he became a little less pleasant to be around :( He will fall asleep in the car on our way home from the gym in the morning, and I have a perfectly easy time transfering him to his crib when we get home. But on our non-gym days or if he doesn’t fall asleep, we both go through hell! Help!!!!!
My almost 14 month old son has never slept through the night. He has a snack and then a large bottle of milk before he goes to bed and then goes down beautifully but will wake at random times once twice or even three times a night. He will only settle again with bottles of milk. Ive tried watering it down but he knows!!
He is a brilliant happy boy all the rest of the time.
What can I do as im knackered and in need of sleep.
Dearest Dana,
Thank you for your advice, I’ll try to make use of them.
But I have a question concerning the duration of nighttime sleep:
My child is only 4 months old and I was told that a child of his age
should wake every few hours to feed, in that case how can he sleep all
night through without eating? They say that the breast milk quality is
better at night and is very important for the child growth.
Please answer my questions.
Thanks in advance
Eliz
My 27 month old son, used to be a great sleeper! He put himself to sleep at 3 months of age and he slept all night. For the past 3 months he has had us awake every night for up to 2-1/2 hours. At first it was teething, then a cold and now it seems to be a habit. We have tried everything including sleeping with him to at least get some sleep ourselves. Last week we started putting him to bed following the same routine and when he got out of bed, we would walk him back to bed and leave him to put himself to sleep. That worked for about a week and now he finds it funny. He gets out of bed, opens his door, throws his blanket into the hallway and turns and runs back to his bed when he sees us coming. We moved him to his ‘big boy’ bed 2-1/2 months ago, thinking that would help. He would yell and scream from his crib until we went in to soothe him back to sleep. Either way, he’s still waking up through the night and I’m exhausted! We both need some sleep! Help!
My 3 year old son, who used to sleep 12 hours straight, is now awake 2-5 times per night. On top of that, he is awake for at least an hour one of those times. He is no longer napping and hasn’t since he turned 2.
We sleep trained him at 5 months and he did great until this last year. It is progressively getting worse and we are at our wits end. We walk him back to his bed, put him back in, and leave, but he still keeps coming out. He cannot possibly be getting the proper amount of sleep for a child his age.
What can we do to keep him sleeping all night long?
HELP!
Our second son is soon 2 years old and is waking up 2-4 times every night. It feels like we have tried most methods (including crying it out!) -all at least for 2 weeks before we usually give up and let him sleep in our bed. He moves around a lot when he sleeps and I don’t sleep well at all with him in our bed. Lately, I have been staying with him in his room and had him fall asleep in my arms and then put him back in his bed. This way there is no crying and he seems happier – but the problem is still: he wakes up 2-4 times every night. He gets up in his crib and calls for me (usually he doesn’t want his pacifier or water, just to come in our bed). Why does he wake up and when do you think he will sleep through the night?
Any thoughts will be greatly appreciated!
my daughter angel screams on and of all night. sometimes its worse than other nights like shes asleep and the screaming could go on for 15 mins even if we lift her up she opens her eyes but not like shes awake.the doctor said its night terrors and she would grow out of it.most of the time we just give her her bottle but she still screms on and of all through the night.she is 13 months old and she falls asleep in her travel cot in the sitting room than we put her out when we go to bed,very seldom she would go to sleep before 9 or 10 at night and she usually wouldnt sleep more than 1 1/2 hours during the day and shes up before i go to work anytime between 6.30 and 8.
Hi Dana,
My daughter who is 7 months old is not sleeping through the night. It seems like she thinks it is nap time as she wakes about every 2 hours, which is usually the length of her naps. How do I break this habit? We are not big fans of letting her cry it out. Thanks!
Dear Dana,
I have and 18 month old who has to be rocked to sleep. I have tried the cry it out method and it doesn’t seem to work. He will lay in his crib and scream and not just for a few minutes he will scream for hours if you let him. I don’t know how else to get him to learn to go to sleep on his own. Please help!
Lindsay
I started the sleep programme a couple of weeks ago and it worked wonders (thank you!) Oscar (6months) sleeping from 8pm to 6am.
However in the last week he has taken to waking anywhere between 4.30 and 5.30. We do the ‘go in and check’ method, in for 5 mins out for 10 mins. As soon as we go in he calms down and may fall asleep for 5 mins but then wakes when we leave the room and continues like this until 6am when I get him up. He also never falls asleep when we’re out of the room, so I’m feeling like maybe I’m his ‘sleep prop’? My husband says we should just leave him to cry himself back to sleep, as he is just crying until we go in and needs to learn to put himself back to sleep, but I find this really hard. I also feel like by getting him up at 6am and feeding him after all his crying I’m just giving in.
HELP! I want to nip this in the bud before it becomes a habit.. Any suggestions?
Laura
My daughter (16 mo) uses me as a comforter, she sucks on my thumb to get to sleep or when we are sitting down. Do you have any advice on how to stop her doing this? Its not something I encouraged but she won’t take dummies or any other comforter and my thumbs are getting seriously chewed!
Thank you!!
I have an 8 month old bf baby & am going back to work in a month. Which should I work on first: weaning or sleep training or both at the same time? My job requires me to be away a few nights a month so both the weaning and the sleep training are necessary.
Thank you.
Both at the same time, it worked for me, and wasn’t as hard as I anticipated.
Talk to your baby, they understand a lot more than we give them credit for, and it helps you also, as you are giving them verbal comfort
Good luck
Interesting question and response. I have to say that it is important that parents communicate with one another. But then, that is important BEFORE you ever get married or have children. My wife and I communicate daily on a host of topics, including our 2.5 year old girl. We are not always in agreement but we are ALWAYS on the same page because we each understand the other’s position and that it is OUR responsibility as the adults to make decisions.
We kept our daughter in our bedroom, but not in our bed, till my wife stopped breastfeeding at about 9 months. That is when we moved her into her room and out of ours. We used a monitor and took turns getting up with her but the goal was to help her become comfortable sleeping in her own room while knowing that we were just a few steps away. Now that she has dropped her daytime naps, we put her down and she generally sleeps through the night.
My 8month old recently had surgery 3mths ago since then he wakes up 2 times a night …..for reassurance i think…he was in arm restraints for 3weeks and could barely eat or sleep comfortably for a month so we did anything we could to help him get comfy…so now what?How can i turn this around in his circumstance with trauma?
Hi Dana,
We have a big sleep problem with our 23 month old. She primarily co-slept with us until now. With the exception of month 4-7, where she slept alone, thru the night, in her crib. When her teeth starting coming in…we brought her in bed with us…as it was easier for us all to sleep (as i was still breast feeding, too). Now we can’t get her out of the bed. I have started her in her toddler bed, and she likes to nap in there…but at night..it is very difficult to get her to fall asleep. We basically still baby her. She takes a bottle still and we have to soothe her to bed by holding her hand. We are so sick and tired of this. But everytime we let her cry or fuss it out…she gets hysterical crying, and eventually vomits all over her room. What do we do?? We are feeling so helpless and hopeless. Can this issue be fixed? how do we do it? I have a nightlight on in her room…and we have a bedtime routine of a bath everynight. She doesn’t yell going into her bed…but she wants us to stay in there, holding her hand and…up to and over an hour sometimes…until she falls asleep. This is insane. Please help us.
Michele and Ted with Dylan Rose (our 23 month old girl)
My question may sound strange but it has become such a problem that I average about four hours of sleep a night and I’m 5 months pregnant and need some HELP!
My daughter is 2 1/2 years old. She naps every day anywhere from 2-3 hours. If she isn’t awake by 3:30 I wake her up. We have had a bedtime routine from day one. She is in bed by 8-8:30. Here comes the problem, she wakes up every night between 2:00-3:00 and bounces, sings, talks and laughs in her crib. These “parties” can last anywhere from 1-3 hours. She never cries for us and we don’t go to her but she wakes me up, keeps me up and then I have trouble falling back to sleep. These wake ups are taking a toll on our whole family including my daughter. We are expecting our second child in July and I worry that it will be worse not to mention I dread the day we have to move her to “a big girl bed”. It has gotten so bad that when my husband isn’t traveling for work I sleep at my mom’s house just to get sleep. This behavior has been going on for about a year but just recently they have been getting worse because they are lasting longer and I worry about her getting enough sleep for her growth and development. Please any input or advice would be most helpful.
Thank you
Lori
Hi Lori,
I think your daughter is having too much sleep in the day, therefore not needing to sleep at night.
Pehaps let her nap for an hour only, and see if it makes a difference. It will be rough for the first 3-5 days while you both get the hang of it.
Good luck
I have a 3 month old and I have been putting her to bed awake and letting her fall asleep on her own since she was about 2 months old. We have company over a lot however, and sometimes my daughter cries when we put her to bed and some people seem to think that she’s to young to be “crying it out” or going to sleep on her own and that I should be rocking her to sleep still because she doesn’t understand. Are they right? Is she too young for this, and am I being mean by expecting my 3 month old to fall asleep on her own?
i think that the sooner you get your baby to sleep on their own and in their own bed is better. It only gets harder as they get older.
everything i’ve read (and believe me i have information overload) says that a baby cannot be spoiled until around 6 months old. i personally did not start sleep training my son until about 5 to 6 months. i would say you don’t have to necessarily rock her to sleep but you can get her to a sleepy state before laying her down so that she doesn’t have to cry it out. enjoy the cuddling times – they’ll be gone before you know it.
My 8 month old baby can fall asleep by herself the first time at night, but she wakes at 3am and 5am and will nto go back to sleep by herself. If I do not pick her up and nurse her she just cries and cries. How can I teach her to sleep by herself at night? I live with another family with two children in the next room so I can’t let her cry all night.
Thanks for your help.
Caroline
Sounds like my 6 month old. I would also like some suggestions as I have another son and I don’t want my 6 month old to cry and wake him up.
He wakes up to be nursed as well or rocked. But everytime I put him back down, he’ll wake up after 20 mins to 1/2 hr.
Do I just deal with it and let him cry it out for a few days in hopes that he learns to sleep through the night?
Thanks
1st off I would just like to say that the this program worked wonders on my son when we started him on it at 9 months. He is now 19 months and sleeps 7:00 to 7:00 every night!
My question is about my 2 week old. I would like to start her off on the right path this time around, and not associate nursing with falling asleep. Is she too young to begin sleep training at 2 weeks??
I know that the feedings are most important for her growth in these first couple months but I just want to know if you think I’m on the right track.
We put Gabby down at about 8:30 (after about an hour of a really fussy period in and out of sleep). She wakes up about 3 hours later, nurses on one side for about 5 minutes and then completely passes out so I don’t really get the chance to put her in the crib awake. Nonetheless, I put her back in, and she continues to sleep.
She wakes again about an hour later, I change her, and feed her for about 8 minutes on the other side and then she goes down for about 2 hours or more.
It is now 4 am when I give her one more feed for 5-10 minutes and put her down again for 2 hours. She awakens at 6 for an hour of co-sleeping before Mikey wakes up at 7. We run around with Mikey, and Gabby is in and out of sleeping and fussing.
Does this sound like an ok plan or am I nursing her back to sleep and not realizing it and creating the association?? When I put her in the crib her eyes are shut. I try waking her to keep nursing and sometimes she does but if she’s done, I put her right in without any hesitation or continued rocking and holding.
Any thoughts?? Thanks for all you do!!
You stated that Infants (age 6 – 14 months): should generally take two solid naps per day,
again lasting anywhere from one to three hours. Does that mean that each nap be 1-3 hrs or both naps combined be 1-3 hrs. My daughter is 13 mo and does no nap well.
My son who is 21 months old was a great sleeper. All of a sudden he has stopped taking good naps and sleeping all night. He wakes up every night and will not go back to sleep for hours unless I stay in his room with him. What can I do to train him to sleep again?
We are trying to train our 5 1/2 month old to fall asleep on his own. Until now we have rocked him to sleep. When we put him down awake he cries and rolls over to his stomach. He has never been a stomach sleeper and I fear that if we let him cry to sleep (or any other method where we don’t rock him to sleep) that he will either a.)never fall asleep because he is on his stomach, or b.) will fall asleep unsafely since he is on his stomach. What should we do?
Our little boy has slept throught the night since he was 2 1/2 months old and is now 9 months. I stopped nursing him at 7 months. A week before he turned 8 months he cut his first tooth, now it has been 7 weeks and he has not slept throught the night. Sometimes waking 4-5 times. We are renovating and therefore he does not have his own room, and has always been in ours. He has never slept with us he has always been in his own crib. We have a clear routine for bed time, but nothing is working. Please if you have any suggestions.
My son will be 5 months old next Sunday, and had been sleeping through the night with no problems from 7 weeks until about a month and a half ago. He got sick, with bronchiolitus, and since then has been waking up in the middle of the night at least 2-3 nights/early mornings per week. He doesn’t seem to be hungry, so I don’t think it’s a growth spurt, but not sure either. Usually I just go in, after 10-15 min., and rub his tummy and tell him it’s ok, it’s bedtime, please go back to sleep. I try not to pick him up; this usually works, but I don’t know what’s causing the distrubance. Any suggestions? Thanks.
My grandson is now 1 year old, and a former “good sleeper.” He and his parents have moved residences a lot , to the point that, after several illnesses in addition, he falls asleep but awakens screaming around 4:30A M every day, until some adult in the house takes him in bed. Yes, he “gets his way.” Hwo do we break him of that bad habit, especially since baby #2 is coming in August (only 19 months apart). Please, help. Thanks so much
Hi,
My 7-month daughter is sleep trained during the night, but she still has trouble sleeping during the day in her crib. She can sleep in her car seat or in our arms (her favorite place) during they day, but it seems like she is forcing herself to stay awake if we put her in the crib to take a nap. Is it OK to let her nap in other places and still let her sleep through the night in her crib? Does this cause inconsistencies that can lead to insecurities in the future? Thanks.
Thank you for answering the question. My question is a follow-up to this one…. my son can fall asleep for his naps, and when we put him to bed. For the past 6 weeks (he is now 5 months) he does not want to fall asleep by himself in the middle of the night. How do I help him transfer the falling-asleep-by-himself skill into the night wakings?
We recently moved our 10 month old into our office and out of our toddlers rooms so our toddler would not wake up our infant. but now they both wake up during the night. Should we put them back in the same room and try to do your sleep method with them both at the same time?
my 2 1/2 year old wakes up at least once a night because he has had an accident. Any suggestions about sleeping and potty training?
Hi- my son is two 2.1 years old and we need to get him off the pacifier. He only uses it in the crib- for naps and at night. But he is very dependent on it and I am dreading having him fall asleep w/o it. I guess we are dependent on it too. I am hoping you have some words of wisdom on getting our son to sleep without his beloved binky!
Thank you,
Tahara Anderson
We just recently weaned my 3 y.o son off of it. We reasoned with him telling him that he needs to sleep without it. Then I created a chart for him and everytime he went to sleep without it (nap or night) he got a sticker. When the chart was filled up with stickers, he got a present of his choice. IT worked, one week and we were off. HOwever, occassionally for two weeks we had to give it to him when he had a nightmare. Now we don’t use it at all for anything. GOod luck!
My son is 1 year old and is not sleep trained. He was breastfed for 7 mons, and now is rocked to sleep for naps and bed time. On average, he will sleep through the night for one night in a two week time span. When he wakes at 2 or 3 in the morning, he is standing in his crib screaming in protest that he be picked up and rocked back to sleep. Sometimes he will go right back to sleep with rocking, others he will be awake for 2-3 hours. I have tried laying him in his crib awake and patting him to sleep, but as soon as I stop patting, he begins to cry again. Please help me, I am at a loss, it has been an entire year of sleep depravation and really taking a toll on our lives, mostly mine as I am usually the one up with him.
I have an 19 month old son, Luke, and he still does not sleep through the night. He has issues with eathing food. He just doesn’t like the texture so most of his diet is through the bottle and he wakes up at night 3-5 times a night. How can I get him sleeping through the night and without needing a bottle.
My son is now 4 years old and still wakes up at 3am and comes in my room. he settles back easily when I return with him to his room. Why is he unable to settle himself back to sleep. he has been doing this for most of his little life and its a real drain on me.
Hi,
My 10mth old baby is great at going to sleep herself at the beginning of the night. She’s into bed awake and slips off to sleep. However, during the night she can’t get back to sleep without help from me (usually nursing her to sleep). I’m not sure how to tackle this and have read many different things. Should I go to her but not feed her at all, should I wean her off feeding to sleep slowly, or should I leave her to cry without going to her?
This is exactly my problem, my 4 moth old little girl falls asleep on her own but wakes up through the night expecting to be fed back to sleep and i dont know whether to just give her a dummy or to give her water or let her cry…if you find anything out please let me know!! Good Luck xx
I am dealing with exactly this problem. I have a 6 month old who has a perfect night time routine. He eats awake…he goes in his crib awake, and is able to fall asleep on his own. But come about 2am…he is awake and almost impossible to get back to sleep without help from me. I have started doing a modified ferber method with him. I wait about 5-10 min before going in there…pat his back, and then leave even if he is still crying. Then, I wait 10-15 min before I go in again. I just started, but this was recommended to me by a friend. I will let you know if it works.
I also have the same exact problem. My 12 month old goes down pretty easily however I have always given him a bottle and rocked him, but he’s still awake when I put him down. He wakes up about 2 1/2 hours later, so we run in and put his binky in his mouth and pat him on the back and it usually works for another 2 hours or 3 maybe. My husband and I are exhausted and we just want to let him go all night. I hear that letting him cry it out is the way to go, but it’s very hard. My question is if he is sick or teething, should we still just let him cry himself back to sleep? if we know he’s teething we give him Motrin before we put him to bed. We also want to get him totally off of the bottles which he only does now at night time at home with us. At daycare he uses sippy cups all day. He just won’t have it at home, unless it’s at dinner. I just want to sleep all night for once. We have been doing this for a year. Please help.
Debbie
Nabil is now 9 months old. We started to putting him to bed at a regular hour many months ago. While it would take him a good hour before falling asleep he would at least manage to get to bed for the rest of the night. Lately he is not wanting to fall asleep at all until 11 oclock and it is a real struggle trying to get him to go down. He just wants to jump in his bed or be in our arms. He has also recently started to decline solids even though he was a magnificent eater. Any clues as to what is happening and what to do?
I have two little girls, a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. They both think I need to lay down next to them and hold them in order for them to go to sleep. I want to work with them to get them to sleep on their own, but how do I help both of them at once? They share a room and if one is upset, they feed off each other, if one is hyper, they work the other one up.